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The week had started out simple enough. Dean woke up on January 17th with an ache in his back and a newly rescued Cas pressed to his side. He had gotten out of bed, showered, and cooked breakfast before anyone else woke up. Jack had stumbled in first, bypassing all of Dean’s hard work and heading straight for the cereal cupboard.
“Mornin’ kid. You don’t want any bacon?” Dean asked.
“No thanks!” Jack replied, already shoving a spoonful of Cookie Crunch into his mouth. Dean rolled his eyes. Sam was next to arrive, somehow already full of energy like the morning freak he is. He already had his running gear on and made himself a green smoothie before sitting down and helping himself to the turkey bacon Dean had gone out of his way to make for him.
Cas walked in last, bleary eyed and wearing only Dean’s Led Zeppelin tee and bee boxers under Dean’s gray robe. He grunted a good morning and made a beeline for the coffee machine.
“Pour me a cup too, will you Cas?” Dean asked. Cas wordlessly set a mug down in front of him and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Dean’s cheeks burned. This whole thing with Cas was so new and it was downright embarrassing how much Dean had been blushing lately. Dean smiled back up at Cas, sipping from the mug and immediately burning his tongue.
“Shit!” Dean grabbed for the first cold thing he could see - Sam’s nasty grass smoothie. He gulped down a mouthful and grimaced. “Dude, this tastes like ass.”
Sam gave him a flat look and grabbed his cup back. “It’s organic and helps lower your cholesterol. It wouldn’t kill you to drink one every now and then, Dean. Especially with your birthday coming up soon. You’re not getting any younger, man.”
“Yeah, yeah thanks mom I hear you.” Dean turned his attention back to his plate. Jack put his spoon down and turned to face Sam.
“I think we should throw a birthday party for Dean’s birthday,” Jack said.
And that had been how it started.
Dean had never had a birthday party. Sam had tried to throw him a surprise party when he turned 14, but Dad had been out on a hunt and they had to keep the couple twenties he had left them for food. Bobby had ended up picking them up a few days later and made him a chocolate cake from a box. Sam had given him a leather bracelet later that day after going shopping with Bobby. Dean wore it until it fell apart.
That being said, Dean was going to be 43; “birthday party” felt like such a childish way to describe what Jack and Sam were planning for him. Cas, mercifully, seemed to be staying out of the preparations - probably sensing Dean’s discomfort. It wasn’t that Dean didn’t appreciate what they were doing for him, he just didn’t know how to deal with it.
“No, Dean. The whole point of this party is that we are doing something nice for you . You can just relax and we’ll take care of the actual planning,” Sam had said on the 19th when Dean had asked to be more involved.
“Fine, but we are not calling it a birthday party. Birthday parties are for 12 year olds.”
“What would you call it instead then?” Sam aked, frowning. Dean thought about it for a second.
“It’s a birthday bash.” Sam looked skeptical.
“A birthday bash?”
“Yeah! A bash is like a big party right? And this is gonna be a big ass party in honor of yours truly so it’s a bash.” Dean knew that he was being difficult. Arguing what his birthday celebration should be called was a whole new level of nitpicking, even for him. Sam just stared at him for a moment. He shook his head and huffed a small laugh.
“Whatever you say, man. Birthday bash it is.”
By the 22nd Dean’s skin was itching with the need to do something . He felt so useless watching Sam make phone calls and seeing Cas help Jack choose decorations fit for a 43 year old. (Dean would never tell, but he actually would have been perfectly fine if Jack had put up banners with fire trucks on them; or gotten him a car shaped birthday cake.) He finally had enough around 2 p.m. and dragged Cas out to take a ride in Baby.
The first leg of the trip was pretty quiet. They had sat in companionable silence while Dean tried to parse through his thoughts. Eventually, they pulled into the local thrift store that Cas had become obsessed with. He loved to see what “new” things they had each week and had started to buy his own (sometimes very ugly) clothing. He was also starting to amass a collection of ceramic figurines that were quickly filling up the shelves on his side of their room. The bell above the door rang out as they walked in. Dean handed Cas a basket and followed him around wordlessly until Cas found a shelf he wanted to look at.
“So, do you want to talk about what’s been bothering you?” He asked, examining a chipped Winnie the Pooh mug. Dean scoffed, caught out.
“Nothing's bothering me. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Dean.”
“Cas.”
Cas sighed and turned to face him. He raised an eyebrow, waiting. Dean clenched his jaw in annoyance. Cas WOULD choose to wait him out in the middle of a store, knowing Dean would either crack or cause a scene (and Dean was really getting too old to do the latter). Cas could be a real patient bastard when he needed to be. Dean sighed, relenting.
“Okay fine, something is bothering me. You happy?” Cas gave him a smug smile. Asshole.
“I’m not happy that something is bothering you, no. You’ve been stressed ever since Jack brought up this birthday party.”
“Bash,” Dean corrected. “And I guess I just wish I was more involved, ya know? Like sure I get to choose who’s invited and what we are gonna eat but that’s standard shit. I know I’m bein’ a dick about it, and I’m glad you’re all still willing to put up with me. I don’t know. It’s stupid.” Cas put a hand on Dean’s shoulder, close to the faded handprint he had left there oh so many years ago. Dean shivered, momentarily distracted.
“Dean, we all love you. This whole celebration is for you because you deserve it. Where’s this all coming from?”
“I guess I’m just getting old and cranky. I’m sure Bobby will be thrilled to hear about this.” Dean attempted a smile. Cas dropped his hand and narrowed his eyes.
“Don’t deflect. You may be getting older but you still have lots of life left in you, Dean. And I plan to spend the rest of it by your side, so don’t use this mid-life crisis as an excuse to give up living.” Cas squared his shoulders, waiting for the pushback that usually came next. Dean’s brain had turned to mush. Mid-life crisis . Oh fuck, that’s what he had been experiencing lately! He felt old and useless and was spiraling.
Cas had turned his attention to some old jewelry, unaware of the revelation going on in Dean’s head. He made a surprised noise in his throat as Dean pulled him in for a hug. Dean pulled back after a minute and cleared his throat.
“Thanks, man.”
Cas looked confused, but pleased, “You’re very welcome, Dean.”
The night of the 23rd Dean could hardly sleep. He silently got out of bed and put on his slippers. Then he made his way down to the Dean Cave, closing the door behind him quietly so he wouldn’t wake up Cas. He was halfway through the first Indiana Jones when Cas joined him. They watched the next 10 minutes in silence before Dean felt brave enough to talk.
“I wasn’t supposed to live this long, you know,” He said softly. Cas looked at him, concerned.
“Dean you kno–” Dean held up a hand to stop him.
“Just let me talk. I wasn’t supposed to live this long. Dad sacrificed himself for me the first time my number was up. Can you imagine if that car crash had been what killed me? And even before that I had gotten sick, my heart was gonna give out on me because I had gotten myself electrocuted on a hunt. I’ve been to Hell and back, literally. Had a stint in Heaven. Shit, Cas, I’ve been an actual demon! I’ve died more times than I can even count!” Dean took a deep breath, steadying himself. “And now what? It’s just all over and we have time to plan fucking birthday parties? We should still be out there, hunting. Getting rid of the last of the creatures that go bump in the night.”
Cas’s look was sympathetic. “Do you want to keep hunting?”
“Not really.” Dean sighed. “I guess I never thought I would live long enough to even need to make that decision - or have a mid-life crisis. I’m gonna be 43 tomorrow but sometimes in my head I’m still 26 and going to pick up Sam from Stanford to find Dad. I don’t know what comes next. What do I do, Cas?”
Cas gave him a small smile and grabbed his hand, squeezing it comfortingly.
“Whatever you want.”
The morning of the 24th was suspiciously quiet. Dean woke up to an empty bed and a note on Cas’s pillow that read “Happy Birthday!” in his scrawling handwriting. Cas had also doodled a bee in a party hat blowing out candles on a tiny birthday cake. Dean smiled fondly, warmth spreading in his chest. He carefully picked it up and put it in his box of keepsakes in the closet.
Breakfast was also quiet. Just pancakes and bacon with the normal morning conversations. Dean even managed to gulp down half of a green smoothie that Sam offered him.
Eileen arrived a little after lunch, hugging Dean and signing him a happy birthday. He smiled and signed a thank you back before Sam whisked her away to help set up the map room. Next to arrive was Bobby, closely followed by Jody and Claire.
“Happy birthday, old man. What are you now? 90?” Claire jeered, earning a stern look from Jody. Dean just smiled and pulled her in for a hug.
“Thanks for being here, kiddo. You too, Jody.”
“Hey are we giving out hugs?” a voice shouted from the top of the stairs. Charlie came bouncing down and launched herself into Dean’s arms. “Happy birthday, Deano! You’re going to love your present.”
Garth came last, holding a very oddly shaped present covered in Star Wars themed Christmas wrapping paper. “Bring it in,” he said, opening his arms for a hug. Dean obliged, pulling away after a few seconds to grab at the present. “Ah, ah, ah. It’s not time for that yet. Oh and Bess sends you birthday wishes. We couldn’t find a sitter for the kids but I wouldn’t miss your birthday bash for the world!”
“Well, tell her hi from me when you get back.”
“Will do!” Garth replied before making his way over to give Sam a hug.
Dean was beginning to feel himself relax. Almost everyone he cared about was in this room with him, alive . Maybe this whole getting older thing was actually okay as long as you have people you care about to experience it with. Cas walked up to him and nudged him with his shoulder. “How are you doing so far?”
“I’m doing great actually. I do have a question though. How early is too early to get cake and presents out of the way, do you think?”
“That’s up to you, it’s your party.” Dean grinned and slung an arm around Cas’s shoulder before walking them towards the kitchen.
“It is, isn’t it?”
The presents went by fast. Jack had gotten Dean a record player and some classic rock records to go with it. Sam gave him the collector’s edition box set of Game of Thrones. Bobby got him a new leather journal with his name engraved on the inside for “New things you discover in the future, not just monsters.”
Jody gave him a gift certificate to a local spa for a massage, and Claire went with a gag gift in the form of a blanket covered in various swear words as a pattern. Eileen had gotten him his own sword with his name engraved in the hilt. Cas had gotten him that Winnie the Pooh mug from the thrift shop. Dean read the quote on the mug aloud.
“Promise me you’ll always remember: you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Dean definitely did NOT start tearing up at that, because that would have been embarrassing. While he took a moment to collect himself, Cas murmured in his ear that he had a second present for him later, after everyone leaves. Dean had kissed him hard and moved onto Charlie’s gift before his body could get with the program (re: getting old).
Charlie had gotten him an original lightsaber from The Empire Strikes Back. “I also ordered a display box for it, but it didn’t get here in time.”
“That’s fine. This is so freaking awesome!”
Last was Garth’s oddly shaped present. It turned out to be a shoebox diorama he had made himself of the last hunt he, Dean, and Sam had been on - complete with working explosions. Dean laughed so hard his sides hurt when he saw it.
“I love it!”
The evening started winding down. Everyone was in their own areas of the map room, chatting amongst themselves. Garth and Bobby were having a heated discussion on the relation of Bigfoot and The Abominable Snowman. Charlie was curled up in a corner learning ASL from Eileen (with assistance from Sam of course), Jody and Claire were catching up with Jack and scarfing down the rest of the cake, and Cas was walking towards the birthday boy himself - all kind eyes and wide smile. Dean pulled him in with one arm and pressed a kiss to his temple.
Life was good.