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Soobin stared at the phone in his hand; there were no new notifications—no missed calls, no text messages left, no updates. He laid on his bed in contemplation. Should he try to contact you again? Maybe you would be free by now. He raised his phone to his ear, your number already dialed up. The phone rang until the voicemail picked up. Soobin hung up the phone in defeat. What happened to you that made you so busy that the both of you kept missing each other? He wondered if he should try again but the thought of being too persistent crossed his mind and caused him to take a deep breath, huffing out a short sigh. It felt as if his attempts were futile.
He closed his eyes. Exhaustion had begun to overwhelm him. He was so worried about you that he had forgotten about how tired he has been lately. He had the next few days off and it was the perfect opportunity to spend some time with you. Unfortunately, it seemed you had other plans. He willed himself to think otherwise. He knew you were not that kind of person. He knew you loved him as much as he loved you. The two of you understood each other’s busy schedules but you two had never gone this many days without any contact. As he came up with more arguments, he also came up with a counter. He went back and forth with himself before he promptly stopped. He was fed up with his own worries.
Without much more thought, despite fighting his drowsiness off, Soobin fell asleep. His head lolled to the side as his body went limp. His conscience went to dreamland, where he got to reunite with the one person he had been looking forward to seeing.
In his dream, Soobin was walking through a forest that seemed well groomed by nature, not a single thing was out of place. The flowers grew linearly, creating a path for him to walk, and the grass were all the same height; the trees shaded the perfect places, leaving small gaps for the sunlight to gleam through just the right places. He enjoyed his walk through this forest. The serenity was welcomed and, for what seemed like days, he felt at peace with himself.
Unlike most dreams he had, Soobin was completely conscious of what was going on. Everything was vivid and as he took in the scenery, he came to a stop upon reaching the edge of the forest. The cliff he was standing at was high. The sound of a waterfall from the other side could be heard loud and clear. He watched the clear blue water cascade down the edge. The ground could not be seen. He could tell he was pretty far up where he was.
Soobin bent down and kicked his legs off the ground as he sat on the edge. He did not know what he was doing here but there was an urge in him that made him feel he had to wait here for something or someone. He waited for a long time, although he was not sure how much time he had spent waiting. It felt like forever but it also felt like it had only been a moment.
- - -
You opened your eyes and found yourself laying in a bed of flowers. You were quick to sit up, preparing yourself for sneeze after sneeze and eyes itchy beyond belief but it never came. Surprised by the turn of events, you looked to see some of these flowers were lotuses. Lotuses were supposed to be in water, not out. You picked one up, holding it closer to your eyes to see that they were indeed lotuses. They felt dry but alive; the bottom not soaking wet like when it is in water.
A fairy bloomed from the lotus you were holding. She had pink hair and wore a green dress.
“Am I dreaming?” you asked, not particularly to her but more out of confusion but she took it as a cue to explain anyway.
“No, you’re here because you passed away,” she apologized for the misfortune, “but you have regrets that are keeping you here. We don’t have any information on how you died as it’s not in your memories. It’s not important but you will know once you reach the other side.”
You sighed. It was not that death scared you—you thought you were way past that emotion already. Regret was definitely finding its way to the surface. There were so many things you wish you could have done; things you had taken for granted when you were alive. If one wish could come true right now, you wished to see and spend a moment with Soobin one last time before you had to move on to the other side. While deep in your thoughts, the lotus fairy seemed to know everything you were thinking about.
“I thought as much, so I have a little gift for you. Follow the road the flowers have created for you. They responded to your heart’s wish. You should be thankful for this chance, not a lot of people get to be this lucky,” she said as she gestured to the blooming road of flowers, “and here’s another gift. It’s a piece of you I had gathered from your soul. I think you know what to do with this when the time comes. Go on now!”
She said her goodbye to you and wished you luck, then disappeared with a twinkle, along with the lotus flower in your hand. Standing up, you felt a tug in your heart. You trod the flower road that appeared as you walked, as if to direct you to your destination. Flowers of many colors, plants and trees alike, painted the path to wherever it is your heart was urging you to go to. You were led to a cliff, where a figure was sitting there. From the side, his profile looked familiar. You squinted your eyes as if it would automatically focus.
Surprisingly, it worked like a wonder! Or so you thought, when in reality, you were walking closer to the figure.
A soft gasp elicited from your lips. You realized exactly who the person was. With fast movement, you ran up the hill to the cliff he was sitting at. Calling out his name, your arms flew around his neck from behind and hugged him tightly to your chest. His hands grabbed hold of yours, tugging you closer as he turned his upper body to face you.
“Where have you been all this time?”
You turned your head away from his question. You wondered if you should tell him the truth or tell him a white lie until the end arrived. You hummed to him in reply to stall for more time to ponder. He stared expectantly yet lovingly.
“Just busy~ Did you miss me?” You giggled, placing a ghost of a kiss on his cheek.
“Yes, I have but you’re not the only one to blame. I take partial blame too.”
You moved to sit next to him, throwing your legs over the cliff like he did. Your head rested on his shoulder and you both stared far into the distance while you enjoyed each other’s presence.
It was quiet as the two of you sat in silence. You thought of what was a good thing to do with him one last time before you had to leave his side forever. You felt tears well up at the thought of not being able to grow old with him. Your life ended so abruptly, it was not fair. You blinked the tears away in rapid succession. You did not want Soobin to question why yet. It was not the right time to tell him the truth and you did not want to lie to him more than you have to.
You moved to stand up from the cliff. Backing up to have a steadier standing, you reached your hand out to Soobin.
“Hey, let’s go for a walk. I want to explore around here.”
He stared at you for a moment, then agreed to the idea. With your hand to guide him up, he brushed off his pants before holding your hand again. While you two walked into the forest behind you, Soobin found his gaze lowering to the ground.
“It’s a little disheartening to know I am so desperate to see you that you appear in my dreams.” He chuckled with dejection.
You felt a pang in your heart hearing this. It was hard to control the tears welling up again. You took a shaky, inaudible breath. You really did not have the heart to break the news to him. You could only grip his hand tighter, etching the memory of his hand in yours to your mind. You prayed these memories with him would follow you into your next life. It could be locked away. You could not remember in your next life. Just as long as it was not erased, you were plenty grateful.
“How about we relish whatever time we have together here? Who knows? Maybe our dreams are connected at the moment.” You jested but your voice cracked in the middle of one of the sentences.
He must have heard it because he stopped in his place to look at you with his head tilted. You looked back at him questioningly as well.
“I thought I heard your voice crack.”
“You’re hearing things!” you laughed, your eyes dodging his for a moment before making full contact.
The world began to feel a bit dizzying and things were beginning to seem a little muddled. You looked over yourself to locate where you were starting to feel chilly. Your hand was the source as it slowly started to become see-through, the tip of your fingers already beginning to fade away. In panic, you tugged Soobin close to you while you faced him. Your hands—despite the transparency creeping further up—cupped his cheek and your eyes shook in frantic as they searched to gaze into his eyes. He noticed the terror in your eyes. His hands rose up to cup your hands, feeling how cold they had become the second you released your hold on his hand.
You were worried about him, for him and for his future. You died so suddenly, got your last wish, and now your last wish was about to expire. There was not much time left. It was either now or never and you desperately wished you did not have to leave him without an explanation.
“You have to listen to me, Soobinnie,” you whimpered, the tears in your eyes welled up in rapid motion and spilled themselves down your cheeks, “This isn’t just a dream. I know you won’t believe me because this is your dream but it’s not that simple. Listen clearly, my love. I don’t have much time left with you. I died unexpectedly. I don’t even remember how it happened but it did. I have so much I wanted to do with you but it doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to.”
“What are you saying? How do you know you’re dead if you don’t even know how you died?” He was not understanding the situation and you do not blame him. After all, like he said, how did you know you are dead when you don’t know how you died?
“Because if I was alive, I’d be awake by now but I’m not. I’m disappearing right before our eyes,” you said as you held your hands in between the two of you to see. Your hands were now completely transparent. You could see through them and make contact with Soobin’s eyes. Yet he refused to believe your words.
“I’m disappearing as we speak. Are you waking up? No. I’m not waking up either. This dream continues and, I don’t know about you but, everything is so clear to me. It does not feel like a dream at all.”
Tears spilled from his eyes, his mouth gaped open as he tried to form words. He was shocked and speechless. Words couldn’t express the flurry of emotions tumbling inside of him. Soobin bit his lip, pulling you into a tight hug. It was not easy but he was coming to terms with reality. He understood now that this dream was both bitter yet sweet. On one hand, he got to reunite with you but, on another, this was officially going to be his last time. You would not return to him when he wakes up. He would never be able to hold you again, at least, not until next life.
You cried alongside him, your sobs loud next to his ear but Soobin did not mind. Instead, he pulled you closer to him as a means to give you comfort, even though you thought he needed the comfort more than you did. You told him over and over again how much he meant to you and how there were still so many things you have not achieved with him yet. You felt bad for leaving him like this but you wished him happiness. You prayed that he would find happiness in something else, human or not. He did not have to love someone new in place of you but if he wished to, you gave him full approval. You may be selfish for thinking that he would not find someone else to fall in love with but you would not actually hinder him from doing so. Despite reassuring him that it was okay, he refused it right off the bat. He explained how he could never do that to you, even if you told him it was okay.
“But you’ll never know what the future holds. If chance arises, please chase after it. If we’re truly meant to be, we will reunite in another life,” I reassured.
He felt your grip loosen, eyes widening in fear. His arms wrapped tighter around your waist. He prayed you were not leaving him now. He hoped it was not time yet. As much as he wished and wished, time was not on his side.
“Thank you for all the love you gave me. I hope I gave you enough in the time I was allowed to be with you.” Tears continued to spill from your eyes but you pulled away from him to smile. You took his hand, placed an item in it, then closed it. Leaning forward, you placed a soft ghost of a kiss against his lips.
As you pulled away, he made an attempt to pull you back into his embrace. Only, his arms went right through your body that had fully turned transparent. You gave him a sad smile, “It was bound to happen…”
“Please don’t go,” he whispered, voice barely heard as it cracked from choking back his tears, “I need you. You’re my support pillar and I am yours. If you’re gone, who’s going to keep me sane?”
“I hope you’ll find someone worthy of taking my place. Whether it’s a friend or a new lover or even a family member. You have a lot of people out there who will care for you as much as I do. You’ll be okay. I promise. I’ll see to it that I get to look over you. Maybe in future dreams, I can revisit. Just remember, I love you and I always will. You have a piece of me wherever you go.”
You stared into each other’s eyes, his hands desperately reaching out to hold you for a last time but forgetting that you were no longer within reach.
“I love you,” he cried as he watched you disappear before his eyes, the strength in his legs giving out after losing you, his strength and will.
“I love you too…”
He woke up with a scream so guttural and in pain. His body sat up and his hand stretched as far as it could then fell to his side. He breathed harshly, in and out, one breath after another. He heaved to regain his composure. After he got his moment, he sighed out of frustration. That dream felt so real yet he prayed with everything he had that it was not.
Soobin found his answer in his hand. He realized he was holding his hand in a fist and when he unclenched it, he saw the necklace you dropped in his hand. He was so caught up in not losing you that he did not realize you had left him with something. Raising the necklace up to face level, the sparkle in the charm blinded his eye for a moment. When the shininess of the charm subdued, what was left in its place was a jar with a small shiny pearl of your favorite color in it. Soobin could feel life brewing in it. It was not strong but it was faint enough that he could still feel it.
Tears made their way to his eyes, dripping down like waterfalls. He does not know how many times he has cried already. Even if it was only one time previously, it felt like he had cried many times over. He gripped the necklace tightly in his hands, praying that this piece of you will be with him forever now that he confirmed that his dream was nothing but the brutal truth. He heaved out shaky breaths, unclasping the necklace to put it around his neck. Laying back down on the bed, he breathed out another shaky sigh.
His arm was slapped over his eyes, sniffling as he calmed himself down.
Your aura from the necklace kept him calm. He held it tight again, as if it was keeping the last of his sanity together. The warmth from the pearl in the necklace felt as though you were hugging him. This temporary haven it created lulled his soul to sleep.
Although he was asleep, he continued to hold your necklace. It was like he was holding your hand and reassuring him that everything was going to be okay. And maybe it will. He will just have to see.
At least he had a part of you to walk him through the rest of his journey, just like you promised him.