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Stiles isn’t sure how the fuck he ended up in a cabin in the middle of fucking nowhere during a snowstorm. This just sucks. That’s all he knows. Actually, no. That’s not true. Stiles knows exactly how he ended up here. This is all Corey’s fault. Corey and his stupid puppy eyes, materializing on his doorstep and asking him to join the pack on a trip they’ve planned together months ago. Stiles wraps his blanket tighter around him and huffs out a breath. He shouldn’t have agreed to this, but it’s physically impossible to say no to Corey. Stiles had lost the second Corey put his mind to this. Even Theo struggled to say no to him. His track record might be a little better, but seeing that this trip happened in the first place shows that Corey is the real puppet master of this pack. If the kid really wants something, he usually gets it — and now he’s here, stuck in the middle of a forest during a snowstorm. The weather forecast didn’t sound promising.
Stiles curls into a ball, resisting the urge to scream. They’re supposed to go back home tomorrow. Being cooped up with the chimeras and Theo for 48 hours is one thing, he could’ve managed that — especially since Theo and Tracy barely interacted the whole time. It hurts she’s still in his life, but they’re a pack. Stiles was the one who chose to leave. He was the one who chose to walk away; something he regrets to this day. Yes, he was tired of fighting with Theo over so many things, but he’s never been tired of Theo, never will be… and he sure as fuck is never going to stop loving this asshole.
Rolling onto his stomach, Stiles presses his face into the pillow. He never should’ve come here. He never should have come here. But he didn’t listen. He let himself be wrapped up in Corey’s innocence, acting like he was already over Theo, too proud to admit that being around this stupid chimera would do him more harm than good. He groans into the pillow and squeezes his eyes shut. If he’s stuck in this forest with the chimera pack, Stiles will hurl himself off the cliff into the frozen lake. He can’t do it. He cannot survive this.
“Okay, that’s enough.”
Stiles nearly jumps off the couch. The blanket slips off him, exposing him to the brutal cold that came along with the snowstorm and the power outage. A problem they could’ve solved by getting wood for the fireplace, but Tracy had merely scoffed and reminded him that they’re not living in the 18th century — and since Theo and Tracy are at the very least fucking, everyone went along with it.
But now Theo studies the fireplace with something akin to regret on his expression before his gaze snaps back to Stiles. “Grab your blanket, you’re coming with me.”
“No.” The word is out before he can think better of it. Theo has never been particularly well adjusted to resistance, one of the many topics they used to fight over, but Stiles is stubborn. He already declined to sleep upstairs with the rest of the pack once. He’s fine on this couch. Is it cold? Yes. But not cold enough to kill him. He just needs to fall asleep.
Theo purses his lips. “I can hear you freezing your ass off from upstairs.” And it has to be really cold because even Theo, who usually sleeps in just his boxers, is wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt.
“Then how about you just don’t listen to what I’m doing down here?” Stiles pulls the blanket back around him.
Theo’s left brow shoots up. “Were you doing something I shouldn’t have heard?”
That all too familiar tone sets Stiles’ teeth on edge. Theo wasn’t a terrible boyfriend by any means. The issue was that he sometimes couldn’t differentiate between being an alpha and being his boyfriend. It caused a lot of fights; until one day Stiles decided that enough is enough. He walked out and somehow managed to stay away. “Oh, piss off.”
A short silence follows his words. Theo takes a breath and smiles. “We promised Corey not to fight.” Technically, they promised Corey to try and get along. Well, at least that’s what Stiles agreed to. Maybe Corey used different rules for Theo. It wouldn’t be surprising because no matter how low Stiles’ tolerance for frustration is, Theo’s is basically non-existent.
Stiles lets out a breath. “Then go back upstairs.”
“Just…” Theo runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath. Under different circumstances, he would’ve already grabbed Stiles and carried him upstairs. But he doesn’t. He hasn’t even stepped closer. “Stiles, please, come upstairs with me.” Please is not a word Theo uses lightly.
Despite himself, Stiles gets to his feet and cradles his blanket as well as his pillow to his chest. He shouldn’t cave this easily, and he definitely shouldn’t follow Theo up the stairs. But resisting the urge to be close to Theo isn’t exactly easy. Lydia is going to put him through the wringer when she learns about this… but who is going to tell her? This can be his secret. It’s just this one night. He has his own blanket, his own pillow, and it’s not like he can’t keep his hands to himself while sleeping next to the guy he still loves more than anything.
Fuck.
What the hell is he doing?
Theo pushes the door to his room open, allowing Stiles to slip past him. The bed is empty, and there is only Theo’s gym bag on the ground next to the dresser. It’s just his shoes and clothes on the chair. It’s just him alone in this room. Stiles briefly glances at the other boy then tiptoes to the bed. The door shuts with a quiet click, causing a too familiar spark of nerves to ignite. This isn’t unlike the night they got together. They used to meet in secret, feeding their feelings to the shadows and hoping they stayed quiet. For a while, it worked. They could fall in love without the judging gazes of those around them. Stiles would have loved to have a few weeks more, to find a better way to tell Scott and Lydia, but their feelings weren’t the only thing hiding in the shadows. Protecting Theo was more important than his secrecy. They killed for each other. They’ve almost been killed trying to keep each other safe.
Eight months later, being around Theo is one of the most painful things Stiles has ever experienced. He wonders where they went wrong and if they’ve ever been right, to begin with.
Stiles tosses his blanket and pillow on the bed then crawls over the mattress himself and wraps himself into his blanket again, facing the wall. It’s almost as cold up here, but perhaps it’s not just the storm raging outside that makes it impossible for him to get warm. The mattress dips when Theo climbs into bed after him.
“Thanks,” Theo whispers.
For a moment, Stiles considers not to say anything, but they both know that he doesn’t fall asleep that quickly. “Thanks?”
“For letting me sleep on this side.”
As if Stiles could forget about the nightmares following Theo whenever he slept between Stiles and the wall. Some he told him about, his sister haunting him, waking up in the morgue, others — Stiles is sure — he kept to himself. Maybe Theo wasn’t ready to share them. Maybe he could tell Stiles had had a bad night as well. Perhaps that’s what went wrong. They started dating too early, fell too hard, and leaned on each other despite both of them being fractured to the bone. “Go to sleep.” Stiles pushes a hand under his pillow and closes his eyes, squeezing them shut tightly as if that would somehow help him fall asleep faster.
Theo moves behind him, but he certainly doesn’t sleep. Stiles can feel his eyes on him. Like this, he will never catch a second of sleep.
Stiles pulls his legs up, curling into a ball, knuckles white around his blanket. “Theo, please.” Even back when they were dating, Stiles always woke up to Theo staring at him. There’s something about it that makes his hairs stand on end.
“What?”
“You know what.”
A quiet chuckle echoes through the room. “I haven’t seen you in eight months. Don’t blame me for looking at you.”
Stiles bites the inside of his cheek and wraps his blanket even tighter around him. He’s not going to respond. He’s not going to respond to this. Nope.
“You good?” Theo’s voice is so fucking soft, way too familiar. Lying here, next to him, it’s like no time has passed at all. They’ve fallen asleep like that so many times, Stiles with his back to Theo, mad about something stupid he did or said, and Theo trying to coax him into his arms or at the very least to forgive him.
Stiles huffs out a breath. “It’s cold.”
“C’mere.” Theo shuffles closer. “My arms are warmer.”
Narrowing his eyes, Stiles turns around to face Theo. Maybe it’s better if he can keep an eye on him tonight. “Can you not?” Seriously. This is not helping. He already knows he will have to start from the very beginning again once he’s home. Theo is like a fucking drug to him. He’s been eight months sober, and this withdrawal is going to hurt so much more. “Just shut up and sleep.”
Theo sighs. “I missed you.”
“Don’t do this.” Stiles regrets coming up here. He regrets coming here in the first place. It’s the worst decision he’s ever made. He should’ve stayed away, but he’s a fucking moron thinking that he can make it. “I can’t do this again.”
Theo draws his eyebrows together. “Can’t date me again?”
It would be so easy if that were the truth. Stiles wouldn’t struggle so much if he couldn’t date Theo a second time. But that’s never been the issue. He would give Theo second and third even fourth chances if not for the fact that he’s not going to get through breaking up with Theo a second time around. The first one almost destroyed him. “I can’t lose you again, and don’t even try to promise me I won’t.” Because this is impossible. The lives they're living is too dangerous. They’re both too broken.
“Fine.” Theo cups Stiles’ cheek. He probably knows he’s won him back the second Stiles arrived at this stupid little cabin. The smile lighting up his face is almost painful to look at. “But I can promise that I want you. All of you.” He moves closer, hand moving from his cheek to the nape of his neck. “I can’t promise that it’s gonna be easy because it’s us. It’s gonna be hard. We’ll probably have to work on us every single fucking day.” Falling into Theo again is too easy, so when he presses their foreheads together, Stiles curls his fingers into Theo’s shirt and closes his eyes. “But it’s worth it. Because it’s you. Because it’s us. Because my world isn’t right without you.”
Stiles feels like screaming, but now for a completely different reason. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his heart hammering against his chest. “I hate you so much.”
Chuckling, Theo kisses the tip of his nose. “No, you don’t.”
“I wish I could,” Stiles whispers, yet he pushes closer, unable to stay away from Theo any longer. He needs his warmth, craves it even, and now that he’s right there, Stiles doesn’t have the energy to fight this any longer. “But I love you so much more than I probably should.” He swallows, kissing the corner of Theo’s mouth. “You’re the best and worst fucking thing that’s ever happened to me.” It’s nothing new, nothing groundbreaking, something he has told Theo a million times already. The affirmation, the familiar truth in these words makes him feel better.
Theo chuckles, brushing their noses together. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
Nodding slowly, Stiles wraps his arm around Theo. “Lydia is gonna turn you into a fur coat if this goes south again.” His fingers tighten in the back of his shirt, holding onto him as best as he can. There’s no fight left in him, lying here in Theo’s arm, feeling his warm breath on his face and his heart against his chest and his body so close to him, it feels like coming home after being away for far too long.
“I love you,” Theo whispers, rolling them around until Stiles can use him as a pillow, “and as far as I’m concerned, I’ll never let you go ever again.”
Stiles closes his eyes. “That makes two of us.”