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It was late autumn when Yu Shengyan came to a sudden realization of two little secrets.
The first: his Shixiong, Bian Yanmei held his liquor much better then he let on.
The second, entirely inconsequential and totally unrelated: Bian Yanmei was hot. Like, genuinely the most attractive man Shengyan had met.
It had started simply enough. They'd happen to arrive at the residence their master was sharing with Shen Qiao to give reports of their latest missions at almost the same time.
Yan Wushi, either exceptionally pleased with them or particularly preoccupied with getting them out of the way to get his husband's pants off, had dismissed them with instructions to relax for a few days in one of the side wings of the manor.
It had been a couple years since they'd spent any amount of time together, and Yanmei had readily agreed to the drinks Shengyan procured from the kitchen.
Shengyan had half a mind to drink his more book inclined shixiong under the table and then make up all the embarrassing stories about him the next day.
About two jars in apiece, he realized that there might have been a flaw in his plan.
Apparently for all his time at the Zhou court and handling the Cleansing Moon sect's vast spy organization and day to day running of operations, Bian Yanmei still found time to indulge in the greater pleasures of life.
In other words, Yu Shengyan was no longer as sure that he could drink its shixiong under the table as he had been.
When he'd popped up to go get more wine for them a few minutes later and the room promptly spun, he realized he'd definitely made a mistake somewhere.
No doubt his master would happily point out it was his overconfidence and underestimating his shixiong that led him here, but he would really prefer Yan Wushi not find out about this.
"Shengyan? Shengyan?? Hey. A-Yan?? Wake up, common, talk to me. Are you ok??"
Shengyan blinked his eyes open slowly. When did he close them? To stop the room from spinning??
His nose wrinkled. A-Yan? Yanmei hadn't called him that since he was a tiny little shidi skipping around after his much taller shixiong when they were both children.
Bian Yanmei's concerned face came into slow focus, and Shengyan blinked again.
"Meimei??" He mumbled.
Yanmei looked relieved and patted his cheek softly, "I think no more wine for you tonight." He informed his shidi, gently brushing Shengyan's long hair back from his flushed face.
Shengyan's plump lips pursed in a pout. "No fun." He mumbled, nuzzling down into the warm lap he was resting on. Meimei must have caught him to keep him from falling... what a kind Shixiong he had.
Yanmei couldn't help rolling his eyes. Oh, he missed this dumb kid.
Sometimes it struck him how much growing Yu Shengyan was doing in between their rare meetings. They hadn't really trained much together once he himself was old enough for Yan Wushi to send him to handle the affairs in Chang'an.
Some days he still thought about his cute little shidi, jumping around and proudly showing off his newly acquired martial skills, or the way his eyes would get wide when Yanmei explained something to him.
Some days he still thought about Shengyan like that little adorable child he used to help raise.
Now, with half of his shidi cradled in his lap where he's caught Shengyan to keep him from falling, he couldn't help wondering where that cute little kid went.
Not that Shengyan wasn't cute!! More that he had grown out of the cute stage and filled out those broad shoulders. His muscles were evident even without wearing his robes open like their master.
Devilishly handsome. Especially when he got that wild little smirk on his lips when he was being a brat.
Those were the words Yanmei would use to describe his shidi now.
Shengyan blinked up at him, grinning, his eyes wide and Bian Yanmei could still see the kid he'd known for so long in his lap.
He grinned back, gently tracing Shengyan's cheek with a finger, "You're a naughtly little Shidi. You shouldn't be trying to get your shixiong drunk."
Shengyan's lower lip popped out in a pout and he wiggled his way farther into Bian Yanmei's lap. "But I just wanted Shixiong to have a good time!" He protested innocently enough.
Bain Yanmei knew better and just cocked his head with a sigh, petting the dark hair spread over his thigh. "How did you grow up so fast?" He mused to himself, almost lost in thought.
Shengyan's lips twitched in a laugh, "It wasn't fast! Master says I still have some growing to do!"
"Yes, mentally." Bian Yanmei laughed, poking his shidi's nose lightly and watching it crinkle up under the touch. "But you're not a kid any more. I forget that sometimes."
"Mmmnn..." Shengyan mumbled, his slightly unfocused eyes fixated un waveringly on Yanmei's face. A soft blush was spreading across his fine cheekbones, and he gulped.
"I forget stuff too... like how kind and sweet Meimei is, sometimes..." He mumbled.
Yanmei blinked, glancing down at his shidi in his lap and watched the way Shengyan's throat bobbed.
"Shidi..??" He huffed a short laugh. "I think you drank a little more than you should have."
"No!!" Shengyan was coming to a very definitive conclusion as he struggled to sit up, flailing only slightly until Yanmei put a hand to his back to steady him.
The younger man wiggled around, facing his Shixiong, and stared at him; his dark hair falling free of his ponytail and swimming in soft waves around his shoulder.
"No...no I think I drank just the right amount." He mumbled, reaching out to cup Bian Yanmei's cheek in his palm.
Yanmei's face froze in confusion for a moment before morphing into a resigned, sad kind of smile. "Shidi, you're drunk. I'm not one of the girls at the brothel you like."
Shengyan frowned sharply, head crooking to one side. "Who said I only liked girls??" He wondered aloud, sounding so perplexed that Bian Yanmei almost laughed.
"Oh A-Yan." He sighed softly, taking his shidi's wrist to remove his hand from his face, "You don't know what you're saying. I'm your Shixiong, Bian Yanmei, remember me?"
Yu Shengyan's hand slid out of his grasp suddenly, flipping the hold easily - Yan Wushi would have been proud - to clutch Bian Yanmei's wrist instead, tugging himself closer.
"I could never forget a man so beautiful as Meimei." The words dropped from his lips, whispered, unhurried, like they were the only truth he'd ever known.
Something in his chest clenched, and Bian Yanmei dropped his gaze from that intense dark one, his cheeks brightening with heat.
"Shengyan, do you hear what you're saying? Do you know what it means??"
"Of course I do." Shengyan's youthful face pinched into a frown, tossing his long hair over his shoulder flippantly. He sounded indignant, as though he couldn't believe Yanmei would question him about something like this.
But how could he not?? Shengyan had never shown the slightest bit of romantic intentions to him before this night.
Bian Yanmei rarely saw him. They were too busy training and running a sect, respectively.
Shengyan had mostly raised himself after a certain point when Yan Wushi had been in seclusion and Bian Yanmei had deemed him intelligent enough to conduct his own training with minimal intervention.
He really hadn't spent much time with the younger man at all in the past few years.
Certainly not since Shengyan had started to become his own person.
All he really knew about his Shidi was that mental image of the mischievous eyed little boy who clung to his legs and begged him to teach him something new everyday when they were both children.
But looking at Shengyan now, broad shoulders outlined nicely in his robes, slim waist accentuated by a flash of silver, long hair rolling down his back, dark eyes still full of mischief and life and... and that adoration he knew from before.
Before, he'd always thought it was just hero worship. Just Shengyan admiring his older, wiser Shixiong.
But that look took a very different meaning on the man's face before him now, and he wasn't sure he could face it head-on.
"A-Yan....I...you and I...we can't..." He stammered, unable to meet Shengyan's gaze.
"Why not?" Shengyan's brow twitched. "We're both grown, master would have no objections...and... Meimei is the most beautiful man I've ever seen."
Yanmei felt his face flush and cursed his pale complexion for showing it so easily. "That's not true. You've seen Shen Qiao."
There was a snort as Shengyan leaned into his space. "But I'm not confessing to Shen Qiao, am I?"
Yanmei's breath caught in his throat as his very grown shidi leaned close enough he could taste the liquor on his breath.
"Shengyan..."
"Yanmei. I think...." Shengyan blinked slowly at him, long lashes dipping to brush against his softly flushed cheeks, "I think I'm in love with you."
His lips were softer than Yanmei expected as they were pressed to his own. Warm, tasting intoxicating like wine.
It was none of the harsh, sharp kisses he'd seen Yan Wushi exchange with Shen Qiao. It was not even the hasty, sloppy kisses he's seen Shengyan pressing to the maid's lips when he'd accidently walked in on his shidi doing it once.
This...this felt like something more.
Maybe. Maybe that kid he'd known and helped instruct for so many years really was gone.
Maybe he'd grown into this handsome, headstrong young man who was pressing him back, hands tugging at his waist instantly.
Maybe... maybe childhood admiration had grown into something else over the years.
Maybe...
Bian Yanmei let his eyes flutter shut and pressed his lips back against Shengyan's.
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆
Morning sun creeping across his eyelids stirred Shengyan into a groggy sort of awareness.
He lay still, soaking in the warmth of the blanket thrown over him, and nuzzled into the soft head of brown hair clinging to his chest.
His lips curled up into a soft sort of smile and he tugged the blankets higher over Meimei's bare shoulders.
He'd been drunk last night, but not that drunk. Not drunk enough to forget this.
He remembered their first hesitant kiss. He remembered everything else that came after that. The heat between them as he crowded closer. The fire blazing in Yanmei's eyes that matched the lust blooming in his own belly.
The frantic loss of clothes, the kisses and whispered half promises between them as they rocked between the sheets.
He grinned, dropping a soft kiss on his shixiong - his lover's forehead, and settled back down to sleep for a bit longer.
Bian Yanmei could use a break from paper work anyway.
He chuckled softly to himself as his brain drifted back into the gentle caress of sleep.
It was late autumn when Yu Shengyan came to a sudden realization of three little secrets.
The first: his Shixiong, Bian Yanmei held his liquor much better then he let on.
The second, entirely inconsequential and totally unrelated: Bian Yanmei was hot. Like, genuinely the most attractive man Shengyan had met.
The third: He was utterly, head over heels, in love with Bian Yanmei.