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It was one of those nights again. Unwanted thoughts enveloped your mind, making your head spin from overthinking numerous things and possibilities. These are the times where you just prefer for the world to swallow you whole instead of having to deal with such thoughts once again. These are the times where you wish you just have someone who understands. Even if you don't mutter a single word.
It was very late at night and at this hour, no one is awake-- or rather, no one is usually outside at this time to spot your figure at the balcony of Wangshu Inn. 'The sky looks nice.' you thought to yourself as your slightly puffy and glossy eyes hopelessly stared up at the night sky. Even the sky seems lonely. There are no clouds, and there's only a handful of stars to be seen. Now looking back, you realized that they didn't even shine as brightly as they usually do. Even the moon can't be seen in this direction. It's only you and the discernible Celestia on the distance, staring at each other.
The gentle, cold breeze passed through your skin, temporarily making you shudder to some degree. But your mental state didn't mind. You liked it, rather.
You sighed while you shifted your head downwards. Your gloomy eyes met with your lower arms that are leaning on the rails. You stared at your intertwined hands and attempted to console yourself by moving your thumb back and forth. You lowered your head further and closed your eyes, as if you're praying to the archons... Well, maybe you are. Subconsciously.
You leisurely took a deep breath. Tears were starting to form again, causing you to shut your eyes tighter. "Hah..." your breath hitched while you make an effort to hold your tears back. 'Don't cry.' you ordered to yourself.
After a few minutes, you calmed down again and decided to finally open your eyes. You've had them shut for a while, you swore you were half-asleep in the process. With heavy-lidded eyes, you slowly lifted your head back up to its usual level.
"Hm." a soft hum.
... Wait what?
The sudden sound snapped you out of your reverie and you immediately looked for where it came from.
Right beside you.
"... Xiao?" despite the shock, your voice was still soft-spoken. It's probably because you haven't used your voice for hours, other than making small noises due to crying. You knit your brows in bewilderment and stopped leaning on the railings. You unconsciously fixed your posture due to someone's presence.
You stared at him. His expression was pensive and his arms were crossed. Questions started generating themselves in your brain in an instant. How long has he been here? You hope he didn't see you being depressed and dejected.
You quickly rubbed your eyes to get rid of the half-dried tears from the corners of your eyes.
"You shouldn't be outside at this hour."
He nonchalantly responded while he opened his eyes as he steadily gazed at the view ahead. This is the first time you've been this physically close with him. It stunned you. You could only see half of his face due to where he's facing but even so, he's still so breathtakingly beautiful. His golden eyes were glowing with the moonlight's luminescence. His hair swaying lightly due to the soft breeze.
Still keeping your eyes on him with both perplexity and awe, you tried to find words to reply.
"..Yeah, I just needed some air. I'll head inside in a bit." you shifted your gaze to the horizon as well, trying to keep your composure.
Once you finished talking, silence fell. He didn't respond; and as the seconds passed, the more you felt tense. The yellow, tiny leaves from the trees enveloping the inn were swept along with the blow of the wind. You tapped your hand to your thigh quietly to distract yourself. Just as when you're about to open your mouth, he spoke.
"No need to be so nervous." he moved his head to look at you. You finally see his face up close. The times when you coincidentally run into him were always brief and they were not enough to fully take in his appearance. His eyes are calm but they pierced right through your chest like a bullet. 'Pretty.' you thought to yourself.
"Oh, uh.. Sorry." you closed your eyes and scratched the back of your head with an apologetic smile. You could feel that he's still staring at you, which didn't help.
"There's something bothering you."
"What?"
"Your thoughts... for a while now, has been nothing but desolation and sorrow."
"..."
"You feel troubled."
Your eyes lost their gleam and you sighed hopelessly. Suddenly you were back to the same state you were in a few minutes prior. Has he been secretly looking after you? or has he just managed to deduce that much from this situation alone? Before you know it, tears started to form once again. You immediately started rubbing them off but it was no use. Xiao knew and Xiao saw.
As he watched you desperately trying to keep yourself together, he shifted his entire body to face you. Through your peripheral vision, you catch glimpses of his unreadable expression.
"This is embarrassing." you chuckled nervously in between your fidgeting movements while your tears shamelessly decided to stream down your face one after another. You have gained the knowledge from your journey that the yaksha has the power of a next-level mind reader. Not only do they have the capacity to hear your thoughts, they also have what it takes to discern what your heart feels deep down to its core.
"I can't make much of human emotions but I can see how much you are hurting." he states reluctantly. His voice sounds expressionless but it oddly made you feel warm inside. Is it because someone can finally see through your agony or is it because it came from the mouth of the aloof yaksha?
His statement made you cry harder.
"It's just.. so tough.. It's too much." you squeezed words in between your moderately audible sobs.
Still avoiding eye contact with him, you felt a hesitant, sympathetic hand on your shoulder.
As if your legs had a mind of its own, you unconsciously closed the gap between the two of you and cried on his shoulder. You then shortly followed a hug by wrapping your arms on his waist. You usually can keep yourself together but it seems that tonight was an exemption.
This gesture visibly shocked him when you realized that his chest wasn't heaving up and down. You could only feel his pumping heart from the amount of stillness. He was holding his breath and he was frozen in place.
"Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to just hug you like that!" at once you instantly pulled away to maintain an appropriate distance in panic, thinking that you just made a huge, huge mistake.
But then you felt your upper back bumping into something. It was his hand keeping you in place.
'Huh?' your eyes meet. His golden eyes just inches away from yours, completely mesmerizing you. There was an unexplainable look in his eyes. What was he feeling? Concern? Vexation? Pity?
He broke eye contact and timidly pulled you closer.
"We... We can stay like this for a little longer." he mumbled to your ear which made you tense up and temporarily stop your weeping. You wish you saw his face when he said that.
"... A-are you sure? Doesn't this make you feel uncomfortable?"
You felt his hot breath brush through, "I told you. I can see how much you're hurting. I can feel your pain as if its my own... We can stay like this, just for once."
"..."
"..."
"Xiao, it just... really hurts. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I'll ever overcome this.. I-i just feel like everything's falling apart." you claimed with a shaky voice as the waterworks began once more, fresh clear salty liquids made its union with the yaksha's shoulder as your slightly quivering arms gripped his torso tighter.
Xiao sighed faintly, "Mortals." he remained stiff but still kept his arm wrapped around your upper back and shoulder.
"Everything. will be. okay. Trust me." he asserted with a hushed, raspy voice while his hand slowly yet apprehensively caressed your shivering figure.
"You'll be fine, Y/N. I'll... make sure of it." he pulled you in even closer and tighter than before, leaning his head on the side of your own. Warmth radiated from his body, providing you even more comfort.
Still shedding tears, you buried your head on the crook of his neck. This time, your cries are mixed with feelings of relief and alleviation. To think that someone can see right through you and understand you even if you don't put your emotions into words has lifted the heavy weight you've been carrying all this time.
How ironic that the person who is bound by chains of karma and misery gave you a sense of liberation.
"Thank you, Xiao." you muttered.
As the two of you hold onto each other in the balcony past midnight, your relationship went from acquaintances to something deeper and warmer. A subtle bond was slowly forming between you both. From this moment onwards, you knew that things would be different; and that despite having to go through draining and demanding inner battles from time to time, there will be a certain someone you can share it with wholeheartedly.
If this is the case then perhaps, not all is bad.