Work Text:
I wake up and grimace as I get out of bed. I sit up and turn to put my foot on the floor, as I put on a piece of fabric. A sigh and reach down to reconnect the wires I had disconnected overnight. I tuck the fabric under the rim of metal and protect the wiring and stand up and feel the pins and needles of the wires adjusting to my nerves and my leg, as my body weight settles into the cold metal. A perfectly functioning prosthetic, directly attached to my nerves for a sensation like I’d never needed it in the first place. All for the low low price of debt for the rest of my life.
I get dressed and move to make myself breakfast and a coffee while I’m getting ready for work at a job that pays me far less than it should, but I have no choice. I need to keep the lights on. I need to pay my rent. I need to plug in my leg every night and I need to buy food. There isn’t really a choice in any of this. It’s all just another thing I need to do.
I grab my keys and head out the door.
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Upon coming home I flick the lights on to my apartment, exhausted from the day at work. I throw my keys next to the door and walk over into the kitchen to make myself something to eat. Looking through the pantry, there’s nothing much. Some rice. Beans. A couple of stray boxes of ready-food or mac n cheese. I click on the stove and check my bank account to make sure I pay my bills by the end of the month. Not enough for utilities yet, but I go ahead and pay my rent. I eat what I made, plug in my leg and go to bed.
I wake up, same as yesterday, and every day before that, fit the fabric sock to keep the metal from rubbing my skin raw, and reattach the wires. Sensation spreads through the artificial limb as I move to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get on with my day. I decide that today I might as well get breakfast on my way, stop at the new bagel place and grab my keys before stepping outside and being met with a grey sky.
Seems fitting.
Today is a physical therapy appointment and I make the (knowingly bad) decision to walk there. I’m tired and gas is expensive and I don’t want to be wasting money I don’t have. I arrive and they double check the fit of the prosthetic. I explain where it pinches and where I get sore and we work on strengthening the connections between the nerves and the wires. If the PT can tell I take it off at night like my old prosthetic, they don’t say anything. I nod and say goodbye as they remind me that I need to pay on my debt for the prosthetic, too. I don’t know why it matters, it’s too much for me to ever pay off.
I walk home sore, grab a coffee for the cold in my bones, and fix myself a meal in the kitchen before sitting down to work on some of the little things I’ve been missing out on. Texting friends and family I’m okay, making sure the state of the world isn’t too shit, checking my bank account, watching a video or two before deciding I can pick up a short shift at work. Gotta pay this thing off somehow.
I text my manager I’ll be coming in and start making my way over, clocking in and standing behind the counter, already exhausted looking at the line of people. Plaster on my best fake smile and a cheery attitude and hope that I’ll get some extra tips today.
The shift blurs and eventually ends, and as I finish cleaning up the tips are divvied up. It’s about enough for maybe a coffee or a breakfast tomorrow, I’ll take it. It’s better than nothing. I wave goodbye and head home, completely empty on energy after both work and physical therapy. I’m exhausted, but I might as well look around to see if there are any odd jobs I can do from home before I tuck in for the night. After finding one or two people looking for some quick help, I decide it’s probably time to head to bed. I walk into the bedroom, sit down on my bed, detach my leg and plug it in.
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Another day. I wake up and cover my face with my hands with a low moan. I don’t want the morning shift. I decide to sleep a couple minutes longer and skip breakfast. It won’t make too big of a difference either way. Today a new shop is opening on our corner at work so at least they warned us that today would be busy. We have an extra person to make sure it doesn’t get super overwhelming, and all the people coming in are in a better mood because of the excitement next door. Today is a better day. We make almost 4 times the tips we usually do. A really good day.
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It’s cold again. Cold days lead to a biting freezing feeling all day long. I can’t warm up my legs like I normally would because the metal can change temperatures too quickly, and the cold feels like it’ll just never go away. I decide to skip PT, I’d rather stay home than have to deal with it. Luckily, the office isn’t going to charge me for cancelling at the last minute, something about staying home when you aren’t feeling well is a good thing for everyone. I just wanted to curl up and go back to sleep.
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The bright wakes me up. I get up, and reattach all the wires to my nerves. Pins and needles as my leg wakes back up. This month tips were better, and I have a little extra to pay my bills a little early. I stretch and stand up while my weight settles, and I make myself some breakfast. I grab my keys on my way out the door, and head to go pick some stuff up from the store. After finishing grabbing everything I needed, I go to my shift. It’s a long shift today, but it’s not too bad and definitely worth it since I had to take some time off for my PT after skipping. At the end of the day I check the state of the world, take off my leg, and head to bed.
I wake up early. There’s a loud long beep filling the apartment. I look over at where my leg was charging and there’s a flashing red light.
I couldn’t pay it off.
...I manually turn off the warning, before putting it back on. It’s shut down now. It feels heavier. I’m not used to how it feels this way.
I get up.
I go to work.
I come home and I take my leg off.