Chapter Text
This has happened before.
It was my birthday. I was fifteen. I had given Luke his favorite present ever on his fifteenth, so he was determined to do the same for me. And it had ended just like this.
One bare hand gripping a jagged, blisteringly hot ledge which slips almost imperceptibly under my fingers every second. My feet dangling out over meters and meters of empty air, giving a macabre dance over the bedrock far below. My other hand grasping that of my best friend.
It was a rock ledge last time; a narrow handhold in the wall of Beggar’s Canyon, so seared by our twin suns that I was nursing burns on my fingers for days after. Today, it’s what remains of our Y-Wing’s hull. Blaster-melted slag that’s going to leave a scar in my palm for certain.
When I meet Luke’s eyes, I don’t see the Rebel Lieutenant that destroyed the Death Star. I see the seventeen-year-old boy I grew up with. Bright blue eyes, full of fear and confusion and desperation as he takes in the situation. As he begins to understand, little by little, just how bad it is.
I’m way ahead of him. Not only have I been here before, I had nightmares about it for years.
He told them so, I think, in a kind of desperate bid to drive off hysteria. He told the commanders that a fighter from the Clone Wars wouldn’t hold up to this planet’s winds. But the Alliance needed both of us on this mission, and couldn’t spare both of our X-Wings, so we got stuck with the one two-seater left on the base that day.
Take out an Imperial surveillance center, they said. You only get one ship, and it’s older than both of you put together. Good luck, fly safe! They’re lucky we managed to accomplish the mission before getting fragged by an auto-turret. Luke has been constantly proving himself the best pilot who ever lived, but there was no way even he could have kept our trajectory under control in this weather. Not in that old rust bucket. Our single blessing is that our distress signal is still active. Someone will find us. We just have to live long enough to be found.
They should have known better.
But, to be fair, so should we.
Wind was our enemy that day, too. The unpredictable winds of Beggar’s Canyon were feeling twice as capricious as usual. Had our buddy Biggs not already gone off to the Imperial Flight Academy, he would have warned us that this was not a good day for fancy flying. But there was no one around to keep us thinking sensibly. Only the memory of our friend’s fantastic stunt last year, zipping right through the eye of the Stone Needle, and the mockery of our peers to drive us forward.
The gust that slammed us into the canyon wall that day. Just like the one that kept us from evading that blaster fire a few minutes ago. The screech of metal on stone is the same no matter where you are – be it a planet of dust and heat, or a planet of ice cold thunderstorms. The impact that pitched us from our seats, the scramble to avoid getting crushed, the sudden lack of anything between us and almost 30 meters of empty space. Reaching for Luke while my other hand grasps blindly for anything that will arrest our fall. This has all happened before.
I can’t see where I am. I can’t see the slick, black stones that these cliffs are built from. I can only see the bleached rocks and sands of Tatooine. I’m not drenched by the storm or deafened by thunder or blinded by the moonless midnight. I’m in the blazing heat of an Anchorhead summer. It’s the light that blinds me, not the darkness. The high-pitched howling of the winds through the canyon that deafens me. I’m stung on all sides, not by rain, but dust and sand. I’m not a soldier, I’m just a kid. And I’m so scared. I’m so scared.
Something breaks through the flashbacks and pulls me back into the present. It’s my name. Luke screaming my name over the storm. I look down again, and I finally see him. His orange flight suit is like a beacon in the ink-black night. His blond hair is soaked, slick and dark and barely moving in the wind. But it’s in his eyes where I can really see the difference.
He’s not afraid this time. I have no idea why.
“It’s not going to hold,” he tells me.
I have no idea what he’s talking about… until the mangled hull plating that I’m clinging to shudders under our combined weight. Ice-cold terror fills my stomach. I shut my eyes tight and barely choke back a scream as we pitch downward suddenly. Somehow, we don’t go flying off the precipice.
“There’s a grappling hook in the cockpit,” Luke shouts. “You should be able to rappel down safely if you can get to it.”
“Just one problem – I don’t have a third hand!” I snap.
I feel him squeeze my wrist. I reluctantly open my eyes and look back down at him again. He’s still not afraid, and I – oh, no.
“It’s okay.”
“Like hell it is!”
His smile is enough tear me in two, as if I wasn’t already having that problem.
He’s smiled at me like this before. His face was streaked with tears, and his trembling lips gave the lie to this attempt at courage. But he smiled. He didn’t have to say anything. We were best friends. He wasn’t going to let me die with him. Not ever… and especially not on my birthday.
I hear both his voices now.
“Don’t worry.”
The same words, barely more than three years apart.
“You’re going to make it.”
This cannot be happening again.
“I know you will.”
He opens his hand. Now, as then, he begins to slip through my fingers.
At fifteen, I screamed. I had nothing else in my mental buffer. Nothing had ever prepared me for something like this. I watched him slip slowly through hands slick with sweat and blood. I trembled, trying to tighten my grasp around his wrist… his palm… his fingers…
And suddenly, nothing.
His eyes were wide and terrified and burned forever into my mind as he began that fatal plunge. What I wouldn’t learn until later was that my neighbor, Camie, had gone running to my parents the minute we announced our intention to thread the Stone Needle. The girl I thought nothing more than a self-important little tattle-tale up to that point suddenly became our savior. My dad managed to catch Luke in his landspeeder before he could fall more than a meter or two, then rose up to rescue me from the canyon wall. To this day I don’t know how he managed to pilot a landspeeder through those winds. Maybe sheer force of will.
That familiar sensation of Luke’s hand sliding through mine sends a blazing fury through all my senses. In the haze of adrenaline, I have but one coherent thought left in my head.
No. Not again. Not ever again.
Dad’s not here to rescue us this time. This time, I have to find a way. This time… I’m the one to let go. I let go of the Y-Wing, grasping Luke’s hand all the tighter.
It’s only now, as we fall together, that I see fear in Luke’s eyes.
“What have you done?” he cries.
I can only answer by pulling him close and turning us around in mid-fall so that I’m between him and the ground. It’s my body that will take the worst of the impact. I can save him this way, by being his shield. It has to work, for it’s the only chance he has left. I see the moment when it all clicks, the moment he realizes what I have in mind. He wants to fight me. To fight for me.
It’s too late.
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Pain. So much pain.
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Everything’s dark.
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I’m so cold.
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When Dad got us both safely to the ground, I expected him to start yelling. Even though he hardly ever yelled, I figured now of all times he had a good reason. But he just sat there. Breathing. Just breathing. He couldn’t even turn around to look at me. So, I looked at Luke. He was just breathing too. And all at once, it hit me how easily he might not have been. How, one second one way or the other, he might have been lying dead on this spot.
I hugged Luke tight and started to cry. I couldn’t stop myself. That might have been the reason no one ever yelled at us. Not even Owen. He didn’t even punish Luke. In fact, he fixed the Skyhopper with his own two hands. I always wondered why…
I can see it now. Luke’s childhood home. The tech dome, where I left Luke with Owen and the remains of the Skyhopper. It’s like I’m floating. Away from the cold and pain, being swept into the past.
Yeah… that might be nice. Revisit some old memories before the end.
I find I can linger in the dome with Luke after the point where fifteen-year-old me had already gone home. Now, this is interesting. I’ve always been curious about how Owen reacted. Luke never talked about it, but I never got the impression it was because he didn’t want to. Rather, it was so he wouldn’t have to make me think about what happened that day. What almost happened.
“I don’t think I need to tell you,” says Owen in a strangely quiet voice, “how dangerous that stunt you pulled was.”
“No, sir.”
“Would’ve torn me and your aunt apart if you didn’t come back today.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Just so long as you understand that.”
“I do.”
He’s silent for a moment, then he pulls Luke into a tight hug. Luke looks surprised, but only for a moment. Then he hugs his uncle back.
“Don’t tell your aunt this,” Owen says in a gruff voice, “but I’m proud of you. What you did for your friend. That’s… that’s one of the hardest things you can get called on to do. You were damn brave out there today. You’ve got a good heart, Luke. You always have, and you always will.”
Owen doesn’t end the embrace until Luke is ready. Both men have tears on their cheeks. Tears that they carefully dry before they go in to face Beru.
One of the hardest things. He’s not wrong. I don’t feel ready to die. I just felt less ready to watch Luke die. I’m not sure you’d call that brave.
There’s my name again. It’s back the way I came, back in that broken body lying on the ground being pelted by freezing rain. It’s a call I’m not eager to heed, but it’s too heartbroken for me to ignore.
Luke leans over me as I open my eyes. I have never seen him in more pain. I know most of it is because of the state I’m in, but I still worry about how badly he was injured.
“You… alright?” I ask weakly.
His face is twisted with grief and he has to strangle a sob before he can speak. “Think I broke my knee. Otherwise, fine.”
“Good,” I sigh. I can’t wait to fade back out of this agony. Oh, but Luke’s still pestering me to stay.
“Hold on, old friend,” he begs. “Someone will be here soon.”
Right. Our distress signal was still going when we fell. The Alliance will send a med team along with anyone who volunteered for the rescue. I might make it if I get to a pod or a bacta tank. Probably won’t last that long, though. Better not to get his hopes up.
Luke’s hand is on my face, shielding the rain from my eyes. His breath stings my frozen skin. I can’t tell if he’s crying; the rain is too heavy.
My back hurts so much. I just want to sleep. But I’m already putting him through way more than he deserves. I could at least keep him company as long as I can.
“It’s alright.” My voice is weak and watery, and I don’t have the breath to say much at a time. There’s so much still to say, and I have to find a way to fit it in a few words. “I’m not… not afraid.”
Luke shakes his head, as unable to accept what is happening now as I was up on that ledge. “You shouldn’t have… you didn’t have to…”
Yes, I did. Of course, I did. He’s my best friend.
“Remember… Beggar’s Canyon?” I whisper.
We must have ten thousand memories from that place. But he knows the one I mean.
“It was… my turn.”
His eyes lock on mine, and his grief seems to soften with understanding. I had to do this. I don’t regret it. Even if help doesn’t get here in time. Even if these are my last breaths. I could never regret saving Luke.
“I’m right here, old friend,” he murmurs, taking my hand. He won’t let go this time. Not until I do. “Try to stay with me. Just breathe.”
“Okay.”
Breathe. Right. It’s a lot easier said than done. Every breath is creeping through a mass of shattered bones and mangled flesh. It’s hard to open my lungs when every rib is broken. But for him, I’ll try. Just take it one breath at a time. Slowly. Don’t force anything. Don’t make my injuries even worse.
He’s right there. Right at my side, just like always. And he’s going to be alright. That takes a huge weight off my chest. Whatever happens to me, my best friend is going to be alright.
I feel Luke’s fingertips pressing beneath my jaw. He looks upset. My pulse must be slowing. I should do something. He just looks so heartbroken. I can’t just let him look like that.
Maybe… maybe if I smiled. I can at least try.
I try to show him that it’s okay. I can be as brave as he is. I can face the end. With Luke at my side, I can face anything. The icy wind and the frigid rain make my skin crack, but I manage to to give him that smile.
“It’s okay,” I breathe softly. “You’re going to make it. That’s all that matters.”
And I mean it. I’m content, knowing he’s safe. As drenched as we both are, I can see his tears clearly now. He whispers my name… and it’s the last thing I hear before the darkness takes me.
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Secondary Author's Note: Okay, you can stop here if you just wanted a good death scene, but if you like a last-minute rescue, there's chapter two.