Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Report.”

A stern, feminine voice rang out in the halls of the old monastery library. The room that once catered to the many students at Garreg Mach, its history and stories filling the walls around the room, now laid in disarray as its contents were spilled around the floor. The materials and research, once filed meticulously on the shelves, strewn around across the floor as if the answers to a puzzle were located in one of the many tomes and scriptures. The tables were swept clear as maps and diagrams took their place on the surfaces. The library had turned into an impromptu intelligence center, with its Imperial occupants scrambling to find anything they could on the many secrets and mysteries of the old monastery. At the center of it all was a young woman clad in vibrant red, adorned by golden regalia. 

Contrary to her regal attire, her eyes were bloodshot, dark bags underneath. And her hair was, well, unkempt to say the least.

“Your Majesty…” The messenger began, only to hesitate.

“Out with it already! Did you find her or not!”

“No ma’am!” the messenger yelped. The forcefulness in the Emperor’s voice made the man straighten his back to a point he had never thought possible. “We’ve extended the search area as you have dictated but we have yet to find any clue to the whereabouts of-”

“Then you're not looking hard enough! Check further down the canyon. Expand the search, increase the number of parties sent out. There has to be SOMETHING!”

“Yes! Your Highness!” The man saluted and bowed to the Emperor before quickly making his leave from the library. The rest of the staff in the library had ceased moving.

“What are you staring at? The more time you waste gawking, the more time that could have been spent finding something useful.”

With a quick snap of her voice, the Imperial researchers scrambled to their stations, compiling as much as they could, grasping at straws to appease their superior. After a moment, a dark, imposing figure came out from behind the Emperor. 

“My lady, may I have a word?”

“What is it Hubert, I’m sure you know how busy I am at the moment.” She continued to rifle through different maps, circling possible areas of interest.

“I would prefer if we had this conversation in private.” the dark-haired man stated.

“Now is not the time for this.” the Emperor sighed.

“It is when it concerns your health and wellbeing, my Lady.” His tone was forceful, yet caring. A fact that was not lost to the young woman.

“For the love of Sothis… Fine. Everyone! Clear the room.”

The scholars quickly made their leave, with looks of relief gracing some of their faces as they welcomed the much-needed break. Once the last one had left the room, closing shut the door behind them, Edelgard turned around to look at her old confidant.

“Well? Spit it out.”

“We cannot keep doing this.”

“Doing what? Searching for the Professor? Have you gone mad Hubert? You’ve seen her in battle. She is a demon on the battlefield and a masterful tactician. We need her.” She rubbed her face with exasperation. It had been many sleepless nights and she knew she was close to finding her. She had to be.

“I’ve known you for far too long to believe such weak lies, my Lady. I am already aware of your fondness for the Professor. And as much as she is an excellent warrior and skilled tactician, you would not be going through this much trouble if these matters were not of a… more personal note.” 

Hubert continued to stare down at the sleep-deprived woman in front of him. She had clearly not been sleeping well the past few days, if sleeping at all. She glared back at him, mild annoyance in her eyes but the exhaustion more than self-evident. 

“I will not judge you for wanting to see her again, to find some sort of closure, but it is getting out of hand now. Ingrid and Marianne are barely given any rest before being sent out again with the rest of the search teams, the Linhardt and the scholars are at their wits ends trying to find anything to appease you, and you yourself seem about a moment away from keeling over in exhaustion.”

Edelgard scoffs at his remarks. She breaks eye contact with him as she turns her head away, crossing her arms defensively.

“I can keep going. She’s out there, Hubert. I know it.”

“...She’s gone, my Lady.” He says in a near whisper. Edelgard snaps her attention back to him.

“What was that?”

“She’s gone! It’s been nearly a month and we haven’t found anything! I thought that letting you mourn in your own way would be good for you but I see now that I was mistaken.”

“Hubert, you’re treading a very fine line right now.” Anger seethed from her voice.

“My job is to keep you safe, even from yourself. You can be mad at me when you wake up.”

“When I what?” 

With a quick flick of his wrist, a light flashed and Edelgard’s vision started to blur. She felt Hubert catch her as her body fell limp, his voice ringing distantly in the background.

“I do apologize, my Lady. But it’s… your…good.” 

As his voice faded, so did the world around her. Eventually, everything went black.

The sun was shining beautifully as its rays highlighted the sharp features of the professor’s face. Bringing her cup of tea to her lips, Edelgard could not help but stare at the woman across the table from her. Her pale green hair shimmered in the sunlight, her emotionless face encapsulating her reputation of stoic beauty.

“Are you alright Edelgard?”

“Oh, yes. Quite fine, thank you.” Quickly breaking out of her staring, Edelgard picked up her own cup before bringing it to her lips. She savored the flavor of the tea. Her teacher had been quite a novice at the beginning, but now she knew how to perfectly steep the tea. It was not too strong, but still packed the right amount of flavor.

“Has something been on your mind? You seem a bit anxious in recent times.” the professor asked. Truth be told, there was a lot on the young Imperial princess’ mind. Her upcoming coronation, the looming war, the revelation that her classmates will soon discover about her… Yet, in moments like these, where it was just the two of them, sharing a friendly chat and banter, she found solace. Her worries melted away and for a while, her hardened heart softened. She felt at peace, for the first time in a long while.

“My teacher…” She started. She hesitated a bit before continuing on. “I will need to take a break in the coming month. I need to return to Adrestia for some family matters.”

“I see.” The older woman set her cup down before reaching for one of the many sweets prepared on the table. “Well, I doubt you’ll fall behind in your studies. But if you want, I can prepare some extra classwork that you can go over while you are away.”

“I would very much appreciate that.” 

Silence found the two again as they sat there. It was a comfortable silence, with birds chirping overhead and the distant voices of the other students from across the courtyard filling the air. It was a comfortable silence for Byleth at least. Edelgard on the other hand was having a difficult time enjoying the sound of life when her heart was pounding in her head. After some time, Edelgard subdued the internal conflict and asked her teacher what she really wanted.

“My teacher…”

“Yes, Edelgard?”

“I know it would be a rather big request. And please feel free to decline. But…”

“But?”

“But would you be willing to accompany me to Adrestia? Back to the Imperial Capital? I would very much appreciate your presence. And with you there, I know I will have the strength to do what I must.”

A brief moment of silence followed. As much as the young princess loved the stoic nature of her professor, it made her equally as difficult to read. Would she deny her? Would she call her silly for asking? She must have been terribly busy. How dumb of her to ask her teacher to drop everything and accompany her instead.

“Edelgard.”

“Yes?”

Byleth reached over and grasped one of Edelgard’s hands in her own. A blush quickly made its way to the face of the young girl. 

“I highly doubt you need me there as much as you may believe.” The princess’ heart quickly dropped. She was a fool to think that - 

“But, if you were to have me, I would love to accompany you.”

What?

“Really? Professor, are you sure? I have no doubt that you are busy yourself.”

“The Black Eagles know their lessons and are very capable. I’m sure you know that much is true. I don’t see how a week of absence will hinder them. Besides, I’m sure they could all use a break.” 

While many would say their dear professor was as emotionless as they came, Edelgard had come to learn how to read her teacher. At this moment, there is an ever so faint hint of a grin forming on the older woman’s face. Which in and of itself spoke volumes of how fond Byleth had become with her students. That dedication and fondness made Edelgard fall for her even more.

“So, when are we departing? Just let me know the day and I can have lesson plans made accordingly.”

Not expecting a ‘yes’ from her professor, Edelgard needed a moment to recollect herself before answering.

“Would the Fifteenth of Pegasus Moon be fine then?”

“Hmm, I do not believe I have any plans then. The fifteenth would be fine.”

“Great!” Edelgard couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face. She had hoped her professor would accompany her but she doubted the woman would have accepted. Her restless heart was put to ease in a matter of moments. It was only then that she noticed Byleth’s hand was still grasping hers. Her heart began to quicken yet again, though this time for a different matter entirely.

“Edelgard.”

“Yes professor?” 

“I want you to know that you are far stronger than you think.”

“I appreciate the praise, but I assure you I do rely on you more than you think.”

“Relying on others is not a weakness.”

There's a pause between them as Edelgard stares into her teacher’s eyes. There were no lies hidden behind them. 

“In my opinion, knowing when to rely on others is a sign of true strength of character. No one person can handle the weight of the world by his or herself. It would be pure pride and stupidity if they thought they could.”

‘But I do carry the weight of the world on me’ Edelgard wanted to say so badly. She wanted to cry, to hug her professor, to be told that everything would be alright. But she had to maintain herself. She had to be what the world needed her to be: Deceitful. Ruthless. A Bloody Emperor.

“Edelgard, with the time I’ve spent with you, I know you will go on to accomplish great things. You have the strength of will, the devotion to a cause, a kind soul.”

Edelgard was taken aback. She was many things. Been called even more. But a kind soul? That was a first. She could not help but laugh.

“My dear teacher, I appreciate your flattery.”

“Hmph,” Byleth huft. “You may not see it yourself but you are everything I have said and much, much more. I can’t wait to see what future lies ahead of you.”

Edelgard’s mirth quickly subsided. She did know what the future held. She would be crossing blades with the woman across from her in a month’s time. She would be revealed as a co-conspirator with those who killed her teacher’s father. She knew the disappointment and hurt that would soon follow. 

And her heart ached.

But it would seem Fate had other plans. In a month’s time, her teacher would give her one more reason to fall madly, deeply in love with her.

Her eyes felt heavy as she slowly opened them. She was staring at a familiar ceiling, the one in her new bed chambers, the former Archbishop’s. Her clothes had also been appropriately changed to suit sleeping. It was early morning based on the sunlight peeking through her windows. Movement to her right caught her eye.

“Good morning Edie.”

Edelgard turned her head to see Dorothea sitting in a chair next to her bed, a breakfast tray and hot tea placed on the nightstand beside her. She moved to sit up.

“Before you get mad at Hubie, I just wanted to let you know we all agreed to it.”

“What?” Edelgard said with minor annoyance.

“Edie, you’re running yourself ragged. You haven’t been sleeping in days, everyone is worried. And by everyone, I mean everyone. From the entirety of the Black Eagles to the knights and squires down in the barracks. They’ve all seen you. How can they expect their leader to take care of them when she won’t even take care of herself?”

“Dorothea, I know you know how important it is that we find her. She’s out there and needs our help!”

“For the love of Sothis, SHE'S GONE EDELGARD!” 

Taking the silence from Edelgard as her cue that she was actually listening, Dorothea continued.

“It’s been three weeks, almost a month! And we have not found a single trace of the professor. We’ve searched the entire canyon four times by this point. The Pegasus Knights have covered hundreds of square miles and found nothing. Edie, it’s time to put this all to rest.”

“I cannot believe you, of all people, are abandoning the professor. That everyone else has stopped caring where she is. I will look for her myself if I have to.” Edelgard spat.

“Don’t you dare say that.” Dorothea replied in a hushed tone. “Don’t you dare say we don’t care about her!”

Tears started to flow down the brunette's face.

“Who do you think leads the Pegasus Knights out on every search? Ingrid is wearing herself ragged looking for the professor. Not on your order but because she believes just as much as you do that there has to be something out there. What do you think Linhardt and Lysinthea are doing every day? They search the Monastery’s records with Hanneman day in and day out looking for some clues to what may have happened. Ferdie and Marianne lead the ground patrols, Caspar ventures into the canyon every day looking for something, anything! Even Bernie is out in the fields with Petra and the other scouts looking for a trace of a track. They care just as deeply about the professor as much as you do. So don’t you dare say we don’t care what happened to her! Do not insult us like that.”

The songstress had closed her eyes, face towards the floor and her tears dropped onto her clenched fists resting in her lap. The sight seemed to have knocked some sobriety back into the Emperor. 

“Dorothea, I…” she began. “I’m sorry. I was out of line. I appreciate everything everyone has done. It’s just that…”

Edelgard told herself all those years ago in that cold, damp cell that she would no longer cry. That she had cried enough tears for a lifetime. But with her friend so vulnerable, she herself couldn’t help but let the dam burst. Slowly a tear fell down her face. Her cheek twitches. A stream of tears follows. 

“I miss her, Dorothea. I miss her so much!” Edelgard cries for the first time in a long time. It wasn’t beautiful. It wasn’t befitting for one of her station. It was one of the ugliest cries she’s ever had, on par with the ones back in the dungeon all those years ago. 

Edelgard wails her heart out. She hyperventilates. She coughs. And she cries even more. 

She is enveloped in a tight hug by her loyal friend. She continues to cry into her shoulder, grasping the fabric of Dorothea’s dress, mucus and tears dampening the crook of her friend’s neck. It is several minutes before Edelgard is able to catch her breath enough for the hiccups to subside. 

“Edie… I think it’s time we put this to rest.”

“I know. I know. It just hurts so much.” 

“You’re not alone. Everyone is hurting. But putting a close to all of this will allow for some sort of closure, don’t you think?”

She’s right. Edelgard knows it. But she does not believe her heart is strong enough to accept it yet. 

That’s a lie. 

Somewhere, deep down, she knows she’s already accepted it. She just wasn’t strong enough to admit it.

“I want you to know that you are far stronger than you think.”

‘Yes my teacher ,’ She thinks to herself. ‘ I hate how right you are.’

Chapter Text

“Ya know, we haven’t checked the professor’s room yet,” Caspar states to Edelgard, the morning after the memorial service was held. It was a memorial not only to the professor but to all those lost in the Battle for Garreg Mach. The brothers, the sisters. The sons, the daughters. The fathers and mothers. All whose final resting places were the fields and streets that lay before the monastery was honored that night.

“Why not?” the Emperor asked.

“We thought it would be best if you did it.” 

“‘We’?” She asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Yes ‘we’,” Dorothea spoke up. 

“We thought it would bring, umm, what’s the word for it? Closing?”

“Closure, Petra,” Dorothea responds with a slight smile.

“Yes! Bring the closure.”

“I appreciate your thoughtfulness everyone. Maybe I’ll swing by when I feel ready.”

“That’s all we ask Edie.”

“They do not speak the entire truth, my Lady.” Hubert injects.

“How so?” Edelgard asks.

“I went in in search of possible clues a few days after the battle.”

“Yo Hubert, why didn’t you tell any of us this?!” Caspar interjects.

“You were all busy with cleaning up. Besides, I found no useful information. I would have shared it if I did.” He retorts, giving a glare back to the other Black Eagles who were clearly upset with him.

“But I will admit, my Lady. You will find closure inside.”

“I appreciate your thoughtfulness, Hubert,” Edelgard responds dryly.

“It is my job to be thorough. I need no appreciation.” The tone of Edelgard was either missed entirely or ignored as Hubert repositioned himself behind his master. 

“Regardless, thank you, everyone.”

***

“How could you leave me, Edelgard?” 

My teacher? No, we searched everywhere. We found no trace of you.

“It’s so cold down here. I’m so tired of waiting.”

Professor, please wait!

“I just want it all to end. No one cares about me. You left me.”

No! We searched. You were nowhere to be found!

“I hate you. You left me here all alone. You killed my father! I HATE you Edelgard von Hresvelg!”

Please… Don’t… No more…

***

“Professor!” 

Edelgard awakens in a cold sweat. Another nightmare. She was having a tough time falling asleep, more so than usual. Now the professor’s face was among her other siblings. Cold, blank eyes staring back at her. 

She checks the clock hanging off the wall. 

2 AM.

She gets out of bed and puts on some slacks and a dress shirt. Grabbing a coat and a lantern, she makes her way down to the courtyard for some fresh air. On the way, she meets several patrols, all of whom give her a salute and offer an escort. She declines all of them.

Once outside she looks up to the night sky and breathes in, cold air filling her lungs. The moon is almost full, illuminating the monastery in an ethereal glow. Countless nights have been spent like this. She turns her head to see the old dorms. For the past several nights, she has debated whether or not she should go visit her room. Every night she would talk herself out of it. 

Tonight, however, she’s had enough. Making her way to the dorms she sees a lone guard standing watch by the doors to the dormitory.

“Ah, your Majesty!”

“Gatekeeper, it seems you never sleep do you?”

“Haha, as long as there is a place needing guarding, you can count on me!”

“I see.”

“What brings you here ma’am? Fortunately, I have nothing to report. These nights have been graciously uneventful.”

“I was going to visit one of the old dorm rooms.” Edelgard then realizes she has no way into her teacher’s old room, besides bashing in the door. “But I appear to have forgotten to bring the key.”

“Oh? It wouldn’t happen to be the old professor’s room, would it?”

“Yes, it would be. How did you know?”

“Lord Von Vestra has tasked me with this.” He said as he held out an old metal key. “He told me to give it to you when you were ready.”

Taking the key from the outstretched hand, Edelgard gave the Gatekeeper a small smile.

“Thank you for your hard work.”

“Of course, your Majesty! Now that my duty is complete, if you will excuse me, I have some sleep to catch up on.” Yawning, the Gatekeeper saluted the Emperor. Edelgard could not help but let out a small chuckle.

“By all means, you are dismissed.” She said, returning the salute.

“Thank you, ma’am!” With that, he left her alone and walked in the direction of the barracks. But before he was completely gone, he turned around.

“If it’s any consolation, your Majesty. We all miss her.”

“Thank you, Gatekeeper.” She said with a nod. He returned it and continued on his way.

Making her way to the professor’s room, Edelgard hesitated in front of the door. She was so close, yet the wooden door seemed almost impossibly big. With a few deep breaths, she steeled her resolve. Slowly inserting the key and unlocking the door, she pushed, causing the old door to squeak as it moved. With one final breath, she entered the room.

The room was dark, illuminated solely by the moonlight and her own lantern. She had never been inside before but the decor seemed to match the owner. The desk was organized and there were barely any personal items on display. There were a bunch of training swords and maintenance tools scattered in one corner. But what drew her attention was the smell of the room. Even after all this time, it still lingered slightly with the scent of her teacher. 

Closing the door behind her to maintain the small amounts of smell left, she turned to the desk. Atop it was a bunch of papers, lesson plans by the look of it. But there was also a stuffed bear. One that Edelgard recognized. It was the same one she had gifted to her professor on their birthday. Edelgard’s heart filled with joy along with sorrow. 

Situated on the middle of the desk was a wooden box. It had minor detail work carved into its sides and Edelgard could see it was latched with a simple lever. Curiosity got the better of her so she set the lamp down on the desk. Edelgard then unlatched the box and flipped it open. Inside was what appeared to be many pieces of folded-up paper. Grabbing the top sheet, she saw that it had her name written on it. Rifling through the contents of the box onto the desk, Edelgard saw that they were in fact letters. All addressed to her.

Her heart pounding in her head, she broke the seal on the letter that was on top and unfolded it. Holding the letter to the candlelight, she began reading.

18th of Guardian Moon, 1180

Dear Edelgard,

I’m writing this a few weeks after the death of my father. It seems that with all my enjoyment of my new life, I have forgotten how easily life can be taken away, especially to those I care about. I write this to you in hopes that you should never read it. That one day, I may be able to tell you all this in person, face to face. Unfortunately, the lives we live may not offer the opportunity that I so hope for. As such, I write this letter and the subsequent letters in the event that one of these days, I do not return. I sincerely hope that I was the only one who did not return. That the rest of the class made it back.

Edelgard had to stop. Tears had begun forming in her eyes and she could barely keep herself upright. She sat herself down on the bed, the frame creaking from disuse. She grabbed the pillow and brought it to her face. She silently wept into the pillow, breathing as hard as she could to inhale some of the remnant scents her teacher left behind. 

She brought her knees up to her chest as she gripped the pillow tighter. She fell back on the bed and continued to shed tears until it hurt to breathe. Until her eyes were sore from the tears spilt. Slowly, she gathered herself. Reaching for the letter, she continued to read as she lay on the bed.

I’m not usually good with words. For the longest time, I struggled to emote my feelings, let alone talk about them. But I can at least write them down. I can plan out what I want to say and let my thoughts be clear. So hopefully, you understand what I want to say to you. That you understand how much the Black Eagles, and especially you, mean to me.

The more time I spend here at the monastery, the more I feel like I can finally talk to people. To relate to them. Before coming to Garreg Mach, my life felt like a dream of sorts. Every time I try to remember my past, it just feels like I’m watching a play unfold. As if I was never really in control. Everything is so hazy as if covered in mist.

But that changed when I met you. That night when I saw you being attacked by those bandits, it felt like my life was suddenly my own. That I had an opportunity to stop living in a dream and to really start to live. So I made my choice. I ran in without a care for my own safety to save a couple of kids whose identities I had no knowledge of. And it was honestly the best decision I have ever made.

Seeing you grow over the past few months has been a pleasure. Getting to know your classmates, teaching them, cooking with them, camping out in the field with them. It all honestly feels like a dream. Not like before. This dream is something more tangible. Something that I can clearly remember. They’re precious memories. 

I enjoyed the banter between Caspar and Ferdinand. Their dumb competitions to one-up each other. I found the shyness and squirming of Bernadetta to be cute, and sometimes I just wanted to give her a hug. I envied how much sleep Linhardt seemed to enjoy. His passion for research inspired me to find something I would be so passionate about. I loved listening to Dorothea sing during choir classes, how her voice carried throughout the grand cathedral, speaking directly into my soul as I listened. I loved sparring with Petra in the practice fields, how her quick battle wit and instincts even put me on the defensive at times. I even found Hubert’s occasional brooding to be endearing.

But I most importantly enjoyed my time with you. I loved our talks over tea, how I learned how to properly steep tea so that I was not too bland or too flavourful. I enjoyed teaching you tactics and theories and watching you apply them in battle with such grace and skill. I loved watching you grow into a fine young woman who is destined for greatness. But I also loved seeing your softer side. How you would talk to the cats and pet them when you thought no one was watching. How you would stay after hours to help Petra with her language skills, coax Bernadetta from her room to join the class for lessons, listen for hours as Dorothea lamented her love life to you. You truly are someone special, Edelgard.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I was truly living. Experiencing life as it was meant to be experienced. But with all things, these new beginnings must have ends. When my father was killed, it was the first time I ever felt such sorrow to an extent. Any emotion in fact. I was so overcome with grief that I felt like I was withdrawing back into the haze that I used to live in.

But then you came to me.

Granted, your words may have been a little harsh. But I knew you meant well. Your encouragement gave me the strength to keep pushing on. It’s what brought me back to the world. In a sense, you saved me. 

So thank you Edelgard, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I am proud to have you as my student.

I have been honored to be your professor, Edelgard. You are destined for greatness. Believe in yourself and hold fast to your convictions. They will take you far in life. 

May your future be bright.

Sincerely yours,

Byleth Eisner

It took almost half an hour for Edelgard to finish the letter. She had to stop every few sentences to wipe away the stream of tears that were now soaking the pillow she held in a death grip. And when she wasn’t straggling the pillow, she had splayed herself across the bed, trying to breathe as much as she could. 

It hurt. It hurt a lot. 

It hurts to breathe. It hurts to continue reading the letter. But she had to do both. She had to power through the pain because she needed to do this. And in some strange way, she relished the pain. It reminded her that she was still able to feel. That she still had the heart - the kindness - that the professor loved to say that she still had within her. And maybe, this was the punishment she deserved. For all the hardships she had forced on others, this was her retribution. 

So when she was able to keep the tears from clouding her vision and was able to get her breathing under control, she pressed on. Line by line, until she finished the letter. 

It’s not fair, my teacher. You’re not fair. Why must you make me yearn for you even after you are gone? I miss you. For the love of Sothis, I miss you.

Placing the finished letter back on the desk, Edelgard resigned herself to her teacher’s bed once again. She pulled herself inward, and underneath the blankets, she tried to find some comfort in the familiar scents. 

There, she found comfort and the sleep that eluded her for the past several days.

Chapter Text

It had been several weeks since she first read the letter. The wooden box remained closed atop Edelgard’s desk in her room. The one and only letter that had been read lay beside it. The room owner knew the rest of the letters would leave her an emotional wreck. So she decided she would read them when she had a chance to be vulnerable. When there was a lull to the combat, then would she read them.

That was not to say it was easy. She thought of her professor every day. She yearned to read her dear teacher’s letters, to see the handwriting of whom she held so dear. Unfortunately, she would have to wait. And when the time did come for her, she hesitated.

So much anticipation, and yet, she knew what was waiting for her.

More heartbreak.

But she had to do this. She needed closure. And deep down inside, she knew. She knew a part of her could not let go of Byleth. With a lamp by her bedside and a calm night outside her window, she opened the next letter.

28th of Pegasus Moon, 1180

Dear Edelgard,

I write this letter to you on the eve of the Ritual of the Goddess’ Revelation. You have been absent for the past few days and I hope you are doing well. I have a sinking feeling that something is going to happen tomorrow. As such, I write this letter to you in the unfortunate event that I may not make it back. 

I’ve played it many times in my head.

How I may leave this world that is. An arrow finding its mark, a misplaced swing, an inescapable spell. Every time I think about it, I feel some sort of regret. That I should tell you and the class how much you all mean to me. But like I wrote before, I am not good with spoken words. So let me use this opportunity to let you know why I fight so hard.

My father told me when this all began that I should raise my students well. I had no idea at the time what that meant. But with time, I did. Being a teacher means that you impart your wisdom, your perspective, your knowledge, onto your students. But it’s more than that. You can cram all the knowledge you have into the heads of your students, but that does not mean they will be the same as you, think the way you do, have the necessary experience they need in order to survive.

A good teacher is a guide. They use their experience and knowledge to assist with the growth of their pupils. When they are in the most difficult times in their life, it is the teacher’s responsibility to have prepared them. 

I have seen so many things, good and bad, in my short time on this earth. Things that many of these students are unprepared for. I taught Caspar how to properly brace his hands so he wouldn’t break them when he punches. I’ve taught Ferdinand that a name means nothing without the actions to back it up. I’ve taught Bernie the benefits of having friends and companions. 

And I’ve had to console them just as much. When Petra was feeling alone and isolated, I sat by her side and talked with her all night long. When Linhardt came to me crying that he could not stand the sight of blood on his hands, I taught him that being a mage is much more than death and destruction, that it can mean being a healer, a life bringer. You, your classmates, you all have so much weighed on your shoulders. I can see it in the distracted daydreaming, the quiet pauses. You do not have to deal with your troubles alone. You have me. You have each other. So do not be afraid to ask for help.

If my father were still around I would no doubt have bragged to his face of how great my students have become. I had done what he had asked of me. I had taught them to be brave, to value their own qualities, to be kind to one another. And in return, they’ve given me so much more. I’ve seen your joy, heard your laughter, and your cries as you all opened up to me. I would not have traded anything for these moments that I had spent with all of you. You, the troubled kids who seem to carry the entire future of this land on your backs.

Edelgard, the time has come where I am no longer around, so please look after your classmates, your friends, for me. Each and every one of them seems so insistent on carrying all their problems, the entire weight of the world on their own shoulders. You have each other. Talk to them. Lead them. Rely on them. You are all such wonderful kids. You all come from many corners of the world, each with different backgrounds, histories, and social statuses. Yet, when I see you all together, laughing, smiling, and being the light in each other’s lives, I cannot help but think that maybe, just maybe, in this cruel, unjust world, we can all come together. To live with one another, to stand by each other's side, and to love one another, despite where we come from, or whose family we were born into.

With you standing at the lead, I know you will create a world that can find that love. I know you have the potential to be what the world needs. The person who can deliver people from the injustice of the world.

But should it be that you want to live quietly, away from the eyes of the world, away from the grand stage, know this. 

I will always be proud of you. 

Be yourself and be true. Care for your friends and hold those you love close. As long as you do those things, then you need not give the world more. For as much as the world may need someone like you, it does not deserve you. 

I wish for you to live your life, and may it be full of love and happiness.

I realize what I am about to write will no longer be true by the time you read this letter. I will have been gone for who knows how long before this letter reaches you. Regardless, I want you to know something.

I will fulfill my promise to my father, to lead you well. I shall do my duty as your teacher Edelgard. But even more than that, I shall do my duty as your friend and counselor. When you are in pain, I will be there to console you. When you are having doubts, I will be there to encourage you. When you are faced with danger, I shall be by your side to protect you. And when you want someone for a small chat with tea, I will happily be the one sitting across from you. 

I am sorry that I will no longer be able to give you those things. 

But know this: You were and ARE worth everything and more Emperor Edelgard Von Hresvelg. 

Edelgard, my dearest student.

At this point, I have given you all that I can give.  Now take that and go out and be the best person you can be:

A person who will lead them well.

A person who is true to their convictions.

A person who can rely on their friends.

And most importantly,

A person who, with the best and worst of parts, can find it to love herself.

Thank you for teaching me how to live. And, for everything else.

Yours always,

The proud professor of the Black Eagles,

Byleth Eisner

“Why…?” Barely above a whisper.

It hurts.

“Why did you have to go?”

It hurts so much.

“Why can’t you be here!?” A scream this time. Into a pillow. Clenched fists and hiccuped breathing. Tears soaking the linens.

Muffled cries fill the room until exhaustion overtakes the Emperor. And finally, some well-deserved sleep.