Chapter Text
Jon had woken up and walked towards the bathroom to start his day. He quickly brushed his teeth and washed his fast then looked at himself in the mirror. Today was a day he completely dreaded but felt like it needed to be done. Things between the two of them have been difficult lately and he felt like he was part of the problem.
He silently walked into his closet and put on his clothes for the day. As he made himself some breakfast he texted Christina asking if she was free in about an hour.
“Yeah. What did you have in mind?”
This was the first time in 4 days that they would be seeing each other. For a normal couple that doesn’t live together, it may be a normal situation but the pair lived exactly 3 minutes from one another.
“I’d like to sit and talk. Meet at my place in an hour.”
Once she agreed he started running over what he was going to say to her. He had given this moment more thought than he would like to admit and he talked himself out of it. Today, there was no backing out.
A little after 10, Christina walked up to the door and knocked before coming inside. Jon opened it up and stepped aside. She pulled him in for a kiss and she noticed that he wasn’t really reciprocating. “Are you okay?” She asked, walking in towards the living room.
“Yeah. I just want to talk for a minute.” He answered behind her. The couple sat down on the couch and he grabbed hold of her hand. “What’s going on?”
“I Uhh, you know I love you and I enjoy every minute that we have been together over the last 6 months.”
Confused, she gave him a blank look, “okay?”
Jon gave her a sad smile but couldn’t look her in the eyes, “I’ve done a lot of thinking and I think that we should maybe take a step back and give ourselves a little space.”
She was shocked. She pulled her hand from his and tried to hide her emotions. “Wow, this was not what I expected.” She stood up and paced around the room.
“Babe, I want you to know that it’s nothing you did. I just need to get myself in the right headspace before we progress any further.”
“What does that even mean? We haven’t fought once. We see each other as much as possible and everything seemed to be going well.” She sat down in the chair across the room looking back in his direction.
“I know. I know. Christina I don't want to do this, believe me.”
“Then don’t! Let’s work through this together. Let me be here for you. Talk to me about your problems. But please, don’t just throw out everything that we have worked so hard to achieve.”
Jon shook his head and felt the tears run down his face, “I can’t.”
Christina shook her head, “okay.” She walked his way and stopped as she was passing him. She leaned down and gave him a final kiss, “I love you.” She slipped on her shoes and headed out the door.
The minute she got into her car she sobbed. Uncontrollably. She loved this man more than she had ever loved someone in her life and he just threw it all away. She turned her head and looked at his house. A place that she hoped one day they could share together as a couple or even a family.
Minutes passed by and she pulled away heading back towards her house to work through her emotions.
——
Jon walked back into his house and broke down. He wanted this. This is what was for the best. He walked into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of bourbon that he had bought. Pouring himself a glass he stared into it and contemplated if this is what he was really going to break his 9-year sobriety. After a few seconds, he quickly knocked back the glass and filled another.
He was headed in a downhill spiral and there was nothing he was going to do to stop it.
—-
Christina laid in bed that night next to a pile of Kleenex. She scrolled through her pictures of the two of them and thought about where this was coming from. Just this last week they were talking about their future together.
By the time she looked at the clock, it was a little past 1 and she decided she would try and get some sleep.
—-
Jon stumbled out of his house and out to his car as he headed towards the corner carry out. He walked inside and grabbed a case of beer out of the cooler. As he set it down on the counter the clerk looked him up and down. “Are you sure you need anything else to drink?”
He pulled a 20 out of his pocket and threw it down on the counter, “do you want my money or not?” He slurred.
The cashier shook his head and swiped the bill off the counter. Jon picked up the 12 pack and headed back out to his car. Cracking one open he took a big chug and headed back to his house. The lines on the road were fuzzy and the lights hurt his eyes. He turned onto his street and didn’t even realize that he clipped his neighbor's mailbox. He flew into his driveway and threw his car in park. When he opened the door he chucked the empty beer can into his yard and grabbed another out of the case. When he was climbing out of the car he noticed the picture of the two of them on his dash. Grabbing the picture he tore it in half throwing it to the ground. In the little amount of time they were together he knew she was the love of his life. He had never felt the way he had felt with anyone before. With Jen, they decided that they didn’t need to get married or want to have any kids but with Christina, it was completely different. He wanted to marry that woman and have as many children as she would allow.
Downing the last of that can be dropped to the ground cracking open another. He knew he was stupid and he knew what he was doing was wrong. The minute she walked out the door he knew it was the biggest mistake he had ever made. He took a step out of the car and as he stood up he lost his balance. He tried to grab onto the door but misjudged where it was. He fell back and landed on the concrete. “God Damn it!” He cursed as he wallowed on the ground. He didn’t realize that his head had hit the concrete and he would have a nasty goose egg in the morning. He tried to stand but there was no luck, he crawled back to the door of his car and pressed the voice assistance button. “Who would you like to call?”
“Call Christ…” his voice trailed off.
“I’m sorry I didn’t catch that. Who would you like to call?”
“CALL CHRISTINA!” He shouted as he slumped over his driver's floor.
“Calling Christina Red heart.”
——-
The sound of her phone ringing startled her awake. She turned and looked at her alarm clock and noticed it was a little before 3 am. Looking at her phone she saw the picture of Jon’s smiling face light up her screen. What the hell did he want this early.
She contemplated answering it but finally gave in. “Hello?”
There was no answer, “Jon? Hello?”
“Baby….”
She quickly sat up in bed, “Jon are you okay?”
He didn’t answer. “Baby. Where are you? I need you to answer me okay.”
“I need…”
She frantically threw on some clothes and ran down the stairs. “I know, baby. I need you to stay on the phone with me. Are you home?” She could tell by the sound of his voice that he had been drinking. She gave him a few seconds to answer and there was nothing.
“JON!” She screamed into the phone as she grabbed her purse and keys.
The echo of her voice brought him back “What?.” He mumbled taking a sip of his beer.
“I need you to keep talking to me! Are you at home?” She yelled and she dove down the street.
“Yeah. I’m okay.”
“I’m almost there. Just stay awake, baby.”
She turned onto his street and saw the path of dirt and mailbox in the street. “Jon, did you drive your car?” She pulled into his drive and shut the gate. As she looked around she noticed him lying in the driveway.
“Shit!” She quickly jumped out of the car and ran in his direction. “Jon, what the fuck did you do?”
She could tell he was in and out and saw a giant knot on his head. “We need to get you inside.” She gently laid him down on the ground, turned off the car, and closed the door. “I have to pee.”
“Babe, why did you do this?” She asked as she unbuttoned and zipped his jeans,
“Mmm,” he smiled up at her, eyes closed.
She rolled her eyes, “No, don't even think about it. Go pee so I can get you inside.”
He let out a sigh of relief as he relieved himself. “You know, I love you, Christina.”
“I know.” She quickly tucked him back in his pants and set him up against the car, “okay I’m going to get you up. Can you help me so I can get you inside?”
He groaned but no words escaped. She took this as a yes and attempted to pull him up. “On three. Ready? 1…2…3” she grabbed hold of his belt loops and pulled him to his feet. She steadied them against his car and walked them towards the front door. She typed in the lock code and they made their way inside.
She set him down on the bench and pulled off his shoes. Switching on the light in the entryway she couldn’t believe how he looked. There were bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess and even though it had only been almost 24 hours, he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days.
“Okay. Upstairs now and we are going to get you into the shower.”
“I think I’m going to throw up.” He mumbled as she draped him over her shoulder.
“You have to help me and I’ll help you.” She whispered as they took one step at a time. As she finally reached the top she rounded the corner and walked into the bathroom. She directed him to the bathroom and turned on the shower, turning it on cold. She let it run as she helped him take off his clothes. This broke her heart. Seeing him like this. She loved him with all of her being and to think he was going through something so hard he thought the best thing to do was push her away.
“Honey, are you still with me?” She asked as she removed her clothes as well.
“Mmhmm.”
“Okay, come in the shower with me. I need you to let me know if you are going to throw up, okay?” She walked them into the shower and sat him down on the floor.
She got down on her knees and leaned him against her chest. As the water ran down their bodies she felt him dry heave. Leaning him forward she shoved her fingers down his throat.
“Come on baby. You need to throw it up.” He gagged but nothing came up. Giving him a few seconds she repeated the process. This time he tried to fight her but she powered through it. One final attempt and she was successful. She could tell he hadn’t eaten from his vomit being liquid. “That’s it, baby, let it out.” This time he vomited on his own a 2nd and third time. His eyes were finally open and he saw this beautiful figure standing next to him. His body was covered in chills and his teeth were now chattering. She ran his fingers through his hair to pull it back out of his face.
“Hi,” she whispered. “I’m going to wash you up and then get you in bed.”
As she finished up washing him off, she turned the water on a little warmer so she could help regulate his body temperature. After a few minutes, his lips were no longer blue and his teeth had stopped chattering.
Helping him up she grabbed his towel off the hook and dried him off. She sat him down on the toilet and dried herself off. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.
“I know. Let’s just get to bed and we can talk tomorrow.”
Jon stood up stumbled towards his bed and flipped down on his side. Christina pulled out a shirt from his closet and slipped it on along with a pair of his boxers. She pulled the blankets out from under him covered him up then walked back into the bathroom to grab the garbage can. “Here’s the garbage can for you if you need to throw up. I’ll be right back just going to get you some water.”
She walked downstairs and saw the empty bottle on the counter which broke her heart. So many years of sobriety down the drain over something she doesn’t even know about. She looked over at the living room and saw his dog sleeping on the couch.
“Lenny,” she whispered and patted her leg. The dog came running and stopped at her side, “you gotta go outside?” She let the dog out and then grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. She glanced at the clock and noticed it was a quarter past 4. With a yawn, she let the dog back inside and gave her a treat. Making sure all the doors were locked and the alarm was set, She walked back upstairs and climbed into bed next to him.
By the time she got comfortable he was long passed out and shoring like a train. The goose egg on his head luckily wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Unsure what had happened, she assumed he either hit it on the car or on the concrete if he fell out. Watching him lay in front of her she couldn’t help but get emotional. Over the last 24 hours, she went from being in a happy, loving relationship to having to help her drunk ex-boyfriend off the pavement and into his house because he ruined 9 years of sobriety. “Baby, what were you thinking?” She whispered and she cuddled close to him. Oddly enough the sound of his snoring soothed her to sleep. The feeling of him calmed all her nerves and emotions and they drifted off to sleep.
A few hours later she was woken up to the sound of Lenny barking and scratching at the door. She rolled over and felt the heat radiating off of Jon’s chest. Before she made any sudden movements she took in what may be the last time they are together. Glancing at the clock she noticed it was almost 11. She placed a kiss on his chest and felt him stir beneath her. As she went to pull away he pulled her into him, “I have to go.”
It was like he finally registered what was happening and the room was spinning. “Holy shit, what did I do?”
Christina pulled away and shook her head, “you don’t remember any of it do you?”
He closed his eyes as if he was trying to visualize what had happened. “This last thing I remember is you leaving after I… Shit Christina baby, what did I do?” He panicked as he sat up in bed.
“I got a call from you this morning at 2 am, too drunk to tell me what was happening. Luckily, I pulled into your driveway and found you hanging out of your car surrounded by empty beer cans. You have a lovely knot on your head from what I assume would be you falling.”
“I drove my car?”
“Yeah, and I think you took out Michael's mailbox. Jon, what's been going on with you? What made you want to drink? I’ve thought about what you said to me yesterday and you’re not going to just push me away and think that it’s okay. I’m here to help you get through things.”
Jon pulled her into him and cried. For as long as she has known him she had never seen him shed one tear but right here at this moment, he sat holding her begging for forgiveness.
“Baby, I was so wrong. I thought leaving you would be better for both of us but I can’t live this life without you. The minute you walked out of my house yesterday I knew I fucked up. I love you, baby. God Christina, I love you more than I’ve loved anything else in my life.”
Christina wiped his tears, pulled him in for a hug, and just held him. There were no words, just silence.
When she pulled away she looked into his bloodshot eyes, “I need you to tell me what’s been going on. What has you so out of sorts?”
Jon shrugged his shoulders and rubbed his head as his headache set in. “I have just been all over the place lately. I don’t feel like myself and I know it’s been taking a toll on me and I didn’t want it to affect you so I thought ending things would be the best choice.”
She shook her head and held his hand, “no. If you feel like there is a problem you come to me babe and I will help you through it. Please don’t push me away because that is going to just hurt me more.”
He nodded, “I really am sorry. For all of this. Yesterday and last night.”
“It’s okay. But we need to call your sponsor today and get you back into meetings. I’ll be here with you no matter what and I’ll even go with you if you want me to.”
“Okay. I’ll call her in a little bit. Right now, I’m starving and my head is killing me.”
Christina climbed out of the bed and walked into the bathroom grabbing the bottle of ibuprofen from the cabinet. She dumped 4 pills into his hand and turned to let the dog in. “Good Morning, Lenny Bear.”
The dog ran inside the room and jumped on the bed. “Why am I naked?”
“Well for one you peed all over yourself outside. Two, I gave you a cold shower because I could barely tell if you were conscious. while we were in the cold shower I forced my fingers down your throat to make you puke. I got you out and dried you off and I wasn’t going to try and dress you so I just made you get in bed naked.” She explained as she grabbed a pair of boxers for him.
“Ahh.”
Throwing the underwear his way she climbed back in bed. “I can order us breakfast if you want and then I can head home.”
“No, you can stay here. You don’t have to leave.” He finally climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom to pee. He quickly washed his hands and brushed his teeth.
When he was finished he climbed back in bed laying flat on his stomach. “I don’t care what you order but I want some toast. So surprise me and wake me when it gets here.”
Christina shook him to keep him awake, “Oh nooo. Wake up, mister. You are staying with me. This is your mess. We can eat breakfast and then call your sponsor after we eat. Then we can maybe take a nap.”
“I’ll only agree to those terms under one condition.” He smiled, turning towards her.
“You take off those clothes and get under the covers with me.”
Christina pulled off her shirt and shimmied out of his shorts. She quickly tangled her body in his and smiled, “10 minutes, and then I’m ordering breakfast.”
He leaned down and his lips met her, “deal.”