Work Text:
Beidou glanced up at the sky, an abyss where stars and moons had been engulfed and manipulated into simple twinkling ornaments, their only use being cheap decor. She was leaning on the Crux's hand railing, admiring them, when a somewhat solemn feeling of emptiness washing over her.
She hated it. She hated the putrid feeling, that some would describe as ‘sadness’, which settled at the bottom of her gut, waiting to be let out, waiting to be demolished. She hated the dissatisfaction which gilded the walls of her heart, mocking her. She was supposed to be selfless, an idol to others in need, why was she doing this? Why was she acting like this? She was happy. She was with her men, she was with her team, she was with her family; so how come she wasn't satisfied?
"Captain," Kazuha whispered from behind her, bastard. He creeped up and caught her off guard, "Is everything alright? The crew and I are waiting for you, the firework show is starting soon."
Beidou blinked, taking a moment to register his words, "Huh? Oh. I'm fine. I'll be there soon, I guess. Give me a minute." She shook her head, ignoring the urge to tell Kazuha everything that was going on in her brain, in her heart, even if she wanted to, she didn’t know what was going on anyways.
But alas, Kazuha couldn't be fooled so easily. It was something Beidou appreciated in him, he always found a way to slither his way into other people’s business, into their feelings. "You sure? At this time," A pause. He looked up at the sky, eyes making contact with the moon, "You'd be helping yourself to a feast in the main deck."
"Listen kid, I don't need you pep-talking me through tonight." Beidou began, "I'm fine and will always be fine. Go hang out with the crew, I just need some time alone right now, I need to think."
Then, silence.
She assumed Kazuha had left, she sighed, letting her guard down and relaxing her shoulders, undoing the bun that sat in the back of her hair, she pulled out the golden hairpin which rested tangled in her hair and sighed. She threw it to the ground, it was just a reminder of the entire reason why she was so distressed in the first place.
She felt a rebellious tear slip down her cheek, she was quick to wipe it off, but it was simply just replaced with more tears. She felt herself cuss under her breath as she dissolved into a mess of quiet sobs and sniffles. "This is so stupid." She felt herself whisper, to no one. To herself, maybe to the ocean, to nothing.
The captain stared into the horizon, allowing herself to be engulfed by a sad reality of nothingness, she allowed herself to feel vulnerable, she stopped blinking back those… stupid tears of hers.
Suddenly, Kazuha appeared behind her, a gust of wind alerting her of it. His steady footsteps echoed across the floorboard of the crux, it was suddenly a lot more windy. “Captain. What’s wrong?”
Beidou looked away, "I thought I told you to leave, kid. I don't need your help, I'm fine."
"If you were fine, you wouldn't be crying."
Beidou blinked.
Kazuha stepped back onto the ship, slipping behind her and bending down to pick something up, her discarded hairpin. He stood back up and walked, or even better, waltzed over to Beidou.
"Ningguang gave this to you, didn't she? For last year's lantern rite, no?"
"N.... No she didn't," Beidou felt the lie roll of her tongue somewhat easily.
Kazuha giggled. Yes, giggled. He had the audacity to giggle at Beidou while tears streamed down her face. Beidou looked at him with a glare that seemed to ask, 'What the fuck, dude?'
He shook his head, "Sorry. I'm sorry. It's just that… it’s obvious you’re lying."
She glared at him.
Kazuha stared at her, a fond smile gracing his features, "Remember when we were having a feast the day after we got back from Inazuma? You drank a little too much of the whiskey we took back from there and I asked you where you got it. You looked at me with the most giddy smile on your face and started telling me about how Ningguang called you into the Jade Chamber just to give it to you, specially."
Beidou felt her cheeks heat up, "I... didn't say that. I was drunk."
Kazuha simply just shook his head, "Drunk words are sober thoughts, Captain. To me, it seems that there's something going on between you and Ningguang," He paused again, reaching up to tap his temple, "And I think it's what's causing you stress."
"Oh." She wished he was lying, but Kazuha was right. She averted her gaze from him again, setting it on the waves. There was no point in lying, "Yeah. You're right, actually."
He nodded, "Well, go on then."
Beidou raised a brow at him, again, why was this kid so goddamn confusing?
"I mean, you're in love with her, right? Your eyes... they light up when she's mentioned, you take incredible risks just to ensure she's happy. Hell, you even dove into the ocean wearing clothes made of the finest silk to retrieve her—"
"Okay. Okay. I get it, I'm... 'down bad' as Xinyan would say. I just wanna spend Lantern Rite with her like we did last year. I just... I can't. Those were under special conditions... the traveller was visiting. My place here, in Teyvat, is on my ship. I'm here with my men, I don't need to occupy myself with silly little things like rich women too good for me.” Beidou murmured, avoiding Kazuha’s rather piercing gaze.
Kazuha giggled, again, "Who told you Ningguang is too good for you?"
Beidou slouched, rolling her eyes, "I did. She and I don't fit. I'm not her kind of person, Kazuha. I'm not rich, I'm not smart... I'm not—"
"Hey. Who told you that? You're one of the smartest people I know, 'Cap."
"'Yer just saying that to make me feel better, thanks, you tried I guess."
Kazuha summoned another gust of wind to blow in Beidou's face, handing her the previously discarded hairpin, "Go get your 'gal, Beidou. You have..." He glanced at the sky again, "An hour until the fireworks."
"Thanks kid."
—
"Beidou? What are you doing here. Archons, you're soaking. Baiwen! Please get Captain Beidou a warm towel and show her to the guest showers so she can get—"
"Fuck. Archons, Ningguang, no." Beidou murmured, clamping a hand on Ningguang's mouth, "I just.... I wanna watch the fireworks with you, then I'll go. Or take a shower or whatever."
Ningguang's eyes widened as Beidou's hands trailed from her mouth to the sides of her face, holding her in a somewhat loving way, "Please."
Ningguang nodded, "Sure, but... what about the Crux? Wouldn't you normally spend Lantern Rite with them? Did something happen?" She lifted her hand to rest it over Beidou's.''
Beidou shook her head, looking in Ningguang's eyes, forcing her to hold her intense stare, "No, Ningguang, I just... fuck— I guess I'm in love with you? I dunno. Honestly, that sounds embarrassing to admit out loud, but it feels good I just... I don't know, really. I only figured it out like, an hour ago."
"You..... you what?"
Beidou looked away, "You don't need to say anything. It's okay, I know we're not suited for eachother I was just being impulsive I... forget I said anything—"
Beidou was cut off by Ningguang pulling her in by the shirt and kissing the brunette. "I love you too, Beidou," She murmured against her lips.
Beidou felt herself lean into the kiss, everything in the world beside Ningguang not seeming to matter so much anymore, like a sandcastle getting kicked by wet feet, she felt herself crumble, but not in a bad way. It felt like she was taking a swim after a meeting with the 'higher ups' of Liyue. It felt like a fresh splash of water.
Unfortunately, they were cut short by a high screech coming from the direction of the door. "Lady Ningguang!"
It was Baiwen. A shocked expression painted her features, she bowed immediately, sheeks flushing in embarrassment, "My apologies. I will leave this here."
With that, she dropped the towel on the nearest table and rushed out of Ningguang's office, leaving them both alone once again. "Anyways, about those fireworks...."