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“...hey, Chuuya.”
“What do you want now?”
“I want… I want to watch the stars.”
“You dumbass, what are you talking about? The stars are right there. We’ve literally been stargazing for the last hour.”
“I know, but… but this doesn’t feel right. Does this feel right to you, Chuuya?”
There’s a loud sigh from beside him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We do this, literally every night. What could possibly be wrong about this?”
They chuckle, closing their eyes. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Chuuya. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”
It’s silent. Dazai doesn’t mind. After all, the silence is never boring when Chuuya’s around.
“Hey, Dazai.”
“Yes, dearest?”
“What the- okay, don’t ever call me that again, it’s fucking weird.”
“Fine, fine. Yes, slug?”
Chuuya groans. “Will you give it a rest already?”
Dazai chuckles. “Sorry. Yes, Chuuya ?”
“Why do you like watching the stars so much?”
Why do you spend so much time here?
“Oh, Chuuya wants to know my every thought, does he?”
“That’s not even close to what I said, you-!”
Well, the answer to that is simple.
“They’re pretty. Don’t you find them pretty?”
“I mean, yeah, I guess. But not enough that I would come out and watch them every night.”
Why does a sailor spend so much time at sea?
“Well, I do. And clearly, you like them too, since you’re out here with me.”
“No! Well, I mean-”
Because…
“Oh, wait! Maybe, you come out here because you like something else.”
“Wait- wait, wait, no! Shut up, you asshole, what are you even-”
Because they love it. They love the sea, so they dedicate their lives to it.
“You like me! Chuuya likes me!”
“I take it back, the stars are beautiful, I take it all back, I-”
I love the stars.
“Oh, but Chuuya, you can’t take it back now! You’ve admitted the truth!”
“You know, I really, really hate you.”
I love the stars, because he’s the stars, and I love him.
Dazai looks over. There’s a sense of urgency in the action, a necessity to it. Chuuya raises an eyebrow, frowning. They try to calm their erratic heartbeat. Chuuya isn’t made of glass. Still, that’s what it feels like. One wrong move, and he might disappear into the wind.
“What’s wrong? You’re acting weird.” He says.
“Nothing, nothing. Just making sure my dog hasn’t run away.”
“You’re the worst.”
“Yet you still love me.”
There’s no reply. Dazai’s mouth quirks into a small smile. Chuuya wouldn’t ever deny it, he knows. No matter how many times he calls them annoying, or says how he hates them, they both know the truth.
Dazai loves Chuuya, and Chuuya loves Dazai.
I’d like to paint a picture of them, one day.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. I got that new set of paints last week. They’d be perfect.
Well, if you want to, then you should do it.
Really?
Yeah. After all, you do love the stars.
Maybe I will, then.
That’s how it is, and how it always will be.
If it were up to him, the two of them would never leave. They would stay up on this roof forever, staring up at the night sky, trading friendly insults over a bag of chips. They would never leave.
Chuuya would never leave.
I miss you.
“Chuuya?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you still love me, even if I’m dead?”
Do you miss me?
“What kind of question is that? You’re not gonna die. Dazai, you’re not .” Dazai doesn’t look at him. They can’t bear to see the fierce expression in his eyes.
“But if I did. Would you visit my grave? Give me flowers? Write heartfelt letters about how much you miss me?”
Would you cry at my funeral?
“...of course I would.” Chuuya whispers, finally. “And I know you would do the same.”
They only smile. Of course, that will never happen. Because they’ll keep living, on this roof, together, forever.
Please, don’t leave me.
“Is your favorite color still blue, Chuuya?” He asks. The silence shatters like a still pond.
A snort. “Of course it is. What else would it be?”
“Just checking.”
“Seriously, are you okay? Why do you keep asking weird shit like this?”
I don’t want to do this alone.
“Oh, I’m fine, slug. Don’t worry about me.” They laugh. He’s feeling a bit delirious. “You should be more worried about yourself.”
“...okay, Dazai, you’re starting to scare me.”
I can’t do this alone.
“Dazai, what-” There’s a strong gust of wind. The stars flicker, some of them burning out. Dazai flinches. Chuuya goes silent.
No. It can’t end like this.
Please.
“I really, really, really love you, Chuuya. I really do.”
Nothing but the sound of the wind howling against the night sky. It’s alright. Chuuya’s just… a bit tired, that’s all. It’s alright. They won’t look over. They don’t need to. Because everything’s fine.
But…
“The stars are disappearing. Do you see them vanishing, Chuuya?”
There’s no response. Still, they refuse to look over. Because if he looks over-
But you’re already gone.
“Thanks for coming with me, Chuuya. I really appreciate it.”
-if he looks over, it’ll make it real. It’ll make everything real.
Aren’t you?
A tear slips down their cheek.
“I love you.”
I’m sorry.
As it turns out, stargazing is only fun when you’re with somebody else.
…and people are hard to replace.
Won’t you come back?
…i’m sorry.
You’ve already said that.
I don’t know what else to say. Is there anything else to say?
Say you’ll come back.
You know I can't. Don't ask me to do the impossible, and you'll never get disappointed.
Please.
I'm sorry.
“Goodbye.”