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Pran hates everybody. Well, that’s what he says and believes. He hates everyone around him, even his closest friends. He can’t remember when it started but he knows the reason why.
Pat Napat. Pran thinks, while gritting his teeth. Pat Napat is the main reason why he hates everybody.
Pat is friendly. Pran hates that.
Pat is charismatic. Pran hates that.
Pat is astonishing. Pran hates that.
Pat is everything Pran isn’t. Pran hates that.
Pat is Pran’s exact opposite. Why does the guy always shine brighter than anyone else? Why does the guy captivate anyone’s heart that easily? Pran hates it so much.
How can Pat just walk through the streets wearing a bright smile on his face every single time Pran sees him? How can Pat be so friendly and helpful to anyone whenever Pran encounters him?
“Hey, the spoon will break if you keep doing that.” Someone interrupts Pran’s thoughts. And of course, Pran knows the owner of that voice very well.
Pran looks up and smirks, “So what?”
Pat laughs, “Why are you so grumpy?” He sits beside Pran, “Eat up, Mr. Dimples , or I’ll snatch away your food.”
Mr. Dimples. What the heck? Pran groans to himself. Why does he always sit beside me during lunch? There are so many tables around the cafeteria. Damn it.
As peacefully as he can, Pran eats his lunch without looking or even talking to Pat. He doesn’t want to talk to the latter, he hates him and all of his guts. He just wants to finish his food and go to his next class.
When Pran finishes packing and stands up, Pat calls his name. Pran doesn’t want to face him but his body betrays him.
“Wait up, we can go together.” Pat tells him, making Pran look at him confused, “Silly, we have the same classes together.” Pat chuckles, “Oh come on, Mr. Dimples , how can you forget?”
Mr. Dimples, the heck ? Pran mentally snorts. Why does he have to call me that? We’re not even close to begin with. Annoying.
Pran ignores him and starts walking. Pat, on the other hand, catches up with Pran’s pace and puts his arms around Pran’s shoulder.
“Hey!” Pran flinches, surprised by Pat’s action. “Remove your arm around me, stupid.”
“Why? Are you allergic or something?”
“No. People might misunderstand. I don’t want to create an issue, especially with your reputation as someone famous in college.” Pran explains. It makes me feel something weird too.
Pat chuckles, “Wow, that’s the longest thing I’ve ever heard from you.” Pat still did not remove his arm around Pran, “Let them be. Besides, we’re friends.”
Friends, my ass. Pran wants to roll his eyes and complain but he stops himself to save his energy for his class. Pran shrugs and doesn’t bother to argue with Pat anymore. But that doesn’t change the fact that Pran hates Pat’s presence, especially with this close proximity with him.
★彡
Days after their encounter, Pran still hates Pat. Okay, that’s nothing new. But he hates him more than ever because it’s as if the universe is playing tricks on him.
Pran and Pat are assigned as partners to represent their department for their college night. Because of this, their whole class relies on them. Their grades will depend on Pran and Pat’s performance. Pran wanted to refuse but he didn’t bother to. And he’s too exhausted to argue with anyone else.
Right now, the two are inside Pran’s studio at his home, trying to do something for their performance. Either Pran composes a new song or just looks for another song to perform with, he doesn’t know what to do. Pran is really distracted but he’s not sure if it’s because of Pat’s presence here in his studio or if he just really hates Pat to the point it affects his sanity. Pran’s not sure about that anymore.
“I told you to be quiet!” Pran complains, “I can’t concentrate!”
“But you’re just trying to own up everything! I just want to help, is there something wrong with that?! What’s the point of us being partners on this whole thing if you’re just doing everything yourself?” Pat shouts back, frustrated, “Pran, why do you hate me?”
Pran pauses and looks away, “I hate everybody.” He answers.
Pat scoffs, “I don’t think so. You only act that way to me. You think I don’t notice?” Pat pauses then looks Pran directly in his eyes, “I’m just trying to be friends with you but you always ignore or even shout at me!”
Friends.. We can’t be friends. Pran says to himself.
“What did I even do to you?” Pat stands up to collect his belongings then he walks out of Pran's studio, slamming the door, leaving Pran there dumbfounded.
“Wow, great job, Parakul. You’re so messed up.” Pran tells himself audibly. At this point, he is now confused if he really hates Pat or himself. The guy didn’t even do anything to him.
★彡
The next day Pran wakes up, he thinks about what happened last night. He really messed up, big time. I’m doomed, the whole department would hate me because of my irrationality. Pran can’t finish his composition and most of all, he lost his partner.
…or so he thought.
Pran stands up upon hearing the doorbell. When he opens the door, it’s Pat standing in front of him. Pran almost gasped but thankfully he was able to stop himself. That would be embarrassing.
“I-I thought you won’t come.” Pran greets him.
Pat smiles, like really smiles, as if nothing happened between them last night. This is making Pran so confused.
Pat greets him back, “Hey, of course I will. I won’t let you do things alone. Besides, we were both tired last night, I understand. Let’s continue the composition so we can practice everything. We only have two weeks left.”
What? Pran asks himself. This is one of the things Pran hates about Pat, he’s too forgiving and understanding to anyone else, regardless if they’re close to him or not. How can someone let things go as easily as he does?!
Surprisingly, the two have made progress on their performance. Pran finishes the composition and lets Pat listen to it so he can do the beat on the drums. Pran, even though he's still in denial about it, acknowledges Pat’s attentiveness and efforts for their performance. Pat really puts his mind (and heart) to everything he does.
“Let’s take a break first.” Pat initiates, “We’ve been working for hours, we’ll get drained if we don’t.”
Pran agrees. If they don’t take a break, they’ll pass out. Pran is too exhausted to think.
Looking at Pat who is currently on the opposite side of the studio, leaning on the wall with his eyes closed, Pran feels guilty. Pran shouted at Pat last night but he still came to his studio for them to complete their performance.
“I’m sorry.” Pran blurts out, making Pat look at him. Pran continues, “I’m sorry for last night.”
Pran looks away and walks out of the room. He’s not ready to look at Pat nor hear what he is going to say. Pran knows Pat will say something nice.
Pran goes to the kitchen to drink water because what he did dehydrates him. At least I apologized, right? Pran convinces himself although he knows deep down that it’s a rude gesture just to leave Pat there after apologizing. Regardless, Pran apologized. That’s what matters to him.
Pran opens the fridge and the cupboards to look for something to cook but he finds nothing. He mentally notes to himself that he needs to fill them up with food after their practice today.
Pran walks back to his studio, “H-hey, do you mind food delivery service? I kinda ran out of food.”
Pat shakes his head, “It’s fine. What are you getting?”
“Hmm, I don’t know. What do you want?”
“I’m down with anything though.” Pat answers, “You want to eat here or we go to the mall?”
Pran pauses for a few seconds, “I think we can go to the mall instead. I need to go grocery shopping too.” He glances at Pat, “We can halt our practice today. Let’s just continue tomorrow.”
★彡
“You know, you look better when you smile. Your dimples are cute when they show up.” Pat tells him while they’re waiting for the dessert. Pran’s favorite food is desserts, it makes him happy.
Pran can feel his ears heating up. What is this guy saying?!
Pat continues, “You always look like you’re gonna smack people’s heads whenever I see you. Are you sure you don’t hate me?”
Pran sighs, “I told you, I hate everybody.”
“Why is that, though?”
Pran shrugs, “I just hate everybody, that’s all.”
“But there should be a reason. You can’t just hate everybody like that.”
You’re the reason, though. Pran tells himself. Of course, he can’t let Pat know, especially now that he’s in front of him.
Afterwards, Pat insists on helping Pran do grocery shopping. As much as Pran would want to disagree, the former drags him already. Pat even gets them a big cart as if they’re buying the entire market.
“Hey, why are there so many packs of noodles and soda? Do you want to die?” Pat asks him while scanning the whole cart, “And you also got instant food packs. Seriously, Pran?”
“I’m too busy to cook. And I think you know how busy we are in our classes. Also, I don’t have a maid and my parents don’t live with me.” Pran rolls his eyes, “If you’re gonna nag at everything I get, just go home and I’ll do this myself.”
Pat rolls his eyes at him too, “No, I won’t leave you here until you reduce the amount of junk food from your cart. Hold on.” Pat fishes his phone from his pocket and dials a number, “Hello, Pa. Oh, Ink! Where’s your girlfriend? Please hand it over to him. Hey, Pa. Yeah, it’s me. I’m just gonna ask if you still do that meal planning thing. Yeah, hold on a second.” He looks at Pran, “What do you prefer, chicken, pork or beef?”
Pran looks at him confusingly, “Huh?”
“Just answer, Pa is waiting on the line.” Pat scolds him.
“Chicken… I don’t know. I can eat anything.” Pran replies, still confused.
Pat smiles and he goes back to talking to someone over the phone, “Sorry about that, Pa, just do it alternately. Yes. Almost the same as mine. Of course, I’ll pay. Just make sure Pran is filled with nutrients. I don’t want him consuming junk.” He laughs, “No, silly. Alright, bye.”
Pran asks, “What was that about?”
“Oh, I think you know my sister, Pa, from the Nutrition and Dietetics department, right?” Pran nods, “Well, she’s the one who is in-charge of my food, with the help of Ink, her girlfriend. I think you know her too. She plans for my meals everyday, and I pay her. She likes it because it has become her source of income so I told her to make it for you, too. I don’t want you living your life with just instant food. Your body will give up.”
Something inside Pran boils. This is one thing he hates about Pat, he goes out there, caring for others and he doesn’t realize that sometimes, he’s being taken for granted. Why does he have to be this kind or humble to anyone he doesn’t know that well?
Pran remembers one time when their class was struggling with our subjects, then Pat teaches them. Then it became a routine in their class. Pran wanted to shout at his classmates to reprimand them not to rely on Pat because the guy sometimes looks exhausted when he enters the room but still won’t complain about teaching them.
There’s also this one time before their exams, Pat was asked to substitute the drummer of their department’s band for a school performance. Pat obviously looked tired but he smiled at them and agreed.
Another time was when it was raining and Pran couldn't even step further from the bus stop, Pat approached him and insisted that he could have his umbrella. Pran wants to give it back but Pat refuses. Pat put on his hoodie and ran through the rain. After that day, Pat was absent because he caught a fever.
Now Pran remembers how he starts hating Pat and everybody, it’s because of that.
Pran drags Pat out of the market so they can talk without causing commotion inside. They walk straight to an empty parking lot at the side of the mall so they can talk.
“Why?” Pran asks.
“What do you mean why?” Pat asks back.
“Why do you always try to be a hero to anyone else? Why do you have to take care of others when you barely take care of yours? Why do you have to compromise your own well-being at the expense of others’?” Pran asks him, making Pat look at him with wide eyes.
Pran continues, “Stop taking care of others when you can’t take care of yourself. If you don’t notice, some people don’t deserve you or even your kindness.”
“I-is that,” Pat stutters, “Is that the reason why you hate me? Tell me, Pran, is that the reason why you hate me to the core?”
“Pat…” Pran calls him.
“No, Pran, you hate me, right? It’s specifically just me. Don’t lie on my face anymore. I can feel it. I’m not dumb nor dense. I know you hate me so much, and that’s the reason, am I right?” Pat pleads, “Please be honest with me.”
Pran sighs, “I told you, I hate everybo--”
“That’s bullshit!” Pat exclaims, “You tell that every time I ask you. Why can’t you just tell me straight to my face that you specifically hate me instead of trying to cover it with that bullshit of yours! Come on, Pran. Tell it to my face!” Pat breathes, “Pran, I just wanna be friends with you. Why can’t you see that?”
Pran exclaims, “I don’t want it! I don’t want to be friends with you, Pat!”
Pat is taken aback, “W-what?”
“Pat,” Pran is about to say something but a phone call interrupts him, a perfect timing to walk away. He looks at Pat, “I’m sorry, I have to go. I’ll send you the file tonight. Just practice whatever you can, I’ll do the vocals.”
Pran turns his back and walks away, leaving Pat confused. I’m sorry, Pat . I don’t think we can’t be just friends at this point.
★彡
Everything is back to normal, or so Pran thought. Pran feels weird because Pat doesn’t bother him as much as he does anymore. Pat still talks to Pran but it’s not the same as before anymore. When Pat interacts with Pran, it’s either about class or their performance. Other than that, nothing else. Pat doesn’t even call him Mr. Dimples anymore, not that Pran likes it. But he hates to admit that it has grown in him. Although Pran wants this distance from Pat, he can’t deny the fact that a part of him feels empty.
“Hey.”
Pran’s thoughts were interrupted, “Oh hey, Pat.”
“I just want to ask if you’re still down to practice since the performance is already tomorrow.” Pat smiles, “If you don’t want to, it’s okay. I think we can still nail this performance anyway.”
Pran sighs, “Okay.”
Confused, Pat asks, “What okay?”
“I mean, we can practice tonight. At my place?”
Pat shakes his head, “We can practice in the band room, no one is scheduled to use that anyways.” Pran nods in agreement, “Okay, I’ll see you there.”
Pran arrives in the band, Pat is already there waiting for him. “Hey.” He greets Pat. Pat looks at him and nods as a reply. This is awkward, will I even survive? Pran asks himself.
Pat hands the guitar to Pran, “You can use this. It’s already tuned.”
“Thanks.”
Pran explains to Pat about their performance, “If I hum it, will you be able to follow?”
“Why don’t you just sing it? I haven’t heard the lyrics of it since we started practicing.” Pat complains.
“It won’t be a surprise anymore. It’s an original composition, I don’t want to break the element of surprise. This can help us win, you know.” Pran tries his best to explain. Although he knows that isn’t the reason why he doesn’t want to sing it in front of Pat yet.
Pat sighs, “Whatever you want.”
Pran frowns, he knows Pat is annoyed at him. I’m sorry, Pat, I can’t let you listen to it yet, especially when it’s just the two of us here right now.
The practice went on smoothly, not getting any complaints from Pat. It’s peaceful, but it’s undeniably awkward for the two of them. Pran feels it. He just hopes that he can pull off the performance tomorrow.
★彡
“Let’s give it up for Napat and Parakul from the performing arts department!”
Pran is nervous, he wants to back out but he can’t. He doesn’t want his and Pat’s efforts to go to waste. Also, if he backs out, he won’t be able to express his sentiments through the song he composed.
“Good afternoon, everyone! I’m Pran, and my partner is Pat. I composed this song long before, not just for this performance. I guess I’m glad this song will see the light of day.” Pran smiles, “Have you ever wondered how it feels to be close to someone whom you can’t be just friends with? I wrote this song with the thought of someone.” Pran looks at Pat, “I wrote this song with the thought of you.”
[Song: Nanon Korapat - Just Friend?]
It must be nothing
The way you look at me is common I’m sure
You’re just another friend of mine
There must be nothing
In the way you talk to me,
No need to feel insecure or read between the lines
I can’t make sense of what you’ve done
In my mind there’s one question
Are we just friends or are we more?
You make me feel butterflies in my core
If you don’t mean it don’t act that way
This is not what a friend would do or say
Should I step back or step closer to you?
Do I smile when I see you?
I want to say hi but can’t follow through
Not ready to be crushed or lose you
After their performance, Pat calls his name. But instead of responding, Pran rushes to get off of the stage and runs away from Pat as far as he can. Pran wants to hide himself from everyone, especially from Pat.
Unfortunately, Pat was able to catch on to him, “Pran!”
Pran freezes, cursing to himself why he stopped.
“Pran, let’s talk.” Pat insists, “Please don’t run away from me.”
Not looking back, “We don’t need to talk about anything, Pat.”
“Pran,” Pat calls him again, “I know you hate me Pran, but…”
Pran turns and looks at him, “I hate everybody but you!”
Pat is taken aback, “W-what? Wait, what are you talking about?”
“Alright, you listen, Napat, because I won’t repeat any of this anymore!” Pran demands, “I hate everybody! I hate everybody so much! You wanna know why? I hate the way you become a hero to everyone else that you forget yourself! I hate that it’s okay for you to get sick just to hand an umbrella to anyone! I hate that everybody takes advantage of your kindness because you can’t say no! I hate that you are so talented that other people oversee those talents! I hate that whenever I struggle, you’re always there even though I don’t treat you well! I hate that you still make me smile even with the simplest things you do for me! I hate that you look so cute yet so alluring at the same time! I hate that I want to take care of you instead of you taking care of me! I hate that I actually have feelings for you!”
“No… W-what I mean… Pran… I don’t… understand.” Pat can’t find the right words to say. He’s still stunned. Not because of the amount of words Pran has said, but because of the unexpected reason why Pran insists that he hates everybody.
“Aren’t you listening to what I said? Did I really waste my time telling you?” Pran asks.
“P-pran..” Pat freezes on his spot, speechless at what Pran has said.
“Pat,” Pran takes his hand, “I hate everybody but you. You’re the only person I can’t hate. You’re the only person who can make me smile. You’re the only person I’m willing to protect my entire life.” Pran cups Pat’s face and smiles at him, “Pat, I don’t want to be just friends with you, I want something more than that… if you’ll let me.”
The tears Pran has been trying to suppress fall down. Finally, after a long time of trying to repress his feelings towards Pat, Pran was able to tell him how he feels. Even though Pran doesn’t expect much from Pat, he’s still glad that he’s able to release them. Pran feels at ease.
Pat wipes Pran’s tears and answers, “Of course, Mr. Dimples , of course. I would want that.”
Mr. Dimples . Pran loves the sound of that. He’s grown accustomed to that endearment from Pat. And he likes, no, he loves it when Pat calls him that.
“For the first time in my life, someone saw me differently, aside from Ink and Pa who had been telling me all these. Now I understand why the couple always scolds me whenever I do someone else’s work.”
Pran knows Pat’s acts of kindness were genuine, but Pat doesn’t have to agree to everybody’s requests when he can’t even do it for himself. Pat has every right to refuse, especially if it’s taking much of his time for himself. “Most of the time, it’s okay to say no. We don’t have to agree with whatever they ask us to do, especially if it affects us the most.” Pran emphasizes. He cares for Pat as much as Pat cares for him. He just doesn’t know how to express or act on it.
Pat smiles at him, “I know. You’re right.”
“Pran,” Pat asks, “Do you hate me?”
Pran shakes his head, “What? No. Are we going back to this conversation again? Because as far as I remember, I told you that I won’t repeat any of it.”
Pat smirks, “Then would you hate me if I do this?”
“Do what?”
Pat pulls Pran and their lips meet. It surprised Pran, yet he likes it. It is almost as if there are fireworks on his chest and butterflies in his stomach. It’s something that Pran wanted to do with Pat and Pat only.
Pat pulls back, “You know what?”
“What?”
“I like you, Mr. Dimples . I like you more than you ever know.”
Pran smiles, “I like you, too, Pat. I already told you I hate everybody except for you.”
Pat chuckles, “I know, I know. But do you know what’s cool?”
“What is it?”
“It’s cool if we date. Can we?” Pat asks him,.
“Absolutely,” Pran nods in agreement, “But for now, we should go back, they might be looking for us.”
The couple intertwine their hands together and walk back to the school hall just like that. At least, they’re honest with their feelings. No more hiding from each other anymore.
Pat is friendly. Pran hates that because it wasn’t just with him.
Pat is charismatic. Pran hates that because it wasn’t for him.
Pat is astonishing. Pran hates that because it wasn’t for him.
Pat is everything Pran isn’t. Pran hates that thought. But the truth is, Pat is Pran’s everything and he doesn’t hate Pat for that.