Work Text:
The sound of something breaking woke me up from my deep slumber. The unfamiliar sound filled with void. I looked for the source but could not find any. In desperate need for sleep, I tried to cover my ears to escape the sound ringing but no avail.
The pain in my throat gets worse. I cover it to subside the pain. I attempt to call out for someone. That's when the realization hit me. I don't have a voice.
Perhaps the sound of a crack in a frozen river. I drown myself in the lake. My voice buried for you. It's winter, the frozen lake has a hard ice crust to it. I try to break free but the ice is so thick. I hear a strange yet familiar voice calling out for me. The voice ringing in my ears. It gets louder and louder.
In the dream I shortly went into, the illusions of my agonizing phantom pain are still the same. Did I lose myself? Or did I gain you?
I suddenly run towards the lake. I see a face hidden beneath the layers of ice. It resembles my own face. Please don't say anything. I cover the mouth calling out to me. My voice was underwater.
Tell me, all the pain I am going through is all fake. Tell me, I shouldn't have thrown myself away to love you. Tell me, all the dreams I lived with you were not real. Tell me, my voice is my own. Tell me, this is not the reality.
In the end, what was I supposed to do back then? You were the cause of my euphoria. Your hand in mine, we walked, even crawled through the dense forest together. Only for you to feed me with poison fruits and beautiful lies throughout the way. Of course, the forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest. I wanted them, I needed them, I craved them. The poisonous seeds piled up inside me. Soon enough, all the fruits disappeared. The forest dried up. All the joy sucked out of my life. For once, I felt full.
Your eyes hold a certain strain in them. I could make out the forced smile. Your actions speak a foreign language. I could feel you being so distant yet you sit so close to me. My butterflies have died out, all my excitement extinguished as we kissed. I could taste someone else's lips on yours. Was I not good enough? I feel your hand slipping from mine. I do my best to hold onto your fingers. Don't wanna let go, not yet.
As my dream broke, I am thrown back to reality. The strange yet familiar voice of my own cries as I buried myself inside the frozen lake. I was so lost in you. I gave you all of me just to see you smile. You were like the oxygen I needed to survive. My sunset and my sunrise. I promised the moon to you as I told the sunset about you. Hollow lines and empty words.
I see the same perfect smile which I was so fond of on your beautiful face as you held the dagger which pierced through my heart. There was no blood or pain, I felt at peace. My heart feels lighter and my head clears off the fog. It was time to let you go and free myself from the prison. I gathered all the traces of hope left within me, smiled at you for the last time, turned around and never looked back.
One day, spring will come. The ice will melt and flow away. I will find myself again.