Archive of Our Own

Spring, Jonghyun, age 10

When the warm spring arrives

I think about you smiling as brightly as the sun. 

The first warm day of the year, and you were always ringing my doorbell. 

“Can Jonghyun come out to play?” You would ask my mother. The answer was always yes. 

I would hear your footsteps approaching and get excited, but the last thing I wanted was to look uncool in front of you. You were the coolest person I knew even if you rarely thought so. I would send my mother to answer the door, even when I knew it was you on the other end of it. 

I would take my time coming downstairs, listening to you talk to my mother as she offered us snacks for our adventures on days where we would be on our way to fight dragons in the forest and share lunch once we tired out. Sometimes we met up with our other friends; Minho, Taemin and Jinki. But I always liked the days where it was just me and you. 

You were so unique. Your hair was a buzzcut. Today the spring air was chilly, so you wore a baseball cap turned backwards. Some American team you probably have never watched play. 

Today it seemed like you and the sun were in competition to see who could shine the brightest after the darkness of winter. To preserve the sun’s ego, I didn’t dare say the winner outloud. 

I was snapped out of my thoughts when you lead me to the sidewalk and picked something up.

 “Look what my dad got me!” You said once I arrived outside. The item glistened in the flame of the sun and reflected into my eyes so I squinted.  

“A Bike? Who gets a bike just because?” I asked in shock, examining all of the cool parts of it. The racing stripes on the side and the blue handlebars. The basket on the front with flowers on it. It was very…you. 

“He’s going to be out of town for work on children’s day, so he gave me a big gift to make up for it. Let’s go for a ride. Hop on.”

I would step on the back of the bike, on the pegs sticking out of the wheels and hold on to you tight. I didn’t know how you kept your balance so well, but I knew with you I was safe. 

The spring air was chilly as it hit my face at lightning speed. It felt like I was flying on the back of your bike. I wanted so bad to put my arms out, but for fear of falling, I held you instead.

We dropped your bike in front of the ice cream stand. I had about 2,000 Won and you had 3,000. That was enough for one bowl to share. We argued, you wanted strawberry, I wanted Chocolate. We ended up with Strawberry because you had more money than me, so it was your choice this time. 

When we went outside to sit by the bike and eat our ice cream, it was gone.

“Where is my bike?” You asked frantically, while you looked around. You asked some people sitting outside if they had seen it, and they did not. 

You hung your head so low and I could see the tears forming, so I wrapped an arm around you and pulled you in for a hug. “It’ll be okay, Bummie. We’ll find it.” 

You just nodded, dejected and upset. I didn’t know how to make you feel better. 

“Let’s go home.” You mumbled. As the sun beamed down, I watched the ice cream bowl in my hand become soup, dripping onto the newly formed flowers for the season. 

The ride there seemed short, but the walk home felt long. You were silent, something that was rare. I asked if a song would make you feel better, you simply shook your head. We walked quietly for a while, then I saw something zip past me.

“Bummie!” I yelled and shook your shoulder. You were irritated and moved my hand away without looking up.

“Jjong, I told you. I don’t want a song. I just want my bike. My dad is going to kill me.” You groaned.

“Look!” I yelled back. You lifted your head and saw a group of older boys playing across the street. One of them had a bike with racing stripes, blue handle bars and a basket with flowers on the front. 

“My bike!” You yelled, running across the street without looking, dodging cars zooming down the street, I chased after you, trying not to get hit myself. 

“Yah! That’s my bike!” You yelled at the older boy. He looked at you and pushed you down, riding away on the bike and laughing. As I looked at you on the ground, I felt heat boil into my body and I turned red.  

“Hey! He said that’s his bike.” I walked up to the older boy, pushing him down. He stood up and he towered over me. I feel like I audibly gulped. 

“It’s mine now.” The boy said as he punched me in the chest. I stood my ground as I felt the pain travel through my bones. 

“Jonghyun!” You screamed, but I was just getting started. It didn’t matter if he was bigger or stronger than me. I pushed the kid again, harder this time and he tumbled backward. 

“Give me the bike back, now.” As he laid on the ground I stood over him, with my hand balled into a fist, letting him know I wasn’t afraid to strike him again. 

“Or what? Your boyfriend gonna cry?” The kid was bold enough to say as he punched my face and I just snapped.

There are probably a few versions of the story of what happened next, but I just remember seeing red. I started punching him and punching him and punching him. I wasn’t a violent person, but when he pushed you on the ground everything went black. I didn’t remember any of it. I just remember you pulling me off of him, telling me to stop and I remember him running off with his friends, leaving your bike. 

“We got it back, Bummie. Just like I said.” I exhaled out of breath, holding my sore hands. You just laughed.

“Kim Jonghyun, what the hell.” You said, examining my blackened eye from his punch and shaking your head. You helped me up, and thanked me, but I told you there was nothing to thank me for. I would always protect you. 

On the ride home, you asked if I wanted to drive the bike and you would stand on the back, but I didn’t have the heart to tell you, I never learned how to ride a bike. So instead I said, “I’m tired. I think you should drive. You’re probably better at it anyway.”

When I got home, my mother saw my black eye and freaked out. I told her I fell off of the bike. I still think she knows that was a lie. Eventually word got around about the fight. Mothers talk to other mothers. Naturally, I was grounded. I told my mom it was in your honor. She called me noble, and told me I was still grounded. 

“Still locked up, huh?” You asked one day over the phone. I chuckled into the phone and whispered, peering out of the door of my bedroom, making sure my mother or bratty little sister weren’t within earshot.

“Still locked up. I’m not supposed to be on the phone either, so make it quick.”

There was radio silence on the phone. You paused for a long time and I almost thought you hung up. 

“Bummie?” I asked, and I heard you let out a sob on the other end of the phone. “Bummie.. What’s going on?” 

“My dad got promoted. We’re moving to Daegu. I’m going to live with my grandmother.”

There was nothing said for what seemed like eternity. 

The silence was so loud, I heard my heart breaking through my chest. 

What was I going to do without him?

“You’re my best friend.” Was all I could manage to choke out.

“You’re mine too. Don’t get another best friend while I’m gone, okay?” You sobbed back with shaky breath and quivering lips. 

“I’ll wait for you.” I told you. And It was going to be true.

Autumn, Kibum, age 16

My father had a knack for ruining my life.

The last six years in Daegu were okay. I missed the city, but I took this as a time to really focus on my studies. A lot of the days were spent watching dramas with my grandmother and eating her food. I would help her around the house, the older she got, the harder some tasks became. 

I had friends here and I was doing well in school, but something weighed heavy on my mind and it took weeks to build the courage to talk to my grandmother about it. 

“Halmoni?” I said on a warm afternoon. She was in the backyard, tending to her basil plants. She wore a hat and a sweater that clung to her thin frame. 

“Yes, dear?” She asked, not looking at me and continuing her work. I smiled at how delicate her fingers were as she moved dirt around. 

“I…I-” I trembled a bit, and she stopped what she was doing and made eye contact with me. She could tell something was hard, so gave me her full attention. She stood and directed me to the patio chairs near the garden. There was a pitcher with iced tea in it, something we normally drank in the summer, but the autumn was fine too. 

We sat in silence and I stared at my hands. I kept trying to speak, but my words were being swallowed each time by the nervousness that was deep in the pit of my stomach.

“Kibum-ah… Halmoni will love you no matter what… or who.” She touched my shoulder, and I blinked. 

“Who?” I asked, slight offense in my voice, but curiosity all the same. 

“You were going to tell me you like boys. I’ve known for some time, Kibummie, and I want you to know I love you.” She said to me softly. 

There was a brief silence between the two of us and then I just lost it. I cackled so hard that tears came to my eyes. She was quiet and began to laugh too. Once my laughter died down, I turned to her again, drinking a sip of tea. 

“I know you love me. I love you. I was actually trying to tell you that I want to move back to Seoul to start training as an Idol. I really think I can do it and you won’t have to send me anything. I went to an audition here in Daegu a few weeks ago. They just called and want me to train. I know how you feel about the city, but I’ll be safe. I have housing in the dorms. I’ll eat every day. I just need to know you’ll be okay.”  I rambled out. I found myself catching my breath at the end of the sentence, it felt like vomit when I started, I just couldn’t stop. 

“Ah, this again. You know your father doesn’t want you to do singing. He wants you to be a doctor.” She said matter of factly, “My Kibummie would make a great doctor.” 

“Only, I wouldn’t make a great doctor. I hate blood. Halmoni, I want to do this. Despite what my father wants, I’m going to do this.” She could see the determination in my eyes, knowing there was no way I was backing down. She simply touched my shoulder and smiled. 

“Then who am I to stop you, just stay in school as long as you are able, for me. Okay?” Was the only thing she said. The rest of the time was in a comfortable silence, staring at the backyard, watching the birds go back and forth to the feeder. 

Seoul was big. To obey my grandma’s only request, I registered for high school. I would train after classes. It was going to be a tough life, but I knew how bad I wanted it. 

On my first day of school, I surveyed the room. My peers' faces shone in a sea of unfamiliarity. I wasn’t a shy or nervous person, but standing in front of the ocean of uniforms in my morning class was unnerving.

“Class, we have a new student. Treat him well, please.” The teacher said and motioned for me to introduce myself. I inhaled a puff of air and exhaled with a smile.

“Hello, I am Kim Kibum from Daegu. I look forward to meeting each of you.” I bowed after my sentence, turning red immediately and overthinking everything. 

When I stood up, I saw you.

“Kibummie?” You yelled from the back of the class, causing me to smile wide, but the rest of the class burst into laughter. 

“Jjong!” I yelled back, in disregard of the laughter, I went back and sat at the desk next to him.

“What are you doing here?” You asked me, I could see you wanted to hug me. I wanted to do the same.

“Training, so I moved back! We haven’t talked in so long! How’s your mom? Your sister? How are you? Are you still locked up all these years later?” I whispered and he smiled wide. 

“Good good, everyone’s good. How abou–” The teacher interrupted you with a slap of a ruler on the desk.

“Is your conversation more important than my lesson?” The teacher asked and I watched your face turn red as you apologized. I snickered, and you looked at me. Your smile never changed.

We stayed silent to avoid more admonishment by the teacher, but when the school day ended and I gathered my things on the way to training, you grabbed my arm and pulled me into a long satisfying hug. 

“I missed you so much.” You said softly, and I felt myself melt into the hug, but pushing away so it didn’t linger. The last thing I needed here was a target on my back. 

“I missed you too, let’s meet up tomorrow? I have to go to training.” I was in a rush, but I had to get to the entertainment company’s building soon. 

“Wait. Let me walk with you. What are you training for?” You started grabbing my things to help me carry them, and I blushed, noticeably, but we began to walk during the warm autumn day, leaves guiding our path as we caught up on the last six years of our lives as if we never separated. It felt like we clicked right back together.

When we were younger, your smile was crooked, you would miss teeth from time to time to make room for the grown up ones. You were tiny for your age, but you had spunk. Your bowl cut was fitting to your cute round face. But now? You were handsome. Your round face was now chiseled and sharp. You had muscles, and your hair was cut short. It looked really good on you.  

We talked. About everything. The walk felt like it was endless with your laugh and your jokes and our banter back and forth that saying goodbye to go to training hurt, even with the lingering promise of tomorrow. 

And we did that for weeks. It became routine. Every day I had training, and every day you walked me there. The fall was getting colder as the months went on. There were days you would give me your jacket because I was ill-prepared. There were days we would share a snack on the way. You were still my best friend. 

One day, as we walked, you broke the silence by saying “Why yellow?” 

“What?” I asked, my mouth full from fruit we grabbed on the way today. 

“The leaves. Brown makes sense. Orange. Red… but yellow?” You were always so unnecessarily inquisitive. I often asked what the hell you were talking about. It was endearing sometimes, and other times, I wanted to smack you. 

“Because.” I would often say. “Everything doesn’t have to have a reason you know. Sometimes things just are.” 

“Hm.” Would be your response, then you would change the subject. “You have fruit all over your hand.” You said as you grabbed my sticky hands, helping me wipe them.

That day, you were bold. I could see you looking at the ground, and looking at my hand in yours, bounded by the juice of strawberries in the cool air. You didn’t say anything. You were so afraid I would snatch my hand away, but I liked it, so I held your hand back and we walked like that for a while down the road. We got a block away from the company and you let go, to preserve my image of any wandering eyes. I was nervous and blushing, so I said an awkward goodbye and even bowed. You laughed, wondering why I was being so formal all of a sudden. 

That night I got home late, my legs were aching and I was tired but my hand still tingled where you held it. I crashed on the bed and asked if you wanted to meet me in the morning because I had something to ask you. You texted me back, “Of course.” I closed my eyes and wondered how I was going to go about it. 

It felt like my alarm went off as soon as I closed my eyes. I got ready and you were waiting for me downstairs. 

“Hey, what did you want to talk about?” You asked as you greeted me with a hug.

“Wow, right to the punch, huh?” I teased, as you grabbed my hand again. This time, no strawberry juice, and no nervousness. You probably thought about that the whole way here. 

“Well, you texted pretty late, I thought something was wrong.” You played with the ring on my finger and I could feel the butterflies doing dances in my stomach. 

“I.. I like you.” I practically whispered, knowing when the words escaped my mouth they would exist in this time and in space forever. 

“Well, yeah. I like you too. You’re my best friend.” You said like an idiot. I sighed heavy. There was no turning back.

“No. I like you. Like-like.” I projectile vomited that sentence out. All you did was blink and let go of my hand. Everything I feared was happening in this moment. 

“Oh.. Kibum.. I-I don’t think I’m… ya know.” You whispered as if it were a curse word to say it. “Can I.. can I think on it?” 

I hated you, inquisitive, indecisive Jonghyun. I hated you for not knowing yourself as I have known myself. I hated you for not being honest, because deep down you knew you liked me too. Mostly I hated you for being a coward, afraid of what your friends and mother might say if you showed up with my hand in yours. 

But Instead of voicing my pain, I said “It’s okay. I’ll wait for you.”    

Winter, Jonghyun, age 25

“And with his new single from his first studio album, already dominating the charts and it was just released today! KEY!” The television blared from the other room. 

I had spent the whole night writing. I wasn’t sure what time it was. I needed to get these lyrics to the company by today and I was having so much trouble getting the feelings in the song right. But I needed to close my eyes for a bit. The loud sound from the TV jolted me awake, a piece of paper sticking to my forehead as I jumped up. And looked at the time. I needed to get dressed.

I looked for the remote and found it under a take-out container in my messy living room. I should probably clean up too. I pointed the remote to the TV to turn it down, the catchy melodic song traveling through my tiny apartment was nice, but it was early and I hadn’t had coffee yet. 

When I looked at the screen… I saw you. 

“Kibummie?” I said to myself. 

You were dynamic. Your dancing was breathtaking, each step taken with intention and beautiful focus. You were sexy and graceful. The eye contact you made with the camera was sexual in ways I couldn’t explain. Your cutoff shirt caused me to gulp a bit, showing your belly when your arms went up for the chorus of the song. I was captivated by you. 

When the performance ended, you smirked at the camera and it sent a rush of heat through my body. 

I looked at the time again and at the half empty scribbled pieces of paper on the desk. 

I took another look at you and I began writing and writing and writing like my life depended on it. 

I hadn’t seen you since high school. The day you confessed to me scared me. I still walked you to your training but it became less and less often and became awkward. I felt jealous when I saw you pick up your phone and text someone else, but I knew you couldn’t be mine. Eventually I stopped walking with you. Citing excuses like “I have to watch my sister” or “my mom wants me to come home” or “I have band practice.”

You never seemed to mind. At least, not on the outside. You missed school every once in a while. Then more frequently as time went on. Eventually you became a full time trainee and I didn’t see you anymore. You didn’t even say goodbye. 

I became a songwriter. I worked at an accounting firm for a while after university. I was miserable so I started sending my songs to entertainment companies for idol groups. It paid well and I got to do stuff I loved. Sometimes they would call me in for special projects or let me sing backing vocals on some tracks. It was nice, because I loved singing. They offered for me to be a trainee, but I declined, I liked being in the background. 

I found myself wondering what life would be like if I would’ve told you that I liked you too, even as the years have gone on. Sometimes I wish I were brave. Brave enough to tell you after I dropped you off I would run back to school for band practice, I was late every time because I chose to walk with you kilometers away. I wished I was brave enough to tell you that holding your hand that day stayed in the back of my mind for the rest of the year. Brave enough to tell you that I thought about you long after we departed and over 10 years later, I haven’t stopped. 

I walked out into the brisk cold, rushing because I was late. I tried to hail a cab, but the busy mornings in Seoul made it difficult so running was my only option. The cold air hit my face like sharp icicles. I watched a guy zip past me on a bike and I shook with rage, I wish I knew how to ride a bike. I still didn’t. After all this time. 

“I have the song! I have the song!” I shouted as I walked into the meeting, out of breath and shivering. 

“Ah perfect timing, Jonghyun-ah!” One of the executives said. He was familiar to me, the others in the room were not.

“The song is called Four Seasons. It’s about a love that develops as the years go on, the feelings are confusing. It’s about hope and holding on to a love hoping it’ll come back one day. It can be for a soloist or a group. But it’s a ballad so I think it should go to someone with strong vocals. I’ve also recorded a demo.” I rattled off, holding a folder in my hand and passing the lyrics to the executives in the room. 

“What about Exo? I think this might be a good song for them. They’re just starting out.” Someone suggested. 

“No, I think it should go to Key.” Another executive said, and the others nodded vigorously. I blushed hard, not letting them know that he served as my muse for the song’s concept. 

“Yes, Key is a good option! Let’s set up a meeting with you two and see if he likes the demo. We can record It soon if all goes well.” Someone said, “great work Jonghyun.” 

Sitting in the conference room later that week was nerve wracking as I waited for you. My leg was shaking and I chewed on my pen, leaving teeth marks in it. 

I heard the door jiggle, and you walked in with a shorter man. Probably your manager. You were clad in a plaid jacket and skinny jeans. You were wearing sunglasses inside and your hair was blonde with a hint of pink, pushed back to stay out of your eyes. You looked like a superstar. Upon your entry, I stood up.

“Jjongie?” You shouted as our eyes connected. You ran up and hugged me after removing your sunglasses, “What are you doing here?” 

“I-I wrote the song your company wants you to sing. You look so good… like really good.” I was nervous, and I didn’t know why. I hung around celebrities all the time. I’ve written some of the biggest songs the idol industry has to offer, but something about being next to you in this element made me quiver. 

You chuckled, “Thanks, you don’t look bad yourself. I hope you’ve been doing well. I’ve missed you.” 

It felt like we’d been here before.

“Four Seasons, huh?” You read the sheet of paper in front of you and started reading the lyrics. I played the demo, and you followed along, a smile deepening on your face. “I like that. The lyric, “I’ll wait for you, until the end.” I like this a lot.” 

“I thought you would.” We were clearly flirting at this point, and the manager could tell. 

“I’ll step out to make a phone call.” He said, shifting in his seat, a bit uncomfortable between the two of us. We nodded and closed the door behind him. 

“Are you... dating anybody right now?” I practically whispered to you. Your long eyelashes catching the sunlight from the window in the conference room. The contacts you wore on stage were gone, leaving the real you for me to see, your brown eyes were illuminating in the space. 

“Now why would you want to know something like that, Kim Jonghyun?” There was a smirk in your tone. You were teasing me. You wanted me to say it. 

“Because you’re breathtaking and I was stupid when I was 16. I haven’t stopped thinking about you, clearly.” I motioned to the piece of paper in your hands, to confirm that the song is about us if you didn’t know already. “I’ve dated plenty of women. Some men too after coming to terms with a lot of my own demons. But… no one has been able to fill that void. There’s a missing piece in everyone I’ve chosen to love, and it seems the missing piece can only be filled by you.” 

You were quiet and I was nervous. I put my heart on the line, the same way you did all those years ago. I wouldn’t be upset with you if you yelled at me right now, rejected me and never wanted to talk to me again.

“Pick me up tonight at seven. My manager will give you my address and phone number.” Was all you said. I blinked in confusion. 

“Tonight? For What?” I asked before you were fully out of the door. 

“A date.” And with that, the door was closed. The manager ran in and handed me a slip of paper, but didn’t exchange any words. 

Kim Kibum, what the hell.

The rest of my day was spent cleaning my apartment and freaking the fuck out. Was I supposed to plan something? Did you have something planned? A date? Pick you up and take you where? What do I wear? What will you be wearing? The crop top? God, please let it be the crop top. 

After putting on a white shirt, a blue cardigan and some dark jeans, I assumed it was casual enough to still be classy. I added a hat to my brown hair, making it more of a coffee shop look. I looked at myself in the mirror and nodded, approving my own outfit like some sort of dork. 

I got into my car and typed in the address and I was on my way. When I pulled up, I rang your doorbell and realized I hadn’t grabbed flowers or anything. 

“Wow, great job.” I said to myself on your porch. You opened the door and pulled me into your place. It was much bigger than mine. I was attacked by two little balls of fur, sniffing me out and licking my palms. 

“That’s CommeDes and that’s Garcons. I’ll be ready in a bit. Where are we going?” You asked me and of course, I panicked. You were wearing a thin sweater, skinny jeans and boots. I didn’t feel over or under-dressed.

“It’s a surprise.” I lied. It would be the last time I lied to you. I just needed more time, and then it hit me. 

When you got to my car, you smiled at me, and I opened the passenger door for you. You climbed in and said “Lamborghini, huh?” 

“Perks of the job.” I smiled, and gestured for you to play whatever you wanted on the radio. We drove catching up on the last couple years of our lives, as we had done in the past. One hand rested on the wheel as I drove, the other on the gear shift. You slid your fingers into mine the same way I did before to you. We stayed like that for the remainder of the ride. 

We arrived at a coffee shop, which was corny, but there was more in store. I parked and opened your door and you laughed, telling me I didn’t have to do that. 

“Let’s get some hot chocolate. We’re going for a walk.” I motioned toward the coffee shop.

“A walk? Jonghyun, it’s winter. There‘a snow on the ground.” You gave me a look and I gave one in return. I needed you to trust me. 

After we got our hot chocolate, we started in the direction I wanted us to go. We still conversed. You told me about your struggles with fame, the fan girls and the creepy executives. It all seemed pretty rough. I told you about the job I left to become a full time song writer and all of the songs I wrote. You were shocked that it was that many and it was some of the more popular ones at that. When you asked why we hadn’t crossed paths before even though we were working in the same industry. 

I simply replied, “Because. Everything doesn’t have to have a reason, you know. Sometimes things just are.”. You cackled out loud and said “That’s my line.” 

As we walked down the path in the brisk, cold and dark winter, one hand held your hot chocolate, still too hot to drink but hot enough to keep your hands warm. You slipped your other one mine again and we walked until the path was lit at the end by strings and strings of illuminous Christmas lights. 

“I hope you like Christmas lights. This park always puts a bunch of them up and I like to walk through them in the winter to think, or to just see some kind of beauty in the darkness that starts too early some days.” I looked down in shame. I should’ve taken you to a dinner or a movie or something.

Your eyes were big. You didn’t say a word, you just looked around at the blocks and blocks of twinkling, glowing lights. The last casted upon your skin and it seemed like you and the lights were in competition on who could shine the brightest. To spare the lights their ego, I didn’t dare say the winner out loud. 

When you were quiet for too long, I turned to you, “Kibummie, I’m sorry. We can just go–” 

And that’s when I felt your lips on mine. Time stopped. The music around us playing in the park slowed down, the cold air didn’t exist and I wasn’t sure if it was Christmas or Chinese New Year because all I could hear were fireworks going off in the distance. You pulled on my shirt collar to deepen the kiss and I wrapped my arms around the small of your back. When our lips touched it felt like the perfect fit. When we finally departed, you touched your forehead to mine. 

“I’m so glad I waited for you.” is all you said as you grabbed my hand once more and we walked toward the lights to go on with our date. I was glad too. 

Summer, Kibum, age 30 

Summer nights were my favorite. Clear skies, warm breezes and once the sun went down, the nights still felt endless. 

I nervously paced back and forth in the small room. In all 30 years of my life, I’d never been nervous, but there was just something about you. You still made me blush like a fool. You made me sing love songs in the shower, on the stage and in my head and after five years of calling you my boyfriend, nothing has changed… until now. 

“Bum, you ready?” Minho’s voice boomed as he entered the room. He was still around. All of our childhood friends came. I looked up and smiled, and nodded. He extended his arm and we walked out into the darkness, lit by a path of candles. We stopped by the door, his arm locked in mine. 

“Are you nervous?” He asked me as he stroked my arm in comfort. 

“Please. Have you ever known me to be nervous?” I bluffed. I bluffed bad. 

“Yes, which is why I’m going to tell you it’ll be okay. I’m really happy for you.” He gave me a quick hug and the music started. 

The beach was warm at night. We had lights outside lighting the path along with candles. Nighttime was the best time to do this away from any wandering eyes and tabloids. You wanted the moon to be big and bright. The stars twinkled in the sky over the ocean that crashed in the background like a sweet melodic soundtrack to my already perfect night. 

I searched through the darkness for a familiar face or two to ease my nerves. Taemin and Jinki stood next to you. My Halmoni’s picture was hanging big and bright, knowing she was watching over us and smiling because she knew this moment would come for us one day. My mother was in the front row, tears in her eyes at her son finally being happy. The seat next to her, reserved for my father was empty. Minho agreed to walk me down the aisle, telling me as long as I have my friends, I’ll never need my father’s blessing. He was right. 

Then there was you. Clad in an all white suit with a black button up, and dress shoes. Your tie was tight around your neck and you looked so handsome. I felt tears flowing down my face as Minho and I made it to the end of the aisle. He handed my hand to you and when we finally made eye contact, I could see you were crying already. 

“You look…” You couldn’t even finish the sentence between your sobbing. I laughed, because you were always so emotional. It was one of the things I loved most about you. 

When the priest asked for vows, I wondered if you were going to make it through yours. I cried reading mine, but you were a poet by nature. I could listen to your writing all day. I wiped my own tears. 

“I’ve loved you for longer than you can imagine. Spring days spent outside in the yard battling dragons, playing pretend and fighting bullies. Autumn walks across the city with your hand in mine. Winter nights spent under the Christmas lights and Summer nights under the stars, Kibummie… Time passes us too quickly. I think of all of the time I spent afraid. All of the months that passed in between and all of the seasons in between. I told you that I was missing a piece and I’m happy I found it in you, because it fits perfectly now. I plan on spending every single season with you for the rest of my life, because as long as you’re by my side; each season is special. I could talk about how beautiful you are, or how talented. I could talk about the way you get shy when I compliment you or the way you yell when I take food off of your plate or use your shower gel when I run out of my own. But instead, I’ll talk about all of the memories I want to make with you for the rest of our lives… I love you Kibummie, and I’m glad I waited for you too.” 

Once you wrapped up your vows, I was speechless. There wasn’t a dry eye on the beach. The priest could not say “You may now kiss the groom” fast enough. My lips were magnetic to yours, moving in sync and becoming one under the light of the moon. The same light of the moon that acted as a spotlight for our first dance as a married couple. 

It felt like we were the only two people on that beach at that moment. I smiled and closed my eyes as I rested my head on your shoulder, swaying to the music.

At that moment, I didn’t know much, but I knew that when I closed my eyes, you were still right by my side.

I know for Spring, Autumn, Winter and Summer, you would still be by my side.

And I know that … is our love story. 

Not a true sad story, but one of the greatest stories I’ve ever had the honor of telling.