Chapter Text
01/07/14 9:34 PM
Troye Sivan: Hang on, let me get my headphones.
Connor tapped on the desk impatiently, staring at Troye’s picture on Skype, waiting, trying to forget the fact that he was about to come out for the second time in his life.
9:35 PM
Troye Sivan: Okay, you can call me now.
He clicked the button immediately, waiting a few more seconds before Troye picked up.
“Morning!” Connor greeted him.
“It’s past midday,” said Troye, just as his video feed switched on.
“Well excuse me, but you woke up half an hour ago.”
Troye rubbed his eye, squinting in the daylight. “That definitely doesn’t mean it’s the morning.”
They both chuckled, and Connor was reminded of just how much he missed having Troye around.
“So, how have you been doing?” Connor asked. He couldn’t be doing very well, seeing as it had only been a week. The question was more of a formality than anything else.
“Much better.” Troye answered, sipping on what Connor thought was probably coffee.
Connor eyed him suspiciously.
“No, really,” Troye insisted, “I’m moving on. Fuck him.” He lifted his mug theatrically.
Connor smiled. “Good. You deserve better.”
They talked about Troye’s past few days for a while, how he’d finally gone out with Kayla and watched a movie with Sage, before they dipped back into the New Year’s disaster. Connor hated how Troye had been so upset by it. How anyone could reject Troye was beyond him; a part of him wanted to find that guy and punch him just for thinking Troye wasn’t good enough, then punch him a second time for breaking Troye’s heart.
It’s because you like him, his mind teased. He pushed that thought away. Crush or no crush, Troye was a catch.
Eventually, Troye decided to change the subject. “Let’s not talk about him anymore; it’s all we’ve done this year. Let's talk about you. How have you been, Con?”
“Uhhh… okay, I guess.” Connor said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. He had been fine moments before, but all of that was gone now that he'd remembered what he had to tell Troye.
“You sound a bit hesitant.”
“Just. Lots going on,” said Connor, biting his lip.
“Like…” Troye prompted.
“Nothing really.”
Troye narrowed his eyes, staring him down. “Con.”
“Troye,” he replied, holding his gaze.
“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”
Connor breathed in deeply. Just get it over with. He shut his eyes. “Okay,” he began.
“Okay what?” Troye asked.
“Okay I’m doing this,” Connor said, his gaze flickering up to Troye’s face.
Troye’s eyes were clouded with confusion. “Doing what?”
“Telling you,” he said, palms sweating, arms shaking, throat threatening to fuse shut.
“Okay, just tell me then.”
“I’m about to, I just had to say I would, because now I can’t back out and lie and say something else. See how this works?” He knew the nerves were making him ramble, but at least Troye seemed slightly amused by it.
“Alright,” Troye said slowly. “Go on.”
Connor opened his mouth, the words were a fraction of an inch away, he could taste them, but they wouldn’t go any further. He groaned in frustration. “Ugh, why is it so hard to say?”
“Just tell me, Con. I’m here for you no matter what.”
Just do it.
“I’m gay.”
Silence. Every tick of the clock lasted an eternity longer.
Troye’s eyes lit up. “Are you really?”
“Uhh… yeah,” he answered, scratching nervously at the back of his neck.
“I’m so fucking proud of you right now,” Troye said.
“Thanks.” Connor looked up to see Troye was beaming.
“No seriously Con, I know that must have been really difficult. Well done. Well fucking done!" He raised his mug in celebration.
“It was a little less scary this time,” Connor admitted.
“Who’d you tell first?” Troye asked curiously.
“Ty, last week.”
“The little shit!" Troye pointed at something off camera, probably his phone. "That's why he kept telling me to Skype you!”
Connor laughed, throwing his head back. “Noo, he did not!”
“He did, about three times!" Troye smiled as he spoke, half laughing.
“Oh my god.” Connor shook his head in disapproval. He would kill Tyler later.
“Am I the second then?”
"The second?" Connor questioned, confused.
"The second person you've come out to," Troye clarified.
“Oh. Yeah,” Connor breathed. Two. Soon it would be five and then ten and then fifty and then eventually, millions. He couldn’t even wrap his head around it; it was terrifying.
“Baby steps,” Troye said, seemingly reading his thoughts. “It gets easier every time, I promise.”
“Baby steps,” Connor repeated, sighing.
“So,” Troye said, pausing to drink from his mug, “Any cute boys you like?”
“Oh my god, you’re ridiculous.”
“Come on!” Troye pleaded, “Indulge me.”
Connor laughed. “No, none right now.”
Lie, his head screamed, but now was not the time. It would never be the time.
“Well, any in the past?”
“Not really.”
You you you, always you.
“It’ll happen soon,” Troye assured him, shrugging, “Don’t force it. And I’ll be there no matter what.”
“Thanks."
Connor needed to get over him, and soon. Troye didn’t like him, he was only just getting over his own past romance. Letting this little crush drag on for any longer would only leave him hurt. It would leave him in pieces.
“Love ya, Con,” Troye said, a slight smile playing at the corners of his lips, “No homo.”
Connor cracked up, laughing so hard that it brought tears to his eyes. Troye joined in too, and in listening to him laugh, Connor remembered exactly why he had this crush on him in the first place.
Oh my god. I’m so fucked.