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Kara walked down one of the sanitised hallways of the Pegasus. Clean, foreign. Desolate. Even the sound of her boots against the floor sounded wrong, rhythmic and uncomfortable. The Pegasus was so much larger than the Galactica that you could find yourself completely alone with only the whirring of machinery and your own footsteps as company. Yet, on board the Pegasus it was almost better not to run into anyone else. The Galactica was completely different, full of kind and familiar faces. It was almost impossible not see someone no matter where you were going. Here, Kara was alone with the ship, the sound of her footsteps and worst of all her thoughts.
Where she was headed should have been the worst part of this ship. Worse than being alone and worse than being with the other crew members, the office of Admiral Cain. The hardest and cruellest member of the Colonial Fleet. Everyone on the Galactica hated her, and rightfully so—she had single-handedly disrupted the careful balance the fleet had spent the months after the attack piecing together. This should have been the last place Kara wanted to be and the last person she wanted to see. Yet that was not the truth, Kara didn’t hate Admiral Cain.
As soon as she had been assigned to the Pegasus Kara committed the stupidest most egregious act of insubordination. All for the benefit of humanity but still against direct orders. When she had been called to the Admiral’s office after her return Kara had fully expected to be sent to the brig without her rank. Instead, Admiral Cain had looked right at her. Not with the disappointed, almost pained look she so often received from her superiors and peers. Admiral Cain had looked at her with an almost hungry look of admiration and gave her the promotion she had long given up on. Captain Thrace, the Pegasus CAG. Who would’ve thought?
Now she was headed to see the Admiral to present her plan to take out the Cylon Resurrection Ship. The hardest plan she’d ever had to come up with—not because the objective but rather who she was making it for. Yes, disappointing Admiral Cain was potentially not good for her wellbeing but that wasn’t really the issue. It was Admiral Cain herself. The way she demanded the respect and full attention of those around her through presence alone, as if it were only natural that you should revere her. Usually, this sort of attitude would piss Kara off, but when it was Admiral Cain, she found it ok. She made you believe it was the way things ought to be, that it was proper. As a woman in the military Kara knew first-hand how difficult an attitude that was to keep up. She couldn’t help but respect a woman like that. Respect? It was dishonest to think about it like that. Yes, she respected Admiral Cain… but that wasn’t the half of it.
It was a longing feeling that snagged at her gut whenever she had to deal with this woman. That, worst of all, didn’t feel too terrible. Honestly, Kara wanted this woman to pay attention to her. To say nice things to her. However, as she approached the woman in question, honest with her feelings was not what Kara felt like being. She had to be in control and honesty was something that often caused her to lose it.
Kara let out a deep breath through her teeth and opened the door. The Admiral was standing at her desk sorting through paperwork. One eye caught Kara as she entered. The Admiral never stood with her back facing a door. Now was no exception, even when it was just Kara. Just Captain Thrace. Admiral Cain had never used her callsign.
“You’ve a plan for me to read, I take it Captain?” the Admiral said lightly, learning back against the desk.
“Yes, Sir,” Kara handed her the manila folder she had been crumpling between her fingers. Admiral Cain took the folder and began reading the first page almost immediately, not giving Kara a second glance. Leaving her standing there awkwardly.
Kara wanted a lot in this plan. Resources, manpower and trust—all of which she had been denied more times than she could count. “And do you always get what you want?” Admiral Cain had asked her. Kara would never forget the way the Admiral had smiled when she had answered yes to that question, the way her eyes shone when she replied, “Me too.”
She had already played it out in her head, the Admiral would throw the documents back in Kara’s face, she’d fall to her knees and pick them up. Then finally retreat quietly back to flight deck to write a new plan. No sleep for Kara Thrace tonight.
“Amazing job Captain. This is an excellent plan,” the Admiral said smiling lightly. Kara’s eyes widened before she could get her expression back under control. Admiral Cain pretended not to notice—Kara knew there was no way she hadn’t. Admiral Cain flipped through the mission brief again, eyes darting attentively across the pages. “This will definitely hit the Cylons where it hurts. I know it.”
“Ah, th-thank you, Sir,” Kara spluttered. She hadn’t expected such a genuine complement to come from this woman. The woman that whole fleet seemed to be up in arms about. The woman who shot her own XO. The woman who made The Old Man retreat with his tail between his legs. The woman who made whose gaze made her chest tighten and her thoughts stutter. The woman who, with a single compliment, could make her lose her grip.
“Hehe,” Admiral Cain smiled, “I’m the one who should be thanking you.” I wonder how many people get to see her smile like that… Kara thought absent-mindedly, she’s pretty. Ugh, what the frack. Kara now felt exceptionally aware of how alone they were. Only the whirring of the ship’s engines, her own heartbeat and Admiral Cain.
“I’m so proud of you,” she said sternly, staring Kara right in the eyes. She couldn’t have averted her gaze even if she had wanted to. Kara started as she felt a light pressure on her head as the other woman ruffled her hair.
“Awah.” Kara felt her face heat up almost immediately. It wouldn’t be an understatement to say she felt like her head was going to erupt and the mush was her brain would come pouring out of her ears. When was that last time another person had made her feel like this? Back on Caprica with Zac… but that was a whole universe away from who she was now. Literally. Every attempt at connection and reaches at affection she had attempted since had been contained within her own little bell jar. A controlled environment she could eject herself from at any time. But when that woman smiled at her and brushed her finger through her hair Kara knew she was no longer in control. Her engine had been hit, she was losing power and no matter how many times she pulled that damn lever she could no longer eject. The Admiral suddenly pulled her hand away and cleared her throat uncomfortably.
“I’m sorry, that was completely inappropriate,” Admiral Cain looked away with the most awkward expression Kara had ever seen her make.
“Ah no, it’s ok!” she stammered—and in a moment of true Kara Thrace style ingenuity she reached up and pulled the Admiral’s hand back down onto her head. Oh my god what am I doing she’s going throw me in the brig. No—scratch that. She’s going to kill me. Kara stared at the ground gripping the Admiral’s palm between her fingers. Despite her own stupidity she couldn’t help noticing how smooth the other woman’s skin was. For some reason the Admiral didn’t yank her hand away and instead left it resting on top of Kara’s head. Kara was unsure if she wanted her brain to melt out of her ears and kill her instantly or the Pegasus to explode killing everyone instantly. She was left staring dumbly into the Admiral’s face. The expression Kara found there was kinder than she thought possible for that battle hardened face. A face that had before, seemed built only for cruelty.
“Well, ok then,” the Admiral laughed, continuing to ruffle Kara’s hair. Messing up her neat dress code-abiding ponytail. Ok, now I’m definitely being made fun of… but it didn’t feel bad. It was nice. Reassuring. She trusts me… For the first time in a long while Kara felt like things might just turn out ok.