Chapter Text
15 years old
***
Dazai closed the door of the freezing container he lived in, after he came back from the Mafia executives meeting.
It’s almost the end of December, the weather is freezing cold and all the streets are already decorated with Christmas decorations and lights everywhere.
Dazai wasn’t a fan of this kind of celebration, he never really cared about Christmas or birthdays or anything like that, all he wishes is to have a clean and unpainful suicide.
But unfortunately, he will have to, because Mori just informed them that he wants them all to be in the Christmas party this evening, and it’s what Dazai hates the most, because he have to be around people and pretend he’s happy, it’s gross.
He sighed and throw himself in his small bed, the bed was cold, everything in here is always cold, he closed his eyes as he brings his legs to his chest.
He can easily skip the party and ignore Mori’s order if he wants, but he was getting so board, so he might as well go and enjoy the free food there at least.
***
Dazai walked into the party hall, massive chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and Christmas decorations with a massive Christmas tree standing in the middle of the hall.
He was wearing his usual suit, nothing Christmassy or different, because he really doesn’t care.
The hall was almost full of people, Mori invited lots of the Mafia alliance to the party, and all of the subordinates of course were you invited too.
Everyone was having fun and interesting conversations, until Dazai walked into the hall, they stopped whatever they were doing and immediately bow to him with serious expression on their faces, because of course they’re not brave enough to look at him on his eyes.
He walked his way inside, not really giving attention to anyone, heading straight to where the tables for the food were.
Just before he got close enough, he can clearly hear a cheerful voice speaking and laughing, and as he knows no one with louder voice than the redhead, he looked at him standing in the middle of the flag members, the group of people he call his friends.
Chuuya moved his head up a little as he started drinking the wine from the glass on his hand, when he’s eyes fell on the brunette standing not far from him.
Soon as they’re eyes met, Chuuya grimaced immediately at him and turned his back to him, is not like Dazai expected him to smile anyway, ‘what a childish slug’ he thought to himself.
Nothing was special at the party, as expected, Dazai was the first to leave, everyone will have more fun without him there anyway so it’s better to disappear.
***
16 years old
***
This year, Mori had an important mission for Dazai to go for in Paris, he had to stay there for a whole week because everything was delayed due to the festival season.
The brunette was planning to stay the whole time in the hotel, but for some reason Mori insists that he goes out and enjoy his time there.
Is not like he was a fan of those kind of things!! but as there was nothing else to do, Dazai ended up visiting some of the attraction places in Paris.
However, he did regret going there, because every place he visited were full of couples and lovebirds, he felt disgust, wishing that he never listened to Mori.
***
Back to the hotel, Dazai was laying on the bed, his thoughts were not in Paris though, it’s the 24th in Yokohama already, the Mafia is having the Christmas party every Christmas eve.
Dazai sighed as he thought that Chuuya is having his good time, he remembers the redhead telling him how much he loves Christmas and all the Christmas atmosphere, as Dazai was the very opposite to him.
Deeply though, Dazai kind of wished that Chuuya was here with him on this mission, because it’s so boring sitting here on his own, he could at least annoy the redhead to spend the time.
***
17 years old
***
The plan for this year’s Christmas was to meet Odasaku and Ango in the Lupine bar, is not like it’s something special or anything, they always meet in there.
However, as Dazai woke up this morning, head feeling so heavy with high temperature, he could barely move out of bed.
It was freezing, Mori sent him for a mission out in the rain last night, he had to stand there for couple of hours, waiting for the victim to show up.
It ended up with him having a cold and spending the Christmas Eve alone as always, shivering from the cold on his bed.
He should contact Odasaku and let them know that he won’t come, but he doesn’t have the energy to speak or explain, so he’ll probably just leave it.
Whenever they plan to meet and Dazai doesn’t show up, Odasaku never call him or ask where he was, because he knows that as a Mafia executive, Dazai have more important things to do then spending time with them drinking, not like a lower ranking member like him.
So Dazai knows that Odasaku will not say anything to him later, because he never asked about them and he doesn’t even know where the brunette lives, so there’s nothing to worry about.
On the other side.
The Mafia Christmas party was running as every year.
Mori did tell Dazai and insisted that he attend as usual, but Dazai ignored him because Mori knows that he intends to spend the Christmas Eve with Odasaku and Ango.
But a small… a very small feeling inside him wanted to go to the party, only to see Chuuya in there.
Chuuya doesn’t get excited or happy to see him, it’s completely the opposite, he’ll just frown and ignore him.
But there’s something about seeing the redhead happy and enjoying his time that brings the warmth inside his chest.
Even though the flag members is gone, Chuuya still managed to make new friends, whether they’re higher or lower ranking members, he will always make sure that he enjoys his time with his friends.
Dazai doesn’t know why, but without even realising what he’s doing, he grabbed his phone and searched for Chuuya’s number.
At this moment, he felt like he needed to hear the redhead’s voice so bad.
He pressed the call button, bringing the phone to his ear.
It was getting hard to breathe, his eyelids are burning as he closed his eyes, it feels so dizzy and hot, head feeling so heavy he can’t lift it up.
“Chuuya please, answer the phone” he whispered to the phone.
His heart was aching, he can feel his inside burning with pain when the line cut and the call was ended.
Slowly dropping the phone of his hand, his body started shaking slightly as he breathe faster now.
Eyes burning with tears, all he wished was to hear Chuuya’s voice, but Chuuya didn’t want to speak to him, of course because he’s busy enjoying his time on the party, he doesn’t want it to get ruined.
Yes he never cared about Christmas! but if there’s one thing he wished for, is to spend a Christmas with Chuuya, and if that’s a big wish, then he doesn’t want it.
Dazai couldn’t feel much after, because it didn’t take long till he passed out on his bed, hot tears on his cheeks, shivering under the thin blanket.
***
Two more days passed and Dazai could finally get out of bed.
Luckily, the small fridge wasn’t empty so he didn’t have to go out to get food.
Unfortunately to himself, he didn’t manage to die from something like a fever.
***
18 years old
***
Finally, it’s the Christmas Eve. Dazai was getting ready to go and meet Odasaku and Ango in the bar, this year it’s definitely happening!
The brunette was too excited, he couldn’t wait to enjoy some Christmas time for once with his friends.
He decided to wear one of the new suits, with a Christmas bell pin he bought especially for this night.
Dazai doesn’t like Christmas, but this night was different, he wants to feel the Christmas with his best friends.
He arrived at the bar an hour earlier before them to relax with some of his favourite Whiskey.
Odasaku arrived half an hour after him, and Ango was there exactly on time.
They spent the whole night enjoying their time, playing games, decorating Christmas cards and having fun conversation.
When it’s finally gift time, Ango pulled out one wrapped box from his bag, and Odasaku pulled out one gift from his pocket too.
Dazai blinked at them before they handed the gifts to each other.
“That’s for you Ango” Odasaku muttered as he pass the small box to Ango.
“Thank you so much Odasaku san, that’s your gift for this year” Ango did the same.
Dazai pouted as he fold his arms to his chest “That’s unfair from both of you! Where’s my present?”
Ango chuckled as he rub the back of his head “Sorry about that Dazai kun, I thought you don’t like Christmas and anything related to it, so I thought it would be better if I didn’t get you a Christmas present”
Indeed, Dazai always shows how disgusted he feels when seeing people exchanging Christmas presents.
He pouted even more then turned to Odasaku, the redhead was busy trying to open the wrapped box from Ango as he answers Dazai “I thought the exact same, besides I had no idea what you would like as a Christmas present” he pointed his fingers out as he started to count “I only got the one for Ango, and the rest were for Kosuke, Katsumi, Yuu, Shinji, and Sakura and the Curry uncle, that’s it…”
Clearly Dazai didn’t like his answer, but he decided to ignore how he felt inside, and try to continue the night as usual.
***
It’s almost sunrise when the trio left the bar, Dazai was completely drunk, but he refused when they asked to take him home, because of course he doesn’t want them to see the rotten container he called home.
For Dazai, this was the best Christmas he ever had, and he couldn’t wait till next year to celebrate it again with Odasaku and Ango, not expecting things to turn upside down in the next few months.
***
19 & 20 years old
***
During the time Dazai disappeared from the Mafia, he couldn’t tell if it was the holiday time or anything, because for the whole two years, the brunette was lost, he was trying to find himself, trying to achieve Odaskau’s will of being on the good side.
He couldn’t even tell that two years has passed just like that, trying to hide from the Mafia while staying alive.
Not like he wished for, but of course, none of his suicides were successful like always, the worst was when he ended up in the hospital, waking up from a coma, and apparently he was sleeping for almost four months.
He can remember the darkness he lived in four months, and all that time Dazai thought he was dead.
It was weird, he had to search for Odasaku everywhere, shouldn’t the dead people meet when they die?
But unfortunately Dazai was trapped alone, nothing but darkness surrounded him, it’s not new to him, because his life was always surrounded by darkness anyway, not like there was anyone next to him.
However, thinking back about it, there actually was, one particular person, he can’t say that he was always there for him, but he was there when the brunette needed, at least.
A specific redhead, that had clear as sky blue eyes.
It was the only dream that appeared to Dazai on his coma, his time with Chuuya was one of the rare things he treasured, but he never realised that till he woke up.
***
He still didn’t get used to the smell of hospital, Dazai just wishes to leave soon as possible.
His body was merged into the bed by now, he couldn’t move, it’s cold, and he felt exhausted, body aching everywhere.
Doctors and nurses are walking in and out of his room, but Dazai can’t feel anything but numbness.
He felt half dead, and oh how much he wished he never woke up and just die, is not like him being alive has any use, and he’s already dead for the Mafia anyway, so it’s better just die for real.
***
The first thing Dazai did after he got out of the hospital was to visit Odasaku.
It was mid December, the weather was freezing.
The brunette stayed there for couple of hours, leaning against the headstone, he didn’t know what to say to Odasaku, but he didn’t have a place to return to, so being here felt the right place for him.
From here, the illumination and decorations on the streets were visible, Dazai remembered that its almost Christmas, it’s the time of the year he wish to be dead the most, because Christmas is something not for him.
***
Not long after he’s out from hospital, Dazai managed to find his way to the Armed Detective Agency, with some help that he didn’t want from Ango, and his friend Tanida chief.
***
21 years old
***
It was his the first Christmas with the ADA, and apparently they have a Christmas party every year but completely different to the Mafia kind of parties.
The good thing was that thankfully Fukuzawa president didn’t insist, or didn’t ask him to join the party, no one really did.
They probably thought that Dazai had more important things to do on Christmas Eve then spending his time with them.
But just like every year, his Christmas is always the same, but at least he have a better place to stay, is not the best dorm, but much better than living in a container, especially in this weather.
The brunette bought himself his favourite sake and canned crab as usual, not something special, just to spend another day of being alive.
It’s Christmas tomorrow, he can drink as much as he wants.
***
It was almost 3 in the morning and Dazai was fully drunk now, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time.
Suddenly opening up the photo albums and scrolling through, there’s hardly images in there, but he felt like going through them.
There were some photos of Odasaku and Ango, back when they spent the Christmas Eve together, Odasaku’s kids were there too for some reason, Dazai remember that time when Odasaku pulled the phone from Dazai’s hand to take photos of them, he smiled softly at the memory.
Going little bit up, bright redhead caught his eyes as he pressed to open the photo.
It was a picture of him and Chuuya, a selfie, to be specific, Chuuya was holding him from his neck with one arm, almost suffocating him, and his other hand was holding the phone to take the photo.
He suddenly started blinking as the image was getting blurry, then feeling something pouring from his eyes, hot tears wetting his cheeks.
The brunette slowly leaned his head on the table letting his tears fall freely as he closed his eyes, he always missed Chuuya, but during Christmas time, he always wonder why he wishes to see the redhead the most.
***
23 years old
***
Years passed, nothing change, Dazai is getting used to his lonely Christmas every year.
Atsushi tried to invite him to the Christmas dinner he’s having with Kyouka, but Dazai didn’t want to interrupt their first Christmas as a ‘couple’ together so he said he’ll pass.
He kind of used to not doing anything special at Christmas now, and used to spend the day like any other day.
***
It’s his first time going out to the shopping centre on Christmas, lightings and decorations everywhere, shops full of people, getting their Christmas presents for their lovers and families, it’s Christmas Eve of course is going to be full!
The brunette grind softly as he walks around, enjoying the Christmas vibes and Christmas music on the background.
As he stands in front of the massive Christmas tree on the middle of place, Dazai remembered his one and only wish for Christmas, it was couple of years ago, but he never forgotten about it.
As he grew up, Dazai realised that he actually never hated Christmas, but he had to pretend that he did, because Christmas wasn’t a thing for him, he didn’t have a family or friends to celebrate with, why did he have to care about it?
But after he enjoyed the only Christmas he celebrated with Odasaku and Ango, Dazai wished that he can enjoy it every year like a normal person.
His only wish was to celebrate a Christmas with Chuuya, he even planned on Chuuya’s Christmas presents if they do celebrate together one day, and he won’t be waiting for a present like before, because he’s now old enough to understand that he doesn’t deserve to be gifted.
Dazai sighed as he watches his own breath steaming, it was cold outside, but its okay, because he can’t remember when was the last time he felt warm, his limbs are always cold.
As he turned around to go back to the shopping centre, his eyes fell on the short redhead, walking alongside three members of the Mafia, Akutagawa sibling and Higuchi?
His eyes widened and he blinked unbelievably, he did wish to see Chuuya yes, but not this soon!!
His heart felt like it was jumping out of his rib cage, he had to put his hands on his chest to calm himself, immediately facing the opposite side.
He doesn’t want Chuuya to see him, and he wasn’t sure why, but it wasn’t the best time to meet the redhead, he wasn’t prepared! Physically and mentally!
***
On the other side.
Chuuya decided to go shopping for Christmas presents with Akutagawa sibling and Higuchi, as they have the Christmas party tonight, he needs to get a Christmas present for Kouyou san.
What he didn’t expect is to see a familiar brunette standing in front of the Christmas tree, hands on his pockets, facing the other side, but Chuuya can clearly tell that it’s him, the only brunette he knows of by heart!
Chuuya suddenly interrupted Higuchi’s interesting conversation, eyes never leaving Dazai so he doesn’t loose him between the crowd “You guys go without me, I have something to do” he didn’t wait for them to answer him, immediately disappearing.
Chuuya went around the massive Christmas tree so he can meet Dazai face to face.
“Oi Dazai” he said raising his voice up a little as he get closer to the brunette.
Dazai flinched and slowly looked at him “oh… Chuuya… Hi” he wasn’t ready to see the redhead appearing suddenly in front of him like that! That’s why he turned around, so why did Chuuya approach him for??
Dazai remembers how the redhead always act when they meet outside work and how annoyed he seems to be, that’s why Dazai stopped doing it and everytime he see Chuuya, he tries to ignore him and walk away.
“What are you doing here then? Isn’t your glasses partner with you?” Chuuya asked as he steps next to Dazai.
The brunette moved his eyes to the tree, not wanting to lock them with Chuuya’s ones, then he replied quietly “No, I’m on my own, the ADA is busy getting ready for the Christmas party tonight”
“Hmm… and I can guess you’re planning not to attend the party, or never did, just like how you were in the Mafia”
Dazai stayed quiet for a moment because he had no answer, then he decided to change the subject “and what is Chuuya doing here?”
“Gift shopping, what else will people come here for at this time?? well … other than you” Chuuya answered with a sarcastic grin.
Dazai glared at Chuuya next to him, smiling … sadly “does Chuuya enjoy making fun of me today?”
As they’re eyes met, Chuuya felt the words melted in his mouth, he couldn’t answer Dazai’s question, because he was staring at the honey brown eyes, they look so tired, and the grin, Dazai was forcing himself to smile at him and sound cheerful.
“Are you okay?” Chuuya asked as he raise one of his eyebrows.
The brunette blinked at the sudde question “and why does Chuuya care about that??”
“Don’t answer me with another question you brat! I’m asking because you’re acting weird, and normally is you who’s approaching me and make fun of me?”
“But Chuuya asked me not to speak to him when we meet outside work…”
To his surprise, Chuuya didn’t expect that Dazai will actually do what he asked for once? So that’s why he’s never seen him since long time, because Dazai simply disappears before Chuuya notices him.
The redhead sighed, putting his hand out for Dazai “okay today is special because it’s Christmas Eve, wanna come with me for shopping?”
Dazai couldn’t stop blinking from the surprise “Did something eat Chuuya’s tiny brain and made it tinier?”
“Shut up! asshole, let’s get going” he did a poor attempt on hiding the faint blush, but Dazai managed to see it before smiling and holding Chuuya’s hand.
***
The shopping centre was massive, Chuuya walked around the place, looking for a present for Kouyou.
The brunette was stunned at the amazing decoration inside, everything is covered with fairy lights, sparkling the whole place.
As they walk around, Dazai notice a long queue, parents holding their kids hands and waiting outside a wooden hut, looking so excited.
Dazai stopped as he pulls Chuuya’s sleeve to get his attention “Chuuya, what are they waiting for?” he asked as he points at them.
Chuuya glanced over and answered “they’re waiting to see Santa inside and take photos with him”
Blinking for few seconds, Dazai knitted his eyebrows confused “but Santa is not real, how do they take photos with him??”
Chuuya noticed the curiosity in Dazai’s voice “have you never seen a dressed up Santa before?” he asked seriously.
“Dressed up Santa??” Dazai repeated as he tilts his head slowly.
Chuuya’s eyes widened in surprise, Dazai is 23, and he never had the chance to meet a Santa before? They often did those kind of things when Chuuya was with the sheep’s, Shirase usually dress up as Santa to make the kids happy, but he guess that this wasn’t a usual thing for the brunette.
He pulled Dazai’s hand on his as he says to him “come on then, let’s go meet Santa and take photos with him too”
As they stand on the line surrounded by kids, Dazai asked Chuuya embarrassingly “Chuuya we’re literally the only adults in here? Are you sure they will let us in?”
“Of course they will! We’re paying for them!”
Dazai tries not to think much, waiting quietly with Chuuya.
It didn’t take long till it was their turn! Dazai’s eyes were shining with excitement as they entered the place.
Chuuya paid for their tickets and both of them went inside, one of the staff open the door for them to enter the main room. Chuuya was right! There was a man dressed up as Santa, sitting in the middle on his carriage with a kid sitting next to him taking photos, Christmas trees and lots of decorations around him, covered with what seemed like a fake snow.
Dazai’s mouth opened slightly at the view! He couldn’t wait to be the one sitting next to Santa now!
Soon as the parents finished taking the photos for their kid, they waved their goodbye and headed out, and Dazai was holding his breathing with excitement.
“Come on mackerel, it’s your turn!” Chuuya informed him as he stands in front ready to snap few images.
Hesitatingly, the brunette went to sit on the carriage next to Santa, his eyes never leaving the old man’s face, was it really fake? He can’t tell!
“Welcome to the world of Santa young man! Tell me what’s your wish for this Christmas!!” The old man asked Dazai immediately as he sat down next to him.
Dazai blinked in surprise as he stares at him, moving his gaze back and forth between Santa and Chuuya who’s standing little bit far, focusing on taking photos with the best angle.
“Is it okay to… wish for anything?” Dazai asked with low voice, unsure if it was safe to tell someone his wish.
“Of course!! One wish Santa will try to make it true for you this Christmas”
Getting more closer to Santa’s ear, Dazai whispered his wish as Chuuya was still busy taking photos.
The old man smiled at him as he turned his head to look at Chuuya “is it him? Looks like your wish is almost coming true! Keep going for it! Young man!”
A faint blush covered Dazai’s cheeks as he felt his heart busting in his chest, he nods slowly then stands up to leave, Chuuya calling him by the door, he waved to Santa and left with Chuuya.
They stopped at the exit to get the photos printed from the camera, and Dazai asked surprisingly “wah when did they even take those pictures?”
Chuuya chuckled at him “when you were busy speaking to Santa! You didn’t even notice the camera was hidden in the wall in front of you!”
Dazai blushed again as he looked down, it was his first time meeting Santa, and first time saying his wish out loud to someone, of course he won’t focus on other things!
They got the copy of the photo and walked out of the hut, Chuuya holding the image on his hand as he’s staring at it with a grin on his lips, Dazai looks so small and adorable sitting close to Santa, concentrating on what the old man was saying to him to the point he didn’t realise the camera was taking photo of him.
***
They walked around the place for few more hours, Chuuya found an expensive necklace that will be the perfect present for Kouyou, and he collected couple of more things on his way before deciding to have a break with a hot drink to warm up.
Dazai didn’t say much, he was enjoying his time shopping with Chuuya, as the redhead ask him which present is best for whoever he’s planning to give, and Dazai will help gladly, he never done this before, but soon as he got into it, he was actually very good at it!
They went back out to find a seat by the massive Christmas tree outside, where not many people were because of how cold it was.
They found a seat and Chuuya went to grab the drinks for them from the nearby cafe.
It didn’t take long till he came back, holding a coffee for himself and a hot chocolate for the brunette, he knows Dazai doesn’t drink coffee, he only drinks sweet things.
Chuuya sat next to Dazai, passing him the drink, and as Dazai reached his hands to grab it, he noticed how pale and purple Dazai’s fingertips were.
Dazai quickly takes the drink from Chuuya’s hand to warm his hands, as he couldn’t feel them anymore, he sighed with relief as his fingertips touching the warmth of the cup.
Chuuya’s eyes were still fixed on him, now looking at Dazai’s face, his nose and cheeks were like tomatoes, and his lips is almost purple, why does it seem like he doesn’t even care and okay with it?
Bringing the cup up to his lips, Dazai started blowing softly before finally drinking, the sweetness of the chocolate is warming up his inside, he really didn’t know he needed it so bad!
Suddenly, Dazai blinked as he felt something extremely warm getting wrapped around his neck, he looked up immediately to see Chuuya’s face so close to him, wrapping his scarf around Dazai’s neck and tying it to the back so it doesn’t get on his way.
“Don’t wanna deal with you freezing to death you asshole, can’t believe you still don’t wear extra layers in this weather!” Chuuya murmured to him as he finish wrapping the scarf.
Dazai was already frozen in his place, the sudden warmth mixed with Chuuya’s scent around his neck was dazzling, he was only wearing a black turtleneck with his coat on top of it, he didn’t realise he was cold till Chuuya places his scarf on his neck.
Chuuya finished his coffee and Dazai was still drinking his hot chocolate slowly, eyes lost in the sight of the illumination in front of him.
“Chuuya, can we go near the tree?” Dazai murmured, looking at Chuuya as he sink his face on Chuuya’s scarf.
“Yeah, if you want” Chuuya answered as he stands up, binning their used cups before walking closer to the tree.
The brightness of the fairy lights from the tree was shining on Dazai’s honey coloured eyes, he was stunned at how massive the tree was, probably the biggest in Yokohama.
The different colour baubles hanging alongside other decorations, shining and sparkling as the winter breeze touching them lightly.
As Dazai was staring at the tree with amazed expressions on his face, Chuuya’s eyes were admiring the view of the brunette standing in front of him, his long lashes fluttering as he couldn’t keep his eyes fully opened from the brightness, and if he thought those cheeks were like tomatoes, his lips were probably like a small cherry now, red and swollen from the cold.
Dazai sighed, turning to Chuuya as he noticed the piercing gaze on him “Ne Chuuya, I’ve never done this before but… is it too early to give a Christmas present?” he asked, mouth hiding behind the scarf.
Chuuya blinked at the question “No? It’s Christmas Eve so it’s perfect time for Christmas presents, why are you even asking?”
Dazai breathed deeply before answering “because… because I want to… give Chuuya his present…”
“You have a present for me?” Chuuya sounded very surprised, but then he chuckled and said with a laugh “since when do you care about Christmas presents? Did the ADA change you?”
Dazai shrinks as he moved his gaze back to the tree, he couldn’t keep looking at Chuuya and speak about this, his voice was very small when he slowly muttered back to Chuuya “I… I never had the chance… and Chuuya never had the time… to spend a Christmas… with me…” he holds the scarf around his neck slightly.
Chuuya wasn’t sure if he was right but, was the brunette looking… unconfident? He moved his hands to capture Dazai’s freezing ones, pulling them into his pocket “and what do you have for me?” he asked quietly, gripping Dazai’s small hands, trying to warm them up.
The brunette moved closer, he can feel himself trembling slightly, and his breath shaking, his heart bumping on his chest, but he can’t go back now, so he whispered to the redhead “if… if you… don’t want it… just push me… and I’ll leave… I promise”
Chuuya was quiet, didn’t say anything, he just waited to see what Dazai was planning to give him, he even gave him the choice to reject his present, he wanted to know what kind of presents it is!
Without wasting more time, Dazai slowly leans in, closing his eyes, he doesn’t want to see Chuuya’s reaction, when his lips finally touching Chuuya’s, softly slotting them together.
Chuuya gasped and opened his eyes wide in surprise! The last thing he expected was Dazai kissing him! He can feel how tensed Dazai was, lips trembling and breathing unstable, the redhead moved one hand to hold Dazai, but as soon as he touched him, Dazai’s eyes snapped open and he broke the kiss as he moved back, eyes shining with tears, and he’s shaking with fear.
Chuuya tried to protest immediately “Da… Dazai this wa..” he didn’t manage to finish his words as Dazai cuts him, looking down, brown curly bangs covering his eyes, and his voice so weak “I’m sorry… Chuuya… I knew you might not want it, but I still did it” he stepped back, trying to suppress his tears and how broken he sounded.
For Chuuya, this wasn’t the first time he got kissed, he experienced it before and so many times, but for Dazai, Chuuya can clearly tell this was his first kiss ever, because it was the most innocent kiss he ever had!
Dazai turned around and he was about to leave, before Chuuya’s strong hand reached his wrist, gripping it tightly preventing him from running away, then he said quickly “wait Dazai! I swear I didn’t intend to push you!”
Slowly turning his head around, Dazai’s eyes met his ones, glistening with tears that refused to fall.
Chuuya’s heart was aching at the sight, he didn’t wait longer, as he pulled Dazai closer again, crushing their lips one more time.
This time it was Dazai who was surprised, he couldn’t resist holding his tears anymore as he squeezed his eyes shut at the feeling of Chuuya’s warm lips.
He kissed Dazai slowly so the brunette doesn’t freak out as he seemed to finally relaxing under Chuuya’s touch, but the sweet taste of the hot chocolate on Dazai’s lips was making him want to go deeper.
Dazai sighed and unintentionally parted his lips, Chuuya couldn’t stop himself from not tasting Dazai’s mouth and suddenly all Dazai could feel was Chuuya’s lips sucking on his tongue, pulling Dazai’s body strongly close to him!
Dazai ran out of breath at the sudden interaction! trying to pull away from Chuuya as he’s groaning.
Chuuya immediately pulled himself back when he felt Dazai’s hands were clutching his chest tight and trying to move back!
They both parted, Chuuya was trying to catch his breathe as he watch the blushing brunette in front of him, his cheeks burning, and wet with tears, lips looking so abused from the kiss! He was a mess.
Chuuya moved his hands to cup Dazai’s face between them, his hands were so warm, making Dazai leans on them.
“Don’t cry about something like that mackerel!” Chuuya chuckled, gently wiping away the falling tears.
“I’m not crying!” Dazai sniffled, getting closer to the redhead, and moving his hands up to hold Chuuya’s.
Chuuya chuckled as he moved forward to lean their foreheads together, then he asked softly “since when did you thought of giving me this present?”
“Since so long…” he whispered, eyes half lidded.
They didn’t say much more, Chuuya pulled the brunette as he wrap his arms around him, embracing him tighter, and Dazai didn’t move, enjoying the warmth he was in, as he buries his face in Chuuya’s neck, warmth radiating out of him.
***
They didn’t take long time for shopping after, as there was a change of plans for Chuuya, he decided that the Mafia Christmas party can go without him, because now he have more important things to do, and all the Christmas gifts he can give out later.
For now, their hands were linked together as they enter one last shop Chuuya remembered something important to get, then back to the parking where Chuuya’s car is.
“Chuuya where are we even going to?” Dazai frowned his eyebrows.
Chuuya grind at him “to our own Christmas party” and just before Dazai could say anything, Chuuya added “just the two of us”
Dazai was still confused, but he could hear his heart bumping on his ears as he blush at Chuuya’s smile.
On the way back, Dazai could guess that they’re on their way to Chuuya’s apartment, but he said nothing, only sitting back and relax with the Christmas music Chuuya put on.
It was almost 8:30pm when they arrived, Chuuya opened the door and the brunette followed inside, eyes wandering around the apartment.
The apartment was decorated, but only so simple, mistletoe above the doorway, festive foliage around the fireplace surrounded with fairy lights.
But what surprised Dazai was the naked tree standing by the fireplace “why didn’t you decorate the Christmas tree?” he asked curiously, then smirked “is it because Chuuya is too short he can’t reach the top of the tree?”
“Shut up asshole! Of course not! I can easily use my ability to do it!” Chuuya groans, then he shrugged “I thought there’s no reason to decorate it because I’ll just spend the Christmas with Ane-san like every year, no one will see it anyway”
“Hmmm~” Dazai thought as he go closer to the tree, sitting on the sofa and staring at it for a moment, before he had an idea, he turned his head to Chuuya and asked, hesitated “would it be a good idea if… if I do it… with Chuuya?”
Chuuya’s heart skipped a beat, Dazai is asking him to decorate the tree, he’s pretty sure the brunette never did it before, he replied softly “sure! I’ll bring all the decorations I have and we can do it together”
He went to grab them and came back with a box full of decorations, Dazai’s eyes were sparkling as he open the box, lots of colourful and shiny baubles.
They started to hang them up on the tree, before finally adding the fairy lights around and turning them on.
Chuuya’s eyes never left the brunette, who was carefully holding each thing to add to the tree, and how serious he was doing it, this will definitely be one of the best memories he’ll ever have.
Finally, Dazai placed the star on the top of the tree, standing back to admiring his great work with a smile on his lips.
“Christmas tree is done! Now lets get our Christmas pyjamas on!” Chuuya stated as he stands up.
Dazai blinked at him “but Chuuya, I don’t have one…” indeed, he never owned one.
Chuuya extended his hand to hold Dazai’s hand, and muttered softly “already got one, let’s go to put them on”
Thank god Chuuya remembered, just before he planned to bring Dazai home with him, he managed to find one last shop and luckily he found the great set of Christmas wear he was looking for!
They got changed, and Chuuya asked Dazai to get comfortable on the sofa before coming back with two mugs of hot chocolate, as he turns some Christmas movies on, sitting next to the brunette, Chuuya ordered some takeaway for the night as they were watching.
By the time they finished the movie, Chuuya was too tired he thought of going straight to bed, but as he gazed at Dazai who’s now resting comfortably on his shoulder, he realised that he’ll never be able to just kick him out.
“Let’s get going before we sleep in here” Chuuya murmured, getting up and helping the brunette to get up too.
Dazai didn’t say a word, he was too tired he couldn’t complain, but he didn’t want to go too far with sleeping in Chuuya’s apartment now! He sighed before saying “I… I better leave then”
Chuuya stopped and turned to him, blinking surprisingly “no you’re not” he wrapped both arms around Dazai’s waist, whispering as he brings him closer “you’re staying here tonight”
“But Chu…” he didn’t manage to finish his word, Chuuya’s lips cutting him off as he kissed him lightly, muttering softly as he moves back “come on, let’s go to bed”
A faint blush covered his cheeks, then he only nods and follow Chuuya to the bedroom.
They went to brush their teeth first, before Chuuya jumped on the bed and moved the blanket to make a space for Dazai and tapping for the brunette to join in.
The bed was massive, Dazai slowly crawled to get next to the redhead, laying down and facing Chuuya.
Chuuya fixed the blanket neatly covering them both, before he lays down closer to the brunette, one hand sneaking to Dazai’s waist, and his other hand under his pillow, pulling Dazai closer to his chest.
Dazai’s blush growing darker, and breathing so much faster, he’s heart bumping out of his chest, he felt so nervous! He can’t remember the last time he’s been this close to someone, but it was always Chuuya when it happened before.
Soon as Chuuya pressed the tip of their noses together, he flinched before calming down at Chuuya’s gentle voice asking him “So? I got my Christmas present from you, but I still didn’t give you mine, anything specific you want?”
The brunette blinked, opening his mouth to say something, but closing it before saying anything, then he slowly raised his arms up, wrapping them around Chuuya’s shoulders to bring the redhead closer to him, he finally whispered “Chuuya is all I wanted … for Christmas”
Chuuya’s eyes widened, he can feel his heart squeezing on his chest, Dazai never acted like this before, Chuuya couldn’t hide his surprise at how much Dazai was enjoying the simplest Christmas activities they did today, it is clearly telling him that the brunette never actually did anything for Christmas before.
Even for him, Christmas was one of the biggest things they celebrated when he was with the sheep’s, but for Dazai, who knows nothing but darkness and loneliness, decorating a Christmas tree was overwhelming!
He breathed deeply, getting closer to the brunette and placing his lips on Dazai’s neck with a heated kiss “as you wish, Angel” then he moved back to see Dazai’s still blushing face, flushed at the pet name Chuuya called him.
Chuuya leaned forward, pressing their lips together for one last kiss for the night, Dazai’s long fingers burying between red locks, he closed his eyes as Chuuya deepened the kiss, promising to treasure every moment, because this is what he wished for long time ago right? And now here he is, laying on Chuuya’s bed, Chuuya kissing him and holding him between his arms, as if Dazai was something precious to him.
***
It’s Christmas Day today.
Chuuya usually spend the day with Kouyou, helping her with the dinner and spending the rest of the night watching Christmas movies.
This year, he called to inform her that he will not be there today, as he has someone who’s been waiting to spend this day with him.
Kouyou didn’t ask who it was, but as long as the redhead is happy, she doesn’t have anything to worry about.
Dazai was so excited about helping Chuuya with the dinner, however, he was more excited about making the gingerbread house with Chuuya!
This ended up very… messy? The house made out of cookies was almost falling apart, whipping cream everywhere! Even Dazai’s face was covered with cream.
Chuuya was laughing as he help the brunette clean himself.
They made a simple Christmas dinner after that, only for the two of them to enjoy it together.
Chuuya took special care of choosing the wine for the night, and a good whiskey for Dazai because it’s what he prefer the most.
After they finished eating, Chuuya went to clean the kitchen, Dazai was waiting for him to come back, setting comfortably on the floor, underneath the Christmas tree, a warm blanket wrapped around him even though Chuuya turned the fireplace on.
Dazai was sitting there, lost in his own thoughts, about how much he loved spending the time with the redhead, and the little Christmas activities they did together, something inside him wishing that it’ll be like this every year.
He remembered all his memories from the past, the lonely Christmas Eve in Paris when he went for a solo mission, that Christmas Eve he was sick, calling Chuuya but never got an answer, the time he was in the hospital when he was sleeping for months, and the only thing he remembers dreaming about was Chuuya.
Lots of memories attacking him at once, he didn’t notice Chuuya, sitting down next to him, sneaking into the blanket with Dazai.
Chuuya smiled warmly as he wrapped his arm around Dazai, mumbling “what are you thinking about mackerel?”
Dazai flinched at the sudden touch, but slowly relaxed as he lean on Chuuya’s chest, placing his head on his shoulder, and mumbling back to him “I… I’m just thinking of how different my past Christmas were, compared to this year…”
“and do you think you like it this year?” Chuuya muttered softly as he brush his fingers between Dazai’s locks.
“Yea, I do… thank you so much… Chuuya”
“Anytime, partner”
They stayed like that for most of the night, embraced in each other’s hands, not verbally speaking, but their heart beats were enough to speak for them. The end ~