Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rose scribbles her name at the bottom of her last letter and picks up the phone off of the table beside the sofa, dialing a number that she’d forced herself to memorize after everything that happened in Russia.

“Привет?”

Rose smiles to herself, feeling nostalgic. Spending time in Baia with Dimitri’s family had been more than enlightening; it was almost like she’d found a little piece of herself. Now the Belikova women are forever stitched into her heart like he is. “Olena? It’s Rose.”

“Ah! Roza, how are you, родная?”

“Um… I could be better, really, but… I was wondering if I could come visit for a few days?” She frowns to herself. Rose knows exactly what she’s doing, and Olena probably does too, so she might as well say it. “I’m running away from my problems again.”

Dimitri’s mother makes a sound in the back of her throat, like she’s surprised that Rose is even asking, and the next words out of her mouth only serve to make Rose’s eyes wet. “Roza, you are a part of this family—you do not have to ask. You are always going to be welcome here.”

As much as Rose wants to stay here and be Lissa’s Guardian, her longing to return to Olena and her family—Dimitri’s family—is overwhelming, overpowering everything else in this moment. Her friends and Dimitri aren’t feeling very welcoming at the moment, and Rose feels like she’s on the precipice of a shattered heart.

She needs comfort. She needs love. She isn’t getting either from the two people she loves more than anything in the world, so returning to a family that accepted and loved her almost as soon as they met her might be the only way to get out from under the heartache weighing her down. “I- thank you. I’m getting on a plane tonight, so I- I’ll see you soon.”

After getting off the phone, Rose throws her belongings into a duffel and gathers up the envelopes she’s filled out, tucking them into the pocket of the jacket she’s wearing. It’s big on her, and Rose is sure she probably stole it from one of the guys in her life at some point, but it makes her feel a little better—a little less alone. Hopefully they won’t mind if they never get it back.

With a sigh, Rose slips out of her room, heading for Lissa’s quarters. She wasn’t going to stay and chat, but it wouldn’t feel right to leave without at least putting the letters where she knew they’d be found. In the middle of the day, most Moroi are sleeping. As for the people Rose cares about, Lissa, at least, is certainly asleep. Rose makes sure of it.

The Guardian outside Lissa’s door only nods at her when she get there—he isn’t one that Rose is overly familiar with and probably assumes that she’s spending the night with her best friend, so Rose lays the letters out on a table in the main room in Lissa’s quarters before climbing out a window.

-

Liss,

I’m sorry. I’m going away for a while, okay? I don’t know how long, but I know that I can’t stay. Not like this. Not near him.

I love Dimitri with every fiber of my being. With every single piece of my soul. I loved Dimitri before he was turned, I loved him after he was turned, and I love this new Dimitri, too.

But he doesn’t love me anymore.

I wish more than anything that I could stay, that I could handle seeing him and not being with him. But when I see his face, I just want to be near him. I want to hold him. I want to make him feel okay again.

Lissa, I don’t think Dimitri wants to feel okay again. And even if he does, you’ve both made it clear that he doesn’t want me to be a part of that.

That’s why I have to go. It hurts. It hurts more now than it did when he was dead, because at least then,

At least then, he died still loving me. And when he was one of them, he still wanted me around.

I’m sorry I can’t be there for you. That I can’t be your Guardian, that I can’t just let go like everyone wants me to.

But Dimitri is a part of me and I will always love him more than anything in the world.

How can I stay when things are so different now?

Love,

Rose

-

Adrian,

I love you. I really do, I love you. But I don’t know if I can love you the way you love me. I feel safe with you, and I can forget about the world when I’m with you.

My love for you doesn’t consume me from the inside out.

You’re too smart to not know why I’m leaving. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be around him. He doesn’t love me anymore, but the way I feel for him is so overwhelming that I can barely breathe.

I’ve been horrible to you; I’ve made your life Hell for too long, Adrian, and you deserve so much better. So please, please take care of yourself.

Love,

Rose

-

Christian,

Please take care of her while I’m gone. I don’t know when I’ll be back, but if anybody can keep her sane while I’m away, I know it’s you.

I won’t be checking in very often. It’s so hard to leave; I’ve dedicated most of my life to Lissa’s safety, and abandoning my duty again is painful.

But one thing hurts more, and that’s why I have to go.

I’m sorry.

Rose

-

Eddie,

You’re a badass guardian and one of the best guys I’ve ever known, Eddie. Please look out for them and stay alive.

The others won’t understand how hard it is to leave my duties behind, but I wonder if you’d understand. If you were in my situation and every option was as bleak as the ones I’m faced with right now, I wonder what choice you would make. Stay here and do your duties even though your heart is shattering into a million pieces, or leave your duty behind because your heart can’t take anymore damage?

My responsibilities to Lissa might fall on your shoulders now. Please, if you get assigned to her, watch her back like I would. There are very few I would entrust her safety to the way I do you and Dimitri.

Love,

Rose

P.S. If Mason was here, he’d be so proud of you, Eddie. And probably very annoyed with me. 🙂

-

Dimitri,

I wish you would have let me in.

I’m leaving. All I’ve done is made things harder for you since you came back, right? I never meant to.

I don’t think you’ve lost the ability to love. If you had, you wouldn’t be so protective over the people you care about. If anything, you must appreciate your emotions that much more. Even the bad ones.

Don’t let guilt take you over, Dimitri. You may not think you deserve it, but you should forgive yourself. If you had been in control, you never would have made the choices you did when you were one of them. It wasn’t you. Your soul was gone—all that was left was a monster in your body.

And I still loved you. Love you.

I know. You don’t want to hear it, you don’t feel the same, and you want me to move on.

A part of me wishes that I could, because at least I would be able to stay. I’d be able to see you every day and it wouldn’t hurt so much. But it hurts. I feel like I’m being torn in two. I want to take care of your heart, but you’ve locked it away, locked me out of it. And maybe I don’t blame you.

If I had been a better guardian, you wouldn’t be here right now. If I had been a better guardian, maybe you never would have suffered through this at all. But I think I’ve only proved that I love you too much to be anywhere near you. What if you only get hurt again?

I wish I had been strong enough to save you, or kill you. At least you wouldn’t be suffering right now.

I don’t regret anything. I’m glad you’re alive. I missed you so much. I know I’m being selfish, but I can’t help it. Being around you, seeing you so closed off from me, that cold look in your eyes… I can’t bear it.

So, I’m going. You won’t have to deal with me anymore, okay? I can’t make things so hard for you if I’m far away from you. I’m so sorry.

All my love, always,

Rose

-

As soon as she gets to Baia, Olena and her daughters greet Rose with hugs and affection. By the time they get her to the house and send her stuff up to Dimitri’s bedroom, Rose is ready to tell them what has transpired since she saw them last. Keeping most of it brief, Rose tells them that Dimitri is alive and being monitored at Court. She explains that he’s still struggling to come to terms with everything and that she felt she was only making things worse by being nearby when she’d very nearly killed the monster that had taken him over. She also haltingly explains their arguments since his return, finishing with his words to her before she’d decided to leave Court altogether.

Olena had wrapped an arm around Rose and murmured kind words to her before sending her upstairs to get some sleep.

“I don't believe it, you know.”

Rose frowns, tugging the pillow over her face. “He’s really alive again, Viktoria.”

“Huh? Oh- No, Rose, I believe you there. After your last visit and coming to terms with everything, I know you’d never come up with something so cruel.” She flops down at the foot of Dimitri’s bed, patting Rose’s leg despite the muffled complaints that Rose lets escape. “I actually meant about my brother not loving you anymore. Dimka would never just stop loving somebody. Especially you .”

Rose sits up, wanting Viktoria to drop the subject, but her stomach rolls and she flees to the bathroom, dry-heaving into the toilet. Ever since she’d gotten back to the academy after thinking she’d killed him, Rose has been battling nausea like this, so she isn’t surprised, even if she’d been hoping it would end after Lissa restored Dimitri’s soul.

“Roza?” Olena kneels beside Rose on the floor of the bathroom, gathering her hair in one hand to keep it out of the way. “Are you sick?”

“Она беременна.” Dimitri’s grandmother stands in the doorway of the bathroom with Viktoria hovering over her shoulder in the hallway. The women stare at Rose as if she’s suddenly a ghost, but Rose’s Russian has hardly improved since her last adventure into Siberia.

She sighs, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and sinks fully to the floor, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What did she say?”

Olena hums, looking unsure.

No; she looks almost hopeful, but Rose doesn’t see why. All she did was throw up. It’s only been a few months since Rose saw them, so what’s changed?

“Roza, Mama says you’re expecting.”

Yeva says something else, this time in many more words, and Olena nods before translating. “She says she thought something was strange during your last visit, but until now she hasn’t been able to place it. How long have you been feeling ill?”

The nausea. Rose hasn’t been sick with stress and worry, she’s been experiencing morning sickness, but—the only person she’s ever been with is Dimitri! They’re both dhampir, it’s impossible .

“That… that can’t be right. Are you sure? I- It’s not possible, Olena!”

“Roza-”

Rose reaches for one of her hands, meeting the woman’s gaze. Does she look as pitiful as she feels? Does she look like a hopeless child? “No, I’m serious! I’ve only ever been with Dimitri and that was… well, almost four months ago.” She gestures to herself. “We’re both dhampir, it’s not possible .”

Yeva scoffs. “Roza, miracles can happen. You live in a world of vampires and alchemists and witches. You yourself should be dead, yet here you are.” With that, the old woman walks away, stepping around a wide-eyed Viktoria and disappearing from view.

Rose feels nauseated again.

She didn’t think when she left Court behind that it was going to be a permanent decision. And maybe it doesn’t have to be, but Rose can’t seem to focus. She just keeps thinking about her own mother and how much she’d always longed to be loved as a child.

“Oh god,” Rose murmurs, wrapping her arms around herself. It’s all so much—her mind flashes back to everything she’s gone through since she and Dimitri entwined in the cabin. The battle, the grief, her time as Dimitri’s prisoner. Thinking she’d killed him, coming back to school. It’s all been so screwed up. “I’ve been so reckless and stressed, what if something’s wrong with the baby? What if I’m not a good mother? What if-”

“ Rose , you need to calm down!”

She forces herself to meet Olena’s eyes, begging for somebody to tell her what to do now. Does she give her baby away for adoption or to the school to become a guardian? Does she keep her baby and give up her career forever? Does she try to balance being a mother with being a guardian?

“Why don’t you come downstairs with me and we’ll find you something to eat?” Dimitri’s mother asks kindly, squeezing her hands gently before standing and helping Rose off of the floor. “Get yourself cleaned up, okay? Viktoria will go downstairs and get out the ingredients for breakfast.”

A part of Rose wants to take her time. News that she’s pregnant is highly unexpected, and a part of her still doesn’t believe it—especially since Dimitri’s grandmother is the one who said it—, but she can’t deny that the timeline makes plenty of sense. Not only that, but a larger part of her than the one in denial simply knows it to be true. Rose is pregnant. Honestly, she’s a little surprised that nobody figured it out before .

So, she hurries through her morning routine, brushing her teeth, rinsing her face, getting herself dressed.

For the first time in a while, Rose actually takes in her full appearance and is amazed to find that her belly has rounded out a bit; it isn’t enough to be noticeable under her clothes, but Rose knows her body well.

Okay, little dhampir, she thinks before pausing. That had been Adrian’s nickname for her, and Rose feels a wave of guilt crashing into her. She wonders if, had he not been relying on alcohol to keep his madness at bay, he would have somehow figured it out. Despite her horrible treatment of Adrian, he’s still one of the few people who truly knows Rose and loves her despite her darkness. I’m so sorry for everything.

Somehow, thinking of Adrian and his nickname has only solidified Rose’s decision.

-

Rose glances around, recognizing her surroundings as one of the expansive gardens at Court. Maybe she should have expected this, but she didn’t think Adrian would want to talk to her after she dumped him and fled the country.

“Little dhampir.” His voice comes from behind her and Rose turns, taking in his appearance. In dreams, Adrian can control his appearance and their surroundings—he can control Rose’s appearance, as well, but she’s in the cotton pants and oversized shirt she’d gone to sleep in.

Fondness for her ex washes over her, but Rose can’t throw herself into his arms, as much as she wants to. “Hi, Adrian. I’m kind of surprised to see you.”

He nods. “I- I was angry, at first. It’s only been a week, but so much has happened, Rose. I could really use a friend right now.” Upon closer inspection, Rose can see dark circles under his eyes. Other than that, he looks normal, but perhaps he hadn’t thought to hide those from her. Maybe he can’t. Rose holds out her arms, and Adrian all but collapses against her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and resting his chin on the top of her head.

“What happened?” Rose asks softly, rubbing his back and wondering what could possibly bring Adrian to her after she’d broken his heart.

He hums. “How far away did you go that you haven’t heard?”

She can’t help but sigh, rubbing her nose against his chest and breathing him in. He may not be Dimitri, but Rose loves him in her own way and he brings a sense of safety with him that blows her away. “I’m out of the country… at a commune?”

Adrian laughs above her head, pressing Rose closer to his chest. “You always take me by surprise, little dhampir.” After that, he lets her go, leading her to a wooden bench underneath a tree. “My Aunt…” A deep breath. “Queen Tatiana was murdered. Everything is in disarray; a dhampir woman is under suspicion, but there isn’t any hard evidence to convict, and I’m not even all that certain that she’s the culprit. And I think my mother knows more than she’s telling me… It’s like you left and now everything is a disaster.”

She can hardly believe it. She hadn’t interrupted Adrian, but a part of her wishes she had stopped him after ‘Queen Tatiana was murdered’ because she’s still trying to process it. Tatiana had been Adrian’s Great Aunt and possibly his strongest supporter, so her death must be taking its toll on him.

And yet he’s sober enough to pull on spirit and dream walk with Rose.

She doesn’t know how to comfort him. Losing a family member is far different than losing a lover, and she’s pretty sure that Tatiana won’t be coming back from the dead like Dimitri had.

“I’m so sorry, Adrian. Do you… want me to come back? Is there anything I can do?”

His gaze drops to the ground. At first, she’s afraid he’ll say yes, that he needs her to come back to Court, but the longer he stays quiet, the more Rose suspects that he’s not going to. “A part of me wants you to.” A silent laugh, but Rose knows it isn’t a happy one. “But I owe you an apology. I’m sorry, Rose. After everything this week, I realized that I’d been leaning on you too heavily to keep me… sane. Maybe if I wasn’t so addicted to you—and you weren’t soulmates with a Russian God—things would be different.”

He gives her a small smile, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. “I do love you, little dhampir, but maybe we just don’t belong together.”

Rose hums, leaning into his side. “I love you too, Adrian.” It’s easier to say now that they aren’t together, now that she isn’t using him to try and move on from Dimitri. “Do you want me to distract you for a little bit, or do you want to get back?”

“I’d rather stay here with you for a bit, if that’s okay.”

It’s more than okay, and she tells him so. After some discreet hint-dropping that Rose knows will take him a while to figure out, she tells him about some of her recent activities. She doesn’t go into too many details, but Adrian’s expression when she explains that she’s been learning how to cook is priceless and lightens her mood considerably.

Adrian shakes his head at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Since when have you wanted to be a chef?”

“Since never,” she protests, patting his knee. “ But , after I got here, I found out some news that kind of put everything else on hold.” Here goes nothing. “I’m pregnant.”

Adrian stiffens up, blinking wide green eyes at her. “Excuse me?”

She can’t help but roll her eyes a little, reaching up and catching the hand hanging over her collarbone. “Relax, Adrian. If you recall, you and I never actually had sex, so it isn’t your baby.”

He shakes his head, squeezing her hand. “No- I know, I’m just… I mean, it has to be his, right? But how is that possible?”

Rose wishes she knew. “The only… the only theory I can come up with is that Liss used spirit to save my life after the accident, and that’s what made it possible.” She shrugs, leaning into his side and thinking about everything that’s happened since then. “Don’t tell him, okay?”

Her friend relaxes a little, but Rose wonders if she shouldn’t have said anything. Shouldn’t they be worrying about him? He’s grieving somebody he was very close to, it’s unfair of Rose to talk about something like this in the wake of the Queen’s death, right?

“Rose?”

“Huh?”

Adrian snorts. “I said , I won’t tell Belikov, but I think he would want to know.” Her friend hugs her a little tighter. “Pretty sure he’s still in love with you, little dhampir.”

Rose has a hard time believing it, so she shrugs, wrapping her arm around Adrian’s waist. “Even if you’re right… Dimitri said he didn’t want me around.”

“He probably has a harder time hating himself when you’re around,” he comments, squeezing Rose’s hand again. But instead of pushing it, he changes the subject after promising not to tell Dimitri about Rose’s pregnancy. “How far along are you, anyway?”

She counts backward in her head, glancing down at her stomach. “Around twenty weeks, I think.” She goes on to ask about Lissa, trying not to give herself away, and Adrian explains the state of things between their friends. Lissa and Christian are working things out, finally, and Eddie is apparently taking his job very seriously. With everything that’s happened, Dimitri is still under watch, but they aren’t taking it as seriously as they were before the Queen’s death. His alibi is beyond solid, considering the guardians that’ve been stationed around him and the timing. Rose is at least grateful that they aren’t further alienating him under the circumstances.

“Oh. I nearly forgot, but Ambrose asked me to deliver something to you.” Adrian pulls out a small envelope, slipping it into Rose’s hand. “I don’t know if you’ll actually get to keep it when you wake up, but if not, you can always call me for a refresher. I haven’t read it, but if I still have it when I leave, I’m going to.”

When Rose opens the letter, she’s blindsided to realize that it’s from the Queen herself before her death. Had she known, or was she just overly prepared every day, just in case?

“Lissa has a half-sibling,” Rose hears herself say. “She wants Lissa to be the next Queen.”

For a moment, everything feels extremely distant—Rose almost feels like she’s floating in between worlds. But then Adrian is looking into her eyes and Rose is able to breathe again, nearly falling forward into him. “What just happened?” she mumbles, rubbing her forehead. Maybe she’s just getting too much information at once; she could be overwhelmed and that might explain things. But Adrian is anchoring her in the dream, so maybe it’s more than that.

“Have you checked in with Lissa at all? Even just through your bond?”

Rose shakes her head, leaning back to look him in the face. “Do you think her emotions tried to suck me in? I’ve gotten pretty good at maintaining the wall, but maybe it’s weak right now?”

Adrian frowns, looking worried, but he moves back onto the bench instead of kneeling in front of her. “I hope that’s all it is.”

Yeah, Rose does, too.

-

“Hey, Old Man.”

“Why would you leave the princess’s side?”

She groans, resting her forehead against the window frame in front of her face. She’s sitting beside the window in the living room, the house phone pressed to her ear. “Listen, as much as I would like to get into the details of that right now, I need some advice. Before she died, Queen Tatiana wrote me a letter telling me that Lissa has a half-sibling somewhere in the world. It’s hard to believe her father would have been unfaithful, but I’m quickly realizing that nobody is perfect. He’d been putting money in a bank account from Las Vegas, but I’m not sure that the illegitimate child of his would have actually lived there. I do have a hunch about a girl who goes to the Academy in Montana, though. I only met her once or twice—the first was back before the school was attacked by strigoi, but she looked so much like Lissa that I don’t want to overlook her.”

A long moment passes and Rose forces herself to realize that she’s just given Abe a ton of information. She herself is still processing it, so she can’t be too impatient just yet.

“It’s funny that you’re back with Belikov’s family, kiz,” he says to fill the silence while he considers what she told him. Rose hums.

“They make me feel like I have a family.” It’s a low blow, but Rose doesn’t really mean it to be. “I mean, I’m not knocking on your parenting choices. Or Mom’s. Just stating a fact.”

“It’s fine. What’s the kid’s name?”

Rose beams. “Her name is Jillian Mastrano. She must be an incoming freshman this year.”

“Alright, where do you want me to send the information when I get it?”

After a moment, she tells him to give it to Adrian, aware that he’ll know what to do with it. Adrian is smarter than most people give him credit for, and Rose wants to be one of the people encouraging him to be a little more caring for himself.

“And now, you tell me about you. Why did you leave?”

She repeats her explanation as steadily as possible before carefully adding that she’s no longer taking care of only herself, to which Abe abruptly goes into a coughing fit. When he calms, Rose continues to explain the situation to him before falling silent. But after a moment, a thought comes over her and drops her mood a bit. “I know Olena would let me stay forever if I asked, but I feel as though I’m taking advantage of her family’s hospitality. I don’t know what to do, Abe.”

Rose doesn’t know where else to turn. Even if all Abe does is offer advice, she’ll appreciate it. Olena and her family mean well, but Rose doesn’t think she should be here if Dimitri decides to visit his family. What will he think of finding Rose in the house where he grew up after telling her that he doesn’t want her?

No. She has to leave. Even if she just finds a small place nearby to rent, surely it will be better than what she’s doing now. His family may not feel like Rose is overstaying her welcome, but if Dimitri finds time to visit the house and Rose is living there with his family, that might be the final nail in the coffin of their relationship.

“Give me some time to find the other Dragomir and then we can work something out. You have time, kiz.”

Anything is better than nothing. “Thank you for helping me at all.”

“You’re my daughter.”

-

“You don’t have to leave, Roza. You’re more than welcome to stay right where you are,” Olena tells her gently, patting Rose’s hands. She looks a little sad, and Rose wonders if it’s because she likes having Rose here as much as Rose likes being here.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m not going very far. Abe liked my idea of staying here in Baia, and it also means I’m close enough to work for him without having to travel much.” She turns her hands over, wrapping them around Olena’s and looking her in the eye. “I know Dimitri isn’t in love with me anymore, but your family is in my heart and I would do anything for any of you. Just wait, I’m going to come over all the time. You’ll see me so often that you’ll become tired of me.”

She smiles, using her free hand to tuck Rose’s hair out of her face. “I hope so. You are family, Roza. And Dimitri might be fooling you, but I’m willing to wager a hefty bet that my son still loves you deeply.” With that, Olena’s smile fades. “What happened when you left us?”

She had a feeling that one of Dimitri’s family members might ask, but she still doesn’t think she’s fully prepared to talk about it. Rose will be surprised if she’s ever fully prepared to talk about it.

“Dimitri captured me and kept me locked in a room. He used me to feed and asked me every day if I was ready to be awakened. He wanted us to rule the strigoi world together. He wanted to own me.” She studies the worn wood of the kitchen table. “I managed to escape and he chased me. I thought I killed him and went back to school, but then he started sending me letters. It turns out that I missed his heart when I staked him.” Rose tries for a smile, looking up to meet Olena’s eyes. “I’m glad for it now, though… Lissa was able to restore his soul and make him a dhampir again.”

Her chest aches. Lissa is Dimitri’s savior, no matter how much Rose wanted to be the one to save him—or put him to rest, if saving him failed.

She’s grateful to Lissa, really. But Rose hasn’t forgotten the things Lissa said to her when she first left to find Dimitri, and she hasn’t forgotten the things Lissa said to her during Dimitri’s interview in the sunlight.

Can’t she try to understand how Rose is feeling? Will Rose’s life always be an endless cycle of pushing her feelings aside for the sake of everyone else?

Olena squeezes Rose’s hands. “And nobody seems to notice the sacrifices you’ve made along the way,” she murmurs knowingly, even though Rose is sure she hadn’t voiced the last of her thoughts out loud. “крошка, you don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders. For once, you’ve made the decision to take care of your own heart instead of everybody else. That’s not easy to do for somebody like you.”

She’s right about that. Rose still feels like she’s tearing herself in two, and she’s been staying with the Belikovs for nearly a month already. How much longer will it take for her to feel better? For her heart to stop breaking apart?

“Does it ever get easier?”

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Rose wishes she could take them back. Olena gathers her into a hug and runs her fingers through Rose’s hair—it makes her feel loved and gives her the strength she needs to climb the steps and gather her belongings into a bag. If Rose steals a shirt or two out of Dimitri’s dresser, she doubts they’ll comment on it (though Yeva does give her an annoyingly smug look when she passes by on her way to the restroom).

In a way, though it might be strange, Rose feels like she’s gotten some closure. The last time she visited Russia, the weather was still fairly cold and Rose was running after Dimitri. This time, summer is in full swing and temperatures aren’t kind. Luckily for Rose, Abe isn’t letting her do a lot of heavy lifting. He pulled out all the stops to find her a quaint little house at the edge of town; the movers and his guardians are working hard to get everything situated, but Abe won’t let her do much of anything at all.

To keep her busy so she doesn’t interfere, Abe is explaining the work she’ll be doing for him in more detail; somehow, she’s going to be working with Sydney again, despite the fact that Sydney isn’t exactly thrilled about it.

“Until my grandkid is born,” Abe adds, arms crossed, “you’re stuck on desk duty, do you hear me? No fighting, no killing, don’t even look at a stake unless strigoi break into your home .” He sounds like the most fatherly father to ever walk the earth, and Rose can’t resist the words that slip out of her mouth.

“Yes, Dad.”

For a moment, Abe, his guardians, and the movers all fall silent. Pavel and Sergei know that Rose is his daughter, but the other dhampir that are in the house couldn’t have known.

But then Abe grins like Rose just made his day. By now, Rose is realizing that some families will never be like the Belikovs. But her father loves her despite all of the years he’s spent away. She knows he’d do anything to keep her safe, so she pushes herself off of the couch and wraps her arms around him.

Abe doesn’t say he’s surprised, but it takes him a moment to hug her back, one hand stroking her hair the way Olena had earlier in the morning. “I feel like I should be less surprised considering the way your hormones must be all over the place, but I’m pretty shocked right now, kiz.”

She stifles a laugh and pulls away, giving her father a smile that feels more genuine than any she’s given him before now. “A lot of things have been put into perspective for me recently.” She doesn’t blame him for being shocked, of course. Most of Rose’s interactions with her parents have been too hot or too cold. She’s been finding a rhythm with both lately, but just hugging her father feels like a really big step in the right direction.

Chapter Text

“Little dhampir.”

Rose opens her eyes in one of the comfortable living spaces at Court—Adrian’s room, she quickly realizes. She’s a little surprised that they’re sequestered away in a replica of his quarters, but she isn’t surprised that they’re his quarters, considering he’s the spirit user talking to her. “You know, I really feel like you deserve a nickname after everything we’ve been through together. What do you think?” she asks, turning to face him.

Adrian smiles a little. He looks tired, but not as bad as he had during their last talk. “It’s kind of hard to believe that it’s been over a month since our last talk with everything that’s going on, but I figured you haven’t been updated on things.”

Rose nods, plopping onto the sofa beside him and tucking her feet underneath her. “I told Abe I didn’t care to know, but I kind of just wanted to hear it from you instead.”

Instead of talking right away, his eyes narrow on her. While he stares, Rose fidgets, wondering what he’s thinking. She knows exactly where he’s looking, because her pregnancy has finally started becoming visible no matter what she’s wearing, and Rose might be a little nervous about it, but she’s also weirdly happy to be showing.

“No aura yet,” he finally murmurs, resting his arm along the back of the couch. “Sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?”

She shakes her head, meeting Adrian’s eyes with a smile. “No, I was just wondering what you were thinking.” A thought crosses her mind, but Rose pointedly decides that now isn’t the time to bring it up and shoves it as far to the back of her mind as possible. “So, tell me. What’s going on back home?”

“Your BFF is the new Queen,” he says with a small smile. He must miss his aunt a lot, but Rose can see that he’s happy for Lissa. “She wanted to see you before the ceremonies, but she thinks you’re ignoring her. I said you probably have quite a few walls up.” He taps his fingers against the fabric of the sofa, glancing up at the ceiling while he thinks. “Now that the Royal Guard is taking care of her, Eddie and Dimitri both have new charges, but Lissa pulled some strings and Eddie is guarding Jill while Dimitri guards Christian.”

Rose smiles in spite of herself. “Did Christian and Liss finally work things out?”

Adrian grins at her. “Of course! Your disappearance really brought everybody together. They have meetings every once in a while where they try to figure out where you might have gone. Eddie thinks you’ve gone back to Russia, but Dimitri seems pretty adamant that you only experienced ‘great pain—’” Adrian makes air quotes with his fingers here. “—in Russia. Lissa thinks you’re in the city somewhere, but nobody can seem to agree on which city. Jailbait thinks you’ve—”

“Jailbait?” Rose interrupts, even though she has a pretty strong idea of just who Adrian means.

“The little sister you sent us, Rose,” he replies with a grin. “How did you do it?”

She rubs the back of her neck. “I met Jill in the spring, before everything went to Hell,” she explains. “I remembered thinking that she looked a lot like Lissa, so I asked my dad to look into it.”

Her friend nods before continuing to tell her that Jill thinks Rose is still at court and playing ‘Shadow Guardian’. Rose actually thinks the idea sounds kind of cool. “Could you imagine if I trained in stealth and then took on that title! That would be so cool!”

He laughs, head tipping back and resting against the back of the sofa. “Rose, you’re only going to expand for another couple of months. The stealth will have to wait until after the baby is born.” He’s still smiling when he continues. “Christian thinks everybody should leave you alone until you’re ready to come home.”

“Oh? Remind me to send him a present. Like one of those chocolate fountains or something. Maybe some new black clothes.” She reaches out and pokes Adrian in the ribs. “So, what’s your opinion during these meetings?”

Adrian grins. “ I told our friends that my darling best friend Rose is tanning herself on an island off the coast of Brazil. I also told them you were staying in a secluded villa in Italy. Oh, my personal favorite is that you’re working in a twenty-four/seven noodle shop in Chinatown, New York.”

She can’t help but laugh along with him and his absurd claims, knowing that none of their friends would have believed a word of it—except maybe Jill, who only met Rose once or twice. “Well, I’ll give you the country I’m staying in for being so creative. Does that seem like a fair compromise?”

Adrian hums. “I’m assuming that this information is meant to stay between you and me?” He doesn’t look surprised when Rose nods. “Alright, I promise.”

Rose pats Adrian’s knee. “Eddie’s right, I did go back to Russia. I’m surrounded by other dhampir women and a few drunk moroi men that mostly ignore me since I broke the wrist of the only one brave enough to try and touch me.”

A moment passes. “Are you staying close to his family? I know you really liked them.”

They talk for a little longer about Rose’s living situation before Adrian starts yawning. Their goodbye this time is less frantic than the last one and leaves Rose feeling content to have such good people in her life. Adrian is the kind of friend that Rose never wants to lose—in fact, she wants to do everything in her power to keep him safe. Maybe he’ll let her become his guardian, since it seems like Lissa has her safety under control.

Rose knows that a part of her will feel like she’s not fulfilling her duties if she isn’t guarding Lissa, but when she does go back to work, Rose will guard whoever they assign her to as if they are Lissa. She can’t imagine doing anything less than her best, whether she’s protecting Lissa or another Moroi.

-

Rose goes into labor three days before Christmas. The baby is early by a couple weeks, but Rose is happy as long as her child is healthy. She gets to take her baby home the day after she’s born. Normally, she might be overthinking everything from groceries to routines to everyone who doesn’t know, but right now, the only thing Rose can think about is the baby in her arms. Olena sends Viktoria to stay with her at first, so that she isn’t alone.

Dimitri’s youngest sister is out of classes until after the first of the year, so she has the free time and said she doesn’t mind coming to help. “I’m just so happy for you, Rose!” she explains excitedly when the baby is asleep nearby and Rose is sitting on the sofa in her living room. “For the record, I think Dimka would love the name you picked. I’m a little surprised you went with a Russian name, though. I mean, neither of your parents are from Russia.”

Rose smiles fondly at the teenager who has become a little sister to her, reaching out and squeezing her hand. “No, but the rest of my family is,” she points out, raising an eyebrow. “Besides, American names are overrated, and I’ve never spent time in Turkey or Scotland.”

On Christmas Eve, Rose wants nothing more than to stay in bed for the foreseeable future. Whoever said motherhood would change your life was right—she never gets to sleep through the night anymore. Not that she always could before the baby, what with getting sucked into Lissa’s head and due to Rose’s own nightmares.

Rose prefers waking up to a crying baby than waking up to Lissa’s sex life, but she still hopes that her daughter can fall into a proper routine sooner rather than later. She knows Abe would spoil them both if she let him, but Rose doesn’t want to mooch off of her father for the rest of her life. She wants to work, but Rose also wants to raise her daughter. For now, she can do both.

The phone rings and Viktoria jumps up to grab it off of it’s cradle, holding it to her ear. “Hello?”

Rose listens to one side of the conversation with growing trepidation. After being in Baia for a while, she was able to start picking up on some Russian here and there; when Olena and Yeva realized Rose was trying to teach herself, both women stepped in to give her lessons. She’s not quite fluent, yet, but Rose can at least understand enough to get by.

Viktoria sinks down on the other end of the sofa, placing the phone back in it’s cradle. “Rose?”

She forces a smile, looking up at her friend. “You should go see him. I’m glad he’s here, it means he’s been working through some of his trauma,” she explains softly, thinking back to the look he’d worn so often around Court before Rose left. “I don’t want him to know I’m here, okay? But you need to be with your brother right now.”

“What about you and the baby? I don’t want you guys to be alone, Rose-”

Rose scoots closer, pulling Viktoria under her arm. “Me and the baby are going to be fine, okay? Besides, if you don’t go, nobody will get their gifts from me until after Christmas.”

The two of them gather the gifts Rose got for the family and Viktoria heads out the door with one last plea for Rose to join her. Before Rose can be swayed, she asks Viktoria to keep her presence in Baia a secret unless there’s absolutely no way around it. Viktoria gives her sad eyes when she agrees.

Right now, Rose kind of wishes she could see into somebody’s mind other than Lissa’s, because she’d love to know how things are going between Dimitri and his family. She’s well aware that they would have welcomed him with open arms, but Rose can’t bear to face him right now, so she has no way of knowing how he’s doing short of calling Viktoria for updates.

Rose may not be able to spy on Dimitri this Christmas Eve, but there’s somebody she can spy on. So, cradling her baby in her arms, a bottle in hand, Rose peels her walls down and easily sinks into Lissa’s head.

She’s not expecting to see all of her friends sitting around the backseat of a van as if they’re having some sort of intervention or something.

“Look,” Adrian cuts off whatever Mia was saying, “I’m all for supporting Belikov here in Russia. I don’t think he should have come alone or anything. But aren’t we imposing if we all pile into his family’s house without warning?” He looks around at the expressions on everybody’s faces before looking into Lissa’s eyes. “They don’t even know us, cousin.”

Eddie nods his head. “Besides, what if Rose is in town? She stayed with Dimitri’s family before, but if she knew he was going to be here, she probably left.”

Through Lissa’s eyes, Rose can see Adrian’s expression shift, just a little. But he quickly covers it by insisting that she’s probably skiing in the Rocky Mountains or something, tapping his fingers against his knee. Jill leans into his side, probably well aware that Adrian is feeling guilty for keeping Rose’s secret.

She wonders if Jill knows everything that Adrian knows, or if she’s only getting impressions of his feelings through their bond. Rose had been really upset when she learned about the attempt on Jill’s life, but she’s really happy that Adrian had been able to save her.

“If you want to walk around town in case Rose is around, I understand, but it’s Christmas Eve,” Lissa points out. Rose can feel that she’s torn between wanting to find Rose and wanting to keep an eye on Dimitri. She doesn’t think he should be alone; Rose catches a stray thought that Lissa thinks Rose wouldn’t want Dimitri to face his family alone.

And she might be a little right, but only because Dimitri might not be able to accept that they’re being so forgiving, that they’re so happy to see him.

“I want to find Rose,” Eddie says again, voice low. Through her best friend’s eyes, Rose can see how worried he is. She wants to see her friends, but-

“Okay,” Adrian interrupts her thoughts, looking sure of himself. “What if we split up? I’ll go with Eddie and Jailbait, Mia and Christian can take Mikhail around town with them, and you can stay with Belikov. That way, everyone is with a guardian but we aren’t overwhelming the Belikovs with a bunch of Royals.”

Rose has no doubt that Adrian is going to try and find her using the information she gave, and a part of her knows that it’s all for Eddie’s sake—he’s like a brother to Rose, one of her best and oldest friends and somebody she trusts explicitly.

Maybe she’s okay with seeing the three of them.

She feels Lissa’s apprehension, but silently prays that she will agree with Adrian’s proposal. If she orders them all to stay together, they might actually overwhelm Olena and the family.

“Alright. Is everyone else okay with that?”

After everybody agrees, Lissa makes her way to the sidewalk where Dimitri is pacing. He looks nervous, uncomfortable. But he also looks like he can’t wait to see them. Lissa gives him a rundown of the plan and ignores the frustrated look in his gaze—or maybe she can’t read it. Rose doesn’t know.

“They aren’t going to find her,” he mutters harshly. “Why would she come back to Russia? I caused her so much pain here.”

Lissa places a hand on Dimitri’s arm to stop his pacing, getting him to look at her. “Rose really liked your family when she told me about them. I think it’s possible that she came to see them again, but I don’t think she’d still be staying with them. Besides, Adrian was able to trace her passport to Russia, even if he said that she probably faked a trail in case we went looking for her.”

Rose pouts. Adrian might not have ratted her out, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t still helping them look.

Inside the house, Dimitri’s family is quick to welcome him with open arms. They all greet Lissa carefully when he introduces her, knowing that she’s more than just a princess now, but they mostly have eyes for Dimitri.

On the bright side, Lissa seems to like it that way. She wanders around the house while listening to the family talk, looking at the pictures and knick knacks on the walls and shelves. She pauses when a photo pinned to the fridge catches her eye, a wave of nostalgia washing over her. Are you with me, Rose?

“Yeah,” Rose murmurs out loud. “I’m with you.”

You loved staying with them, didn’t you? I bet you had a hard time leaving. Her fingers brush the photo before she walks away.

It’s a photo of Rose playing a game with Paul, something that has become a bit of a habit whenever Rose is at the house. Somewhere around, there’s also a picture of Rose with Zoya and Katya, but she’s not sure where it is. Yeva had smugly told her that she wanted pictures of Rose practicing motherhood so that Dimitri would see them when he finally came to visit, and Rose hadn’t been able to complain.

She thinks maybe Yeva had known all along that he would be visiting around Christmastime.

Do you remember when we used to be prejudiced about places like these? It’s nothing like we expected when we were still in school.

Rose laughs a little to herself, pulling out of Lissa’s head enough to look down at the child in her arms. “Yeah, Liss, we were way wrong. Most of the Moroi men are awful, but there are good ones, too.” With a sigh, she builds her walls back up and shuts off the majority of input from Lissa, adjusting her grip on the baby to dig her cellphone out of her pocket.

“Hold on guys,” she hears Adrian say before his voice comes through the speaker more clearly. “Hello?”

“I know you’re in Baia, spirit boy.” He makes an indignant sound over the phone but Rose ignores him. “I checked the bond and heard your plan. You might as well just come over.”

“Heh. Is that the first time?”

Rose nods. “Yeah, why?”

He doesn’t give her a reason, instead asking for an address that Rose readily gives him before they hang up the phone. She hears him start to tell the others that he has a lead before the line cuts off.

Ten minutes later, Rose has changed into clean clothes and washed her face after putting the baby down for a nap. She makes it to the front of the house just in time for somebody to knock on the door, so she hurries over to unlock it—but it’s not Adrian that’s standing on the other side.

“Oh my god!” Mia and Christian stand on her front porch with Mikhail standing over their shoulders. Rose mentally curses their luck, but doesn’t have time to say anything before Mia barrels over the threshold to wrap her arms around Rose’s waist. “It’s you! We were asking around at the market, and Christian had a picture of you, so they told us to come here if we had questions, but it’s you !”

Rose hugs her back, staring wide-eyed at Christian. “Hi guys… You’re welcome to come inside.”

To her surprise, Christian pulls her into a hug, too, giving her a light squeeze before stepping away. The three of them step inside and Rose sends them to the living room, glancing outside because she knows Adrian and the others can’t be far behind. She really hadn’t planned on having a reunion with the majority of her friends today.

Still…, it’s kind of nice to be missed, she has to admit.

Adrian and Eddie round the corner of Rose’s street with Jill between them, and Rose waves at them from the porch. It only spurs Eddie to steer the two of them up to the house much faster.

“Uh, so somehow Christian and Mia beat you guys here…,” Rose comments when they’re all staring up at her from the sidewalk.

Adrian throws his hands up. “Well, there went my plan.” With that, he climbs the steps and wraps his arms around her. “So? Where is she?”

-

Rose stands in front of the television with five friends and one acquaintance looking up at her from various seats in the living room. Adrian is the only one who looks completely calm, and that’s likely only because he’s been in contact with Rose for months.

“You look different,” Eddie tells her. He’s sitting in the corner of the room, arms crossed over his chest. He doesn’t look mad, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t upset with her for leaving.

Mia chimes in, haltingly, “You… well, you smell different, too.” Christian nods, glancing around like he might know something.

“You should tell them, little dhampir,” Adrian points out from his seat in the plush chair that Abe had insisted on buying despite Rose’s protests (she’s not complaining now, though—the damn thing is way too comfortable). But Rose has the feeling she won’t have to come right out and tell them. Her daughter isn’t exactly a heavy sleeper, so it won’t be long before she decides she’s done napping.

Everyone turns to Adrian.

“You knew she was here this whole time?” Jillian asks carefully. “Is that why you’ve been feeling so guilty?”

Rose shifts on her feet, already kind of tired. “Did everybody forget that Adrian can dreamwalk? He knows I’ve been in Russia and why I’m still here, but he didn’t have any exact information until today.”

“Rose, are you okay?” Christian asks, eyes narrowing—he looks worried. “You’re a little pale.”

She’s supposed to take it easy, but she’s been feeling pretty good all day, she doesn’t think she’s been pushing herself or anything. Maybe she’s just nervous. “I’m okay, I just-”

The baby cries. Rose shares a look with Adrian before hurrying out of the room with several sets of eyes following her. She only returns to her friends when her daughter’s diaper has been changed and she’s dozing in Rose’s arms.

Eddie is the first one to speak, no longer seated atop her desk but standing beside it. His expression is wholly concerned and sincere. “Rose, you had a baby?”

“It’s only been five months since we saw you!” Mia adds, her eyebrows scrunching together.

Rose glances around the room at all of them, struggling for something to say. She doesn’t want to lie to her friends now that they’re here with her, but how can she tell them everything that’s happened? How can she explain that she hadn’t known, even though maybe she should have realized?

“Little dhampir.” Adrian steers Rose into the chair that she hadn’t even seen him abandon, looking into her eyes and exuding calm in a way that only somebody with his particular elemental magic can. “You’re getting worked up.”

Rose nods, closing her eyes for a moment. Adrian steps away after that, relocating himself to the floor near her feet. In some ways, Rose doesn’t think Adrian has moved on from her at all, but at the same time, Rose knows he isn’t trying to pursue her or win her heart over any longer. He’s just being a good friend—a good man.

“I don’t really know where to start,” Rose finally says, returning her attention to her friends. “I didn’t know I was pregnant until after I got here in July. I just figured the nausea and everything was from all of the stress, but almost the minute I got here, Yeva told me I was expecting.”

Jill raises her hand. “Um, Rose? Who’s Yeva?”

She nods her head toward the other end of town, where Dimitri and Lissa are spending time with his family. “Yeva is Dimitri’s grandmother. The old bat claims she has visions of the future, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to discount them.”

“Rose, did you tell anybody after you found out?”

She can tell Christian is asking if she told Lissa, but he already knows that Rose hasn’t talked to Lissa at all, so she shakes her head. “Outside of Dimitri’s family and Adrian, the only other people who know are my father and his guardians.”

“You can thank Rose for providing us with Jailbait’s name,” Adrian adds from the floor. “After my aunt died, I found Rose in a dream and we talked some things out. That’s when she told me about the baby, and that’s when I delivered a letter to her from my aunt.”

Mia fidgets, glancing between Rose and Adrian with a confused look on her face. “I just don’t understand why the two of you would have a baby and not tell us about it.” She looks sad and it breaks Rose’s heart. “I mean, we’re friends, aren’t we?”

Adrian puts his hands up. “The thing is, Mia, I’m not the father. If I was, you can bet that I would have dropped everything to be here with Rose the minute I found out.” A long moment passes and everybody looks at Rose like she’s going to come right out and tell them, but she’s not so sure that she can without everybody looking at her like she somehow did something wrong.

“Okay, why are you guys looking at me like that?”

Eddie gets a pained look on his face when he opens his mouth to speak. “I think we’re all just trying to figure out when you got pregnant.”

Rose feels her cheeks heat and casts her gaze away from the others. “At school… after I beat the hell out of Jesse Zeklos but before we were attacked by strigoi.”

“Wait,” Christian says slowly, “weren’t you with Dimitri when the strigoi got onto campus? Isn’t he the one who pulled you away from Jesse?” Everybody looks at each other, like they can’t really see his point, but Adrian laughs.

“Are you all blind? Rose and Dimitri were kind of a thing before the attack happened. He’s literally the only possible father of this baby.” He puts up a hand when Mia starts to protest, because everybody knows what she’s going to say. “I know it technically shouldn’t be possible, but Rose herself is kind of impossible. She died once, remember? Lissa used spirit to save her life like I did with Jill, and the working theory is that it made this baby possible.”

“Hey Rose?”

She’s quickly liking Jill more and more. She had liked the girl when she first met her, but the more she learns about Jill from Adrian, the more Rose finds herself wanting to adopt the teen—which is ridiculous, because Rose is only a few years older than her.

But Jill is a really sweet girl, and Rose can’t help but want to keep her safe. “Yeah?”

“What did you name the baby? And, um, when did you get out of the hospital?”

The baby in her arms is a miracle that Rose isn’t so sure she deserves. She’s a precious gift that wouldn't be possible if Lissa hadn’t saved Rose’s life, but Rose can’t picture herself telling Lissa or Dimitri about her baby right now. Is it wrong of her to keep such a secret from her two closest people? Or are they really that close anymore? Rose loves Dimitri more than she’s ever loved anyone, and Lissa is the person in the world that Rose wants to protect most—or, wanted. Now, she has somebody else to protect, and Rose will do her very best. “Her name is Alina,” she says, running her finger over the baby-soft skin of Alina’s cheek. “She was born on the twenty-second. Viktoria has been staying with me to help me out, but as soon as we heard you guys were in town, I told her she should get home to see her brother.”

-

Eventually, Rose manages to convince everyone not to give her information to either Lissa or Dimitri unless it’s an emergency, but it takes Adrian’s help to come up with a plan for if either of them is suspicious about their behavior or how they spent their Christmas Eve. They end up ordering pizza and catching up with each other for the rest of the evening, but eventually Rose’s exhaustion gets the best of her and Eddie starts ushering everyone to collect their coats and head out—they’ve booked a hotel in the city, he explains, and should be meeting up with Lissa and Dimitri to get some rest. They’re going to be in town for another day or two, but they won’t bother her if Rose wants to be left alone. Her friend is so sincere that Rose can’t help but get a little emotional while telling him that any of them is welcome to visit.

Adrian hangs back while everybody heads out, looking torn. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? I can stay.”

Rose is glad she put the baby down for a while, because she’s able to pull Adrian into a hug. “It’s okay, I’ll check in with Viktoria in the morning to see what’s going on, but I might call you? I’m not allowed to do a whole lot, yet, and I’m getting pretty bored when I’m not busy with Alina.”

She can feel him smile into her hair and knows without a doubt that Adrian still cares for her a great deal. Why does she have to have such wonderful men in her life? Why can’t they all just be assholes so she doesn’t adore them so much?

“Don’t be afraid to call me, little dhampir. You know I’ll come running.”

When Rose collapses into her bed ten minutes later, her mental walls come crashing down and she finds herself in Lissa’s head.

“Rose was here,” Lissa tells Dimitri when they have a brief moment to themselves. She’ll be leaving with the others soon to head to the hotel, but she wants Dimitri to spend the night with his family. She thinks it will be good for him.

His eyes snap to Lissa like she’s given him an important piece of news, but Rose tries not to get too excited about that. “How do you know?”

She gestures toward the fridge and Dimitri’s head follows where she points. “There are pictures of her with the kids. She looks happier.”

The man Rose loves inches across the kitchen floor, carefully pulling the photo of Rose with Paul down to peer at it. “Mama?”

Olena glides into the kitchen with a smile. “What is it, Dimka?”

“When was Rose here?” He shows her the picture and Lissa takes in the subtle change of expression on her face—Rose catches her thinking that the woman must like Rose a lot.

“Ah, this was taken back in September! Paul adores Roza—he wants to be a guardian when he grows up.” Olena taps the photo but doesn’t take it from him. Rose knows her well enough now to see that she’s scheming, but Lissa thinks she’s just being polite at the next words from her mouth. “Do you want to keep it? We have others.”

Rose is actually surprised when Dimitri tucks the photo into his pocket. She figured he would hang it back on the fridge. “Thank you.” His mother pats his hand, heading out of the kitchen again when somebody calls for her in the other room. Dimitri turns to Lissa. “I didn’t think she would want to come back to Russia after everything she went through here,” he explains softly.

“Dimitri, Rose worked harder than anybody to save you. Most of us didn’t think it would be possible, but none of us had the heart to tell her no, either.”

Unfortunately, Rose is well aware by now that Lissa is being honest. They only went along with her schemes because they didn’t want to hurt her; still, it’s nice to know that everything paid off in the end. She risked her own life and career, as well as those of her friends, because she wanted to save him. None of it would have happened if Rose hadn’t pushed.

“I wasn’t exactly a great friend after we got you back,” Lissa adds softly. “I was pushing Rose away, too.” If you're listening, I hope you know how sorry I am. And how much I miss you. Everyone misses you.

Rose knows. She feels good enough that if she didn’t have a little girl to take care of—a baby—she might even be willing to go home. Maybe when Alina is a little older, Rose will take herself back to Court and see where they need her. If they need her.

“Thanks, Liss,” she murmurs to herself because Lissa can’t hear her.

Dimitri bows his head, speaking in a hushed tone that only Lissa can hear—and Rose, of course. “I did more than simply lie to Rose. When I was… The last time we were both in Russia, I imprisoned her, drank from her, and played games with her. I treated her like a possession and then I sent her death threats for weeks after she thought she had finally killed me. I don’t deserve to be with Rose, and she should want to be far away from me.” Rose’s heart pounds heavily in her chest. Doesn’t that sound like someone who still loves her? Had Dimitri lied about his feelings?

Why would he do that?

She wanted nothing more than for him to lean on her, to trust her to help him move past his trauma as much as possible.

Now, Rose just wants to focus on her daughter. She isn’t going to let Dimitri’s guilt distract her from being a good mom, no matter how much she wants to yell and scream at him that she’s okay , that she forgave him for all of that ages ago. Alina needs Rose more than anybody else, and she won’t be the kind of mother who just gives her to somebody else. No, if Rose ever does go back to Court, go back to Lissa and Dimitri and everyone else, she’s taking Alina with her.

Rose pulls herself out of Lissa’s head with a sigh, giving in to her desperate need for sleep. It won’t be long before Alina is ready to eat again.

Oh, motherhood.

-

Rose checks in with Lissa more often after the group goes back to Pennsylvania. Usually, Lissa’s either sleeping, or doing boring Queen stuff, but sometimes, Rose is lucky enough to witness an instance where one of their friends is telling her something absurd about where they ended up spending their time in Baia.

Lissa notices Christian’s weirdness first because he’s her boyfriend and the person who she spends the most time with, but she doesn’t directly question at first, simply dropping little details about how she and Dimitri spent their time with his family. Christian tells her he’s glad she liked them, and of course he and Mia had a good time despite ending up wandering around town.

And then Lissa asks him what they ended up doing because she never got the chance to ask on their way home. Christian pauses what he’s doing, looking up at her from the book in his hands. “Well, Mia got in a fist fight with a twelve year old boy, so we got kicked out of the market and ended up at a playground.”

Rose bursts out laughing, accidentally waking the baby and making Viktoria look at her like she’s crazy. The story is just absurd enough that Lissa doesn’t try to refute it, though she does wonder if she should have a talk with Mia about fighting with kids.

He must find a way to tell Mia the lie he came up with, because the next time Rose tunes in, Lissa is hearing the same story from Mia at a little cafe not far from the palace.

Somebody somewhere is smiling down on Rose, because she gets to witness Adrian and Jill’s story, too. Eddie is with them but mostly quiet, and Dimitri happens to be in the room, as well. Rose wonders if anybody will give something away—Adrian likes his absurd lies, so Rose has the feeling this is going to be good.

“What did you guys do when we were in Baia?” Lissa finally asks like she’s been planning to. “Apparently Mia had a fistfight with a twelve year old, so I was wondering if the three of you got into anything crazy.” She looks between her sister and Adrian, curious, and Adrian smiles, gesturing for Jill to talk because she’s practically bouncing in her seat.

“We met this really nice woman who invited us to her house because she saw us wandering around—and since it was Christmas Eve and everything, she talked us into coming inside out of the cold. She lived all by herself, but she had a little baby who was really, really cute! I even got to hold her!”

Rose can feel Lissa’s surprise almost as if it’s her own, but Rose thinks that Adrian and Jill’s idea to tell more truth than a lie is ingenious. “A stranger invited you home for Christmas?”

Dimitri hums. “Most of the people in my hometown would have done something similar,” he answers softly, glancing at her. Rose knows—his family had done the very same for her.

Rose, did you receive the same welcome?

“That’s really cool,” she tells the others, and Eddie smiles.

“She kind of reminded me of Rose.”

He’s evil! Rose is tempted to smack him, but even if she really wanted to, she’s on another continent entirely, and he hasn’t actually given her away.

Adrian nods, like it was all part of the plan to bring her name into it. Hell, maybe it was. “It’s too bad she wasn’t in town anymore, but a few people in the market recognized her. I guess Christian had a photo he was showing them.”

Lissa takes a moment to study Christian’s face, and he shrugs. “What? Rose is my friend, too.” A moment passes and everybody shifts a little awkwardly. Christian sighs. “I still think we’re going to have to wait until Rose is ready before she comes back, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t hoping we would find her there.”

Maybe Rose can send all of them a present or two. They’re all lying for her, the least she can do is send them things that will make them happy, right?

Chapter Text

The next couple years follow a pattern: Rose does ‘desk work’ for her father’s business, and she occasionally fills in when he needs another set of hands for the missions he runs—she likes hunting down and taking out strigoi to make the world safer for her little girl and her friends, so it’s no shirt off her back. She gets to spend most of her time raising her daughter and visiting her sort-of family.

Adrian visits often, always bringing one of the guardians who already knows where Rose is—usually Eddie, since he’s practically Rose’s brother. And Alina likes it when they visit, too. By now, she can at least say most of their names, including her father’s. Not that she really needs to know his name, since she would ideally call him ‘papa’.

Rose tries not to think about Dimitri day and night, and usually she succeeds.

By Alina’s second birthday, Rose thinks she’s ready to go home. Alina is growing like a weed, and Rose isn’t getting to see the rest of her family as often as she’d like. Even Adrian can’t visit all the time, or people would get suspicious. A couple times every six months doesn’t feel like enough—and it’s a gold mine compared to how often she sees the rest of them, which is never.

It takes a few months to get everything ready. Rose gets her affairs in order in Baia before traveling to her father’s home base in Novosibirsk, and from there, the two of them manage to convince Hans Croft that Adrian gets into dangerous situations too often to not have a guardian of his own (it turns out that Lissa has been pointing out the same thing to him, and Rose wonders if Lissa thought Adrian could convince her to come home if he asked Rose to be his guardian).

Hans, bombarded by Rose, Abe, and Lissa, gives in to assigning her as Adrian’s guardian, though he agrees to keep Rose’s name out of it unless absolutely necessary until she actually gets back.

From there, Abe decides he’s going to hand-deliver Rose and her daughter to court, if only to spend a bit more time with them before he has to go back to work. He sneaks her all the way to the rooms she was assigned, which are directly attached to Adrian’s. Hans explains that Adrian only agreed on having a full-time guardian if he could hold some semblance of privacy. Having connected suites works out just fine for Rose, though, because she’s able to put hers and Alina’s stuff away before making her way across the floor to the door connecting their apartment to Adrian’s. Alina toddles along beside her, talking to herself without making any sense.

It takes a few minutes for Adrian to answer the door, but when he does, Alina breaks into a huge smile and barrels into his legs. “Adie!”

Rose can’t help but laugh a little at the look on his face. “Hey, spirit boy. You look like you were up all hours of the day.”

He has dark circles under his eyes and ridiculous bedhead, but it doesn’t stop Adrian from beaming at her when he finally figures out what’s going on. “You’re back!” He hefts Alina into his arms and peppers her little cheeks in kisses before shooting Rose another smile and pulling her into a one-armed hug. “I didn’t realize you were going to be my guardian. What the hell, Rose?”

Adrian doesn’t sound angry at all, just surprised, so Rose explains that she’s been missing everyone and that she got Hans to keep it a secret for her. “I just realized I was ready to come home.”

“What about Alina? Are you just going to keep her with you while you’re working?”

Rose shakes her head. “I looked into putting her in daycare, and Hans tells me that he’ll make weekends work for me-”

“Why don’t I just keep her with me?” Adrian raises an eyebrow, hugging Alina a little closer. “I mean, I’m taking art classes nearby, but there’s another student in the evening class that brings her kid with her. Alina’s well-behaved, so I don’t see why it would be a problem.”

Rose is speechless. Adrian adores Alina, she knows that, but for him to take over babysitting while she’s guarding him is a big deal! “Adrian, I could never ask you to do that!”

He smiles. “You aren’t asking, Rose; I’m offering. Come on, I missed you both. I really want to. After all, you’re practically babysitting me, so the least I can do is return the favor, right?”

Rose really has amazing friends.

-

By the time Adrian has gotten a little more rest and is feeling better, it’s almost midnight—midday for the Moroi. Rose is used to the schedule, and not even jetlag is going to convince her to take the day off, so when Adrian is dressed and ready for the day, Rose is too. She stays at his side on their way to find lunch, but Adrian was apparently very sincere about being Alina’s caretaker while Rose is on duty, because he’s the one holding the toddler when they step out of his suite.

“Adie,” Alina says, reaching for his chin, and Adrian pretends to bite her fingers, making her giggle, before asking her what she needs. “Where goin’?”

He shoots a smile at Rose before turning back to his conversation with her daughter. Rose keeps her guardian mask on, tuned into their surroundings and pointedly ignoring the one or two people giving them strange looks. “We’re going to go find something to eat. Are you hungry?”

Alina makes a face that scrunches her tiny nose. “Not hungry.”

Rose runs her schedule through her head, having memorized it while Adrian was resting, but it’s pretty straightforward. Adrian’s night classes are actually morning classes for the humans, because leaving Court in daylight hours is much safer than leaving Court during Moroi hours. Rose is mostly supposed to accompany him in and out of court, but Hans hadn’t complained when she requested to guard him all throughout the day—he’d been more than willing to make the schedule work when he saw Alina over the video call as they were setting everything up.

So Rose is to be at Adrian’s side from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep, making exceptions for weekends unless he has to leave Court and when he’s in his rooms, but they can schedule those hours on their own, as long as they notify the main office so that Rose is paid for overtime or if he gives her extra time off.

A slim figure comes flying at Rose from around the corner. Usually, somebody would get punched for such a thing, but she knows exactly who barrels into her and why, so she simply wraps her arms around the teenager with a smile. “Rose!” Jill cheers, hugging the air out of her lungs. “I can’t believe you’re here!”

Rose eventually eases away to look Jill in the eyes. “I couldn’t stay away forever!” she says, and gestures to Adrian. “This guy has needed protection for a while and I kind of jumped on the chance to be his guardian.”

Eddie pulls Rose into a quick hug after catching up to Jill, giving her a smile and welcoming her back. “You should probably go see Lissa,” he says. “You know she’ll be upset if she finds out you’re back and didn’t at least stop by to see her.”

“No worries,” Adrian interjects. “As soon as I eat something, that’s where we’re headed. My lovely cousin asked me to visit today.” He adjusts his grip on Alina, grinning at the others. “We’ll certainly make a statement, going in there like this.” It’s official, Adrian’s a troll. “They’re totally gonna think Alina’s my kid. It’s going to be a show.”

Rose barely refrains from face-palming. It’s not like she can control the opinions of everyone else, and at this point, Rose doesn’t care what people think. She knows the truth, and the majority of her friends know the truth. Besides, Adrian’s a good man, so even if people make that assumption, Rose doesn’t really mind.

The only person she’s really worried about is Dimitri.

Jill and Eddie follow them to the large cafeteria nestled between the palace and the business side of Court. There are restaurants, of course, and a few cafes and shops, but Adrian apparently has reached a point where he prefers the noisy cafeteria to the ritzy restaurants that his parents have always favored.

“You know,” Jill begins, “when you guys introduce Alina to Lissa and Dimitri, they’re going to realize that we saw you in Russia.”

Rose only smiles at her. “Yeah, that might be true, but if either of them gets upset, I’ll tell them that you only lied because I made you promise.”

She and Eddie stand with their backs to the wall while Adrian and Jill take a seat at a nearby table, both more obviously on duty since they aren’t sitting with their friends. They’re mostly silent, only commenting to each other every once in a while. At Court, it’s unnecessary to be so alert, but Jill is the Queen’s only living relative and Adrian is a close friend to them both, so their guardians should and are a little more strict with their duties. Most guardians work in rotation while at Court; they do patrol shifts and have specific duties that don’t require them to be with their charges all hours of the day, but both Eddie and Rose are assigned to high profile Moroi who require a little extra protection.

And they’re lucky enough to be protecting their friends.

“Sorry munchkin, your mom’s working right now.” Rose glances over at the table, watching Adrian talk to her toddler with nothing but adoration on his face while she babbles at him. “Yeah, you’re gonna be with me all day.”

She resolutely tries not to smile. It’ll get easier; it’s not like Rose hasn’t had any days away from her little girl, what with working for Abe and Olena wanting to spend time with her granddaughter. But it’s still strange to be right here and not be right here. Right now, she isn’t ‘Mama’, she’s Guardian Hathaway.

By the time Jill breaks away to go to her afternoon classes and Adrian is ready to see Lissa, Rose is understandably more nervous than she was when he first mentioned it. She really has missed Lissa, more than she’s been willing to admit to herself or anybody else. But Lissa had hurt her, and Rose was trying to be strong when she left. She hadn’t wanted anybody to know why it hurt so much.

“Good afternoon, your majesty!” Adrian says loudly as soon as he sets foot in Lissa’s parlor. She’s seated facing away from the door, bent over a pile of paperwork that Rose personally hopes is for pleasure instead of work (though she kind of doubts it), but calls out an exasperated response that makes Rose hide a laugh. When she follows Adrian in, a part of her is relieved that Dimitri isn’t there. He’s one of Lissa’s guardians, but even the Royal Guard isn’t on duty at all times, and their shifts are rotated throughout the week. Maybe Rose can get away with not seeing him for today.

Then again, she kind of really wants to see him.

“Hello, cousin. Were you up all night partying?”

Adrian shoots Rose a grin and gestures for her to join him as he heads to the sofa across from Lissa, but Rose takes her time walking around the room, glancing around the parlor out of curiosity.

“I might’ve been up a little late, but I got a good bit of rest before lunch. Aside from being rudely awakened by my new guardian.”

Adrian’s timing is perfect, because that’s the moment that Lissa’s head snaps up in surprise at his words. “Guardian Croft finally assigned- Adrian, did you steal somebody’s baby?”

He looks down at Alina with a smile. “Do you think so little of me, cousin?” He shakes his head at her; even Rose has to hide another laugh, crossing the floor to stand over Adrian’s shoulder. Alina is preoccupied with the necklace around Adrian’s neck, oblivious to the adults with their attention on her.

“She’s adorable,” Lissa settles on after a moment, clearly lost for words. Rose grins.

“Thanks, Liss! I appreciate it,” she says, and her best friend’s eyes land on her for the first time.

“Rose!”

The next thing she knows, Lissa is hugging her harder than she’s been hugged in a long time, and Rose wraps her arms around the blonde with a smile, breathing in her perfume and shampoo—still her favorite scents, even though she’s the Queen now.

“But I don’t understand,” Lissa starts, pulling back a little bit. “You’ve been gone long enough to have a baby? I mean- She must be almost two, right?”

Rose is smiling so hard that her cheeks are starting to hurt, but she can’t help it—it’s really good to be home. “Actually, when I got to Baia, Yeva told me I was already pregnant—I had been pregnant for a few months by then. I just didn’t notice because of everything else going on.”

“Well, when was she born? What’s her name, Rose? And- wait, who’s her father?” Her eyes narrow and she turns to Adrian, but he’s in the midst of a conversation with Alina that makes Lissa soften.

“Well, before you get carried away,” Rose says, squeezing her friend’s hands, “Adrian is not her dad.” Smiling when Lissa nods in understanding, she continues. “My baby was born on December twenty-second and her name is Alina.”

Lissa’s jaw drops, frustration and indignance flooding across the bond. “Wait, have you been in Baia this whole time?! Adrian and Jill and Eddie got to see you!”

She chews her lip, glancing at Adrian. “Actually, Christian and Mia found me, too. But I made them promise not to say anything to anybody!” The look on Lissa’s face makes her chest hurt, the same way her words are hurting Lissa right now. “Liss, I wasn’t ready to talk. I’ve been checking in. I heard some of the stuff you said to me while you were meeting Olena and the girls.”

-

Eventually, Lissa manages to get most of the story out of the two of them, but she ends up canceling two meetings in order to spend more time talking with them. She gets to know a little more about what Rose was doing while she was away, learns a little more about the toddler that is essentially her niece, and manages to mend the relationship between Rose and herself all before dinner, which she insists they join her for.

“You can’t avoid Dimitri forever, Rose,” she adds while they walk. Adrian had relinquished Alina to her mother’s arms, but not before making sure she still remembers his name. He ignores Rose’s reminder that Alina had been the first one to greet him when they arrived. “Everyone else is already joining me—I was planning on asking Adrian to come anyway.”

Adrian carefully knocks his shoulder into Rose’s, smiling down at her. “Guardian Hathaway, I officially give you the rest of the day off in order to attend dinner with the Queen.” He says it so seriously, but his face gives away his joy at Rose just being there for him to tease—she almost misses Lissa slowing her steps.

Almost.

“What’s up, Liss?”

She asks Adrian to go on without them and he immediately does, whistling while he walks in the direction of the private dining room that Lissa usually uses for dinners with their friends.

Rose lets Lissa grab her hand, worried because Lissa’s blocking her feelings on the other side of the bond. “I really am sorry about everything that happened before you left.” She looks sad, but Rose builds a wall between their minds so she can focus on her own emotions. She doesn’t feel sad anymore, not about Lissa.

“I’m just glad you aren’t mad at me. I really miss you.”

Her best friend nods, pulling Rose into another hug. “Also… I think you and Dimitri really need to have a conversation. He never stopped loving you, Rose. How are you going to go into this?”

Rose hums, resting her chin on Lissa’s shoulder for a moment before pulling away. “I figured I’d just be overly friendly. Go out of my way to talk to him, you know?” Alina tugs on Rose’s pant leg, so she bends down to pull her daughter into her arms. “He probably won’t believe that Alina is his.”

Lissa gapes. “Wait, is it because you’re shadow kissed? That must be it, right?”

She shrugs, relieved that Lissa isn’t doubting her. “It’s the only explanation Adrian and I could think of.” Whether that’s the reason or it’s something else entirely, Rose isn’t a scientist, so she usually doesn’t bother thinking about it. “Liss, I really am happy to be back. I’m sorry I can’t be on your guard, but with Alina, I think Adrian’s the safer option. I can’t do anything to put her in danger.”

Lissa’s hand squeezes her shoulder and she smiles to let Rose know she understands. “Family is very important, Rose. I would hate for your daughter to face the same struggles you did with your mom.” Another light squeeze. “What do you say we get in there?”

Rose grins.

-

It’s as far from a formal affair as you can get when having dinner with the Queen—but for all intents and purposes, when Rose steps into the room, she almost feels like she’s back in Baia with Olena and her daughters, helping make dinner or playing with the kids in the living room to keep them out from under everybody’s feet. Rose has a family here like she did in Russia, and she’s so happy to finally be with all of them again.

“-had to convince the guardian on duty to pretend that he’d seen absolutely nothing. It didn’t work, of course.” Mia’s story gets a few chuckles out of the others, and Rose shares a smile with Lissa, setting Alina on the floor because she’d started squirming as soon as she saw Eddie—she’s been very patient all day, but now Eddie is clearly available to be pestered, and Alina loves her uncle very much. She climbs right onto his lap and he greets her with a smile, much to everyone’s surprise.

But most of them catch on quickly, heads swiveling to see Rose standing beside Lissa near the door.

Jill only waves since they saw each other a few hours ago, but Mia jumps up to give Rose a hug. It prompts Christian out of his seat to do the same, a small smile on his face. “When did you get back?”

“Daylight,” she answers diplomatically, squeezing his hand and giving Mia another hug. “The baby isn’t so little anymore and I was ready to come back to work, so Croft put me on Adrian duty.”

“Well, I for one am very glad you’re back,” Mia tells her, taking her hand dragging her over to the table to join everyone else. Rose meets Dimitri’s surprised gaze over Mia’s head.

“Hey, Comrade, you look surprised to see me!” She hopes her smile is calm and confident enough that nobody reads too much into it. Seeing him in person again is bringing up a lot of old feelings that Rose isn’t ready to delve into. “You should call your mother more often; she misses you.”

An awkward silence fills the room for about twelve seconds before the shock wears off and he nods. “I don’t call home often enough…” Rose looks away from him while Mia drags her to the table, wanting to talk but wanting to give him space, too.

“Mama, up!”

Rose’s attention is immediately caught. Alina must’ve abandoned Eddie in favor of Rose’s lap, so she lifts her daughter off the floor and kisses her head. “Did you have fun with Adie today?”

Almost everyone has fallen back into conversation with each other, though Rose can still feel eyes on her. She wants to know if it’s him, but Rose only has eyes for her daughter while they’re interacting. Soon, something will catch Alina’s attention and she’ll wander off. “Miss you ,” Alina answers, but she still looks for Adrian in the room and smiles when he waves at her.

“I missed you too, baby, but when Mama’s working, you have to stay with Adie, okay?”

Alina squirms, looking up at Rose with a pout. “Okay.” A pause. “Бабушка?”

Her chest constricts and she places another kiss on Alina’s head. “We can call her later, okay?”

“Okay.”

With that, Alina climbs off of Rose’s lap, wandering around to find some other poor soul to kill with cuteness. Rose watches her for a moment before looking around to find that she ended up in the seat across from Dimitri—and that he’s still looking at her. He doesn’t look angry, or jealous, or any other ugly emotion; he looks like he’s still in shock.

“She wants to see your mother?” he asks slowly, brow furrowing, and Rose stifles a laugh.

“No, she wants to see your mother.” Rose watches his expression change to something like wonder with a pang of longing in her chest. “We never left Baia. When I ran away, I ended up at Olena’s door like the pitiful creature I am and your family took care of me again.”

“You’re not pitiful, Rose,” he says, voice low.

She opens her mouth to argue, but takes a moment to recognize that his opinion isn’t one she can take offense to. “Maybe not,” she finally agrees, smiling at him. “But I felt pretty pitiful. When I woke up the next morning, Yeva took one look at me and told me that I was pregnant. I had been, apparently, for four months already.” She shrugs. “When it finally sunk in that I was having a baby, I called Zmey and he helped me find a place to live. Been there ever since.”

Dimitri suddenly becomes a little harder to read, but Rose doesn’t think it’s because he doesn’t want her to know—he’s probably just trying to work through his feelings by himself. “I’m sorry you had to do that on your own.” She can see that he doesn’t think Alina could possibly be his—he probably thinks she’s Adrian’s, with the timing.

Rose shakes her head. “I wasn’t really on my own, though. Even after everything, your family is family to me; Viktoria came to stay with me after Alina was born, until she had to go back to school, and Olena and Karolina taught me how to cook. We all took turns babysitting each other’s kids and they had us over at the house all the time.” A wave of emotion washes over her—she already misses them all very fiercely. “Hey, next time you go visit, can I come with?”

He blinks, still trying to process everything she’s said, but he automatically replies with an “of course you can, Roza,” that makes her feel all warm inside.

Mia taps Rose’s arm, pulling her attention away from Dimitri long enough to show her a few photos of things she’s missed, and in that time, Dimitri ends up in the middle of a conversation with Christian and Jill about something. Rose doesn’t mind, though; it gives her a chance to watch him interact with them using her own eyes. He really does look much better than he did when Rose left—he looks more comfortable in his own skin, more comfortable around other people. He looks more like the Dimitri he was before the attack.

She nearly dies right on the spot when Alina decides she wants to meet her father—not that the two year old will try to tell him so. But she walks right up to him and asks (demands) to be held, and Dimitri is very obviously helpless to her. He pulls her onto his lap and Alina very quickly becomes enamored with the sweater he’s wearing, little fingers playing with his sleeve and focusing on absolutely nothing else.

“Yep,” Rose says because everybody is staring. “She’s definitely my kid.”

Adrian is the first one to burst out laughing, but the others are quick to follow, and Dimitri looks at Rose like he’s seeing her for the first time all over again.

“What?” she asks, feigning innocence. “Pretty sure I did the same thing more than once.”

He shakes his head, but Rose doesn’t miss the way his mouth turns up at the corners. “I’m pretty sure Alya has no hidden intentions, though, Rose.”

“That’s what Olena calls her!” She grins at him before reaching across the table to tuck Alina’s hair behind her ear. “Alya?”

She looks up at Rose with a toothy smile. Most of her baby teeth are growing in, but she’s still missing a few in the front.

“Do you like Dimitri?” Rose asks, and her baby laughs.

“Mitri!” she repeats, curling her little fingers into the sleeve of his sweater again. And the man practically melts, tucking more of her hair out of her face.

“She looks like you,” he comments quietly. “I’m glad.”

Rose hums. “She looks a little like her father. Your mom keeps trying to say Alya gets her looks from her, though.” She says it as though it’s an inside joke, but the truth is that Rose can clearly see what Olena is saying. She wonders if Dimitri will notice it, too.

After a beat, he looks up at Rose, furrowed brow. “Is that a joke?”

Rose attempts to raise her own eyebrow, but she never could figure out how. “Olena really says it!” she insists, shrugging her shoulders. She looks back down at the toddler, glad that Alina’s distracted. Before they can continue the conversation, though, Lissa and Christian bring in serving bowls from the kitchen, both with flushed cheeks and smiles. Rose can’t help but be happy that they’re so happy. They tell everybody to dig into the food before Christian runs off again, only coming back when he’s apparently located the good champagne.

“It’s really good to be with everybody again,” Rose murmurs. Mostly to herself, but Dimitri hums.

“I think everybody is glad to have you back.”

She has the feeling he’ll let the joke go, but she hopes that the seed is planted and he won’t outright reject the news when he actually gets it. Maybe they’ll get to visit his family soon and Yeva will beat some sense into him.

The old woman still likes to pretend she doesn’t understand English, but Rose eventually had the epiphany that it was one of Yeva’s many tests to make sure that Rose is good enough for Dimitri—even though Rose had pointed out to the woman that he told her he didn’t love her. It’s one of the reasons Rose has high hopes for a future with Dimitri. If Yeva still insists on putting Rose through tests, she’s going to take them seriously. By the time Alina turned one, Rose was confident enough with Russian to hold a conversation with the woman, and after that, Yeva's attitude changed rapidly. She started including Rose even more, and speaking to her in both languages.

She kind of misses the old bat, now.

Thinking about Yeva reminds Rose that she made a promise to the woman and she jolts in her seat. “Oh! Hey comrade, Yeva asked me to give you something!”

She checks the pockets of her uniform, finding the tiny drawstring bag in one of the inside pockets of her jacket. She’d tucked it away as soon as she got dressed in case she saw Dimitri today; she’s glad she came prepared. “She told me I wasn’t allowed to look in the bag, and that woman is a force to be reckoned with, so I have no idea what it is.”

He blinks at Rose in surprise—the poor man can’t take much more from her today, she thinks. He’s got one hand around the baby to keep her from tumbling off of his lap, so he takes the bag with his free hand and wrangles it open, going pale at what he finds. “Эта женщина!!” - That woman!

Rose finds herself amused, wanting desperately to know what Yeva sent. “I have to agree that she’s something fierce.”

Dimitri pauses, looking up at Rose in confusion. “Ты понимаешь меня?” - You understand me?

It’s gratifying to see such naked emotions on his face again, so Rose’s feelings are filling her up inside. “Yeah, они научили меня русскому языку.” - They taught me Russian.

Rose shrugs, running a hand through her hair. She feels a little awkward, but she never said she wasn’t still in love with him, so it’s only natural that Rose took an interest in his culture and family while she was in his hometown. Is that a bad thing?

At first, he seems lost for words, but then a smile breaks out on his face and he shakes his head at her. “You always surprise me, Roza.” He slides the bag across the table for Rose to peek into. “Babushka thinks she’s witty.”

It’s an engagement ring. It looks old, like it might have been a family heirloom, but for that to be true, it must mean that if Yeva never married, one of her relatives had. Rose stares at it for longer than she’d like to admit, cheeks heating. When she slides it back to him, she tries not to be too obviously flustered, but it probably doesn’t work. She sighs, meeting his gaze with a smile of her own. “I think Yeva just wants you to be happy.”

-

By the time the gathering comes to a close, Alina is asleep in Dimitri’s arms and Rose is well beyond tired—she’s lucky Adrian doesn’t have class today, because her lack of sleep is beginning to catch up to her. One by one, members of their group bid their goodbyes and head off to bed until it’s just Rose, Lissa, Christian, and Dimitri. They share sleepy smiles with each other and Rose muffles a yawn behind her hand.

“Next month,” Lissa begins, “a group of novices is coming to Court for a field experience exercise. We’ll have extra hands around, so it might be a good time for a vacation.” She looks pointedly at Dimitri, who nods carefully, and then Lissa goes on. “I don’t know much about kids, but I’m thinking Alina might miss her family in Russia, so maybe the three of you can take a week or two?”

Rose could kiss her—maybe she would, if Christian wouldn’t get jealous. She smiles instead. “Are you sure?”

Lissa rolls her eyes. “Rose, I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t sure.”

She thanks her friend and stands, pulling Lissa and Christian into one hug before rounding the table to collect Alina, but the toddler clings to her father even in sleep. Rose pouts. “Well, that makes it a little harder to get her into bed.”

He chuckles, looking up at Rose. “I can carry her back to your apartment if you think it would help.”

Rose knows he’s used to caring for other men’s children, but it still takes her breath away knowing that he already cares for their child without knowing the truth. “Yeah, okay.”

“I can’t help but notice,” Dimitri murmurs when they’re outside the palace and crossing the grounds to the building where the Royals who reside at Court permanently live, “that Alya looks nothing like Adrian.”

She doesn’t bother to hide her laughter now that they’re alone. “That would probably be because he isn’t her father. I never even had sex with Adrian.” Rose sighs, gazing at the horizon where the sky is beginning to bleed from black into deep purple. “She isn’t the daughter of a Moroi at all.”

He falters. “Oh.” Because Dimitri is a gentleman, he doesn’t pry, though Rose kind of wishes he would.

“Do you like being on the Royal Guard, or do you miss being part of a smaller team?”

The change of subject seems to both comfort him and frustrate him. He wants to know more about Rose’s life away, but he doesn’t want to pry if she’s not feeling forthcoming. She wants to tell him everything and nothing at all.

Still, he answers her question honestly and doesn’t blink when Rose leads him into the building where Adrian lives. Rose is glad that she’s able to read Dimitri like an open book again—before she left, he’d closed himself off so much that Rose found it hard to look at him, and she was so blinded by her own emotions that even if he hadn’t shut her out, she might have been oblivious to his feelings anyway. “Dimitri,” she says, leading him into her apartment and past the living space, heading for the bedroom where Pavel was kind enough to install a toddler bed when Abe told him to, “I’m sorry for the way I was acting before I left. I was more than a little selfish and I couldn’t see anything beyond my own emotions.” She tosses him a flimsy smile, meeting his gaze. “Some of that I want to blame on the pregnancy hormones, but I think it was mostly just me being a brat.”

At the reminder of her pregnancy, Dimitri looks down at Alina, face softening up even more. “You don’t have to apologize, Rose. I wasn’t treating you well and I’m glad you called me out for it.” He hesitates to meet her gaze again, but Rose thinks their eyes will be drawn to each other no matter what state their relationship is in—it’s inevitable. “I found it hard to believe that you could forgive me for everything that I put you through… and I didn’t want to hear that you already had.”

“I understand why you feel that way,” Rose tells him, crossing the floor to scoop Alina out of his arms and lay her down on the bed, pulling her day clothes off to change her into a clean diaper and pajamas for bed. “But even after I was able to gain some clarity and my mood stabilized, I never once changed my mind.” She gives him another smile when he joins her and begins pulling Alina’s shoes and socks off.

“I would argue that I don’t deserve it, but something tells me that won’t make a difference.” He sounds fond, and Rose laughs.

“You got that right, comrade. If I still loved you when you were all fangy, do you really think anything else can make me stop?”

The hitch in his breath is nearly silent. If he wasn’t right beside Rose, she might not have noticed. But she doesn’t tease him; she’s more worried about wrangling Alina out of her pants without waking her.

“Do you still love me, Rose?” he whispers, all seriousness despite the princess patterned diaper Rose hands him while she wanders over to the drawers where Alina’s pajamas are hiding.

She smiles to herself, returning to his side with PJs in hand. “More than I could ever possibly find the words for.” No matter how much time and distance Rose tried to put between them, she still loves him with all her heart. She still loves him so much that it feels like it’s going to consume her. She still loves him so much it hurts.

“Roza…”

Dimitri’s voice is nothing more than a whisper. Rose looks up from dressing Alina to see his face and the expression he wears nearly knocks her off her feet—there’s so much love there that it’s a wonder he was ever able to hide it before. He looks like her Dimitri. The man she fell in love with before the world came crashing down around them.

-

“Okay, and then what happened?” Adrian asks, Alina on his lap and opening her mouth every time he brings the spoon to her. She’s usually a pickier eater, but Alina never fusses when Adrian has her—at least, she hasn’t yet. Rose has the feeling that her daughter will eventually get used to his charming personality, and then the real Alina will come out.

“And then,” Rose answers, flipping the eggs she’s frying so that she doesn’t have to look at him, “nothing. I walked him to the door and we hugged and he went home.”

Her friend gapes at her. She only notices when she turns to the fridge and catches a glimpse of his face, but then she goes back to making breakfast for the two of them so she doesn’t have to look him in the eye.

“Okay, maybe he just isn’t ready? He practically told you he loves you, right?”

The thing is, he hadn’t, really. Dimitri hadn’t even come close to telling Rose he loves her. And yet, Rose knows he does, because he’d looked at her with such stark emotion on his face that it couldn’t have been mistaken for anything else. “No, but if you had seen his face… Well, it doesn’t matter, right?”

Adrian sighs. “Rose, both of your auras last night were practically swirling together. I just don’t get why he would have left like that.” His brow furrows when Rose glances over her shoulder to check on him. “Maybe he’s worried that you aren’t ready. You just got back and you have a kid to worry about, so maybe he wants to make sure you’re settled in before anything else happens.”

“Adrian?”

He hums, looking up from the spoon in his hand and Alina to meet her eyes.

Rose smiles. “Why are you so good to me?”

A long moment passes where Adrian just stares at her, and then he gets a shy look on his face, dropping his gaze. “Because I care about you. I want you to be happy, little dhampir… And you’re my best friend.”

She thinks about Lissa and Dimitri, about how neither one has ever simply been her friend. Lissa is her sister in everything but blood; she’s her oldest friend and the person that Rose fought tooth and nail to keep safe until everyone else finally got with the program. And Dimitri… Well, even when they tried to be just friends, it was clear to Rose that they would always cross the line into something more; he’s her soulmate.

Mason was her best friend, but then he went and fell in love with her, and she got him killed. Eddie is the closest thing Rose has to a brother—Christian, too.

She beams. “You’re my best friend, too.”

She really does want to be his guardian for as long as he lets her. If she can’t be Lissa’s—and face it, Lissa has more than enough top of the line guardians dedicated to her safety—then her choice of charge will always be Adrian.

Adrian’s living space has a kitchen, but the man doesn’t keep any food around, so Rose invited him into her conjoined apartment for breakfast. He’s the one who offered to feed Alina, but it’s not like it’s the first time and it certainly won’t be the last. He really dotes on her daughter, almost as much as Rose herself does.

“You know, if you ever have kids, I think you’d make a good dad.”

Her friend laughs, the room seeming to lighten along with their moods. Talking about feelings always turns into a loaded conversation between them; Rose guesses it’s because their feelings for each other are so layered and complicated. It’s nice to be able to lighten the mood, even though her statement was said in all seriousness.

“I don’t think fatherhood is in the cards for me, little dhampir. There was a girl I thought I could love after you left, but things just didn’t work out, and I’m not really interested in anybody.” He shrugs, thanking her when she sets a plate down in front of him just before somebody knocks on the door.

Rose tells him the conversation will continue before running to answer it—only to find Dimitri at her door looking apologetic. She only grins. “Do you wanna join us for breakfast? Adrian was just telling me about his lack of a love life.”

A brief moment slips by before he nods, following her inside and abandoning his jacket on one of the chairs in the living room. She sends him to the table with a smile before picking up the conversation where they left off, insisting that if Adrian wasn’t so busy partying between classes, he might actually find somebody interesting to talk to.

“Should I even ask what prompted this conversation?” Dimitri asks quietly, leaning toward Adrian to feign a private conversation.

Hesitating for a second, Adrian stage-whispers back, “Rose seems to think I would make a good father someday.”

Rose accidentally knocks the spatula off of the counter while reaching for the butter and bends to pick it up, curious about what Dimitri’s response might be. She washes the utensil carefully before returning to the stove with a new appreciation for Olena’s casual mastery of kitchen utensils and balancing tasks.

“I agree,” he finally says, and something in Rose’s stomach swoops. Had they become friends while she was gone? Who can she thank for that?

Is there really no jealousy between them now?

Dimitri continues, oblivious to Rose’s thoughts. “Alya seems to like you very much, and it’s obvious that you care for her, too. You’re very good with her.”

“ Wait , hold on a minute! How did we end up talking about me? We were talking about you two!” Adrian declares, sounding embarrassed. Apparently, a compliment from his former rival in love is a little too much for him to handle at seven o’clock in the morning. “One minute we’re talking about how cute it was that the baby didn’t want you to put her down last night, and the next Rose has turned the tables around on me. Hathaway, you’re a sneaky one!”

Rose sets a plate in front of Dimitri and crosses her arms, grinning at them both. “Maybe I just like seeing manly men turn into goo around my baby.” Their answering smiles make little butterflies erupt in her stomach and she turns back to the stove before she can do or say anything too embarrassing. By the time Rose is able to sit down with her own breakfast, Adrian and Alina are both finished eating and he sends her across the room to the pile of toys she’s managed to dig out of the box. And then he starts cleaning up the breakfast mess despite Rose’s protests.

Rose doesn’t know what it is, but she feels like both men are doing their damnedest to make Rose feel at home—and damn them, but it’s working! While Adrian washes the dishes and puts the extra food away, Dimitri distracts her by asking about her scheduling. Every once in a while, one of them glances across the room to check on Alina, but the toddler is keeping herself busy with her toys. The entire morning is comfortable and domestic, and Rose has to wonder why Dimitri and Adrian seem so relaxed with each other.