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Sam had learned about stereotypes. He knew about them from a young age, being a black, queer man. He had even more experiences with them as Captain America now. He had also learned about them while training to become a counselor. Stereotypes were supposed to help people make quick judgements in dangerous situations. As much as he hated them, he depended on them during missions and it had saved his ass quite a few times. Maybe that’s why Sam was too quick to stereotype Bucky, this time. So here he was, at the retirement home with Steve, narrating the story of his fight with his roommate and best friend.
It all started that fateful night when Sam stumbled into his apartment drunk and making out with a guy. Sam had been having thoughts about Bucky and decided that he needed to get laid. So he went to the bar and found someone to hook up with. Bucky was in the kitchen making dinner for the two of them and called out to him.
“Hey, Sammy! Peter showed me this real easy recipe for pasta on that weird clock app of his! Check it out.” Bucky walked out with a plate of cheesy pasta only to find Sam making out with someone against the wall of their living room. The guy had the basic decency to move away from Sam and look embarrassed but Sam just looks smug. Even in his drunk state, he noticed how horrified Bucky looked before he set the plate down and walked out of the apartment.
Bucky didn’t return until the next afternoon. Sam had some time for self-reflection. He realized that he hadn’t given Bucky a heads up and that Bucky probably wasn’t comfortable being in the same place his best friend was hooking up in. After all, wasn’t all this done quietly when Bucky was from? Sam decided to apologize to Bucky and set these boundaries before bringing home any other escapades. The problem with this plan was that Bucky spent the next few days avoiding Sam like the plague.
“Well, I guess people don’t avoid plagues anymore but you get the point.” Sam said to Steve.
Approximately a week later, Bucky came home and told Sam he would be moving out the next month. Sam was in the middle of dinner when he gently put his fork down and very politely said, “What the fuck, Barns?”
“What?” Bucky replied, “I found a new place and I think you prefer some privacy anyways. Even if you didn’t, you still have plenty of time to find a roommate.”
“You’re leaving because I hooked up with a guy one time and you walked in on us?” Sam clarified. “Isn’t that a bit dramatic.”
“I’m sorry Sam. I can’t just stay here while you’re ‘hooking up’ with guys. You know that,” Bucky says like it’s an obvious fact.
“No, I don’t know that. What does me hooking up with people have to do with you?” Sam’s anger-filled voice was ringing through the apartment.
“Because I don’t like it. It makes me uncomfortable. Why does any of this surprise you?” Bucky said simply. It took Sam a few seconds to process those words. Those few seconds were the calm before hurricane Katrina. Then, Sam blew up.
“Seeing me with guys makes you uncomfortable? Are you fucking kidding me Barnes? ‘Why does this surprise me?’ Because I didn’t think my best friend was a homophobic asshole.” In retrospect, the shocked look on Bucky’s face should have been enough to tell Sam that he was misreading something but the anger had blinded him too much. “I can’t believe you! I told Steve that I was gay within days of meeting him and he never reacted like this. He was fucking supportive but I guess he was the black sheep. You know what, it was my fault. If people in this time can’t accept the fact that I’m gay, what can I fucking expect from an asshole from the early 1900s?”
“You know what, just add that to the long list of vices that make up James Buchanan Barnes! He’s the terrifying winter soldier, an assassin who deserves to die, a crazy psychopath, a criminal, a ruthless murderer and a homophobic asshole. Congratulations, Sam, you just completed my biography.” Bucky yelled back. Each description felt like a punch to Sam’s gut. He knew deep down how untrue those words were but he couldn’t bite back his next words.
“Maybe you shouldn’t wait till next month to move.” Sam grabbed his car keys and stormed out to Steve’s luxurious retirement home, leaving a broken hearted Bucky at home.
“You’re kidding me right?” Was all Steve said when Sam completed the story.
“I don’t fucking get it! You aren’t homophobic! Why is he? Didn’t you grow up together?” Sam was angry again after the retelling.
“Language!” Steve chastised. “Sam, Bucky isn’t homophobic! He’s the reason I’m not homophbic.”
“What are you talking about, old man?” Sam questioned.
“Bucky is very openly gay. In fact, not only is he gay, he was heavly involed in protecting the what you kids call the ‘LQBTG’ community back in the day.”
“LGBTQ,” Sam corrected, chuckling softly.
“Yeah, that. He provided lovers a safe place to meet and distracted people’s families and the police so they wouldn’t get caught. I was the first person he told and I didn’t react the way I should have, mostly because I didn’t know any better. I realized my mistake when Bucky took care of me one time. I was so, so mean but he still came over and fed me soup, put cold wash cloths on my forehead. That’s when I realized that he’d always be the same Bucky I had known and loved. Who he loved didn’t change that.” Steve narrated the memories fondly.
“Did he? Love someone, I mean.” Sam asked in a soft, broken voice.
“Yeah, his name was Robert Smith. Bucky told me they were together before he got drafted in the military. They planned on marrying these two girls who were also together and live out their days in peace. Never met the guy, though.”
Sam felt something pierce his chest at the mention of Bucky’s old flame. Suddenly, it all made sense. Bucky wasn’t uncomfortable about Sam hooking up with a guy . He was uncomfortable about Sam hooking up with a guy. He really fucked up. “Shit,” Sam said, wiping a tear. “I gotta go.” He hugged Steve and left to go back to his apartment.
Sam got a call from Sarah the second he got into his car. “What the fuck did you do?” She asked.
“Well, hello to you too, dear sister.” Sam snarked as he pulled out of the parking lot.
“Nope, I don’t want your sarcasm. I do, however, want you to tell me why Bucky was on the verge of crying when I called to invite him for Christmas.” her voice rang loud in the car. Sam winced at the thought of Bucky crying into his phone.
“How’d you know I did something?” Sam asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
“That boy’s whole world revolves around you. Who else could it possibly be?” Sarah replied.
“Okay, you’re right. I fucked up big time.” Sam proceeded to fill Sarah in on the entire story.
“Wow! Didn’t realize my brother was such a dumbass. Seriously, Sam? How could you say that to him?”
“I know! I feel awful. If I could take it back, I would. My anger got the best of me. I didn’t even consider the possibility that I was grossly misreading the situation.” Sam was trying not to drown in his guilt.
“Really? Not even after he listed off the horrible assumptions people made about him, including homophobia? You KNOW he’s not the winter soldier or a killer or any of the shit people assume about him based on stereotypes. He’s kind and caring, sweet, and great with kids. Nothing like how people think he is.” Sarah said.
“Yeah, and he isn’t homophobic either. That was a dumb assumtion I made and I really hurt him. The guy’s in love with me. I broke his heart and told him to leave our home. Fuck. Damn it. How do I fix this?” Sam sounded broken so Sarah took pity on him.
“Tell him you love him back. Don’t even deny it, Sam. I know it as much as you do. Next, apologize. And make it a good one. You can’t take back what you said but you can try to medicate those wounds.” Sam flinched again at the reminder that he caused Bucky so much pain.
“Here’s some extra motivation for you. If you don’t fix things by Christmas, you are no longer invited to dinner.” Sam wasn’t sure if his sister waas serious or not but he didn’t want to find out. He didn’t even want to imagine Bucky still being hurt 2 months later.
“I’ll fix it. I promise. Look, I’m almost home so I gotta go.”
“Bye, Samuel!” Sarah said knowing it would annoy him.
“Bye, Sarah beara!” Sam teased in return.
Sam opened the door to an empty living room. He went over to Bucky’s room and saw the door ajar. Bucky was packing his very limited belongings in a very messy way. Sam had expected Bucky to be angry. He was ready for that, but seeing Bucky so dejected and heartbroken, well that was worse than he could imagine. Sam knocked gently, getting Bucky’s attention. Bucky looked up and Sam saw how puffy his eyes had gotten.
“Can we talk?” Sam asked gently. Bucky nodded but continued to pack.
“I’m so sorry, Buck. I never should have said those things. I want to take them back. Please, please don’t go. I spoke to Steve and he…”
“Steve?” Bucky interrupted. He chuckled darkly, sending pangs of pain through Sam. “Right, because why would you believe what I had to say? Just confirm it with Mr. Perfect, ex-Captain America, Steve Rogers.”
“That’s not what I meant. I just needed someone to knock some sense into me. I didn’t realize what an asshole I was being. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t Sam. You’re not the asshole, I am. A homophboic one, apparently.”
“That’s not true! I didn’t mean it. Please, Buck. Can you hear me out?” Sam said desperately.
“I’ll be out of the apartment by tonight.”
“No!” Sam exclaimed. “No! Please! Please! Just give me one day. You’re clearly and rightfully upset right now but just have dinner with me tomorrow night! I’ll fix it. I’ll do anything not to lose you.” Maybe it was the desperation in Sam’s request, or curiosity; or maybe, 70 years for torture just wasn’t enough for Bucky so he reluctantly agreed.
Bucky spent the majority of the following day in his room. This gave Sam the time to prepare a fantastic apology. Sarah’s words rang in his head. He couldn’t take what he said back but he could fix the wounds. Sam called the spider kid for his tiktok pasta recipe that had caused all this drama in the first place. He, then, did his research about LGBTQ advocasy in the early 1900s and found out all about Bucky’s old projects.
At 6:30, Sam texted Bucky to come out of his room for dinner. Sam’s mind had a thousand what ifs going on. What if Bucky changed his mind and didn’t come out, what if he didn’t forgive Sam, what if… The thousand voices in his head shut the second he saw Bucky enter the living room. He took in Bucky’s face and Bucky took in his surroundings, dimmed lights, flowers, balloons, chocolates, candles on the table and songs from the 40’s over the speaker.
“Sam, what’s all this?” Bucky asked.
“An apology date, if you’re okay with this being a date.” Sam tried to fake the confidence he so desperately needed. Bucky gulped and let out a small “yeah, okay,” in response.
Sam chuckled and handed Bucky a bouquet. “Let’s sit down?” He asked. Bucky nodded and Sam led him to the table by his vibranium arm. Recognition flashed over Bucky’s face as he eyed the dinner. They spent a couple minutes in silence until Sam spoke up.
“James Buchanan Barnes. He was one of the first people in LGBTQ activism. He made a club, of sorts, called freedom to love. People in the LGBTQ community called in for various accomdations, whether it was a private place for a hook-up or date, or to arrange their wedding to members of the opposite gender which could still allow them to be with their lovers without cheating on someone. He created a network of people who later started more activism movements, eventually leading to the legalization of same sex marriage. James Buchanan Barnes. He is not the terrifying winter soldier, an assassin who deserves to die, a crazy psychopath, a criminal, a ruthless murderer and a homophobic asshole. He is my hero, he is the reason I can openly be gay and he’s the man I’m in love with and he’s the reason I can get married to him.” Sam said.
Bucky was staring at Sam in awe. “You can’t do this all the time, Sam. You can’t break my heart and say these things to mend it.” Tears slipped from Bucky’s eyes and Sam reached over to wipe them.
“Never again. I promise, I will never hurt you like this again. I am so sorry. Please, please forgive me this one time.” Sam begged.
“Okay, it’s only because I’m so hopelessly in love with you.” Sam got out of his chair and rushed to give Bucky a kiss.
Much later in the night, when Sam and Bucky were tangled together in their room, Sam asked, “Why were you expecting me to know that you’re in love with me?”
“Because I say it all the time?” Bucky replied.
“What?”
“Yeah, I constantly say I love you. I just thought you didn’t love me back.” Bucky clarified. Sam’s mind went through flashbacks of Bucky casually saying ‘I love you’ and it all clicked.
“I thought you- Damn it! I thought it was a 1920s thing where boys said they loved each other without meaning they are in love with each other. You said it to Steve! Steve said it to you too!”
“Now, what did we learn about making assumptions about me based on the fact that I’m from the 1900s?” Bucky teased. Sam laughed and gave Bucky a kiss.