Chapter Text
No one had ever told him that a relationship was going to be hard. Taehyung knew there would be some difficulties, all relationships struggled at times. His parents, people that Taehyung could see loved each other very much, struggled from time to time. But no one warned him how hard it could get. How he would cry himself to sleep at night from loneliness.
His eomma had told him love would be beautiful. Wonderful. That it would feel his heart with such joy.
And it had for the first four years.
But the last five months had Taehyung wondering what he was doing wrong.
Yoongi was the love of his life. Taehyung was certain of it. Even in their first few months of dating, Taehyung had had no doubt that Yoongi was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Being with the older man had filled him with so much love and joy. He smiled all of the time, his heart almost beating for Yoongi.
Their love languages were different and it had been a struggle in the beginning to not step on toes and to not doubt each other. Yoongi showed his love in quiet acts of service. By showering Taehyung with food, good homecooked food, and by holding his hand.
Taehyung was usually loud in his relationships, relying on public displays of affection. But Yoongi hated it, outside of handholding, and Taehyung and worked to lessen himself. Because he loved Yoongi and wanted Yoongi to be comfortable. It was hard sometimes, but they had worked through it. Together.
They always had.
Taehyung had been proud of their communication.
But things were different now.
Somewhere along the way they had stopped talking.
Yoongi worked long hours, sometimes not making it home for dinner. Sometimes, Taehyung even doubted that Yoongi had ever made it to their bed. And if he wasn’t working long hours, he was out with someone. Their mutual friends. His new friends. But he never invited Taehyung. And when Taehyung tried to initiate things, suddenly Yoongi already had plans. Plans Taehyung couldn’t join in on.
It was easy for the doubt to seep in, for the painful thoughts to fester. Taehyung was boring. Too ugly. Too weird. Too much. Too everything.
Not good enough for Yoongi anymore.
And he had no idea how to bring it up with Yoongi. He didn’t want to seem like he was nagging or overbearing. He just wanted to spend time with his boyfriend. Was that so wrong? To want to be appreciated? He didn’t even need to hear it every day. Just…once in a while.
Taehyung couldn’t remember the last time they had sex. Or even just a hand job.
They kissed, but they didn’t make out. Even the pet names were gone. Tae-ah was the closest Yoongi came to calling him something other than Taehyung.
How could Taehyung not assume that Yoongi had fallen out of love with him?
What was he supposed to do?
And he had no one to talk to. All of his friends were Yoongi’s friends too. Some of them had been Yoongi’s friends before they were Taehyung’s. Namjoon and Hoseok were Yoongi’s college friends. Seokjin was a coworker. Only Jimin and Jungkook had been Taehyung’s friends first, having met in college before Taehyung ever met Yoongi. But now they seemed to prefer the older man’s company. He couldn’t remember the last time he and Jimin had done anything together.
He felt so utterly alone.
So he lost himself in his own work. While Yoongi worked as a paralegal for patent lawyers, Taehyung worked in video production, editing videos for some middle level Korean youtubers. He could fill his lonely days with work, taking more projects to keep from remembering how empty his apartment really was. Thankfully, that meant he could work from home. He kept to his office, still making time to make dinner for Yoongi, waiting for a sign of something.
And when Taehyung realized that for two nights in a row, Yoongi hadn’t been home, he had finally broken down, sobbing himself to sleep on the floor of his office, not even making it to his own bed.
Where had this all gone so wrong?
He had gotten a simple text from Yoongi the first night to say he was going to be out late. The next night, Yoongi had only texted when Taehyung sent one first.
-Are you coming home tonight, hyung?
-Sorry, Taehyung. Something came up.
-Is everything okay?
And he had gotten no response.
What was he supposed to do now?
Cry himself to sleep, apparently.
The next morning, after forcing himself to drink tea and eat a piece of toast, Taehyung texted Jimin at a reasonable hour, waiting until after 8 to check in with his friend. Maybe Jimin would know. Maybe Jimin would tell him what was going on.
If Yoongi needed space, Taehyung could live with that. It was the not knowing that was killing him the most.
-Have you heard from Yoongi hyung?
After a couple of hours with no response, Taehyung texted the rest of their small friend group the same, checking in with Namjoon, Seokjin, Hoseok, and finally Jungkook.
Nobody replied.
They must be busy at work, Taehyung told himself. That must be it.
So he settled into another day of editing videos, his leg bouncing fitfully as he waited to hear back from someone.
But nobody ever replied.
He hadn’t blocked anybody, had he? He double checked and no, no one was blocked.
They just weren’t answering.
Had they blocked him?
Instead of making dinner, Taehyung found himself looking up on the internet how to tell if someone had blocked him on the phone. As far as he could tell, with his messages to his hyungs and dongsaeng saying delivered, they hadn’t blocked him.
They were just ignoring him.
But why?
What had he done that was so wrong? And why wouldn’t anyone tell him? He didn’t even warrant getting angry messages? Just silence?
He was invisible to them. Unimportant. Nobody.
When had he lost his friends?
Taehyung didn’t know what to do. Unsure of anything, he went to bed hungry, not even bothering to change out of his day clothes or get under the covers. Eventually, he fell asleep alone.
And he woke up alone again.
He checked his phone, but still no reply from anyone.
-Hyung?
He sent to Yoongi.
Delivered.
With no one left to turn to, Taehyung called the last person he could think of. An old childhood friend that he hadn’t talked to much over the past year, though they had vaguely kept up with one another. They were the kind of friends that even if they went months without speaking, they would pick up where they left off, no hard feelings. He needed that right now.
He needed someone.
The phone rang, Taehyung chewing on his fingernails, a habit his hyung had never fully gotten rid of and that he had seemingly taken over. After the fourth ring, a voice answered.
“Tae-ah?”
“Seojoon hyung! Hi. It’s me. Oh, but you know that,” Taehyung spoke nervously, forcing a laugh.
“Tae-ah, what’s wrong?” Taehyung had grown up down the street from Park Seojoon and had looked up to the older man. Seojoon had taken the young Taehyung under his wing, despite their four year age difference, and had tried to help him out when he could. As his oldest friend, Seojoon knew Taehyung well. Maybe too well. He could tell immediately that something was wrong.
At least someone cares, Taehyung thought bitterly.
“Ah, hyung…I just don’t know what to do,” he admitted, tears pricking at his eyes.
“Tell hyung what’s wrong.”
Taehyung sat for a moment. How could he explain this?
He gulped. “Yoongi and I haven’t been okay for a while. We’ve just drifted apart, I guess. He doesn’t talk to me anymore.”
“Did you break up?”
Taehyung laughed bitterly. “No.” He paused. “Not yet, anyway. He’s just…he hasn’t been home in three days and he won’t answer my texts. Nobody will.”
His friend was silent for a minute, Taehyung almost wondering if their connection had been lost. “Nobody? Nobody will tell you where Yoongi is?”
“Yeah.” Tears slipped down his cheeks silently.
“Oh Taehyung. This is…this is unfair. Unless they’ve all been in an accident, there’s no excuse for this.”
He couldn’t stop the bitter sob that burst from his chest. He wasn’t crazy, was he? If Seojoon could see this was bad behavior, then Taehyung couldn’t be crazy, right?
“I just don’t know what I did wrong!” he said as he cried, curling into himself. If he knew what he had done wrong, he could do something to fix it. Or at least then he would know his mistake. But he didn’t know. He didn’t understand.
Seojoon listened to Taehyung cry for a few minutes, letting the worst of it come out before he spoke again. “Taehyung, listen. I want you to pack your things. Whatever is most important to you. I’m coming to get you. You can stay with hyung until we find you a new place.”
“Hyung no, I can’t-”
“You can and you should. Your boyfriend can’t disappear on you for three days without saying anything. And if no one else is speaking to you, even to tell you he’s fine and needs space for whatever reason, this is wrong! This isn’t how relationships work! Pack your things! If Yoongi decides he wants to apologize, he can, but I won’t let you stay there alone. So pack what you need, hyung will be there in an hour. Okay?”
Taehyung stared across the living room. Could he leave? He and Yoongi had shared this apartment for almost three years. Could he really just leave?
Yoongi obviously has, the voice in his head pointed out.
“Tae-ah?” Seojoon pressed.
He cleared his throat. “Hmm, yeah. Yeah, hyung, I’ll pack.”
“Good. I’ll see you soon.”