Chapter Text
Feelings. It's something in a human's DNA that you can't change. You will experience them for at least one period in your life, and you'll remember them forever. Even if you want to forget the pain or happiness, it's something that will taunt you and never leave your thoughts. Many people wish they could escape them. Most people want to forget the unpleasant part of it at least. Hua Cheng wants to forget it all. He doesn't remember any of the feelings most people do because he's never felt anything other than pain, anger, and sadness. He just wants to forget them. The pain. The anger. The jealousy. Even the happiness he's never felt. If that's what he had to give up, he would. To him, they're useless things. He's realized that they all lead up to sadness and other unpleasant feelings. But he knows that he can't change the fact that he feels pain or he gets mad. No one can. To think he would be that lucky is impossible for him. To be lucky after living a life of pain is something he can't even imagine.
What did he have to do to get rid of them?
Die? Or is that too easy?
What if there is an afterlife? Does that mean that he would feel them there? Whether it's in what people call hell or heaven, would you still be feeling pain or jealousy there? Even feeling happiness would be terrible.
Reincarnation is something he feared the most. If he got reincarnated, He would have to live the same painful life again.
Maybe even over and over. Again and Again. The torture of being alone. Depression. And when you chose to die yourself, you go through the cycle again.
Maybe that is hell.
He figured that living is the method of torture. So maybe just leave your enemies to live. They'll still be living in hell.
These thoughts run around in his mind as he looks off the bridge into the water that looked like a void.
Something that might suck Hua Cheng in, but he didn't necessarily think of this as a bad thing.
Hua Cheng was someone who wanted to die but was too scared to. Knowing that reincarnation, or the afterlife was real, it always made him think.
He would rather just die, or for nothing to happen. A reality where nothing happens after death is another thing that would make him too lucky.
Thoughts of the afterlife overflow his mind as he looks over a bridge into a dark pit that looks like it'll never end. Everything around him can reflect his situation. Whether it's his loneliness or the darkness above him. No one will ever try to help him. Even if he was about to fall off the edge of a bridge, no one would reach out to him.
"Are you going to kill yourself?"
Hua Cheng lifts his head and looks to his right to see a man with long brown hair and a brown turtleneck with blue jeans, black boots, and a white silk scarf.
"There are probably many things in life that you still haven't experienced, so why don't we make a bucket list? After we complete all of these things, why don't you then see if you want to die?" The other man said.
"Do you do this with all the people you meet on a bridge about to die? I don't think that it's a proper edict. Leaving me be would be the best idea. You don't want to get involved with someone like me." Hua Cheng explains. He knew that he would be another person to betray his trust or manipulate him. It's happened to him too many times.
Before the curious man starts to talk, he chuckles "No, but you were the first person I've ever seen to hesitate that much while committing suicide. Most people know what they came here to do and they don't even flinch. So, what's your story? Why are you contemplating dying this much?"
Hua Cheng was stunned by how accurate and the fact that he was laughing while talking about committing suicide.
Hua Cheng thought that maybe he was here to kill himself. Or he was just plain on crazy, but who was Hua Cheng, the person who is contemplating killing himself, calling crazy.
"Look," Hua Cheng sighed "I went to this bridge to think, okay? Not to be a part of something weird. Now, if you can please leave me alone? Have a lovely night."
"Have you never heard of a bucket list? If you haven't, I could explain it to you." The other man said as he followed Hua Cheng meanwhile he knew that he wanted to be left alone.
Hua Cheng then realized that he ignited a certain excitement in the other man and he knew that something was going to happen. Whether it was good or bad, he didn't want to deal with it.
"A bucket list is where you make a certain list and you complete and it makes you feel better when you die and that you've lived a fuller life. Most people try to do it, but it's either they don't get to finish it or they forget about it. I personally don't have one yet because I don't have anyone that I want to do things with yet. If you do have a significant other, maybe you can do things with them. That would seem better than just dying. But anyw-" he rambled on as he was suddenly interrupted by Hua Cheng.
"I really don't care about you and your 'what I wanna do before I die' list or whatever. I came here to think. Why should it matter whether I have one or not and whether I die or not? I'm a random person and so are you. So fuck off, will ya'?" Hua Cheng says in an aggravated tone.
He knows that the man was trying to help, but he couldn't trust anyone else, so what was the point of letting him into his life if it will cause more problems for him? Plus, for some reason, he was in a pissed-off mood. Maybe it was because he hadn't been able to sleep lately? Or maybe it was just an excuse for his behavior towards someone who was trying their best to help another. Or jealousy. Hua Cheng can't trust a person enough to offer this.
The man sighs but still doesn't seem annoyed. Hua Cheng is a bit impressed by his reaction to what he said.
Maybe it's just because Hua Cheng gets angrier a bit easier, he would punch anyone with no hesitation if they were to tell him that.
"It's called a bucket list. And you're right. I shouldn't get involved with other people's affairs. I had a bit to drink today, so I'm probably a bit tipsy. Please accept my apology and forget that this ever happened. I hope that you decide what you want to do with your life eventually." The man bows and walks away, with a look of disappointment, and almost embarrassment.
Maybe he did think that he could help someone, but it's easier said than done. Especially for someone like Hua Cheng who has been miserable for his whole life.
Hua Cheng knew that things like this would be insignificant in his life because he knows that it won't really matter in the future. It was an insignificant event and neither of them would remember what happened that night.