Chapter Text
"He wants to wand fast to me?" I sputter in disbelief, crumbs flying from my mouth.
My aunt appears so pleased with this unexpected development she doesn't seem to notice my graceless display.
Instead, she eyes me quizzically. "Why so surprised? You're of age, Elloren. Most Gardnerian girls your age are already fasted or about to be...."
"But I've only just met him!"
"That's of no consequence," my aunt insists, waving away my bewilderment with a dismissive hand.
I stare at her, too stunned for words. Of no consequence? Was she being serious?
Apparently so; her green eyes were gleaming with some blended cocktail of pride, triumph, and ambition. "We should arrange for the two of you to be fasted as soon as possible," she states decidedly. "Enith... "
As she engages the Urisk, who's been as still and silent as a statue until now, I use the moment to reflect on these dizzying turn of events.
Lukas Grey, the highborn, wickedly handsome military prodigy wants to fast to me? Someone he's not only met once, but lacks the refinement and social savvy of other candidates? Especially over a certain Level Five ice witch...
I'm reminded of how vividly aware I was of his fire lines. When we connected in a kiss, I could practically feel it surging under my own skin as well. What was even more shocking was the fact my own lines seemed to reach for it, enthralled by his delicious heat. Intoxicated, for want of a better word.
But my brother's warning wrenches me out of that thrillingly charged memory. My last conversation with my uncle also works in bringing me back to my senses.
"Aunt Vyvian," I weakly plead, interrupting her instructions to Enith. When her sharp gaze pins me to the spot, it's an effort to speak the rest. "I...I can't fast to Lukas."
The horror that flashes across Enith's face tells me I'm playing with fire on this front as well.
My aunt's scone freezes halfway to her mouth, suspended in animation. "What do you mean you can't?"
The blue-faced Urisk is glowering at me, wide-eyed and appalled, as if I've just thrown a jar of preserves at them both.
With how razor-edged her eyes turn, I scramble to redirect some of that intensity elsewhere by explaining, "I haven't known him for one full day." I'm hoping I can reason with her—Sweet Ancient One, Lukas, what were you thinking?
My aunt sets her pastry down on her plate very carefully. "Elloren," she breathes, "this type of proposal, from a family such as this, from a young man such as Lukas, does not come along every day. Have you any idea how many dozens of other candidates they have to choose from?"
"I'm sorry." I shake my head. "But I can't. I've only just met him. And...and I promised Uncle Edwin..."
"Promised him what?"
"That I'll wait until I've completed my education to fast to someone."
My aunt's mouth falls open. It occurs to me that this is the first time I'm seeing her display such spontaneous emotion. "But that's at least two years from now!"
"I know."
"Elloren," my aunt says, her voice low. "You would be a fool turn down this proposal."
My resolve stiffens. "Perhaps if he likes me that much, he can court me first."
But my aunt is equally resolute. Her eyes take on a hard glint. "Perhaps I should send word to the Greys that they should reconsider their initial plan."
"What plan?"
"Why, to have Lukas fasted to Fallon Bane, my dear."
I freeze, completely thrown. "But," I counter, "Lukas told me isn't going to fast to Fallon."
"My aunt makes a sound of derision. "Really, Elloren. Do you really think he'll wait for you forever?" Her eyes become calculating. "I'm sure Fallon will be happy to take your place. I hear the Banes have been anticipating such a union for quite some time now."
An unwelcome image of Lukas kissing smug, perfect Fallon forms in my head. I imagine him clinging to her passionately and in that heated moment, Fallon opens her eyes and stares at me with malicious triumph. It's enough to send unpleasant heat rising on my cheeks. She wouldn't hesitate to accept a fasting proposal from Lukas.
Aunt Vyvian, as if sensing my unease, strikes. "It's already peculiar enough that a young man of Lukas' standing hasn't been fasted yet. And with how quickly Fallon seems to be coming into her power, it's only a matter of time before he renounces his past conviction. If you don't act now, you'll surely look back on this with regret. "
I ponder her words. There's no doubt in my mind that Lukas is highly sought after. But we hardly know each other!
Seeing how I'm conflicted still, my aunt sighs. "Perhaps it was a lapse of judgment, letting Edwin steal off to Halifax with you three. Shutting you off from the world has done you no favors. He’s left you completely ignorant to how it works.”
Taking a deep breath, she tries again to convince me. "Elloren," she begins with deliberate calm. I regard her expressionlessly, doing my best to appear neutral. "It has become increasingly expectant of girls to be fasted before seventeen,” she explains, “it would be uncouth, sending you to University without properly securing your future. Especially with all those half breeds roaming around. You remember what happened to your friend Sage."
I bristle at the remark. "I wouldn't run off with a Kelt," I say, taking visible offense.
My aunt hums at that. "Perhaps not, but you forget: you are Carnissa Gardner's granddaughter. And I'm sure you know by now that the University’s infested with other races. Without Lukas' military ties to protect you, it would not be safe for you to attend. You would be forced to return to your uncle in Halifax and how would you hope to fast to someone then, much less complete your education? You can avoid all sorts of unpleasantness if you simply agree to fast to Lukas Grey."
Her words reek of agenda, but they're not untrue. While I've seen Urisk servants, I've had no other interactions with non-Gardnerians. Our holy book goes into great detail about them, insisting that they'll all polluted souls who envy the blessings of the Ancient One's First Children. I never considered their presence at the University but that I know there will be Lupines and Icaral demons there...
And my only ambition has been to follow in my mother’s footsteps and study apothecary. Would turning down the Greys also mean forfeiting that dream?
I hesitate, losing the solid footing I thought I had.
My aunt presses on. "Furthermore, as one of the last descendants of the Black Witch, it's your duty to Gardneria and Mother to keep her line going. A union with a powerful Mage like Lukas would ensure that our family's legacy lives on. You don’t want the Banes to steal that from us, do you?"
I can't respond because I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Whatever is left of my appetite quickly sours as I turn her argument over in my head.
A deep part of me knows that everything she said is the truth but a more intimate, self-conscious side won't let go of my principles or promises to my family.
It would greatly disappoint my uncle if I go back on my word but on the other hand, Aunt Vyvian and the Greys will be deeply angered if I don't agree to this proposal. And that awful Fallon Bane...she'll be the only one who will emerge as the victor if I decline.
And as for Lukas...his parents might very much force him to fast to that dreadful witch. We might not have known each other for long, but time means nothing to our affinity lines. Where Fallon and Lukas clash as polar opposites, Lukas and I complement one another as fire and wood. A perfect match to their mismatch.
Could that be why he wants to wandfast? Because of our compatibility? I wonder.
From that perspective, there shouldn't be much to stand in the way of my decision, should there?
Aunt Vyvian stares at me as if she can see me wrestling with my better judgment. "And at least you've met Lukas. Many girls do not get the opportunity to meet their fastmate until the ceremony," she says, trying to sway me to her side.
This comes as a surprise, but I glaze over it for now. “I just need time to get to know him a little better,” I try to reason.
My aunt clicks her tongue. “Well, it seems like you were getting to know him pretty well last night, my dear,” she snipes as she takes a sip of her tea.
My face goes hot.
“Don’t you think my servants tell me everything?” She purses her lips at me. “If you’re going to indulge in that type of behavior, Elloren, you need to fast to the young man, and quickly.”
I’m mortified—completely mortified.
“Frankly, the idea to wait until you’ve finished your studies is ludicrous,” my aunt goes on, “by then you'll be past the traditional age and you're fasting prospects will have dwindled down to nothing. You must not let Edwin bring you down with his delusions."
My eyes drift down to my plate, suddenly infatuated by the crumbs that orbit my scone. My mind reels. If things could truly become that difficult for me, why would Uncle make me swear not to fast to anyone?
"You'll never be presented with this opportunity again," my aunt repeats, voice going stiff. "The Greys are one of Gardneria's most influential families. If you turn down their offer, it will be your lost, not theirs. They will move on while you hover on the sidelines, hoping for an opening that will never again present itself."
She sits back in her chair and sighs a second time, as if this conversation is equally taxing on her. "You must think me harsh, but as your aunt and the only female influence in your life, it's only right that I steer you toward the path that's best for you. With your sheltered upbringing, things will only be more different for you going forward but once your fasting arrangements are safely taken care of, you'll have ample time to make the necessary adjustments. You’re a bright girl, Elloren, and brimming with potential. You deserve far more than what Halifax or your uncle's cottage can give you.”
I think it over with no small amount of panic. I never wouldn’t imagined leaving Halifax would propel me into this; I thought leaving for the University would pave the road to my future but here I am, forced to decide it already. This is madness!
Enith has gone unnaturally still, her face willed into hard neutrality. Her eyes have also settled on me, pleading for me to placate my aunt. I don’t meet them.
“Now then. What is your final say, Elloren?” my aunt asks, her tone implying her patience is wearing thin as she leans forward in her seat.
I give it once last moment of contemplation. It was either upset my brother or uncle, or upset my aunt, Lukas, and his family. A flip of the coin and it didn’t matter which side it landed on—both options are equally damning. Unless…
Something occurs to me. As the oldest male in the family, my uncle technically has the final say in all family matters. According to Gardnerian law, neither me nor my aunt can overturn his decision. Meaning, if I agree to fast to Lukas, Uncle Edwin can reject the arrangement and save me from this impossible predictable.
With how busy the Greys probably are, the odds of Lukas and I being fasted right away are slim. I can easily write to Uncle and get a response before then. It’s not fair to the Greys, but it’s the only option I have. Besides, I know I can rely on my uncle to look out for me.
That being said, my only choice is to appease Aunt Vyvian—for now.
It’s a conscious effort but I manage to open my mouth and choke out, “Tell the Greys that I’m honored by their request and…” I stumble on the words before I can even say them. Since they don’t come willingly, I force them out. “..and that I’m eager to accept Lukas’s proposal.” The words don’t even sound like my own, and I regret them the moment they slip off my tongue.
Enith’s shoulders relax and I can almost see her release the breath she was holding.
My aunt’s beam is as bright as the sun. “Very good, Elloren. You’ve made the right decision, and I’m sure the Greys will be pleased to hear your response. You don’t have to worry about your uncle; I’ll explain everything.”
I nod and pretend like this comforts me.
I can only watch miserably as Aunt Vyvian instructs Enith to rely my message to Lukas’s family. The confidence I felt mere moments ago immediately curdles into guilt and when Enith hastens out of the room, I know the matter is firmly out of my control. It feels like I’m going to be sick.
Oh Ancient One, what have I done?