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Katsuki stood on the other side of the door, listening to the soft sniffles and cries coming from the boy who he was supposed to make happy. The boy who he promised to be better for; Katsuki wanted to be less of a person he hated so that Izuku could like him too.
Because how was anyone supposed to see the good in him if he couldn't even see it in himself. But he was fixing that… he was supposed to be fixing that.
And yet all it took was the first argument in their brand new relationship for Katsuki to say something he didn't mean and make Izuku cry like he had dozens and dozens of times in the past. Hundreds of times, probably, since they were kids.
But he wasn't supposed to be doing that anymore.
He was supposed to make Izuku smile and laugh and be happy, not run to his room out of shock from what Katsuki said and cry because he couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut. He wanted to say that it wasn't fair, and it wasn't. To Izuku.
Katsuki knew well enough that he had dug himself a grave too many times to count and yet it was Izuku who fell into them not him. And all those holes that were left in the ground left a rocky path for them to pave over.
But they did and that was why Katsuki had enough courage to ask Izuku out. And after a few really good dates, he asked him to be his boyfriend. And it was great.
Better than great- it was the best thing that had happened to Katsuki since getting into UA. Until now.
Until Katsuki made Izuku cry. And it hurt.
It hurt more than any of the other times that Katsuki made him cry in the past because he wasn't supposed to be saying stupid shit like that anymore. He should be thinking before speaking and working on his temper so that he doesn't blow up like… like he just did.
Katsuki promised he was working on it, he promised that he was trying to change. And he was. But progress wasn't linear and he just got so angry for no reason.
He could make up all the excuses in the world for why he said what he said but in the end, none of it was Izuku's fault. Yes, he was already having a bad day. And yes, Izuku was talking incessantly, rambling nonsense that didn't really make any sense at all. And yes, Katsuki was tired and sore and he was frustrated because his training session was shit… but he shouldn't have yelled.
Because Izuku didn't do anything wrong. Izuku was perfect and sweet and even asked if something was wrong. Gods, Izuku asked him if he was okay. Multiple times.
And Katsuki lied and said he was every single time.
All of this… it was on him.
The tears falling from Izuku's eyes now were Katsuki's fault because he couldn't manage his own emotions. Izuku was crying now because he was dating someone who couldn't fix himself for the better of everyone else.
And Katsuki didn't even think he deserved to be forgiven. Not after what he said; not after making the person he cared so deeply about choke with the cries from being yelled at.
'Gods, you're so fucking annoying! Do you ever shut the fuck up?' Katsuki had not only yelled to Izuku but yelled in front of everyone who was in the common room. His heart wrenched when he saw Izuku's face.
The hurt and shock that crossed it as soon as the words left his mouth. The pain of being called annoying after being reassured so many times that it was okay when he talked a lot. Because Katsuki knew Izuku loved to talk. He loved it about him.
It was endearing and cute in a nerdy way and he couldn't understand why he would say such a horrible thing to Izuku.
But now he couldn't get it out of his head. The way Izuku flinched back at his words; the way he looked around the room, face burning with embarrassment at being yelled at so publicly. Katsuki hated the way Izuku's eyes welled with tears, his chin trembling and lips wavering as he bit down to stop himself from crying in front of everyone.
Katsuki had snapped out of it instantly, realizing what he did as soon as the words left his mouth. But his realization didn't do much to ease the damage
His realization didn't do shit as Izuku ran away from him, the sound of his sniffling echoing in his ears. Katsuki stood there, looking after the hallway as his boyfriend disappeared.
And it wasn't until Shoto came up behind him that Katsuki finally moved. He was expecting to be yelled at, though Shoto wasn't the type to yell. And he didn't.
Shoto was calm, as calm as he always was- but there was strength in his grip as he held onto Katsuki's shoulder. Normally, the blonde would have pushed him away but right now… he was utterly defeated.
'Talk to him.' Shoto had said and Katsuki knew he should. He knew it wasn't a good idea to hide away and sulk but at the same time, he was still a proud person. And as soon as Shoto saw the slightest amount of hesitation on Katsuki's face, his grip tightened even more. 'We can all agree Izuku is good for you, don't fuck it up over this. Go.' He had said and then all but pushed Katsuki forward to get him moving.
So he did.
And now he stood on the other side of Izuku's door, ready to knock but his hadns was frozen above the wood. Did he even deserve to work it out with him? Did he even deserve to be forgiven.
But Katsuki knew Izuku was worth everything he could give and so he was going to try. But no one ever told him that facing someone who was so good could be so hard when he was the opposite.
He wasn't good. He wasn't kind and he could never hope to be the type of person that Izuku was… but that wasn't a good enough reason not to try.
So he knocked on the door and listened as the cries came to a sudden stop, almost muffled as if Izuku was covering his mouth to stop himself. But then there was a silence and Katsuki chewed on his lip hating the way he could feel Izuku's pain. When there was no answer, Katsuki knocked softly again.
"Izuku, it's me." He said quietly, praying to whatever god that would listen that he answered this time. And of course it was because Izuku was so fucking good that the door opened a crack after a few moments of shuffling around.
Izuku looked up at Katsuki slowly, his eyes having clearly being rubbed dry; the redness remained.
"H-hi, Kacchan." Izuku said, his voice soft but not in it's normal gentle nature. But rather a softness that was bred by sadness.
"Can I come in?" Katsuki asked, careful not to move to fast or speak too loud. The last thing he wanted to do was scare his boyfriend. Not that he would ever hit him but the past didn't go away just because their feelings changed.
They had a past of hostility and violance or rather… he did.
"Oh, I don't- I don't know, um, I-" Izuku started but Katsuki knew they needed to talk now. He knew he couldn't let this go.
"Please," he said, lowering his head slightly. And maybe it was because he was so desperate or distraught… or maybe it was because Izuku was just about willing to do anything for Katsuki that he nodded shortly and opened the door wider.
"Okay," he said, closing the door behind Katsuki as the blonde walked in. He surveyed the room, not missing the trash full of tissues and the tissue box knocked over on his bedside table.
Katsuki's heart ached. He caused this but then, he was there to fix it.
"Izuku I'm-"
"I'm sorry, Kacchan," Izuku said before Katsuki had the chance to finish. He sat on the bed, several inches from Katsuki and that, in itself, caused heaviness in his chest that he wanted to mend more than anything.
"What?" Katsuki asked, blinking several times to process what was being said.
"I- I shouldn't have been talking so much, I know it can get annoying and I should have known you weren't in a good mood but I kept on rambling and I-" he sniffled, wiping at his eyes as he began to tear up, "I didn't want to annoy you more, I'm s-sorry," he whispered the last part, bringing his arm up across his eyes.
Katsuki's heart couldn't take it, he couldn't take that he was filling Izuku with so much doubt when he should be doing the opposite. So without thinking, without considering how it could make him look, he closed the distance between the two of them and pulled Izuku into his arms.
And it was at that touch that Izuku began to cry harder.
"Don't you dare be sorry," Katsuki whispered so softly that Izuku wouldn't have been able to hear if it weren't for his lips being right next to his ears. "You did nothing wrong," he said, just as quietly as the last.
Katsuki held the back of Izuku's head, cradling it because Izuku was the most precious person in his life.
"No, no. I-" Izuku tried to argue but Katsuki wouldn't hear it.
"I had no right," he started, his voice taut with anger at himself and pain for hurting his boyfriend, "to yell at you, for something I said was okay." He finished, feeling tears in his own eyes, burn.
He wasn't the kind of person to be so vulnerable but it was because of his fear of being perceived as weak that he end up in this situation.
Katsuki didn't think Izuku was anymore weak for crying so why would he be? That was the flaw in his logic he'd never been able to overcome. Until now… until his vulnerability led him to hurt someone he cared about.
Until the boy shaking in his arms was enough to overcome any fear he had.
"I'm the one who should be sorry and I am," Katsuki pulled back just enough to look into his face, "Izuku, I am sorry- I love when you talk and I love when you get excited to tell me things." Katsuki said, holding his boyfriends face in his hands.
He brushed away the tears rolling down Izuku's cheeks.
"Kacchan,"
"And if I told you I was having a bad day, you would have done everything to make it better. But I didn't and this is my fault. Please, please do not blame yourself." Katsuki said, nearly begging because the last thing he wanted was to put doubt in Izuku.
"I should have realized." Izuku said, shaking his head and looking Katsuki in the face but those tears still glistened his eyes and the pain was still clear.
Katsuki let out a soft breath and put his forehead to Izuku's, needing to feel him close. Needing him to steady his racing heart. "You did nothing wrong, Izuku," Katsuki said, "I need your forgiveness, not the other way around."
"I forgive you," Izuku said almost instantly but Katsuki shook his head.
"No, let me…" he took in a steadying breath, swallowing the fear of his vulnerability, "I need to earn your forgiveness. I should not have yelled or cursed at you and I sure as hell shouldn't have expressed my emotions like that, especially in front of other people." He said, thinking as logically and reasonably as he could. Izuku deserved someone good; Izuku deserved better than what he could give now but he was not about to give him up.
"Kacchan's still trying to figure it out," Izuku whispered with a slow nod and Katsuki nodded with him. He was still trying to figure out how to regulate his emotions better. But an explanation wasn't an excuse and he still made a mistake.
"And Kacchan's an idiot for taking it out on you," Katsuki said, relaxing slightly at the small smile on Izuku's face. "You deserve better than that; and I want to be better than that… for you."
Suddenly, Izuku's lip was trembling again and he wrapped his arms around Katsuki's body, "i-it hurt." He whimpered, clutching onto Katsuki's shirt as tears, once again, fell down his face.
The blonde closed his eyes briefly, regret and guilt flooded him but he wouldn't let it change to anger. He made a mistake- he said something hurtful but they were talking about it now and he was going to make it better.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you, Izuku." He whispered, choosing his words carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was make him feel foolish for crying. He had every right to be upset. "But I promise I'll do everything I can to never hurt you again." He said, not caring about the scale of his promise because he knew he'd do what he could to keep it.
"It's o-okay," Izuku mumbled, but the death grip on Katsuki's shirt told him otherwise.
"You don't have to rush to forgive me, honestly I don't think I deserve it… or you… but-" Suddenly Izuku pulled away.
His face was tear stained and his eyes were red but his eyes were blazing with passion, "you deserve everything!" he exclaimed, pulling at Katsuki's shirt, yanking him closer.
"Izuku I-"
"Just because you're not perfect, yet, doesn't mean you deserve anything less than I do." He said sternly as if there was no other alternative. "And I… only want you, so, stay with me." Izuku whispered, removing his hands from Katsuki's shirt and locking them around his neck.
"As if I'd leave you," Katsuki said back, heart blooming with words he didn't even know he needed. I only want you…
Izuku lifted his head and caught Katsuki's lips with his. It was a gentle kiss, not nearly as hard or fast as they had been in the past and yet somehow it was far more passionate.
It became deep and desperate because Katsuki had never met anyone like Izuku before and he was foolish to have ever thought Izuku wasn't perfect.
"Tell me," Katsuki said after pulling away, not farther than an inch- just enough space to talk, "everything you were saying before. I want to hear it all again."
Izuku's eyes widened slightly, "all of it?" he asked and Katsuki nodded.
"Everything you remember and more." He said, taking Izuku's face in his hands as Izuku crawled into Katsuki's lap and wrapped his legs around his waist.
Izuku kissed him once, new tears in his eyes but no longer as a result of sadness but rather a peaceful happiness. Because it was Kacchan, and Kacchan was trying so hard for him.
"Even if you've heard it before?" he asked, chewing at his lip.
"Even if I've heard it a dozen times before," he assured him and then kissed him softly as he thought of what to say next. "And then," he whispered, kissing him again, "we'll go to the kitchen and I'll make hot chocolate while you pick out snacks-"
"I want to stay with you," Izuku said, cheeks burning a slight pink. He never thought he'd be the clingy type but being around Katsuki ease the tension in his mind.
And the proof him changing to be not only a better boyfriend but a better person… it was proof enough thet Katsuki was truly serious about what they had.
And Katsuki never seemed to mind him clinging onto him. The blonde laughed softly, kissing Izuku once again and then nodded, "alright, we'll make hot chocolate and then pick out snacks together." He said, immediately proud at the smile he earned from his boyfriend. "And then we can pick out a movie to watch together."
Izuku smiled, running his fingers through Katsuki's hair, "you know I've already forgiven you, right?" he asked.
"I figured," Katsuki said, "but that doesn't mean I'm done making up for it."
"Kacchan-"
"Let me spoil you… please?" he asked and with a small sigh coming from Izuku's lips, Katsuki knew he'd won.
"Alright," he said.
It was odd, Izuku thought sometimes, how someone who used to bring him such distress now brought him such comfort. Though he couldn't complain, there was no one who knew him better.
And there was no one Izuku knew better. There was no one he'd rather be with than his Kacchan.
"Just… stay with me tonight?" Izuku asked, leaning his head on Katsuki's shoulder and inhaling the sweet scent that always surrounded him.
Katsuki slide a hand into Izuku's hair and ran his fingers through it; careful not to get caught on any of the tangled curls.
"Always," he promised, holding Izuku gently as the boys breathing finally slowed back to normal. Katsuki never wanted to make Izuku cry again. He never wanted to see those tears fall onto such a beautiful face. Katsuki was going to do everything he could to make Izuku happy. Because he was never going to let him go.
And while he wasn't perfect yet, he would be eventually.
Because Izuku deserved perfect and Katsuki wanted to be everything he deserved. He wanted to make him smile like nothing ever had before and he wanted to make him laugh like nothing else ever could.
Katsuki was going to be everything that Izuku wanted, and he was never going to make the same mistake again.
The blonde took in a deep breath and pressed a kiss to Izuku's temple.
"Let's fall in love together." He said, more sure of it than he was of himself. Izuku lifted his head and met Katsuki's eyes with his own that shone bright in the light of his room.
"I'm already falling, Kacchan, it's your turn to catch up," he smiled, laughing softly at the glint in Katsuki's eye- the glimmer of a knowing. Katsuki pressed his lips to Izuku's once and then again as the words formed in his mind. And, finally, he wasn't afraid to say them.
"I'm right beside you."