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In the sparring courts of Pirate's Swoop
Kel had known it was unwise to try to defuse the Lioness's temper in the middle of the training yard, but it had been her only chance to talk to her one on one. The whole Swoop had heard of (and heard) the latest row between Alanna and King Jonathan. When Kel had learned that it was due to a disagreement about the placement of supply caches along the Great Road North, she'd immediately known that Raoul's logistics lessons were the key to resolving it.
Neal had helped by telling her when the Lioness did her morning sword practice and showing her the way. In retrospect, she should have known not to trust Neal when he'd told her that bringing a few more sheafs of paper couldn't hurt. The Lioness was glaring at her, the papers, and Neal with equal umbrage, and Kel was suddenly very aware that the King's Champion practiced with a live-edged blade.
“I don’t need coordinating supply trains to ruin my sparring when it has already ruined my home life!” Alanna’s voice was sharp, and the unshakeable Kel couldn't help but quail a little. This had been a terrible idea. Neal, who was apparently immune to death glares, sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Come on, Lioness, the supply caches aren’t the problem. Your trips to the Scanran border are keeping you and the Baron apart. You two just need to bone.”
Kel was reminded of the overwhelming silence in the moments before an avalanche.
Alanna’s face twitched. “What did you say?”
Kel shot Neal a look that screamed don't say it again!
Neal, as unmoved by Kel's silent warnings as ever, nodded judiciously as if to confirm his own judgement. “I said you two just need to bone.”
The avalanche descended upon them.
“How dare you, Squire Nealant, I am your KNIGHT-MISTRESS!”
Kel, who would have stood side by side with Neal in the face of a thousand Scanran berserkers, employed a rapid tactical retreat. Ten minutes later she returned to scrape up whatever was left of her friend only to find that the Lioness wasn't nearly finished.
“—what happens in my BEDCHAMBER is none of your business, SQUIRE—“
Kel considered intervening, then decided to do something safer, like taking a run along the curtain wall. Halfway through the run, more than two hundred feet away from the courtyard, she heard Alanna howl her loudest “BONE??" yet, startling flocks of roosting birds into flight.
She decided that taking the run to the outer circumference of the wall might be safer.
It was almost an hour later when Kel returned along the parapet, just in time to witness Alanna, about to leave the practice court, turn back into it to add in a quiet, iron voice, “Don’t ever speak to me like that again.” The Lioness stalked away, blade sheathed.
Neal, looking a little wind-blown, but otherwise unfluttered, glanced up at Kel on the wall above.
She stared down at him in bewildered horror. “Why did you do that?”
Neal shrugged. “She was pent up. Now she knows.”
It was the next day at breakfast when Alanna, who had been a thundercloud for more than a week, strolled into the room, looking radiant and cheerful.
Kel, who had spent most of the night going over the numbers again, jumped up. “Lioness, I know you don’t want to talk about logistics, but I talked to the quartermaster, and—“
Alanna shook her head. “No need to, Mindelan, all is well.”
Kel blinked. “The fight with the King is over?”
“Yes.”
“Because you compromised about the caches—“
“Nope!”
Neal smirked . “Because you and the Baron—“
“Yep!”
The Lioness was gone, strolling up to the dais where the Baron and a heaping plate of food awaited.
Kel stared in her wake.
Neal leaned in. “See, what happened is, the Lioness had sex—“
Kel shoved his face into his porridge.