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Laughter… Fun… They resonated, somewhere deep within Serena’s heart as she lay awake and gazed at the wall across her. She knew there was a picture on it, of her, Yuzu, Ruri and Rin, from the first time they had met each other after the end of Academia, although in the dark she wasn’t able to see it. Back then it had felt so weird, to stare at three other girls whose faces looked just like her own. As if you suddenly had three sisters you had never known about. It still surprised her a little how well they had gotten along with each other. Even today they had had so much fun.
Serena turned on her futon and glanced over at Yuzu who was lying in her bed, her blanket rising and falling with each of her calm, peaceful breaths.
Serena smiled. It had been Yuzu’s idea to do a sleepover party with just the four of them and although parties usually weren’t Serena’s cup of tea, it had turned out to be enjoyable. Still, unlike Yuzu, she couldn’t find any sleep yet. Not with that sensation she was feeling inside, as if something was calling out to her.
She took a long breath before she pulled back her blanket and sat up. Her eyes were drawn to the window, illuminated by the faint light which seeped in from outside. Slowly she got to her feet, sneaked over to the window and opened it, quietly, so she wouldn’t wake up Yuzu or the other girls who were sleeping next door. Then she climbed onto the window sill and further out onto the roof.
The nightly air gave her a cold welcome and Serena hesitated for a moment. She thought of going back and grabbing her jacket, but then she rejected the idea. The risk of waking up Yuzu was too high.
The shingles clicked quietly beneath her bare feet as she made her way to the rooftop. It was a sound different from what she had been used to at Academia. There the stone corridors hadn’t made a single noise when she had sneaked her way out of her room and onto the roofs. However, the sight which unfolded above her when she raised her head was just the same.
No, not the same, she thought. At Academia she had been on a small island, isolated from the distant lights of any other town or city. In contrast to that Maiami City never slept. Nevertheless the faint crescent of the waxing moon looked just like it had back then. And it still cast its inescapable charm on her. Suddenly she heard a low click and twitched around, shifting into a fighting stance to fend off any possible danger. The figure across her seemed to be just as surprised as she was and when they gave out a low shriek, Serena recognised them.
“Ruri?”
“Huh? S-Serena? Oh! What a relief! I thought… umm… What are you doing out here?”
Serena relaxed. “I could ask you the same thing”, she replied.
In the faint moonlight she could barely see Ruri’s dumbfounded expression. Then the girl gave out a laugh, delicate like the song of a nightingale. “True”, she mumbled and climbed her way up to where Serena was standing, taking a seat on the dark rooftop.
Serena waited for a few seconds, unsure whether Ruri was going to answer her question, before she sat down as well.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Ruri asked quietly.
“Oh, yeah”, Serena answered, eyes drifting to the pale crescent above their heads.
Ruri turned her head and then she gave out another, fainter laugh. “No. Not that. I’m talking about the city.”
Now it was Serena’s turn to give her a dumbfounded look. Although she couldn’t see much of Ruri’s face, there was something about the way she gazed at the roofs sprawled out in front of them which made her feel very awkward. Somehow… dreamy, but at the same time unbelievably sad.
“This place”, Ruri muttered and reached out her hand, as if she was able to touch the countless lights in the distance. “It’s so vibrant and alive. It amazes me. There’s so much joy around here.” After a moment she lowered her head and Serena noticed a tiny shimmer in the corner of her eye.
“Does it… remind you of Heartland?”
Ruri started and stared at her, half surprised, half trying to cover up with a jaunty expression. “N-No, that… I didn’t…” Suddenly she stopped and bit the bottom of her lip. “No. You’re right.”
She curled up and wrapped her arms around her knees. “Sayaka and I used to go to a café together after school. There was a really nice waiter who always made us compliments about our outfits. But… I noticed that I can’t even remember his face anymore. I don’t know the name of the café either.” Ruri hugged her legs more tightly. “How many of my memories are going to fade from now on? Will there be a time when I can’t remember anything about my life there?”
Serena remained quiet. She could sense how important this topic was to Ruri, but she couldn’t think of anything to say in order to comfort her. After all she had never been in Heartland.
“If I had been free to go”, she began after a while. “If the Professor hadn’t held me back all the time… I probably would’ve joined my classmates at the front.” She turned her head, meeting Ruri’s uneasy gaze. “We might have faced each other as enemies.”
Ruri opened her mouth, but then she seemed to reconsider and merely ducked her head. “Right”, she mumbled.
Serena looked back at the city lights. Lights just like the ones in Heartland. Just like the ones which had been extinguished by her classmates and the other forces of Academia.
Back then she had been angry at the Professor for forcing her to stay behind. She had thought he hadn’t been acknowledging her abilities. Now she was actually glad about it. Glad she hadn’t hurt Ruri’s friends.
After a while Ruri raised her head again. “You know, somehow I envy you.”
Serena frowned, bewildered by the girl’s words.
“You are always so strong. You even yell at Yuri. When I look at you, I feel as though nothing could ever hurt you.” Ruri smiled, though it didn’t look very happy. “My reason for coming out here… it’s because I like the darkness. When no one sees my face, it’s easier to believe the lies I’m telling to myself. That I’m not afraid anymore. That I’m as strong as you are.”
Her voice began to shake and after a moment Serena realised she was sobbing. She reached for Ruri’s shoulder, only to stop halfway. Was this the right thing to do? She wasn’t sure. Back at Academia everyone had learned not to cry. No one had needed to be comforted there. She took a deep breath and decided to reach for Ruri’s hand instead.
Ruri started at the touch, but she hesitated only a second before she returned Serena’s grip.
“Thank you”, she whispered.
Serena frowned. What… What was this? This sensation… Ruri’s fingers were shivering from the cold, and yet Serena felt something flowing into her. Sadness, fear, and also… a sort of joy. It wasn’t the same sort of joy she felt when she was duelling someone. It wasn’t the joy of being strong and able to prevail on her own. This one was more subtle. And more fragile.
“I… I like the darkness as well”, she began, still confused by this weird sensation. “In the dark I don’t need to pretend anymore. That strength is actually just a shell. I think the real me is different.”
Ruri snivelled quietly. “Are you saying you just pretend to be strong in front of others?”
Serena leaned back and glanced at the stars above them. “I’m not sure”, she muttered. “That’s something I haven’t found out yet.”
Ruri gave out a brief, bitter laugh. “How ironic. I’m telling you I want to be like you and your answer is that you don’t know who you are. Then… who do I have to become in order to be that strong?”
Serena considered her for a moment. Several conflicting emotions were flashing over Ruri’s face, too many to understand.
“Why don’t you just stay yourself?” she asked.
Suddenly Ruri looked very uncomfortable again. “You want me to be myself?” she asked. “But why? I’m nothing like you. I’m just a weak, ordinary girl, who’s afraid of so many things.”
Serena glanced down at their hands. The weird feeling hadn’t disappeared yet, although it had changed a little.
“Maybe that’s why I envy you”, she said.
Ruri’s eyes grew wide with surprise. Then awkwardness and shame crept over her soft features. “Y-You’re just saying this to comfort me, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m not”, Serena replied, turned towards her and gave her a firm look.
A strand of dark hair slipped into Ruri’s face, separating the captivating rings of her magenta eyes. After a moment, they seemed to grow larger, as though they were drawing Serena closer. Suddenly she sensed the tips of their noses bump against each other and then Ruri’s lips met hers.
It only lasted a moment, before Serena realised what she was doing and pulled away. Ruri’s hand locked up, but she didn’t let go, merely stared at Serena in confusion.
Actually Serena was no less shocked about it. She didn’t know what had driven her to kiss her. And also… she didn’t know why her heart was fluttering like this.
“I… I really mean it”, she said and tried to get herself together. “You don’t need to be strong. I like you just the way you are.”
Ruri’s eyes grew wide again and this time a faint shimmer appeared in them and began to flow down her cheeks. “S-Serena”, she whispered. Then she flung her arms around Serena and gave her a tight squeeze.
Serena blinked. This wasn’t the reaction she had expected. After a moment she noticed how cold Ruri’s arms were. Actually she felt quite cold as well.
“Let’s get back inside”, she muttered and began to stroke over Ruri’s hair. “You don’t want us to get sick, do you?”
“Yeah”, Ruri mumbled, smiling.
Serena gave out a silent sigh. Humans sure were complicated. But… she understood that weird feeling a little better now.