Work Text:
5:30
The blinds are closed
The room is dark
But the ticking is still there
A constant tick-
tick-
Ticking
A raindrop down the window, a hand on a clock, a heartbeat in the dark
There is blood on the floor
Tick tick tick
It is 5:37
The ticking never leaves
No matter how many times I search for it
Digging into skin
5:41
The ticking never stops
Light slowly creeps in, timid in its continuation
A breath escapes, sitting heavy
5:45
It is time to wake up.
—
The air stings my face, and I feel lightheaded. There’s a light on near the sink hitting my eyes in the worst of ways, making my head pound with the beat of my heart. I rub my eyes ignoring the sting of injury on my hands that has become commonplace, and grasp the wall of the tub next to me for support.
I heave myself up from the tub slowly stepping one foot out, then the other. Shambling to my sink I lean over and turn off the light before looking into the mirror. In the dark of the morning light, my broken reflection stares back, several of its eyes staring back into me, its splintered texture breaking my face.
There’s red on the walls and floor.
I turn on the hot water and stick my hands under it, scrubbing to get them clean, there’s no need to focus on the bathroom around me. My hands become red, the heat blistering them.
It’s all fine.
I splash my face, watching my mangled reflection follow, water traveling in rivets down my face, reaching my chin and falling into the sink with a drip.
Drip
Drip
Dri-
I stumble back, hitting the wall behind me and staring at the stranger in the mirror. It’s uh- it’s best for me to leave now. I’ve spent too long in the bathroom, I’ll be late to work. Yes, yes I’ll- I’ll be late to work.
I leave the bathroom in a hurry, picking up my tie and jacket on the way to the door. The rest of the apartment is much darker, the blinds constantly pulled down, making the rising sun’s rays harsh on its edges.
The tie gets pulled on a bit too tight, my shoes a bit too loose. It’s ok, it’s fine. I should start going.
I fled the apartment to my car, noticing too late that my shirt from last night still had drops of red in the corner. It’s fine, I’m- I’m such a messy drinker, can’t hold my wine at all.
The car starts, I don’t look at the time. I carelessly stick on some of the bandaids I keep in my pockets as I start the car.
By the time I get to my cubicle my shirt is tucked in, my jacket on. Not to hide anything but because it’s professional, it’s what I do.
The jacket doesn’t come off when I sit down.
I ignore the bright fluorescent lights and start to work. I don’t look at the time. I don’t look at my neighbors. Because it doesn’t matter. It definitely, definitely doesn’t matter.
I hear a tick
—
I get home
It’s 6:30
The light is too bright
The ticking follows
Pulsing in time
The bandaids pull on my knuckles
The knot is too tight
The noise buries into skin
Etching itself on bone
The tie moves as my shadow swallows
It’s too tight, it’s too tiGHT!
TICK
6:43
The tick is constant
It enters one ear and burrows into my brain
I grasp for a cup of water
searching for something to distract
Tick tick tick
Another minute passes
6:44
The world starts to blur
Tick
In and out
My breath heaves my chest
Tick
Stop, STOP
This noose on my neck digs into the soft skin of my neck
I can feel the sweat on my face and back
The breaths escaping my body
Wracking it with shivers
I’m-I’m going crazy
My heart pounds
Beating like a war drum I can hear its timber
Waiting for me to use it
For a small blissful moment, it beats instead
Calling me to act
To finally finish escape this punishment
This infuriating noisTICK
It’s 6:45
But the impact of glass shattering on the wall does nothing to cover the noise
—
The tick wasn’t always so damn LOUD.
It started out nice, I enjoyed the monotonous tick that followed my days, a calm, even
tick tick tick that lapped at my ears like waves on the beach. A companion to follow my days.
But…
That was the beginning
Only the beginning
It’s there, it’s always there
I’m never alone, I can barely remember what that’s like
It’s there when I try to sleep, a constant too loud tick tick tick in the dark
It’s there when I listen to music, cutting them up in the most unpleasant of ways
It’s always there
And it was nice until it was there when I didn’t want it
Everyone thinks I’m going crazy
I used to ask about it
I searched my entire house, destroying every clock I found
I covered my ears in my sleep
I turned the clock off in my car
But it was still there
I asked about it at work, no one else can hear it…
I’ve desperately searched for it
I promise
It’s in my bones
In my blood
In my head
I’ve tried to find it
But everywhere I look it continues to escape
I’ve dug into my skin looking for it
But no matter how deep I dig I just can’t find it
Why, why can’t I find it
—
There’s a knock at the door
I can hear a voice echo down the hallway, coming in through the cracks under the door
It’s fine
“Uh hey man, I just wantickt ed to chectickk in, I heard a noitickse”
“Wh,what did you say”
“I heatick rd stickome glass shaticktter and wanted to checktick in”
“Ye,yea everything everything is fine”
“Are you otickkaytick man”
I pull him in
“You can hear it right, is this some type of joke to you, are you making it”
“ANSWER ME WHERE THE FUCK IS IT COMING FROM”
He looked lost but I’m sure it’s just more of his plan
He probably finally wanted to see the results of his work
How crazy he’s driving me
I grab the arm with his watch, and start to dig
—
I have no idea what time it is
The sun is in the sky when I find myself outside
The day is nice
I look up to the sky, leaning on my shovel as I admire the soft light of the sun
It's a good day to be in the garden
It’s a nice warm
On days like this, one couldn’t help but be outside and embrace the peaceful quietness of it all.
Tick
Tick
Tick
Tickticktickticktiiiiiiiiiiii—