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Lily had met James when they were both in nursery school.
They became friends on the first day of school when Mathilda Hopkins took her crayons away during center time. It was when Lily had started crying that James walked up to her with two fistfuls of red crayons, all different shades.
“I think it’s your favorite color.” He’d said, pushing his glasses up his nose and tilting his head to the side. “It’s my favorite color too.”
Lily’s lip was still stuck out in a pout, but she looked down at her incomplete drawing, which was mostly red, and then she looked up at him with a smile. “Do you want to help me finish this?”
“What is it?” He asked, sitting down on the bright green chair next to her. He looked over the crayons that he'd brought her carefully before he picked up a dark red.
“Whatever you want it to be.” She shrugged and then started shading in a corner of the paper. He started in the other corner and the kept going until they had filled in the entire paper. Their teacher hung it up on the wall for the remainder of the year.
That same picture was now framed and hanging up on Lily’s bedroom wall. Her and James had both written their names in black crayon in sloppy five-year-old writing. It made her smile ever time she looked at it.
It was the summer before her first year of uni and James was still one of her best friends.
Well, she was also sort of in love with him, but he didn’t know that, and she wasn’t sure if she would ever tell him. That was the sort of thing that ruined lifelong friendships so she would just have to suck it up and get over this unrequited crush of hers.
She kept telling herself that she’d meet someone in uni who she wouldn’t compare to the boy she’d grown up beside. She’d meet someone with eyes that didn’t seem dim compared to James’ hazel brew, someone who’s laugh was more contagious, who could figure out what she was thinking just by looking at what she was doing with her hands like James seemed capable of doing, someone who liked Doctor Who and didn’t make fun of her for watching re-runs every Sunday morning, someone who wasn’t so obsessed with football and who’s hair wasn’t so ridiculous.
She’d meet someone that made her laugh at herself for thinking that she had fancied her best friend.
But she wasn’t going to uni for months still.
She was going to have to survive the summer before she met this mysterious boy who most likely didn’t exist anywhere but in her mind. After all, he’d have to be some hell of a person to make Lily forget the way her stomach dropped when James directed one of his crooked grins in her direction.
She stood in front of her mirror and pulled her hair back into a plait and smoothed out her bright yellow uniform. It was a cap sleeve dress with a thick black band around her waist and a hoop skirt that stopped just above her knees and made Lily look like a bumble bee. The diner she worked at every summer since she was fifteen hadn’t had uniforms like these in the past. She had been able to wear a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with the diner’s logo.
She felt ridiculous, but she wasn’t going to find a better job, so she was stuck with her ridiculous outfit.
She frowned at her reflection and then shook her head. Perhaps if the dress was a different shade of yellow… but there was no helping that.
She headed downstairs and grabbed her car keys off the counter, kissed her mum on the cheek and then skipped down the front steps of the house.
She heard someone whistle and turned toward her neighbor’s house to find James with his mates, Sirius, Remus and Peter. Sirius looked to be the one who had whistled at her.
She pressed her lips together and held up her middle finger.
“No, really,” He grinned at her. “Where are you off to looking so fine?”
She twirled around to humor him, because despite the bird, she had come to have a great fondness for the strange boy who was almost always leather clad and had somehow gotten his first tattoo at fourteen. “This is the new uniform for Hooper’s.”
Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “You think Benjy will twirl like that for me when I see him?”
“Maybe if you ask him nicely.” Her eyes drifted over to James. “You have anything to say about my ridiculous outfit?”
“If you’re looking for commentary,” Peter crossed his arms over his chest and grinned at her. “I think it makes you look like a bumble bee.”
“That’s what I thought!” Lily pointed at him. She liked James’ friends, she always had. Even if she’d gotten a bit jealous of them all when they were around eight and James decided that he couldn’t hang out with her as much as he used to since she was a girl.
Luckily, that phase didn’t last long. He was her neighbor after all, so it was hard for them to avoid one another.
“Well I think Peter and Sirius are both being arseholes.” James waved his hand in the air and Lily noticed that he had a football tucked under his other arm. He’d been offered a few different scholarships that had made Lily rethink all the times she made fun of him for always practicing. It had definitely paid off. “You look great, Lils.” He grinned, pushing his glasses up his nose, a tic of his as familiar to Lily as anything else about him. “Just like you always do.”
“And you’re a liar.” She grinned back at him. “You all going to pop in later?”
“Either that or we’ll have to eat James’ mum’s cooking.” Sirius shrugged. “So yeah, probably.”
“My mum is a great cook.”
“No, your dad is a great cook. Your mum has never given me something that wasn’t at least slightly burned.” James couldn’t argue against that, but he was also unable to speak against his mother, so he just shrugged.
“Yeah, we’ll be by later.” Peter reiterated.
“Alright, see you then.” She waved and started toward her car. She climbed into the driver’s side before glancing back at the boys.
James turned toward her and waved, a large smile on his face before he turned back around and tossed the football to Sirius.
She dug her nails into the steering wheel and then shook her head. She should not be floored every time he smiled at her. That was ridiculous and stupid.
She forced herself not to look back at the boys (or one boy in particular) and then pulled out of her driveway and headed to work.
oOo
James watched Lily’s car disappear around the corner and then was promptly hit on the head with his own football.
“You’re such a goddamn wanker.” Sirius muttered as James rubbed the offended area with his hand.
“Me? You’re the one who just threw a ball at my head.”
“Yeah, but you were mooning after Lily.” Remus shrugged, speaking up for the first time in a while. James had been pretty sure he was asleep before Lily walked outside in that oddly flattering new outfit of hers. He wouldn’t be sorry to see her wearing that throughout the summer.
“He’s always mooning after Lily.” Peter corrected.
“I am not always mooning after Lily.” James argued, though if they pressed, his argument would quickly fall apart because he was always mooning after Lily. It’d been his perpetual hell since he was nine years old and worked out that he was in love with his best mate.
Okay, well that was a bit dramatic. Nine-year-old James did not know that he was in love with Lily Evans, his best friend since he’d moved to this particular suburbia at age five. He had hardly even known that he fancied Lily, he just knew that he didn’t like to share her, nor did he like it when she conspiratorially whispered to him behind the jungle gym about how Randy Harvet had kissed her cheek.
“I could kiss your cheek if you want.” James had suggested, shoving his fists into the pockets of his trousers and trying not to sound like he was pouting. Lily always mocked him when he was pouting.
“No, James,” She had lamented. “He kissed my cheek because he fancies me, not because we’re mates.” She’d said it like she was explaining something very obvious to him. And perhaps it was the idea that he suddenly wasn’t allowed to kiss her cheek that made him want to do it all the more. But she’d just drawn a line in the sandbox and declared cheek kisses were only for people that fancied one another, and she’d put the two of them on opposite sides of the line. He’d never been on opposite sides of the line when it came to Lily.
James didn’t stick his foot over the line until they were fifteen.
And of course even then, it was only the line in the sandbox from when they were nine. He’d kissed her cheek while wishing her a happy Christmas. And when she hadn’t minded, when she’d smiled at him, he’d done it again when it was her birthday, and then he did it because he hadn’t seen her all weekend, and now he did it whenever he wanted to.
But now cheek kisses were acceptable because they were mates, and it meant nothing about fancying anyone. He’d erased one line, to find another one just beyond it.
“You’re mooning over her right now, aren’t you?” Remus asked, a soft smile pulling at the corners of his lips.
“If you’re not feeling well, we can go inside and watch tv or something.” James offered. He’d met these three boys a couple of years after he’d met Lily. Peter had been in kiddie football with him, Sirius had been in his second-year class and Remus lived down the block, closer to the river. They’d all found each other and something about the group just felt like it fit. It was right. James had never doubted that these three blokes would be his friends for the rest of forever.
“Don’t try and change the subject under the guise of caring for Remus.” Sirius tossed the ball at James again, though he caught it this time.
“Caring for Remus is not a guise,” James muttered, and turned back to Remus. “I was mooning over her just then, but my offer was still sincere. You’ve been quiet since we’ve come out here.”
“It’s just brighter than I was expecting.” He shrugged. “But the fresh air will do me good,” He leaned back against the brick wall and the four of them were quiet for a moment. Because even though Remus had been sick for as long as they’d known him, they still weren’t always sure how to act when he wasn’t feeling well.
“Just let us know then, yeah?” Sirius said vaguely, not saying what it was that Remus should let them know, but Remus nodded anyway. “And James, you’re a cod.”
“You think I don’t know that? She’s been my best friend since I was five. I don’t want to be mooning over her.”
He hated talking over this with the lads, but he also had limited time when he could moon over Lily aloud since she was with him a good amount of time. Slightly less so now that it was summer and she had work, but when they were still in school, they had nearly every class together this last semester and James had been about ready to murder Sirius who had been making increasingly obvious comments about James’ feelings for Lily while she was present.
Fortunately, Lily either hadn’t noticed the comments, or more likely, hadn’t taken them seriously. Because she knew just as well as James did, that Sirius was the real cad when it came to the two of them and their friendship.
“You need to just ask her out, mate.” Peter said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“I can’t do that,” James ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “You know that I can’t do that. She’s my best friend.”
“I’m your best friend.” Sirius corrected him. “And you can do that, and you should do that, because until you do, you’re going to be a miserable sod of a bloke with balls the ugliest shade of blue.”
“Don’t be crass.” Remus muttered, his eyes closed now.
Sirius looked at him, ready to say something more crass, James was sure, but decided against it when he saw him. “Right. Anyway,” He went on, “I know that you’re worried about ruining your friendship with her, but don’t you think it’s going to be ruined when she starts dating some blighter and you have to pretend that you don’t like him because of his favorite football team or some stupid shit instead of because seeing her with him makes you stark raving mad?”
James didn’t even like thinking about Lily dating someone, but he knew that it was only a matter of time before it happened. She was beautiful and friendly and charming, everyone who met her knew that.
“I’ll get over it.” He shrugged. “Because she’s my best friend-“
“I’m your best friend.” More than one of them said it this time.
“And I’m not going to do anything to screw that up.”
“Maybe we should sit him down and make him watch all those terrible movies where ‘best friends’ have to watch each other get married all the while harboring deep feeling of love and desire for them.” Peter suggested and Sirius laughed, thumping him on the back.
“13 going on 30,” Remus said, holding up a finger. “What else?”
“Maid of Honor, My Best Friend’s Wedding,” Peter listed a few more.
“I’m sure there’s a shit load of them.”
“Yes, all those movies are claiming that a girl and bloke can’t be friends without-“
“Sure, yes. And that’s a load of bullshite,” Sirius interrupted him. “But we know that’s not true. Lily and Remus are friends and he’s not in love with her and as far as we know she’s not in love with him either.”
“Would you stop pretending that you’re not friends with Lily?” Remus opened one of his eyes to semi-glare at Sirius.
“I am friends with her, I wasn’t denying that. I just couldn’t honestly say that I think she’s not in love with me. Everyone is at least slightly in love with me and that wasn’t going to prove our point.”
James rolled his eyes. “Why am I friends with you?”
“Because you’re sixty five percent in love with me at any given point. Ninety three percent when you’re not annoyed with me.” Sirius winked at him and James laughed.
“When am I not annoyed with you?”
“Right,” Peter clapped his hands together and motioned for the ball. “So it’s settled then.” He caught the ball and then started dribbling it on his knees. “James is going to ask her out.”
“Wow,” Remus was almost smiling. “That was so easy, why didn’t we come to this decision years ago?”
“I’m not asking her out,” James ran a hand through his hair and looked down at his shoes. He knew his friends were frustrated with him, always whinging, and never doing anything to change his situation. “I can’t. I can’t risk it.”
“Oh yeah,” Remus sighed, “That’s why.”
“We’ll get him to listen to us eventually.” Sirius knocked the ball out of the air and then passed it back to Peter. “I mean, we are his best friends.”
“True.” Peter and Remus agreed.
James shook his head and then looked over his shoulder in the direction that Lily had drove off.
“Sod,” Sirius coughed.
“Piss off.”