Work Text:
It would never go away, Caitlyn found that out quickly. She would spend hours sobbing into her hands, her whole body shaking from the strain of her screams against her throat.
Caitlyn had never been a pretty crier. Her sobs often involved loud, harsh screams that ripped from her vocal cords and left her sore and exhausted. It terrified Vi. People had spent so many years screaming at her, she automatically associated the sound with danger. She would spend nights sitting next to Caitlyn, holding her with her back straight and fists ready to move.
Selfishly, a part of Vi was happy that Caitlyn’s cries were so violent. It was so strange to have someone screaming next to her, but not at her.
Caitlyn didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t look around her room without seeing some small trinket that reminded her of her mother. It was in the hat Cassandra had critiqued her on, or the multitude of trophies Caitlyn had collected in hopes of making her proud.
It felt like something was torn from her heart, leaving a null void that slowly got bigger. Most nights she spent wrapped in Vi’s arms, silently wishing Jinx had just shot her where she stood at that dining table.
But she also knew it would get better. That Vi wouldn’t let her go until she was ready. That Vi would stand in that shower with her every night until they started to rot.
That was the only comfort Caitlyn found in her situation. She couldn’t face her father knowing she had failed so horribly it ended in the death of her own mother. The same mother who gave her a chance to succeed just days prior.
Caitlyn supposed that was the real kicker though, all of this could have been avoided if she had listened. Listened to anyone. Listened to Vi, to Cassandra, to Mel… the worst of it all was that she couldn’t find it in herself to completely regret what she had done. That was what made the guilt eat away at her stomach, what made her spend her nights sobbing.
Cassandra, contrary to Caitlyn’s own belief knew her daughter. She knew she was determined at the best of times, and stubborn at the worst. Caitlyn had a heart of pure gold in Cassandra’s eyes. A whole mix of her fathers kind, caring nature and her own strong, determined nature. No one could say Caitlyn didn’t belong to the Kiramman name.
The head of the house just couldn’t understand her daughter. She had tried to, enrolling her daughter in with the finest coaches Piltover had to offer. Spending what hours she could at the shooting range, watching the young girl forget all her worries. Cassandra had even taken some classes herself, trying to show an interest. To her credit, she was a natural. She would take Caitlyn on little hunting trips within her breaks from her strenuous job as a councillor just to bond with her daughter.
As Caitlyn grew older it became harder. Cassandra had tried her hardest to support her daughter until she had brought up the idea of being an enforcer. Cassandra would do anything to protect her daughter.
Caitlyn was at the age to understand this. She understood her mother wouldn’t have blamed her for what happened. That didn’t change the self-hatred bubbling under her skin every time she thought about herself. It didn’t change that she felt responsible for every single thing that had happened.