Chapter Text
“Alright, I can’t keep myself from asking anymore,” Mu Qing slammed his hands down on the surface of the table that the four of them were gathered around. “I have to know.” His voice had a serious edge to it that didn’t quite match the slightly comedic gesture he’d just displayed. I mean, it’s not everyday that someone actually slaps a table and pushes themself up and out of their chair effectively sending it flying. It’s not a common sight.
“Mu Qing,” Feng Xin warned, his tone low. He would have been the first one to make fun of the other god for the pathetic show he was putting on, but knowing where he was going with his words made him swallow any witty remarks.
“No, shut up.” Mu Qing swiftly flipped him off before focusing back on the objects of his scrutiny with fervor. “I have to know, and if they don’t tell me I may just go crazy.” He didn’t really care all that much about others opinions on how he held himself, but Feng Xin was probably the only one who could actually get him to stop the line of questioning if he so let him. “You,” he pointed at a very bored looking Hua Cheng. “Why do you actually hate me?” An eyebrow raised ever so slightly. “I know I barred you from joining the Xianle military, but you were 13 at the oldest. You are more than just simply petty, but are you so petty as to hold a grudge like that for over 800 years?”
Feng Xin sighed heavily, wearily even, before nodding along to Mu Qing’s question. It’s not like he hadn’t been curious since officially meeting the ghost king, but he was at least trying to think of a way to go about asking in a more tactful way. Apparently Mu Qing reached his breaking point before Feng Xin could ever figure out what way his plan would even entail. “As far as I remember I did nothing to you as a child to warrant such a deep hatred you seem to hold for me. I also want to know why you hate me.” Sure, he was a part of the reason why Hong-er was kicked back out on the streets, but so was Xie Lian and Hua Cheng had no problem falling in love with him. But he also assumed something must’ve happened between his best friend and the ghost during the period of time after he’d left, it’s the only way that makes sense for such a deep level of devotion to grow into unending love; catching a 10 year old child from a certainly fatal fall just did not seem like near enough of a reason.
Xie Lian looked on helplessly, his gaze flitting from his fuming friend, to his curious friend, and then to his suddenly very cold husband. To be honest, he was also fairly curious; while the two husbands very rarely kept anything from each other, this particular discussion has only ever been breached once during their years together and it had ended in a very aggressive bought of self deprecation on Hua Cheng’s part with no new information learned. Xie Lian had decided then and there that he would not bring it up and would simply wait for his partner to come to him when he was ready. With the progress they’d been making in recent times with Hua Cheng’s view of his himself and his role in Xie Lian’s life he’d started to think that the answers he wanted weren’t too far away from his grasp anymore. My Qing and Feng Xin deciding now to ask could either lead to an actual response or could set back all the progress they’d made, and with not knowing which is more likely he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.
Despite the frigid air they settled around Hua Cheng when the two asked their question, he remained surprisingly calm. “My reasons for not liking useless trash are not mine alone,” he fixed them with a scarily empty glare; the type of glare that has no emotion in the eyes and the mouth is set in a thin line not quirking in any way. “Do not ask again.”
“Xie Lian-!” Mu Qing practically whined when he turned to his fellow god, trying to any way possible to keep that dead stare off of him. “You are the only one with any pull when it comes to Crimson Rain Sought Flower’s opinions, I thought we were…okay now…?” He trailed off by the end of his statement, suddenly lacking the courage to even meet his friend’s eye as he finished speaking. He truly thought they’d managed to patch up their broken relationship from the past and were working to move forward with a newfound dynamic, but if Hua Cheng’s opinion on him were not only his then something had to still be cracked. He’s not sure if thinking about the couple talking about the two martial gods behind their backs or if thinking about Xie Lian getting his husband to hold a grudge in his behalf hurt more, but the idea of Xie Lian not going to Mu Qing about issues in their friendship definitely hurt the most. Communication is a two way street, of course, but it also can’t go anywhere if one party has no idea the other doesn’t even want to be communicating in the first place.
“Those who abandoned others don’t get to beg the one they left for help.” Hua Cheng’s tone was as icy as his expression when he spoke.
“What the fuck?!” Feng Xin was the first to recover from the shock Hua Cheng’s words thrust them all into. “You don’t know anything! Who do you think you are?!” He didn’t actually hate Hua Cheng as much as he appeared to, and he’s especially grown on him since the wedding, but his growing semi-affections weren’t nearly enough to side with the ghost over Mu Qing. The time during Xie Lian’s first banishment was very hard, unspeakably so, on all three of them. And they all dealt with that pain and stress in different ways. It’s true that that stress ended with both Mu Qing and himself leaving their friend, but it seemed like the right decision at the time. They, of course, know better now and have been working to make up for their series of poor choices, but Xie Lian himself has said that he doesn’t hold a grudge against them for leaving. “What right do you have to speak on things you have no idea of?!” Even if Xie Lian had opened up to Hua Cheng about that time in his life, it still didn’t give him the right to act as though he can take the high road in this situation.
Mu Qing also finally shook himself free of the shock Hua Cheng’s statement left him in. His words had cut deeply exactly where the ghost knew for a fact it would hurt the most. “It was hard on all of us!” He stepped in front of Feng Xin ever so slightly, giving him the opportunity to cool down. “I bet even you would have left, if only for a time!” They had all parted for complex reasons; even Feng Xin, Xie Lian’s most loyal follower and friend, left for reasons beyond just the two of them. There is just no way that Hua Cheng could have been immune to the time.
“How dare you.” Hua Cheng was shaking with what seemed like rage, but hidden behind the fury was an unspeakable pain. His eye was glazed over with it, agony made his voice waver. He couldn’t even refute the accusation because he had, at one point, abandoned his god. It wasn’t willingly, never would it be willingly, but he had. More than once.
“Mu Qing, that is enough.” Xie Lian finally found his words, and they were sharp and demanding when he spoke. He seemed completely calm, his posture straight and his expression set in a neutral manner; the shaking of his clenched fists was the only physical detail of him that could give away the absolute anger he was currently trying to reign in. “San Lang told you to not ask again, why do you continue then?” He glanced between his two friends because it was not only Mu Qing who had earned his ire.
“Xie Lian, are you fucking kidding me?” Mu Qing looked at him in slight horror. “You cannot seriously be taking his side in this. You had to have heard what he said to me.” The brief moment of time he was giving Feng Xin to calm himself down was probably the only reason he was even still standing in Puqi Shrine at all and not halfway to one of Feng Xin’s little houses in the mortal realm.
“I heard,” Xie Lian glanced over to his husband and sighed lightly. “And I will talk to him later when we are alone,” Hua Cheng seemed to quite literally deflate at those words; his back slumped but his shoulders tight with tension. “But that is no excuse for you to corner him first. Either of you.” He met Feng Xin’s eyes who was now looking a little like a kicked puppy. “Now then, Mu Qing, since you seem to think I would ever talk badly about my friends behind their backs to my husband, would you like to hear the real reason he is not your biggest fan?” His jaw was set, yet still his fists shook; although now it was unclear if the reason was still anger or some other emotion that seemed to overtake Xie Lian’s expression.
“Dianxia-!” Hua Cheng whipped his head up and around to his partner in a panic.
Xie Lian simply reached out to hold Hua Cheng’s hand, tightly, with a soft small smile on his face. “It’s alright, San Lang, I know you were trying protecting me.” He lifted the limp hand to his lips and kissed butterfly light kisses to each knuckle. “You are very good at it.”
“Not as good as I need to be.”
Xie Lian could only sigh again, gripping tighter on the hand, at the response he had expected to get. They can address that later in the privacy and safety of their room in Paradise Manor as well.
“Your Highness,” Feng Xin took a small tentative step forward, treating the couple as feral animals that may lash out if cornered. “I know Crimson Rain only wants to protect you, but from us? Really?” The thought of Xie Lian’s overprotective husband seeing the two of them as people he needs to protect him from hurts. It hurts in a way Feng Xin has never really experienced before. He’s always put Xie Lian before himself, before most people really, and the one time he was selfish has weighed heavily on him since he stepped away from that small cabin in the forest. He has never regretted anything more than that stupid, stupid decision he made centuries ago.
“No,” Xie Lian shook his head. He didn’t let go of Hua Cheng’s hand as the god guided all four of them to sit back down at the table. “San Lang has not been trying to protect me from you, it’s from the painful memories I would much rather forget.” Even with the love of his life sitting next to him, hand in hand, Xie Lian’s face was sullen.
Mu Qing pursed his lips, working very hard to refrain from rolling his eyes out of habit to deflect from the intense storm of emotions raging just under his fair skin. “I know leaving was stupid, and that it hurt you, but-“
“those aren’t the memories I was referring to.”
Mu Qing and Feng Xin shared a look, both deeply confused and concerned. They were beginning to realize there is a whole part of Xie Lian’s 800 plus year life that they had no idea about. Something so awful had happened to him sometime in the span between them leaving him and his second banishment that has led to Hua Cheng hating their very existence for that decision.
“Before I tell you, because I should have done this a long time ago, I wish for you both to know that I do not blame you at all. I let you leave, I asked you to leave me. What happened afterwards is not on you at all.” Hua Cheng made a low noise that sounded suspiciously like a whine. “Shh, I know you do, San Lang. And I thank you for thinking of me.” He kissed their connected hands softly. “Mu Qing,” his voice was hardened again, the softness he used when speaking to his husband completely gone with no trace he’d used it other than a strangely docile Hua Cheng sitting at his side. “Our last interaction on that mountain, do you remember it?”
Mu Qing bristled, his eyes narrowing. “Yes.” He forced out through gritted teeth. How could he ever forget that interaction? Thinking about that day that he had offered help and support too little too late would always haunt him. The look of absolute betrayal and contempt in Xie Lian’s eyes has plagued his nightmares more than a few times.
”Bai Wuxiang made contact with me directly after you went back to the Heavens.”
“What?!” Mu Qing glared at Feng Xin, it’s not like Xie Lian deserved it right now and he had to direct it somewhere.
Feng Xin wasn’t even looking at him, however. His entire attention was on Xie Lian, his complexion pale. “I- you said- and I thought. Oh fuck!” He was clearly distressed by this news.
Xie Lian gave him a wry smile. “You thought I was crazy, right?” Feng Xin paled even further at the words. “I don’t blame you, I thought I was going crazy as well.” His smile fell flat, and Hua Cheng leaned more against his side hoping his presence would help even a small amount.
“Where,” Feng Xin cleared his hoarse voice, hoping his words would come out without cracking. “Your Highness, where were you for those two months?” He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted the answer, but given the context he needed it now.
“You were gone for two months?!” Mu Qing’s glare intensified. He had no idea that something like Xie Lian’s disappearing for months had occurred when he left. Even with the strained relationship he had with the other god at the time, he had left only because he knew he could trust Feng Xin with Xie Lian’s safety. Hearing that wasn’t the case made a pressure that felt like a 100 tons settle on his chest. He could only think about what could have changed if he stayed with them during this time, about if Xie Lian would have ever come into contact with that, that thing, if he were around, about-
Oh.
“Do you, do you blame me for whatever happened to him during that time? After I left something awful happened and you blame that on me, right?” His question was now directed towards the ghost sitting across from him.
“Do not talk to him right now, please.” Xie Lian drew the twos attention back to him and away from his husband; he really did not want another argument in the middle of this discussion. “He had led me to a broken down temple, one of mine, of course.” He grimaced, starting the story back up once everyone had settled down enough to listen. “There was a small group of people who had been infected with the, the human face disease.”
“What?!” Both Feng Xin and Mu Qing exclaimed together.
“It was only a small amount of people, but there was a group of over 100 in the temple and we all know just how infectious that disease is. Bai Wuxiang was there, he had been watching and following me, herding me as if I were livestock towards these people. I’ve told you what the cure is, correct?” Xie Lian had a faraway look on his face and his eyes were hazy, but he was still aware enough to continue addressing the others with him. Once he got hesitant nods in return, he continued. “They we’re all panicking and a few of them were beginning to contract the disease so that panic only grew in intensity. Bai Wuxiang was attempting to goad me into telling this group what the cure was, but when I refused he did instead.” A little clarity brightened his darkened eyes. “San Lang,” he tilted his head to the side to see into his husband’s eye. “San Lang does not need to be here for this part.” He’d already forced his beloved to live through this once, doing so a second time was not his plan nor was it his intention.
“This one has no other place he should be than right beside Gege’s side. Especially for this.” Hua Cheng’s voice was strong and unwavering in his conviction to stay, but his lightly misty eye gave him away. He really did not want to relive this time, the greatest failure of his life, but if his god, the one who was forced to actually live through every painful moment, was willing to then he could as well.
Xie Lian kissed his cheek in appreciation before he spoke again, the touch giving him the courage he needed to continue. “He had managed to convince the group to kill, but none of them were quite prepared to murder another living person. So, he, Bai Wuxiang, he offered up, me.” His voice broke around the words, but he soldiered on despite that. “He tied me down to the broken alter with the white silk I had been using to hide my appearance, and explained to them how I was immortal. They could all, they could kill me without having to worry about my actual death.”
Feng Xin was on the verge of tears as he listened to Xie Lian’s words; terror, horror, and rage all swam through his veins so interconnected it was difficult to tell which emotion was the most prominent one. Mu Qing on the other hand was drowning in pure rage. If they hadn’t already managed to defeat Jun Wu and trap him, he would already be most of the way to that goddamn mountain to murder him.
“They we’re all hesitant at first, unsure if it would truly be manslaughter or not, but when a young boy developed the disease his parents, they were the first to, to try it. It worked.”
“They killed you?” Feng Xin’s voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke. The gravity of the situation Xie Lian was describing finally hitting him full force.
Xie Lian let out a sound a mix between a laugh and cry, his voice wet with unshed tears. “They weren’t the only ones.”
”How, how many of that group killed you?” Mu Qing couldn’t even meet anyones eyes as he asked his question. He was suddenly very much regretting bringing this up in the first place.
Xie Lian gave another strangled half laugh. “All of them.” Was the bone chilling response he gave. The other two across the table went deathly silent, even Hua Cheng’s heart and breathing that he made work again when he was with Xie Lian stopped altogether. There was a flurry of emotion flitting around the small inner room of Puqi Shrine, all of it charged with pain as they could only sit there and wait for more of the heart wrenching story. They didn’t have to wait for long. “Once they saw it had worked once, they worked together to form a line.”
“They we’re waiting in line… To murder you…?”
“It was actually a very well organized system despite the circumstances.” Xie Lian couldn’t help but give a very well practiced and dry self deprecating laugh. If one were to ask him today if he was happy, the automatic answer would be yes; but if someone were to ask him if he managed to work through his past? Well that automatic answer would be a light laugh and some sort of excuse. Being with Hua Cheng has made his self worth increase in leaps and bounds, but thinking back on this time of his very long life only forced the same resentment he held for himself creep back in and settle like a well worn weighted blanket over his shoulders; an oppressive presence he was all too used to, and one he couldn’t quite get rid of.
“Each person would get the chance to fatally stab me anywhere on my bound body. If they were not sure if the wound would be considered fatal, they would stab again in a more conclusive place.” The far-off look was back, settling over his eyes like a glaze. “To be quite honest, I do not remember much more from this point on other than pain, a lot of it, as well as a lot of screaming.”
Hua Cheng’s hands were shaking as he gripped the edge of the table, his pale knuckles even more white with the force of his grip. In an act that would hopefully be soothing for the both of them, he let go with one hand and lightly held onto Xie Lian’s instead.
Xie Lian lifted his head up to look deeply into Hua Cheng’s eye, a few stray caught tears finally dropping from his eyelashes as he blinked. “I do recall, however, when the screaming was no longer my own.” The attention on his partner was broken when Mu Qing spoke up filling the tense silence.
“You’re not,” he looked at Feng Xin helplessly before aiming his gaze back at the other two who were practically one mass now, the both of them needing the others presence. “You’re not saying what I think you are. Are you?” He just about whispered the last part, needing that confirmation and wanting it are two very different things.
“Are you saying, Hua Cheng was there?” Feng Xin helpfully supplied the actual question Mu Qing couldn’t quite voice. His voice wasn’t much louder though, disbelief and horror both equally squeezing his throat making everything come out slightly choked.
“I-“ Hua Cheng tied to speak around the solid lump in his throat, but Xie Lian put a gentle hand on his shoulder effectively stopping whatever words he was about to say from coming out of his mouth.
“Before we say anything else, yes he was there.” At the incredulous look he was receiving from both of his friends, Xie Lian simply shook his head to stop them from interrupting. “He was a small little ghost fire, one that I tried to,” he sniffed. “One that I had tried to get rid of multiple times before.” The hand lingering on Hua Cheng’s shoulder squeezed a bit harder. “It truly was trying to be helpful, trying to free me from the bindings or scare off the people still waiting, but Bai Wuxiang had already captured it.” He took in a shuddering breath. “That, thing,” he spat the word venomously, more spite in that one word than either of the other two martial gods have ever heard him curse something before, “knew who my most devoted believer, my only believer, was centuries before I did.”
Hua Cheng was at a loss for words, which isn’t easy to do, only a hesitant “Gege…” slipped past his lips. He’d purposefully been avoiding this subject as much as possible apart from what they needed to discuss for their own peace of mind and for their relationship to move forward. The fact that his beloved was not only forcing himself to recall these horrific events, but he was doing it for the two useless dumbasses that do not deserve the amount of love and devotion his god bestows upon them is more than slightly aggravating. Their actions are the direct catalysts for the only time in Xie Lian’s long life that he truly and deeply hated himself and the world, forever searing painful regret and sorrow into every fiber of his being and every piece of the muscle that is his heart.
Xie Lian gave his husband a half tilted reassuring smile, -which Hua Cheng didn’t feel like he deserved it nor is he the one who needs it the most- before turning back to his stunned-stupid friends. “I value the relationship the three of us have, but I also know how you both think of San Lang and the relationship I share with him. If you attempt to insinuate at all that San Lang was in any way responsible for, or could have stopped these events I will cease communication with you both.”
It wasn’t a threat. The present parties all knew Xie Lian well enough to know that he doesn’t do threats. But, he does do promises, and those are more terrifying coming from him than any little threat could ever be. Xie Lian has access to more spiritual power than most martial gods combined, a body practically immune to most poisons from his various adventures over the years, and knowledge that could bring down several hundred kingdoms if he so felt like it. If the man promises something, he can follow through with it no problem. That is why all three men felt like the wind had been knocked out of them, and two of those three felt a chill run up and down their spines.
“Your Highness-“ Feng Xin tried to start, but having no actual direction he could go with it, stopped short. The thought of losing his longest friend was definitely more terrifying than any ferocious beast or rampaging ghost or demon he’s ever fought before.
Mu Qing, on the other hand, did not have this same problem. “Xie Lian, you would choose him,” he gestured vaguely at Hua Cheng, who was currently pressed so closely to Xie Lian’s side that he could probably become part of him if he pushed only a bit more. “Over the two of us?” Mu Qing wasn’t sure if horror or fear were gripping his insides, but something was definitely twisting them into tight knots.
Xie Lian opened his mouth, looking like he had a very sure answer that he was confident in saying, but Feng Xin lunged across the table and put his hand over the other’s mouth, stopping him before he could get it out. He was way too nervous to know if the answer to Mu Qing’s question was the one he feared. “We were not trying to insinuate anything, Your Highness,” he spared a side glance at the red clad ghost king that was practically one with Xie Lian, and quickly backed away to sit back down pulling the offending hand back with him before Hua Cheng could bite it off. “We really weren’t.” Okay, he wasn’t at least; there is no telling if Mu Qing was upset about Hua Cheng being there and not doing anything when he apparently hates the god because he couldn’t offer help because he wasn’t there. Better to just cover for the both of them for now and try to approach Mu Qing about this later when it’s just the two of them. “It is just shocking to hear that he was there at that moment. Please, continue your story if you feel as though you can.” He didn’t want to pressure his best friend into telling them anymore of his traumatic experiences, but secretly hoped he would continue because Feng Xin had absolutely no clue about how to transition from this extremely tense situation into something lighter.
The room was silent, save for the grating sound of Mu Qing grinding his teeth together to keep himself from saying something he’d regret later, for a moment. “Alright?” Xie Lian finally broke that silence with a question directed at Hua Cheng. He’s already come this far in relaying his memories, and he doesn’t think Feng Xin or Mu Qing would interrupt like that again, but it wasn’t him that they had offended more than once during this exchange. If his husband did not want him to continue, or if he finally felt as though he couldn’t be here anymore, then Xie Lian would comply accordingly. The arm snaking around his midsection and holding his waist close was all the answer he needed, and was probably the only one he was going to get anyway. “Alright.” He repeated, his voice infinitely softer this time, pointedly ignoring the look Feng Xin and Mu Qing shared. “Like I said, I do not remember much else after, after they started, and I will not ask San Lang to fill in the details of the next two months. But Feng Xin, you can provide some context for when I got back.”
Feng Xin paled, but maintained eye contact. “Your parents, the king and queen, were very concerned. I was as well, of course, but you,” he bit down on his tongue to stop speaking.
“It’s fine, Feng Xin, you can say you all thought I had gone mad. I thought I was as well.” Xie Lian assured him with a smile that he should not be wearing in this moment.
“You just, you were not yourself when you came back. You were acting erratic and terrified, seeing things that were not there.” He paused only a brief moment before realization dawned in his eyes. “Or that the three of us just could not see.” Mu Qing and Hua Cheng both looked at Xie Lian with wide eyes, understanding what Feng Xin was attempting to hint at.
Xie Lian’s smile turned sour. “At the time I genuinely thought I was seeing him. I was scared to think that he had followed me back to you three, that he would finish the job, or that he would hurt you instead.” He took a breath. “I saw him everywhere and in everything. I truly thought he was playing with me, messing with my mind. I felt scared and alone, and so I lashed out at you and my parents for not believing me.”
Hua Cheng lightly flinched at that, no one could see it but Xie Lian could feel it from where their bodies were pressed together. He has never regretted taking the time of the next few days to form his human body to fully service and protect his god, but not being by his love’s side when he was in such agony made his unbeating heart clench painfully. He should have been there, but he wasn’t.
“Your mother,” Feng Xin continued, completely unaware of Hua Cheng’s inner turmoil. “She was, she was so scared for you. We didn’t know what was happening to you, but all we knew is that you were in a type of pain that neither of us could remedy.” It was heartbreaking he didn’t say. Even if the sight of his first love seeming to slowly lose his mind sent Feng Xin into a dangerous headspace that put him on an unchecked path of brief love and sex, this isn’t about him and how he felt at the time. He would need to get these words out to someone at some point so that the heavy rock settled in his chest would finally dislodge, but that would most likely be Mu Qing at a later date when they are alone.
“She was probably scared of me, as well.” This time Xie Lian attempted to suppress his own flinch that made Hua Cheng growl lowly under his breath. “I got worse after you left, Feng Xin. I was so cruel to her.” “The last thing that she saw of me was the door I had locked and refused to open for her and her kind words and horrid lovely food. I would not doubt that she and father both thought of me in a very negative way in their final moments.” He let out a choked wet laugh. He had avoided his mother for days, and the next time he saw her face was when it was already deathly pale.
“How did they-“ Feng Xin couldn’t finish his question. He has wondered for centuries now just how the King and Queen of Xianle had ended up dying, but the only one who knew, Xie Lian, could not be reached nor was Feng Xin very willing to ask that of him.
Xie Lian didn’t say anything for a good minute or so, the deafening silence crushing them all, but eventually he did. “Rouye.” He whispered, calling out the white silk tied around his wrist. “Do either of you know how Rouye ended up a spiritual weapon?” When Mu Qing and Feng Xin both shook their heads, he smiled weakly, petting the silk absentmindedly. “It was born of blood sacrifices.”
“Sacrifices? Plural?” Mu Qing willed his voice to work wanting to give Feng Xin a brief reprieve.
“Yes. Mine when it was used to bind me to the broken alter and I was killed over a hundred times, and my parents when, when they could no longer take living.” He hicupped, the words breaking off when a stifled sob suddenly wracked Xie Lian’s body.
Hua Cheng wrapped a protective arm around Xie Lian’s shoulders, holding him tightly, comforting. “I think that is more than enough. They don’t need, nor do they deserve any more.” He glared a murderous look straight through the frozen Mu Qing and Feng Xin, daring them to refute his words and demand more information that they had no rights to knowing in the first place. Information that he has heard Xie Lian swear multiple times to take to his grave. They were getting dangerously close to the part of his husband’s life that he has never successfully had a full conversation about, and he’d be damned if these two goddamn idiots forced that out of him as well.
“I-I’m sor, sorry.” Xie Lian’s sobs were now muffled in Hua Cheng’s shoulder as he could no longer hold them back himself.
“No, don’t,” Mu Qing finally willed his mouth to move, his head shaking vigorously. “Don’t you apologize, Xie Lian. I should be. I am sorry for bringing this up in the first place.” He would never even try to deny the tears pooling in his eyes at the sight of his best friend breaking down because of him, hurting because of him yet again.
Feng Xin wasn’t in a better state, ferociously wiping at the tears that wouldn’t stop falling no matter how hard or frequent he rubbed. “Go home, Your Highness, and you let us know when it is okay to see you again.” His voice was strong despite the tears leaving no room for argument in his words.
This only made Xie Lian cry harder; he hasn’t had people, hasn’t had friends care enough to wait for him in so long. To put his needs and feelings before their own. It squeezed his heart in the best way, just bordering on painful.
Hua Cheng stood up gathering his husband in his arms before pulling out a pair of die and walking out of the front door of Puqi Shrine into their room in Paradise Manor without sparing even so much as a glance back at the two gods sitting stock still in their seats. If he had his way then they wouldn’t be seeing the two for a good long while, but of course Xie Lian always has his so it would probably be only a few days maybe a week at most.
After a while of nothing but silence being a crushing weight on Feng Xin and Mu Qing, they both simultaneously stood up. They didn’t speak as they made their way to the closest of Feng Xin’s homes in the human world, but the pinkies they had looped together gave away the comfort they were soaking up from the other. It was going to be a very long and quiet few days…
—————
“Sa’Lan?” Xie Lian murmured, his voice both heavy with sleep and muffled by the pillows his face was currently smooshed into. “When did I get here?” He asked more clearly after rolling over to lie on his side and face his husband.
“Gege fell asleep during his bath so this San Lang took it upon himself to dry, clothe, and put you to bed.” Hua Cheng lovingly caressed Xie Lian’s exposed cheek, his touch feather light as he brushed the long hair back behind his ear. “You had a long day, would Gege like to go back to sleep or would he like some food?”
It was quiet for a moment as Xie Lian seemed to weigh his options before opening his arms wide and inviting, “would San Lang hold me?” He asked softly with a light blush coating the smooth skin along his cheeks.
“Of course.” Hua Cheng wasted exactly zero time slotting himself into the space created by Xie Lian’s open arms, wrapping his own securely around the smaller frame against him. “I will hold you forever if you ask.” He whispered into Xie Lian’s hair, kissing the top of his head when he finished.
“Don’t leave?” Xie Lian buried his face into the crook of Hua Cheng’s neck and shoulder, the spot that seemed to have been created exactly for him (the fact that his husband can change his forms at will, it might have actually been). The boundless comfort and safety that seeped into his lacking body that desperately craved these was addicting. Forever flowing and very addictive. Hua Cheng gave him a place to belong, a safe haven, somewhere that he knows he can go to when he needs comfort or help or even just a listening ear. Xie Lian didn’t realize how much he was lacking a home until he finally found one.
“I would never go anywhere without you.”