Work Text:
Chloe: Hey
She stared at her phone screen for a while, no response from her pen pal.
Chloe: hey
You sleepin?
Chloe: I'm pretty bored at work rn
She looked around the office, no one seems to be paying attention to the fact she's on her phone instead of doing her paperwork.
It's obvious her partner can tell, not like his wussy ass can do anything about it.
She just hopes he doesn't get nosey about her texting.
Chloe: hey hey hey
White girl
Chat white girl
Chat
Oh finally.
NOW she's typing.
ScienceBitch: what the fuck do you want?
Chloe: I wanna chat
ScienceBitch: its two in the morning
Chloe: wrong, it's 7 in the evening.
ScienceBitch: I…
Chloe: my timezone my rules bitch
ScienceBitch: fuck you chloe
Chloe: funny way to say "thank you" :P
ScienceBitch: I hate you
Chloe: no you don't ;)
ScienceBitch: you're right
I loathe you
I detest you
I do not like anything about you except…
Chloe: except?
ScienceBitch: love your big fat ass
Kuroyanagi's lips twisted themselves, she used her teeth to stifle the sounds that were just roaring to escape from her mouth.
She was too weak and let out a giggle, she clutched her gut - let it out even more then she'd be rolling on the floor.
Shiroyabu glanced over from his desk to look at her, instantly composing herself she shot a dangerous glare at him.
Shiroyabu frantically went back to his own paperwork, looking like he tried to forget what he saw.
Kuroyanagi went back to her phone where ScienceBitch was waiting.
Chloe: that's a dime-a-dozen opinion.
Anyone can hate my ass but love how thicc it is at the same time.
ScienceBitch: aw… I thought I was special
Chloe: join the club snowflake
ScienceBitch: anyway why are you calling me up at this time of day?
Chloe: I'm bored at work
Paperwork is fucking ass and I want to kill time for an extra half hour until I can go home
ScienceBitch: so what you're telling me
Is you're waking me up
When I have work tomorrow
So you don't have to work?
Chloe: yeah
A girl's gotta relieve some stress every once in a while
Sometimes this job kinda suck monkey dong
But at the same time I gotta tell jabroni over here to toughen up because he's still green as grass
ScienceBitch: how long has jabroni been working there?
Chloe: nearly two years
Can you Beleive he hasn't gotten it through his skull that our job involves being nasty
ScienceBitch: you take pride in this HC unit stuff do you?
Chloe: don't you?
ScienceBitch: working in forensics is different from working in homicide
Chloe: you still gotta see dead bodies and shit right?
ScienceBitch: yeah
I think I may be a bit desensitized… that bit kinda scares me y'know?
Chloe: it's an expected part of the job
ScienceBitch: I really hope you're not gonna give me the "gotta be a tough cop in a tough world" spiel
I like
Really hate that spiel
It fucking sucks
Chloe: oh sorry
ScienceBitch: chloe?
Chloe: yeah bitch?
ScienceBitch: did you just apologise?
ScienceBitch: chloe?
CHLOE!?
Chloe: you didn't see anything
ScienceBitch: you realise I already screenshotted it, right?
Chloe: fuck you
ScienceBitch: you're not gonna live this down are you?
Chloe: I will not
Kuroyanagi paused.
There was an extra shadow next to her.
She slowly rotated her head only to be met with the blank expression of her partner.
Shiroyabu blinked.
Kuroyanagi didn't.
Shiroyabu but his lip.
Kuroyanagi narrowed her eyebrows.
"Jabroni." She stated plainly and coldly.
"Yes, Kuro-san?" He obviously knew of the gravity of the situation, hiding it behind plain professionalism and all.
"You have 20 seconds left."
"20 seconds?" He echoed.
"That's how long you have left to live if you don't get outta my face this instant."
"Well I was about to tell you it's time we start heading home but you were too bus-"
"6…"
"Look I didn't mean to-"
Kuroyanagi folded her arms, her right hand still clenching her phone. Shiroyabu started to sweat.
"8…"
"Kuro I'm sorry!"
"15…"
"You just jumped a few numbers! No fair!"
"16…"
Shiroyabu paused and turned around.
"18…"
"Okay fine… I'm going!" And with that he scrambled out of the room.
Kuroyanagi unfolded her arms and looked at her phone again.
ScienceBitch: u still alive?
Shit. That damn jabroni.
Chloe: I'm really not going to live this down
My life is over
ScienceBitch: what? What
Chloe: jabroni saw me
ScienceBitch: the text messages?
Chloe: damn asshole was looking over my shoulder
He saw that
ScienceBitch: lmaooooo
Chloe: yeah that's right, laugh it up.
Dammed hyena.
ScienceBitch: you still have time to kill or…?
Chloe: yeah I have to head back.
ScienceBitch: damn already?
Chloe: I'm surprised, too. I have like 20 minutes to spare.
You still wanna sleep or smth?
ScienceBitch: I'm too awake to go back to sleep now.
Chloe: oof
ScienceBitch: were you hoping I'd give you some work stories or something?
Chloe: lmao yeah
Kuroyanagi heaved her heavy bones off of her chair and cracked her kneck.
All that sitting around can get a girl all sore.
She normally doesn't like texting on the go, it's less relaxing and therapeutic that way, but ScienceBitch isn't bad company to keep.
From what she knows, her precinct in L.A isn't really all that serious. Courtrooms feel like a kangaroo court a lot, imagine her surprise when she finds out American Law Enforcement is full off borderline cartoon characters.
Like how does a prosecutor get to work as a rockstar at the same time? Shouldn't that be a conflict of interest? Why work as a lawyer if you're so interested in being a rock star?
Why is this even allowed? Fuck it why is it even legal to begin with.
Kuroyanagi stepped out of the 25th precinct. She glanced at her phone, he friend was still typing, guess she has to has to Brace herself for the eventual insanity.
She looked up, the 25th Ward was the same as always. You can't expect anything less with these grey skies surrounding the monochrome skyscrapers of this city.
The rigid urban compositions can turn anyone into a criminal.
Given the right push.
Just looking at these skyscrapers everyday makes Kuroyanagi want to break something, to break this system.
But no shes just a complacent dog in this fucked up world.
Fuck, it looks like it's about to rain.
She quickly went back to the phone screen. It appears ScienceBitch typed up the story.
She glazed through the wall of text trying to speed read it. Her eyes were caught on one particular sentence…. Everything else crumbled.
Chloe: yeah excuse me I had to read one part and I have to ask
WHAT DO YOU MEAN A FUCKING ORCA?????????
ScienceBitch: I mean a fucking orca
Chloe: Cross examined?
in court????
Bitch, what is wrong with your countries courtrooms?
ScienceBitch: we've literally adopted your countries legal system
We share your culture
Chloe: oh god right…
How the fuck did that even happen?
Like you'd think the history behind our countries would have been so tumultuous not even world peace and the banning of nuclear missiles would stop us from wiping eachother out.
ScienceBitch: that's…
A very specifically horrifying picture you just painted there
Chloe are you okay?
Chloe: sorry, I've been looking into too many articles history stories recently, kinda scary how some of them could easily happen in our reality
ScienceBitch: right
On to a more happy subject the she lawyer once successfully saved the life of his greatest friend by cross examining a parrot!
Chloe: I question our reality everytime you talk about work
The United States courtroom drama isn't real
ScienceBitch: oh its real
Chloe: where you there?
ScienceBitch: not for the parrot
Chloe: and the orca?
ScienceBitch:.... well
Chloe: bitch…
ScienceBitch: no
Chloe: your life feels like a psyopp sometimes.
ScienceBitch: oh really now? What about your life? How crazy is it?
Chloe: did I ever tell you that I was apart of a secret underground programme dedicated to creating mental clones of a hitman?
ScienceBitch: excuse me?
Chloe: kidding! You really think I could have some over the top dark and traumatising backstory?
ScienceBitch: I mean you work for the Heinous Crimes unit
You made it sound like you need a dark and troubled past to work in it
Chloe: I'm just dramatic like that
ScienceBitch: were you dramatic about the stuff about the Heinous Crimes being… to Heinous for the naked eye.
Chloe: you can't be dramatic for something already dramatic.
ScienceBitch: you know about a tight I just had? If you were like dirty Harry but Japanese
Chloe: I dunno
It sounds hot
ScienceBitch: … does it?
Chloe: I mean I look good with a revolver
ScienceBitch: I wouldn't know, I don't know what you look like
Chloe: yet you can tell I had a dumptruck ass
ScienceBitch: I said you had a FAT ASS
AND I WAS GUESSING
Chloe: were you?
ScienceBitch: YES
Chloe: you're correct about that though
ScienceBitch: do people normally tell you about that or…?
Chloe: we literally met in a sex chat
A side hustle I take purely for money
You think I'd do that knowing I'm not hot? I take pride in my appearance you know
ScienceBitch: oh okay
Chloe: what about you?
ScienceBitch: I don't wanna talk about it
Chloe: send a picture
ScienceBitch: I'm still in my pj's
I look like a mess
YOU send a picture.
Chloe: I'm not home yet
ScienceBitch: okay and?
Chloe: okay fine
I've done selfies before.
Lemme find a good one
ScienceBitch: can't wait :)
Chloe: you gotta upheld your end of the bargain too
ScienceBitch: I don't take many selfies
Don't be surprised if any I post look… unflattering
"Kuro-San! Watch out."
Chloe: oh well see about that
"Why the fuck doesn't autocorrect work when I want it to?" Kuroyanagi grumbled as she found the photo she wasn't to send.
But just as she was about to...
"Motherfucker!" A bike crashed into her stomach at full force, she lost her grip on her phone, it went flying forward.
Kuroyanagi fell backwards, landing with a thud. She could smell blood in the air.
"Kuro-san… I think I have a concussion." That voice…
"That you Jabroni?"
"Yeah…" He groaned.
"Motherfucker. Why did you decide to crash into me, huh?" She was still feeling the affects of being rammed in the gut.
"Yeah I'm fine, thanks for asking." Shiroyabu shot back. "Look, I tried to warn you, y'know."
"Jabroni-" She paused. "Oh…"
"Yeah you were too busy on that damn phone of yours."
"Yeah i get it, touche. No need to rub it in dipstick."
Kuroyanagi pulled herself up. She stretched a little bit making sure nothing got pulled.
"Can you stand?"
"Not on my own."
Kuroyanagi looked around, she saw her phone laying face down next to shitoyabu's bike.
"C'mon i'll help you up."
"Actually I'm fine like this."
Kuroyanagi paused, taking a second to process what he said. "You can't be serious?"
"No really, I think I kinda like it this way."
"It's gonna rain soon."
"Oh crap! I don't wanna get my suit wet! Help me up here!" Begrudgingly she lifted her, after a few seconds he's able to stand.
"I feel a little dizzy."
"Suck it up buttercup." She looked back to where her phone is, rushing towards it.
"Pleasedon’tbebrokepleasedon’tbebrokepleasedon’tbebrokepleasedon’tbebroke." She chanted.
"Well I'm broke, too. Lend me 50,000 yen?" Kuroyanagi ignored that.
She lifted up the phone. "Shit, the screen's cracked!"
"Fuck, sorry."
She took a sigh of relief, she can at least turn the damn thing on.
She turned around to face Shiroyabu.
"Jabroni, why the fuck where you going in that direction?"
Shiroyabu took a step forward. "What?"
"I was going in the direction away from the 25th precinct, why the fuck were you going in the direction of it?"
"Well you see, I got sidetracked then I got lost then I decided if I wanted to get back home I should find my way back to the precinct and start from scratch."
Kuro paused. "You're a moron."
"Yeah yeah, I get it." Then he froze, he leaned in on Kuroyanagi's phone, his face looked puzzled.
"I literally told you not to snooping on my phone!"
"Okay sorry but… you're a fan of Silent Hill?"
"What?"
She whizzed back to her phone… oh no.
She sent the wrong selfie.
It was the one she had wearing her pyramid head cosplay!
Her heartbeat quickened, her mouth covering her face.
"Fuck fuck fuck…" She whispered. That's like the most undexiest selfie you could give to someone.
The blood looked like it could have been real for christsake! And ScienceBitch is one of the people who uses Trigger Warnings!
She didn't want to give her a fucking heart attack!
"You okay, Kuro-san?" Shiroyabu asked. Kuroyanagi refused to answer.
Kuroyanagi, while breathing heavily, scrolled through the page, she was anxious on ScienceBitch’s response.
She’s been afk for a while - thanks to Shiroyabu - so the response Science Bitch would send is making her extremely anxious.
ScienceBitch: Oh, you like Silent Hill, too?
That’s a damn good cosplay right there
Tho i can’t say I’m attracted to pyramid head… can’t even say i can see what you really look like
This even your cosplay? I’m assuming it is.
ScienceBitch: Still there?
Alive yet?
Jesus I’m like… feeling sleepy again
You know what, for fairness sake:
Photo_image4.png
ScienceBitch: I went first that means you gotta post another one, so i can see if you’re really a hottie or not.
I need to clock out but I would like to see you IRL or smth, it would be cute if we had both of these cosplays on :P
“Holy shit…” Kuroyanagi whispered.
“What was it what happened?”
“She looks so fucking cute aaah!” She inexplicably dropped her phone and covered her face.
“Kuro-san are you… blushing?” Shiroyabu cokced his head. He never seen Kuro drop her hardboiled exterior ever.
“Shut up Jabroni.”
“Okay.”
“God, she looks good as Heather Mason, Jesus and she’s a brunette, too.” She mused. She did not expect this to be the end result, yeah she still has to send an actually good selfie but damn… god must be smiling on her today.
And going to America just to meet her? She can’t wait for when she uses one of her vacation days for this.
“Kuro-san… do you have a crush?”
Kuroyanagi turned around and stared at him. “And would you know that?”
“I’m a detective, i fucking guessed.” A pause. “I guessed right, didn’t I?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes Jabroni, you finally got your head out of the gutter and acted as a detective.”
“Finally,” He breathed. “I still can’t believe Shink ‘cap their asses on sight’ Kuroyangi could ever fall in love and… does cosplay apparently like what the fuck that’s out of left feild.”
“I can have a life, too you know.”
“Right…”
“You owe me a new phone by the way.”
“And you owe me a new bike, look at it you ripped it clean in half.” He pointed at the destroyed blue bike right next to her, of course it looked like it was ripped in half like a piece of paper.
Oops.
“Fine, you owe me a phone and I owe you a bike.”
“Sounds good…” Shiroyabu looked around and a pause. “Hey uuh how the fuck do you even cross examine an orca anyway?”