Work Text:
i look at you
with your friends
grinning
carefree
laughter forming in your eyes;
and an ache builds in my chest,
because i know
i didn’t contribute to that
you look at me,
standing off on my own,
posture screaming
“keep away”,
eyes full of anger;
and somehow you see
something worth saving.
i don’t understand why.
-
-
i remember us,
a long time ago:
you, a figure at my back
eyes shining
heart on your sleeve
since we were little;
me, a loud voice
sparking fists
and something to prove
flash forward.
you, a shadow against the wall
bright eyes faded over
shoulders tucked,
hands shaking;
me, with your heart
crushed in my hand.
now?
look at you,
you’ve made a name for yourself
of what i assigned to you
from scorn and fragile pride.
you rose above everyone,
flew above me
turned it into your call sign,
a way of inspiring hope;
your way of showing
that you are there.
-
-
i gave you a course in hate,
extended for a decade,
with multiple chapters
and skirmishes in the margins;
i destroyed your life.
then
you turned around
with a soft gaze,
a gentle hand
and gave me one in love.
they say,
“everyone’s got a villain in their story.”
i should know
i’m the one in mine.
but i watched
as you rewrote me in yours;
now i hold you at night
and think
loving you?
there was never another outcome
i know
i don’t deserve to be here,
listening to the happiness
bubble in your voice;
but you know this
and you still chose me,
still forgave me,
still love me.
so i guess that says something
-
-
our story should’ve been a tragedy.
you, the valiant hero;
me, the disillusioned proantagonist
who dies at the end.
but sometimes
they turn good when it matters.
right?
i can’t love myself
not after the past,
not after my mistakes.
but i can love you,
and watch the world play out
entrapped in your gaze;
and maybe
that’s redemption enough.