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When Eren entered the library, Sasha was half asleep. She opened her eyes and recognized his features and slow but strong walking.
She was lying down on the small couch, very still except for her eyes that were following Eren's movements.
He glanced at her before reaching a book on the shelf and then turned to her again.
They stared at each other for a while, in silence. For Sasha, there was so much she wanted to say, to ask him, that she couldn’t let out a single word.
Where could she start? From the beginning, when she fell for those bright turquoise eyes? Or from the ending? When he became cold and distant, silent and angry.
That's when she realized, if she struggled to say anything, it was because it wasn't the right time. Do not speak before listening, her grandmother used to say.
Sasha slowly sat up and moved aside to let some space for the man to sit. He stared at the empty seat and then looked back at her, like if she had offered him a rotten apple.
When had he started to look so disdainful towards her? Was he the same man that used to whisper tender words to her ear?
"Your hair is messy," finally said Eren.
Sasha's first instinct was to be defensive with him, but today, she swallowed those words down.
"Is it pretty?" she lightly asked with a subtle smile.
Eren blinked at the unexpected response before looking out the window.
"It's different."
Sasha observed him. His jawline, his eyes and lips… they were the same. Everything looked the same except for his long hair in a bun.
She wanted to untie it and touch his soft hair. Was it still soft like before? Did Eren ever take special care of his hair in his life?
"What?"
Sasha's eyes went back to his own and she replied:
"Nothing."
Before the silence settled again, she decided to aim for a completely honest conversation with him, they needed that. Well… Sasha needed that.
"I was just admiring your long hair. Why did you let them grow?"
"Why did you cut yours?"
She instinctively touched her short ponytail and shrugged.
"I needed the change."
"Well, I needed the change too," Eren said.
"I'd like you to sit with me," Sasha let out.
The only way for this conversation to go somewhere was to be blunt. And for that, she just had to turn off the filter of her words.
She wondered what would be Eren's excuse, or if he would just reply 'I don't want to', but surprisingly, he slowly settled on the small couch by her side, putting the book on the stand at his right.
"Do you want to ask me something?" Eren wondered.
Sasha took a deep breath to think about it.
"I've been wanting to ask you many things for a while now, but I've never had the courage to face your responses. To deal with the new you."
"The new me?"
"Yes," Sasha firmly confirmed. "You are not the Eren I know. So maybe my first question would be: who are you?"
She turned her head to him to observe his reaction. He seemed a bit surprised but it was very subtle, something only a few people could notice.
"I can't answer that," Eren said. "Don’t you have an easier question in store?"
Sasha softly smiled and looked back at her hands, nervously playing with each other.
"It's okay," she murmured.
She felt Eren's stare and tried to ignore it. It was difficult. If only he was totally a new person and not just… an alternate version of his younger self.
"Sasha…"
His soft and fragile voice made her look back at him with big eyes.
"When did you stop loving me?" Eren asked.
She felt a shiver on her shoulders. That was very upfront.
"I… hum…," she mumbled, "I think my feelings changed when you turned your back on us. I tried to help you because I thought you were not ok, but you seemed just… not interested in us anymore and even… not trusting us. I felt rejected."
She realized she had unconsciously looked back at her hands, now all tensed.
"I think this broke me a little and I did my best to move on. To move on from us."
She kept her eyes on her fingers, now intertwined, like if she was praying for a good reaction or just for the end of this painful conversation.
"Did you move on?"
She couldn’t hide the bewilderment and confusion on her face. She wanted to reply 'yes, of course'. But that wasn't as simple.
"I still think about you. About the time when you were speaking your thoughts to me. When we could have sweet moments together. I miss that."
Her heart was beating fast. She had just confessed out loud what she couldn’t have admitted to herself for months.
"I miss that too."
Sasha turned her head to him so fast at these words. What did he mean by that? He was the one who had changed. He was the one who had turned his back on her and on everyone.
Eren slightly frowned, staring at her, and she noticed the beginning of tears in his eyes.
He looked trapped in his own mind. He looked hopeless and exhausted.
"I'm walking between the trees…" Eren started to murmur the lullaby, "I can hear all your melodies, I think they come from the leaves…"
"They get away with a warm breeze, and spread into the Hayley valley," Sasha finished.
She had teached him this little song from her village. They would sing it to each other anytime they felt like it.
Eren leaned and gently touched her cheek.
Sasha's heart was beating like crazy, because she finally recognized the Eren she fell in love with. In his expression, his stare, his touch,... it was him.
Their lips were slowly moving in the kiss. As if it was their first one. It was shy, hesitant but soft. Sasha put her arms around his neck as if he would escape any moment.
She started to feel something else in her guts. Anger.
Why had he left her behind? Why had he stopped talking to her? Why had he ended their story? It was extremely impudent for him to want her back now.
So when Eren put his hands on her waist, she felt angry at herself for liking it.