Work Text:
It was a late summer evening in Bangkok with humid air prickling back from the day. Two men were sipping on their wines on a patio watching the grass sway with a gentle breeze.
“How long has it been, Peng?”, one of them asked with the corners of his lips lifting upwards.
“Long enough to say we’re old.”, the other replied.
“We are, aren’t we?”
“Most of our peers are getting married.”
“And others who are settled are already having kids.”
“Ah! that reminds me, did P’Tul and P’Max call you for the baby shower?”
“Yeah, I got the invitation somewhere in the mail.”
“Aren’t you going?”
“Nah”
“Why?”It started drizzling, making the humid atmosphere a little dry. The one who was called peng bought the wine glass to sip and muttered to himself, “I can’t be there.” For a brief moment he was taken back to the past reminding him of the person he had left behind.
“Did you say something?”
“Uh?”, Peng was bought out his trance and shook his head, “So Tay, when are you and Ink planning to get married.” He decided to change the subject.
That bought a blush to Tay’s cheeks while his Peng watched him closely. He looked happy, content, and at peace. Please always be like this, Tay, he thought to himself. At least one of us should be happy.
“Ah! I’m planning to propose to her next week.”
“I’m sure she will say yes, Peng.”, the man smiled showing his soft curves which were reserved for only the closed ones out of which his Peng was one of them. Other times, the man always had frown lines etched on his forehead with the constant job he had to manage. As if on cue, his phone rang.
“Hmm”, he hummed on the phone
An urgent voice spoke making the man frown again and he excused himself from his friend.
Tay watched his friend giving rapid instructions on the phone with fast hand movements. He saw the changes and smile losing back to the hard lines which adorned him always. His stance changed as he noticed his friend staring. He gave him a short nod and continued listening till he settled back into his mask. A few clipped answers later his friend returned.
“All okay?”, Tay asked.
“Yeah, it’s just regular problems.”, Off replied.
“Hmm… you know you haven’t changed much.”, Tay replied making Off cock up his eyebrow in question.
“What changes are you expecting Peng?”
“I thought you would leave that world and finally come back but you stuck there. You’re living it.”
“It is the only thing that is left in my life, Tay.”
“No, there are many things out there, Peng.“
“Like what?”, Off asked defiantily as the rain started pelting down.
“Like traveling or enjoying life?”
“I travel a lot.”, Off frowned, “and live too.”
“You only travel for work or when it’s necessary. Does your living include eating out every day and bedding different women every month?”
“At least, I’m not hen-pecked by someone.”
Tay scoffed, “Are you sure?”
“Uh-hu.”
Tay took a sip of his wine and pulled out his phone. He opened his Instagram to show something, “I saw someone familiar on my Instagram feed.”
“Who?”, Off asked nonchalantly.
“You might not know him.”
“Who are you talking about?”
“Were you there on the Hat Yai Trip to P’Max and P’Tul’s wedding?”
Off glanced at him coldly understanding the underlined teasing.
“What is your point?”
“I saw someone resembling P’Max’s cousin.”
“Show me”, Off had realized who Tay had been implying but he kept playing dumb to avoid the questioning which would follow.
“Do you know him?”
“Let me see first.”
Tay smirked, he knew his plan had worked. Off didn’t talk about it and would always brush it away by changing the subject smoothly. Tay knew better than that, he and P’Max’s cousin had something going on. Tay showed him the picture on his IG, and Off stared at him for a couple of minutes before giving back the phone.
“It is him, right?”
“No”
“No?”
“He looks different.”
“And how do you know that?”
Off had a faraway look where the clouds had slowly started parting making way for the stars to appear.
“I just know it”, he said shortly and finished the last of his wine.
“It’s getting late, you should stay here the night.”, Off said standing up from his seat.
“I can take a cab back .”, Tay replied nonchalantly.
“You are already tipsy, stay for the night and leave early.”, Off said with finality.
“Can anyone say no to Master Peng?”, Tay chuckled finishing his glass as well.
Off shook his head and walked into his room. He had already washed up before so he sat on the edge of the bed removing the cufflinks and chain of the watch. Emptying his pocket and removing things which made him Jumpol Adulkittporn. He laid back on the bed feeling much lighter. The mask he wore of being a tough, arrogant mafia had been taken down leaving a lonely man craving for love.
He patted the space beside him till he reached his leather wallet. He picked it up and pulled out a photo which was carefully tucked away in a secret compartment. He carefully bought it to his eye level and thumbed over the polaroid of a boy sleeping with a slight smile like he was having a good dream.
“I wish you were here.”, he said to the person in the photo.
***
It was about 6 years ago, Tay and his friends were invited by his brother, Tul, for his wedding ceremony in Hat Yai. It was an intimate ceremony so only close friends were invited by him and Off was considered one of them. He had promised to come two days before the wedding day as he had some personal work to wrap up. The only thing that Tay didn’t know was that he was already there.
Off had a business meeting with his fellow men in a small bar in the suburbs. He had invited them for dinner and was walking back home after that. He had booked a homestay for relaxing and keeping low during his stay. Being a mafia, he had a many people working for him everywhere but this was the only city with least of those who belonged to his gang. He could walk here freely without being worried to meet anyone. He was kicking a stone while walking and suddenly he stopped outside an alley where he heard a whimper.
He was not sure if it was a whimper or not so he decided to go check it. It was a dark alley with a street light only at the entrance. It shed enough light to see what might be happening there.
He padded in slowly, careful enough not to startle the person or people. As he walked in, he heard two men talking in hushed whispers.
“What a useless piece of shit” (thwak)
“We don’t want a newbie who doesn’t know how to work.” (thawk)
“Get up and fight.”, (groaning voices)
He walked closer to the voices and stood behind them watching two boys kick the third one who was lying on the ground. His eyes flitted over the two and he recognized them from one of his gangs. He glanced at the third guy whose face was contorted into a painful expression as he curled himself up. The boy with all the bruises and the discoloring looked pretty strong, he had some muscles but Off wondered why would he be lying like that.
“What is going on here?”, he asked in a baritone voice startling all three of them.
The two of them whirled around annoyed and glared at Off while the boy on the ground carefully peaked, opening his eyes slightly. He was silently begging to be helped.
“I asked you what are you doing?”, he asked again without taking off his eyes from the boy on the ground. The boy flinched under his gaze as the other two smirked looking at him as if they were expecting an answer from him. He opened his mouth to say something when Off glared at them.
“Can’t you both hear me?”, he growled.
“Uh…”, they looked at each other and then at him.
“W-who are you? W-why are you interfering in our business?”, one of them mustered up the courage to ask.
Off scoffed at his attitude. He found it admirable of him to speak up to him like that. He glanced at them and smiled slightly before slapping them without notice.
“Who do you work for?”, the other guy asked.
Off found it funny and smiled again.
“First you answer that, then I’ll do the same.”, he said sweetly.
“Why should we tell you?”
“We work for XXX gang.” the other answered.
“Ahh… you are Jeni’s boys?”, Off realized whose group they belonged to. Their eyes widened hearing their leader's name.
“How do you know?”, before they could complete their question he had the phone to his ear. A couple of rings down, Off barked at the phone angrily making the boys flinch.
“Jeni, where are you?”
“Uh… yeah, I found your boys causing trouble.”
“Hm… better come fast.”, he hung up the phone and glanced at them nonchalantly. The boy who was lying on the ground also sat up gradually. Off crouched to his level and held his face by the tip of his chin. He turned his head to inspect the bruises but his gaze fell on the parted lips, out of which the bottom lip was slightly torn. He had a sudden surge of anger at the sight because he wanted to be the one to tear the lip in a better way.
“Are you okay?”, he asked softly and the boy looked at him with fearful eyes. He nodded and Off smiled at him slightly.
“Can you stand up?”, he asked the boy and he nodded but as soon he tried to stand his knees buckled under him and he was back on the ground. Off shook his head and crouched again to help the guy. He held him by the waist which he noticed was comparatively smaller than the other two. The boy winced as Off’s fingers pressed over the bruised parts on his waist. He slung his arms around Off’s neck and helped himself up.
“Let me take you to a hospital.”, Off said while they slowly made their way out of the alley with the other two in tow.
“Uh.. no phi~”, the boy stammered, “My family will be worried, I’ll go home.”
“Will you be able to go home in this condition?”
“Uh… I’ll stay at my friend’s place then.”
“I insist on cleaning you up before you head back.”, Off looked worried for the boy. He looked deathly pale as if he had more than just the bruises.
“Why would he care about the boy being a stranger?”, One of them spoke softly.
“Pretty boys like him always get good treatment.”, the other snickered.
“True that.”, the boy could hear that and he kept his head down to avoid the stranger’s gaze which was piercing.
“If you want to say things, say them loudly.”, Off said coldly and turned around. It was the first time the boy caught his face in the light. His sharp features were accentuated by the light which fell from above making him look grim.
“Nothing Phi”, they both said in unison with their hands held up.
A car pulled and a bulky man walked out. Off turned to him and asked,
“Are these your boys, Jeni?”
“Uh, yes Khun Off. They are Prem and Tuta and this boy here is New.”
“Is he new to the gang?“
“Yeah.”
“You let them bully new people?”
“No Khun… uh… let’s talk about this later.”
“Hmm, I’ll remember this and I’m taking the boy with me.”
“Yes.”
Off tugged at New and started walking away from the three men. They could hear Jeni shouting at the boys long after they had left. The behavior was well observed by New and he knew better than to mess with Off.
“Phi~, Why would you help me?”, New asked as he followed Off slowly.
“Under my brotherhood, things like that don’t work. I like everyone in harmony.”
New let the words sink and he understood that Off had the right position as the leader.
“Why were they hurting you?”
“I didn’t do what they asked me to”
“What did they ask you to do?”
New thought to himself, if I tell him a lie he will believe it but if I tell him the truth, he’ll surely beat me. He kept contemplating till Off spoke again.
“Why?”, he coaxed.
“I was told to spy on the bar. They wanted to see the big boss who is in the town.”
“What made them think that they could meet the big boss?”
He kept mum.
“What’s your name?”
“New Thitipoom Techa-apikhun sir”
“Don’t call me sir and Techa-apikhun, do you have a brother named Max?”
“Yes, he is my older brother.”
“Okay”, Off nodded and turned to the right which led to a small wooden gate. New watched him open the gate and walked in as he owned it but New had never seen him in this area because he lived here all his life. He couldn’t muster up the courage to ask him either.
They walked in and New found himself admiring the house. It was a simple but well-kept house. There was a small pond to his right and on the left, there were tables laid out. He followed Off to the door and walked into a cozy-looking living room that was made with wooden furniture. Off excused himself while New got busy looking at the bookshelves in the far corner of the room.
“My collection at home is better”, Off said softly startling New in process. New nodded gingerly and accepted the towel which he offered. Suddenly New felt queasy in his stomach and bile rose in his mouth and he immediately covered his mouth. Off directed him to the washroom and New closed the door to empty his stomach.
Off could hear the retching sound and felt worried for the boy. He looked for the medicine and kept it ready for him to take it after he returned.
New didn’t have the energy to take a long shower so he cleaned up his wounds and the dust before walking out with a towel wrapped around his waist. New was limping and looking paler than before. He was rubbing his stomach with the dirty shirt he held
“Umm Phi~”, he called out meekly and Off looked up from his phone to see the most beautiful yet painful sight he had ever seen.
New’s complexion was pale but overall he had a good build with the right muscles. His eyes moved from his head to his defined chest and then to his toned stomach which was discolored because of the beating he had gone through. Off suddenly felt angry that someone had dared to do that to him.
He stood and walked to New. He held his hand and led him to the bedroom wordlessly. He made New comfortable on the bed and picked the ointment. He squeezed some on his hand was about to reach out when New moved back a little.
“I’m not going to hurt you.”, Off said softly and again tried again. This time New held his breath as he felt Off’s fingers touch his skin. He winced a couple of times but other than he was really gentle. By the time Off was done, New was done composing himself leaving him in a disarray of emotions.
Off wanted to continue rubbing his fingers on New’s soft skin, he felt a jolt of pleasure hearing New’s voice, his mind had wandered to the things he wanted to do to hear that voice again. He forced him to pull away but continued rubbing his fingers.
“May I borrow a shirt?”, New asked getting Off out of his daydream.
“Yeah… yeah, let me get it for you.”, Did the boy make him stutter? Get a grip Jumpol, he thought to himself. He got up and fetched him the clothes he had kept aside; his favorite set of shorts and shirt.
New quickly changed into those and walked out to the main door passing by the living room where Off was sitting.
“Where are you going?”. Off asked/
“Home.”
“You can rest here tonight.” as if on cue his stomach squeezed again and he rushed back to the washroom. He walked back into the living room and sat on the empty place near Off.
“I didn’t want to trouble you more”, New said raspily.
“Take this and go to bed”, Off ordered holding out a couple of pills in his hand.
New was about to say something but looking at Off he stopped again.
“What?”
“May I have some milk?”
Off was confused by his request but he complied and led him to the kitchen, “did you have dinner?”
New shook his head slightly and Off made a face at him. New looked at him pleadingly and Off pulled out some rice for him.
“Phi~, I can make the porridge?”
“Aren’t you the sick one?”
“I can manage.”, New smiled tightly. Off didn’t mind that and he settled on the island counter.
“What would like, phi?”
“Latte with an extra shot, please.”
“It’s late phi, you won’t be able to sleep if you have that.”
“Then tea.”
“Okay!”, he smiled widely which creased the ends of his eyes as lighted up.
Off eyes were trained on New as he moved around the kitchen coughing occasionally.
“Are you a student?”, he asked after he realized he was staring for too long.
“Ye phi! I’m in the third year of my college.”
That explains your decisions, Off thought, “So, why are you getting involved in these gang men?”
“I was dragged into his and now there is no going back.”, he turned around smiling a little holding two cups of coffee and milk.
“I want to hear about this.”, Off said leaning back as he took the coffee mug.
New smiled and settled on the opposite side with his porridge bowl. He started the story while eating. He had Off’s rapt attention with the right reactions. New even teared up a little during the story which gave an impression that he was vulnerable about this.
The one story turned into another and before they knew it they were talking about their lives. At least New was but Off tried telling him things without throwing him off. The cups and bowls were set aside and they settled in a more comfortable place on the couch talking about mundane things like books and shared interest for cats.
The sounds of cicadas turned into chirps of birds when they realized they had spent the night talking. Off suddenly felt guilty for making the sick guy stay up.
“I’m so sorry…”, he started but was cut off by New.
“I have slept all my life, P’Off”, New smiled, “this is the most awake I have felt.”
Off smiled, “You should get some sleep” and he got up.
“Will you stay with me till then?”, New made a pleading face.
“Hmm come on.”
Off only had the plans to stay till the kid falls asleep but he too fell asleep with him.
Later, when he woke up, he found the other side of the bed empty. Off knew it was coming but he still felt sad, what were you expecting? He chided himself, he is just a boy who stayed because he was grateful. Did the cold and heartless mafia feel something? He shook his head and walked out of the room.
It was late in the afternoon and his stomach had started growling. He walked into the dining room and found some covered dishes. He walked closer to it and picked a few to check. It had freshly cooked homemade food. He smiled at the thought that New had made it for him. He had the smile the whole time he ate it.
It was a little later that Jeni showed up. He kept pleading for forgiveness for his men which Off accepted on a condition that they will not accept New anymore. Jeni wanted to know the reason but he knew never to ask his boss why. They talked about the business and he left.
It was followed by a couple of meeting at random restaurants. Off was very tired by the time he finished all the meetings. He was walking home when he noticed a shadow lingering at his door. He was alert as he walked closer and saw that it was New.
“What are you doing here?”, he asked startling the boy.
“Uh phi… I thought…”
“It is not okay to leave without a note?”, Off said indifferently.
“Uh sorry phi”, New quickly bowed his head and continued, “I was going to wait for you to wake up but I had to go home… I forgot to put…”
“It’s okay”, Off brushed it away as he was only trying to tease the boy a little.
“I-I bought dinner-r… I-I thought…”
“You didn’t have to bother about it”, Off continued his cool stance but internally he was elated to know that the boy thought of him.
“Aow… but I made it already..”, New’s voice was soft.
“I didn’t say I won’t have it.”, Off smirked and New realized he was being teased.
“Uh… also..”, Off had unlocked the door and he was walking in with New in tow.
“What?”
“May I stay here for a few days?”, Off was at his front door when he looked back with his eyebrows raised.
“Uh… my family…”
“What did they say?”, Off was worried.
“We have a wedding at home and I can’t trouble them with my problems right now, so please may I stay here for a few days?”, he stammered quickly.
Off smiled knowingly as he turned around to open the door, nodding at him to enter.
“I’ll do everything, cook food, clean the house and also…”
“Did you put the ointment again?”
“Uh?”
“Did you check your wounds?”
“I didn’t get time but-”
“Go wash up first and put the ointment before talking with me.”, Off said sternly.
“Yes phi”, and he left meekly.
Off had seen the signs then, he had led him into the tiger’s den the second time, he was sure that he would enter his heart too.
It wasn’t long only a couple of hours and they were back talking and bantering about anything and everything. New talked a lot about his life and his brother, whom he adored, as Off has observed. Their nights sped into days talking and days crawled back into the night working.
It was Off’s 7th day in the city when Tay had called him immediately for a family dinner. Off was out of reasons so he agreed and he knew New would be there too. New had informed him that he would late that night.
It was around 8 pm when Off showed up with gifts for everyone. Tul and Max came to greet him.
“Finally you made it!”, Tul pulled him into a hug.
“I would never miss for this for anything in the world.”
“Yah! If that was the case you would have come earlier.”, Tay said from behind them.
“Let him come in at least.”, Max cut them.
“P’Max…”, Off pouted sweetly to which Max gagged.
“Continue, what you were doing!”, he said and they all started laughing. They walked in to the party and some introductions were made before he settled beside Tay. He was chatting with someone when he noticed someone’s presence behind him.
“What are you doing here?”, the voice asked as soon as Off saw him.
“Uh… Tul and Tay invited me.”, Off smirked but the boy was pissed.
“Oh New, there you are… I wanted to introduce to my friend from Bangkok.”, Max said when he saw New, “It’s okay Phi, I’ll be back in a while.”, New glanced at him last time gulping down the shout which was about to burst and walked away.
“We met by chance Phi…”, Off explained quickly.
“Ahh… that explain nothing?”
“I didn’t mention that I know you.”
“Oh… that explains his anger. He is usually very reserved, he doesn’t talk to a lot of people but if he is talking with you please take care of him for me.”
“Yes Phi~”
“Max~”, P’Tul called and Max left.
Off left the room to look for New. He found him sitting on the porch sulking.
“Hey….”, Off offered him a drink.
“I don’t talk to liars”, New replied.
“How am I a liar when you never asked me about my life?”, Off answered.
“Argh…”, New groaned.
“Okay, ask me I’ll answer right away.”
“I was scared to ask you”, New admitted meekly
“Why?”
“I knew you were the big boss everyone feared. I saw it in that restaurant on the first day.”
“Then why didn’t tell the boys.”
“I knew it wasn’t my place to tell. I had seen you and left but when you came to save me, I was sacred again.”
“That’s why you asked for milk that night.”, Off chuckled.
“I drink milk every day before I sleep even of home.”, New deadpanned, “But you’re right I should have asked.”
“New, even if you had asked I wouldn’t have answered.”, Off said softly.
“Why?”, that stung New.
“It is a dangerous world and you are too pure of it.”, Off stared straight into his eyes, “Now, I want you to listen to me carefully, okay?”
New was speechless but he nodded.
“I want you to promise me something. The last seven days, I’ll be honest, we were the happiest in my life. I don’t remember talking so much or laughing so much before that. It was the best and I have two more days here but after that, I’ll have to return to my world and you’ll live in yours but promise me not to look for the gang or join any, Newwiee, I don’t want to taint you by getting you in this harsh world, it ruthless and I’m the worst of them all. I don’t want you to see me like that, please only keep the good memories about me, promise me you’ll be happy and live your life.”
New’s eyes had welled up at that, Off brushed the tear with his thumb.
“Heya!”, he pulled him into a hug as New broke down.
“Let’s make the best of the last two days?”, Off whispered brushing his lips close to New’s ear as he nodded and continued sobbing.
It was in those couple of days that Off experienced what love looked like. He had many lusty encounters but the love, it was different. It was patient and full of care. It came in the scrunched face with teardrops streaming down each other face as they both felt the pain. It was the soft snoring of one while the other watching them in the morning, in each other's arm. It was walking into a wedding and wondering if they would ever have one. It was waking up early and doing merits together when neither of them ever did. Love had come to them in many forms but only one prevailed - distance.
***
Off smiled at the polaroid of New in the bed, sleeping peacefully. He remembered begging –the things that cold-hearted people do in love —for the polaroid camera Tay had got. They only took two photos in that- one was with him and other was with New.
It was a few days later when he again got the call, the one which always puts him on edge.
“Hmm?”, he answered.
“Sir, he is quiet.”
“What do you mean by quiet?”
“He-he is not doing anything.”
“Is it an emergency?”, Off signed rubbing his forehead.
“Uh-no but I think it might be.”
“I don’t want to know what you are thinking, now only call it there is something important.”, Off hung up the phone.
New had to come to Bangkok two years ago and Off had his men keeping an eye on him. Whenever someone tried to trouble him or if he was mining out on something Off’s men would sort it quietly without giving him a clue. It was recently when New had started causing trouble again. He got involved in a bar fight while he was drunk and got into the rival gang behind his back. Off tried his best to put off the (distract them out his way) but they kept coming back looking for trouble.
It was late in the afternoon when the clouds had started to gather. Off looked at them pensively before settling in his study working on something. It was after a while when the rain started pelting on glass, his ears perked up. He looked outside and it was a haze of fat drops.
“To be stuck in such rain.”, he thought to himself as he stood at the window pressing his face on the glass. The moment was broken by the phone ringing and he walked to the desk.
“Hello?”, he said to the man who called a while.
“So it is you”, the voice growled on the other side making Off Jumpol shiver.
“Sir, I tried to stop him but he caught me by surprise.”, the other voice floated in but it was cut off.
“Stop barking! You dog!”, the voice said coldly.
“Where are you?”, Off asked softly.
“Come out of the house.”, with that the phone was hung up, Off looked at the phone once and composed himself. He walked out of his house picking up an umbrella on the way.
He opened the door and heard the rain slapping the ground with force. Off gulped and walked out calmly to his front gate passing by his garden which was drenched with water and mud. He open the gate and walked out to see the street empty. A single street light blinked on left and he turned to it to see someone standing in its shadows. He walked towards it and the person came under the light.
The man was shivering with fresh bruises turning slightly blue and his bangs stuck to his forehead with water dripping down his lashes to his parted lips.
“Can we talk inside-”, Off was about to start but he cut him.
“Why?”
“Why, what?”
“Why did you break the promise?”
“I didn’t…”, Off said meekly.
“I’m not blind. I had seen your men following me for a long time now.”
“Then why didn’t you come sooner?”
“‘Coz unlike someone, I know how to keep promises.”
“I just wanted to-”
“Don’t! I could have taken care of myself.”
“I can explain… if you are ready to listen.”
New rolled his eyes and scoffed, “After all, you put me through you want me to listen to you?”
“Please.”, New melted a little looking at the cold mafia pleading.
“Speak.”
“Can we talk inside?”
“Why?”
“You’re drenched.”
“So?”
“I don’t want you to fall sick.”
“Where were you when I fell sick in past years? You never cared then so what act now?”
New raised his hand up.
“Let’s go in and let me clean your wounds.”, Off said a little sternly, “otherwise I know how to get naughty boys to do things.”
It was a threat and it had done its job. Off’s cold aura was colder than before. New shivered and obliged. Off turned on his heel feeling smug and New fell in step with him under the umbrella.
“Who did this to you?”, Off asked softly after gaining his composure.
“Your man.”, New replied curtly.
“Whose my man?”, Off asked confused and New glared back.
“My man is walking beside me and I’m sure he won’t hit himself.”
That made New look at him wide-eyed and he quickly averted his gaze feeling shy. It felt like a deja vu for both of them.