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There was something different about music. Not just that, but there was something different about being the one to create music. Red Son would always be grateful to his mother for insisting on it in his upbringing. No matter what would be going on in the world or in his own mind, he could always retreat to isolation both in the physical world and in his mental security.
Music was something that could be personal without too revealing. Even if others did hear him - which he took great care to avoid in the first place - they would have no way to know the details of his torture. They would only be able to know of the existence of it. The fact that his voice was not his instrument of choice made this end goal all the easier to obtain.
His feelings could come through the expert dance of air that his fingers pushed his breath through but no one would be able to decipher their meaning with certainty. They could only guess.
And that was exactly what he wanted.
This was not for anyone else to hear, besides. This was meditation. This was a special form of meditation for only the most dire of situations. There was no better way for him to allow himself true vulnerability than in this depersonalization that he willingly gave himself to.
When he first learned of such a term, he had only associated it with negatives. It was a state of mind where he felt trapped in his own head and could not escape despite his body moving on without him. A truly awful experience.
But.
He had recently found that willingingly giving in to the feeling of autopilot could be more freeing than constricting. Could give more breath, rather than be suffocating. Suddenly this state of mind became more like a lucid dream that he could control everything in the world in and less of a nightmare where he held no autonomy of self.
Music freed him in ways he never could have guessed possible.
And so, here he was, on the outskirts of the city, just out of reach of its unbearable noise pollution, playing his flute.
And so, in a rare snapshot of time, Red Son laid out his entire being to the world.
And no one would ever know.