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The key in Lexi’s hand felt like an anchor grounding her to reality. Not the reality of the world in the present, but the reality she has built months ago, where danger and fear didn’t exist. It was her own dream sequence, full of butterflies, soft kisses and pictures of intertwined hands. Unlocking the front door, Lexi really felt like she was stepping once again into her own dream-like reality, the colours and light felt so different from the outside world. The vintage ’70s brown and orange drew her further into the apartment and she slowly sat down on the sofa, that sofa. The exact sofa where he used to hold her in his arms, marking her skin with soft, butterfly kisses and easing her mind with his sole presence. Once again, Lexi felt like she was drowning deeper into some dream sequence and imagined that wall in front of her was a big screen, like the one in the cinema. She could see pictures, videos, text messages being shown on the screen, luring her to relive every moment once again. She promised to never let go of those memories, to seal them into her heart. Lexi knew she could never erase them even if she wanted. It was a sacred oath she kept to herself, to never let go of something that made her feel so alive, loved but especially capable of such enormous feelings. Such feelings were meant to be expressed by everlasting poems, but her love for him was too great and beautiful to be expressed by words. Such great words didn’t exist, but there was no need for their existence, for the feeling of Lexi’s love was what kept him alive. The screen showed her everything, the first moment he looked at her, the first moment he saw her for who she was, the first kiss they shared on the same sofa she was currently sitting at, not knowing then it would mark her lips forever. She could picture almost every kiss they shared, from the soft, shy ones to the passionate, burning ones, ending with the last, heartbreaking one. He wanted that kiss to set her free, but for Lexi, that kiss was a promise that the next one would mark the start of their forever together. Her heart still wrenched at the thought that maybe their forever was only meant to last in her memories. One tear was followed by another and the exhaustion from an aching, broken heart put her asleep. Lexi still caught the glimpse of the last picture on the imaginary screen, them finding comfort in each other's arms on his bed, covered by midnight, him telling Lexi that he already knows she’s the love of his fucking life.
Cassie told her that eventually, the pain will feel less devastating, the playlists will be filled with more cheery music, and the memories she promised to never let go of will slowly turn into a fog. Lexi knew her sister meant well and cared about her well-being, but she still felt like punching her every time Cassie decided to comfort her. Instead, she slammed the door on the bathroom their shared, her back sliding down to the floor while the painful sobs escaped her weak figure. She kept re-reading the last messages they exchanged while blocking out the background noise of her sister screaming that all she wants is to her get through this. The thing was, that Lexi didn’t want to get through this. What they had wasn’t some shallow, untamed short-lived romance filled with incredible sex, nasty arguments and cheating. Lexi wondered if her older sister will ever be able to understand that what they have is something worth living for. If something is worth living for, it may as well be worth fighting for.
„How do you know you won’t find someone else?“ Cassie asked slowly, trying to not burn Lexi with his words. After hours of crying and arguing, they layed next to each other in Lexi’s bed, covered by layers of soft blankets and surrounded by the dim light of fairy lights. A sharp breath escaped Lexi’s body, but what Cassie feared that would turn out as an angry bicker was actually a sad, broken smile. „Because I don’t want to love somebody else“.
Fez was never a man of many words. Even before his injury, he was pretty cautious about the number of words he decided to utter every day. There was no need to be loud when he could listen to something interesting. When he met Lexi and that godforsaken New years Eve party, he did exactly that. He listened to this beautiful, smart girl and thought that this kind of girl should always be loud and never silent, for others should be the ones paying attention. Even her name, Lexi¸ sounded so interesting, like a word you want to google and find a definition to. He always thought that her name should be in an English dictionary, with the definition underneath: „A flawless angel“. Lexi was the first girl he ever loved. At this moment, when he lay in his cell surrounded by darkness, he figured out she is probably the only girl he could ever love. He saw her and felt her presence as if she was lying next to him, just like she used to all the months ago in his bed. Fez knew she loved him, even if she never told him so. The look in her eyes always sold her out and always revealed more than she intended to. God, those eyes. During the past months in the hell-prison-shithole, he never dared to sent Lexi a letter. He knew she came to visit multiple times, but not accepting her visitation was his way of saving her life and making it easier for Lexi to give up on him. Fez wanted to make things easier, and even though he knew he did the right thing by refusing to see her every time she came to visit, it always caused him a more heartbreaking pain than the last time, leaving him crying in secret. For Fez, his life was pretty much done, there was no escaping the fate he was given, but no one could stop him from building up a reality of his own. Every night, he would gaze at the dark ceiling of his cell, replaying the moments he shared with Lexi, but especially creating new ones. A small house, far from the crowd and city buzz, filled with many books to keep Lexi’s curious, beautiful mind occupied and a room for Ash, his brother. If he had the power, he would give them everything he wanted, but what would he want for himself? Lexi, of course, but there was also something else that he imagined lately for him and Lexi. A family of their own. The thought made his heart flutter, but he reminded himself to never dare to take his dream too far, for he could not bear the pain of never seeing it come true. Fez never saw his visions as a product of his imagination, but rather as prayer. He prayed that somewhere someone would answer his prayer, and let him return to the only girl he ever wanted to love. But for now, his responsibility was to help create a future for Lexi. A future where the fear of losing someone she loved in a minute would be absent.