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“Don’t you think you’re drinking a little much tonight, Kazuha,” Tomo asked, bringing his hand to his friend’s in a feeble attempt to stop him from refilling his sake glass.
“Doesn’t matter, you always take care of me anyway.”
Already a bit more than tipsy, Kazuha waltzed by himself by the campsite, dancing with the wind. Tomo was sure there was nothing more intoxicating than viewing Kazuha in reckless abandon, which happened more often than other people knew. The stoic man may be known for his stillness, but he gives in too to joyous impulses of song and dance, though less seldom when sober, he always seems on the lookout for a melody playing in the winds that are silent to the rest of the world. He was so full of life, both in his idleness and his fluid motions, and Tomo adored him for it.
That day was not a day of stillness for Kazuha. In fact, he had been quite restless for the past few days, hence the sake to soothe him, which Tomo pilfered from some Tenryou commission guards.
“You look lonely dancing there by yourself, mind if I join you?”
“Can you even waltz?” Kazuha laughed.
“No, but I’m confident you can lead me.”
“How about we slow dance instead?”
“Fine by me.” Tomo just longed to be close to Kazuha, if only for one more night.
Kazuha took Tomo’s hands in his and gracefully led him into a spin. Around and around their campfire they went, dancing under a full moon, until their drunken breaths mingled with one another from their proximity. Slow dancing under the stars like lovers, Tomo could hardly bear it at all. Especially when Kazuha looked at him like he was the most precious thing on this earth.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Kazuha said, turning his head in earnest discomfort. Tomo resisted the urge to pull his chin forward to gaze at his inscrutable countenance.
“Like what, Kazuha?”
“Like it’s the last time you’re going to hold on to me,” Kazuha snapped his eyes back to Tomo’s. “Like you’re saying goodbye.”
Perceptive as ever. Tomo also loved this about him, but lately it’s been giving him trouble. As his plans for the duel before the throne grew more and more concrete, as did his realizations of his odds of survival, Kazuha’s restlessness spring forth.
The air smells of danger and grief, and something else unusually sweet , Kazuha had told him last week.
“The air reeks of grief and sweetness, like a bouquet at a funeral,” Kazuha said then, echoing his sentiment from a few days ago.
“Are you sure you’re not just saying I smell bad,” Tomo teased, but as quickly as dancing-Kazuha’s mood picked up, his face fell. Tomo’s evasiveness never made Kazuha any happier.
“You’re thinking of facing her soon, aren’t you, Tomo.”
“If I were, what would you do?”
“Nothing,” Kazuha said simply. “Your ideals and principles are not mine to comment on.”
“And yet,” Tomo brushed a stray hair from Kazuha’s face. “You cannot stop thinking about it. You might as well speak of it. Whose grief do you smell in the air?”
“Mine…and yours.”
“What could I possibly be grieving,” Tomo asked with genuine curiosity. He did not fear his possible death. He had nothing to live for if he was not brave enough to risk dying for a cause.
“I don’t know.”
“Kazuha, are you crying?”
Unabashed, the full moon illuminated the face of his beautiful friend. His eyes were glossy from tears that had yet to fall. He looked so vulnerable, for a warrior of unparalleled strength.
“I fear for you.”
Tomo embraced Kazuha. “Don’t think about it Kazuha. I will brave the lighting’s glow and take a stand against the oppression of Inazuma.”
“How are you so sure?”
“Is there anything else to feel aside from foolhardy confidence,” Tomo gave him a bright smile.
“A man of a different constitution may feel something like ‘fear’. Maybe you’ve heard of it.”
Tomo laughed and swung Kazuha around in a tighter hug like a rag doll, until he felt the other boy’s fists pound against his chest.
“Let go, you brute,” Kazuha growled. Adorable, much like the stray kitten the two boys adopted over the course of the week, which stared at the antics of its two new masters before meowing its demand from by the campfire. Tomo relinquished his hold on Kazuha to toss some fish to the cat. It purred in satisfaction and the boys smiled.
Life could be so simple, living together, traveling together, raising pets together. If only Inazuma allowed for such peaceful idyllic lives to exist, Tomo would want nothing more than to rest for the remainder of his days with his friend. He couldn’t quite pinpoint when he started to feel that way, but it had been a while since he remembers feeling anything otherwise. He wondered occasionally if Kazuha had such musings. It was not unusual to wish to spend the rest of your life with a close friend, was it not?
Drinking their fill of their liquor, the two ended up lying on their backs, shoulders touching and gazing at the stars.
“They say in Mondstadt and Liyue, you could get a clear view of Celestia,” Kazuha mused. “And yet the views are not the same. Celestia tilts ever so acutely from the skies of Liyue.”
“Got this information from travelling scholars?” Tomo asked
“Yes. I hope to see it one day,” Kazuha continued, “With you by my side, hopefully.”
Kazuha turned away from the stars to lie and face Tomo. His face seemed haunted once again with an unspeakable sorrow that did not match his next few words.
“Tomo, I want to be your lover,” Kazuha said quietly. “I want to wander with you until the ends of this earth, and once we traverse it, I would wander with you still. Over and over again, in this life and the next, I want to be yours.”
So this is what it meant when Kazuha said that he could smell their grief. Tomo could easily understand Kazuha’s fear of losing him, but not his own possible grief at the face of dying.
What he was grieving for was this: losing Kazuha before ever truly having him. They were once too young to navigate through their feelings, and yet in such simple words Kazuha confessed to him. Like a flower in tender bloom from Kazuha’s sheer honesty, Tomo could finally put to words the tightening of his chest when he gazed at his friend. How can he die after finding a love like this?
“Kazuha, my dear. I will be fine, and I will come home to you safe and sound every time.”
Somehow Kazuha looked even more heartbroken. “Tomo, please, don’t make promises you can’t keep. I won’t be able to take having my hope ripped from me. Not by you.”
“Please, Kazuha, let me make this promise to you. I will live on, for you.”
“Then stay,” Kazuha begged, a desperate plea that Tomo had never heard before. Kazuha seemed to realize his overstep before muttering, “I’m sorry, I know it’s your choice to face her.”
“Have faith in me. Her hold on power is not infallible. In her pursuit of the eternity she envisions, she fails even to see the resistance growing under her nose.” Tomo turned to his side and gripped Kazuha’s hands. “When the time comes, Kazuha, seek them out, and I will be soon to follow you. And I will be by your side for the rest of our lives.”
“Tomo…”
“I guess what I’m saying is that I’m in love with you, too. And I won’t let go of you so easily.”
Tomo lifted himself from the ground to hover above Kazuha’s lying figure. His friend blinked away his tears, his calm face betrayed by the trails that the teardrops left, streaks across a pretty canvas. Tomo pressed his thumb against Kazuha’s damp cheeks before leaning in for a tender kiss. Again and again, with the intent of communicating years of deep yearning and love for the boy before him, they kissed until they fell into a drunken slumber.
Tomo had no intention of leaving the duel unscathed, or even alive. His intention was bolder than that: he wanted to leave a mark on the collective consciousness of the people of Inazuma, as an innocent civilian that dared question eternity and was punished cruelly for it. The tides of time were changing and the resistance was growing ever stronger. It just needed a catalyst to dispel the false sense of harmlessness of the Vision Hunt decree to the masses, and Tomo was ready to spark that fire, no matter the cost. As Tomo slowly lost his consciousness to his last slumber, the following words flashed through his mind:
I’m sorry, Kazuha.