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Fez had not stepped foot in a school since his grandma had that stroke. He probably would’ve finished high school if that hadn’t happened, he never allowed himself to think about what he would study in college because he knew that wasn’t a possibility. But as he got ready to go see Lexi’s play he started thinking about it, about how he could’ve maybe gone to college and met a girl, hopefully Lexi, in a normal situation, not because he was a dealer at a party. He would’ve met her in his senior year while she was a junior, they’d spent his remaining year sitting in the bleachers sharing lunch and making fun of the football players and their strange manliness. On winter break, he would take her out to ice skate every day, and then they’d watch movies at her house, and that’s when they would kiss for the first time. A soft kiss that ended with them touching foreheads saying their “I love you’s”, and eventually in them dating. He imagined his last months till he went to college, he’d study business in a college not so far away that he’d have to take a plane but far enough that he could only see her every two weekends… and he imagined their goodbye. A passionate kiss while Lexi grabbed both of his cheeks and he grabbed her by the waist, tears mixing, the summer sun hitting them directly, in front of them was his car filled to the brim with boxes. He knew that wasn’t going to happen, for now he was just a drop out going back to school for the play of his dream girl.
“So… would you like to come see it?” Lexi asked her, an excited yet nervous smile on her face. She was scared he was going to say no.
“Next week, you said?” Fez asked, he didn’t care when it was, he was obviously going to go see her, he wanted to act cool.
“Yes!” Lexi thought that meant he wouldn’t go, she hesitated a bit. “Li-listen, I understand if you can’t, it’s just a silly play, it can get boring, i get it, if you don’t-” Fez interrupted her.
“Lexi” he said, placing his hand on her wrist, he didn’t dare to touch her hand just yet. “Of course I’m going, I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Lex.” They stayed silent for a second, Lexi with a smile growing on her face, while looking down. Her cheeks sparked into a rose color which made Fez smile too.
“And don’t be sayin’ that shit that is dumb and boring, nothing you ever do is dumb and boring, for real.”
He didn’t know what people wore to these types of things, school events, but he wanted to make Lexi look good. He didn’t want people to think Lexi was dating some thug, he knew they already thought that and people knew what he did, but he wanted them to forget it that night. He put on a pair of nicely fitting khaki pants and a blue blazer, along with a white collar shirt and his best brown dress shoes he bought for a wedding years ago. Fezco looked nice, different, he looked like the guy he thought Lexi deserved, someone to bring home to mom, who bought her flowers, who was going to have a future. It made her sad when she realized what Fez thought about himself, not that he ever said it, but she could tell, when he told her about her going to college and meeting smart, fascinating, new people. Doing this play was the start of this new era of taking care of herself and prioritizing her emotions, after feeling for everyone else and feeling what everyone else was feeling, she finally stopped, and it felt so fucking good.
Fez was about to get out of the house when he heard the loudest scream he’s ever, he looked up from the door to look at Ash running towards him. He didn’t like this.
“Bro! Custer just fucking called me- they’re- they’re coming-” Ash said in between tears and gasps. “They found Mouse’s body.”
“Fucking shit! Man, what the fuck” Fez said, trying to process it, hands behind his head. If they found Mouse’s body it was a matter of time they found them, probably in the next thirty minutes. The clock was ticking, they had to get rid of everything, any proof they were there, escape to God knows where while things chilled. “Start the fucking car and help me get rid of everything, fucking go!”
He ran to his room and grabbed the trash bags that were filled to the brim with pills and started flushing them all away, thousands of dollars literally down the drain. He heard Ash coming in, he had also grabbed every gun they had stashed in the garage. Both of them started flushing and flushing until every gram was gone. Meanwhile, Lexi’s play was starting, she saw from behind the curtain a full auditorium, except for one seat she had reserved for him.
“Yo, you gotta get me the best seat in the house tho, close but not too close my neck starts hurting. Like, third row.” Fez said, looking at her as she laughed.
“Fine, i'll save you a third row seat. I’ll even order one of those little gold plaques with your name on it, so people know to not fuck with your ass.” Both of them laughing, admiring each other’s smiles.
“Alright, word.”
There was probably traffic on the way here, she wanted to think. As the show went by, she wasn’t even looking at the stage, but at the audience, desperate to see the doors open and to see him walk into his seat. She saw Rue, who was in the seat besides his, she was also confused that he hadn’t arrived yet, and despite the numbness fentanyl gave her, she felt a growing emptiness in her stomach. Rue trying to avoid thinking about the worst case scenario, feeling guilty about maybe getting him into trouble by having Laurie’s drug suitcase. No one other than Cassie seemed to understand that the play was actually about Lexi’s life and the messy situations surrounding her, and she didn’t even feel mad about her sister exposing her, she felt sad to see how dumb she’d been, about how everyone had ever praised her for how she looked and how she did with guys but never put her in the right place when she was being a complete dipshit.
That night, everyone seemed to be enchanted by Lexi, by her talent, her ability to write, cast, direct and produce a play all by herself, she was a shiny new toy, but not actually a new toy, a toy someone had bought a while and had yet to open because they were distracted with the other ones. But Fezco had already seen that talent and beauty everyone was so drawn to now, he couldn’t stop thinking about her as he kept erasing any trace of him living there. He and Ash started packing some clothes, their fake passports and IDs. His burner phone started ringing, it was Custer, he picked up instantly.
“Yo, bro, Mouse’s baby momma just called to threaten us and I said some shit and she’s actually called the cops, man. I’m so sorry.” Custer said crying horribly, Fez couldn’t answer, he felt numb. He just hung up on him.
“Ash” he said, tears streaming down his face. “Dial the flower shop from down the street, please, man.”
The play came to an end, Lexi trying to hide the anger and disappointment and mixed feelings from her face to go out and close the play. As she walked out and saw once again that empty seat, the crowd cheered, a standing ovation from the 199 people in that 200 people capacity auditorium. She faked a huge smile while her eyes watered, it was a bittersweet feeling having finally done something you wanted to do after months but the person you wanted the most to be there not showing up. However, she didn’t want Fez to ruin this for her, she wanted to enjoy those 199 persons applauding for her and her cast, she felt every single clap and cheer and flower being thrown at the stage as she stood there like a god, this was her moment, and only hers. While she heard cheers, Fez heard the sirens around his neighborhood, they were close. He used his last minute of freedom to do something for Lexi, to give her what he wanted for her, even if his life was at stake. He had a bag with most of the money he had, keeping just enough to hopefully start a life somewhere else if they managed to escape. Ash shouted at him as he ran out the door to the flower shop.
“You’re being fucking selfish, you’re gonna get caught ¡Fuck you!” Ash screamed in between tears, knees to the ground, feeling the desperation while his big brother risked it all.
Fez entered the flower shop and gave them the bag, the badly handwritten letter he wrote as quickly as he could, and bought every single flower they had. He didn’t bother explaining, he just gave them the orders. As he ran as fast as he could, he could hear the sirens getting closer, he saw Ash was already inside the car, he got in the driver’s seat.
“Don’t ever leave me alone again in a situation like this, bro!” Ash screamed and they drove away. Being quick was the most important factor at the moment.
He always knew what to do in a situation like this, his grandma had told him everything he had to do. Get rid of everything, keep a single gun, and drive to a ghost town. That was the plan, and now he even realized that’s what he wanted to do with Lexi, get rid of everything in his past, the drugs, the violence, the guns, but only keep one to protect her from anything that could happen, and take her to somewhere new and quiet where they could start their life together. That’s all he could think about right now. It was quite a long drive, they couldn’t hear the sirens anymore, but he knew they were probably at the house already, destroying everything trying to look for clues or maybe even a body. He got a text from the flower shop saying that the job was done, he was nervous that the key wasn’t where it was usually.
“Fuck, i forgot my keys.” Lexi said as she looked in her bag, they were coming back from a party and Fez insisted on taking her home. He even got out of the car since he thought maybe there was a possibility she would introduce him to her mother, like girls do with proper guys. She kneeled to move a vase beside the door, where a key was hiding. “This has to stay there always, I’m always forgetting my keys.
After the play, people were congratulating her in the hall, greeting everyone for showing up. Cassie gave her a big hug, one that felt so genuine, and she didn’t expect it.
“I’m really sorry, Lexi, I love you.” she said and Lexi hugged her tighter. She hoped that after this, things could change, that she could also get the recognition she knew she deserved, a life where she wasn’t outshone by her sister, and this felt like the start to that new life. The sisters got in the car with their mother, listening to the radio, dancing, talking about how good the play was and how she should start acting more, but then the mandatory question appeared.
“Hey, um, did… did Fezco come?” said Cassie, sounding compassive because she hadn’t seen him in the hall and knew how much it mattered to Lexi that he came. Her mother looked at her through the rearview, feeling for her daughter.
“No…” she said, while her smile disappeared, looking down at her bouquet of flowers her friends had got her. “...no, he didn’t…”
The rest of the ride home was silent, only the sound of the radio playing and the occasional comment by Cassie saying how they put a new McDonald’s somewhere in the street. They got out of the car when they got home, Cassie putting her arm around her, smiling with compassion, trying to cheer her up.
“You’re a fucking star.” Cassie said as their mother opened the door and was completely surprised by what she saw. “Oh my god!”
The entire house seemed to be filled to the brim with all types of flowers. The stairs, the floors, every piece of furniture in the foyer and the surrounding rooms had beautiful flower arrangements all over it, every single type of pastel colored roses, red roses, ranunculuses, tulips, daisies, lilacs, sunflowers, daffodils, hydrangeas, peonies, lavender, dahlias, wild flowers and pansies. Even if it was every type and every color of flower it looked so beautiful all together, so fitting for her, she could swear there were as many flowers as stars in the sky. As Lexi entered the house, with utter shock, she turned in her heels to appreciate the beauty of this absolutely gorgeous action.
“Oh god, did you do this?” she was so surprised and confused, Cassie and her mother were just as shocked, walking around, looking for a card or something.
“Clearly not, I’m just as shocked as you are, honey.” said Suze.
“Hey Lexi, I think I found something…” Cassie said from the living room next to the foyer, showing her a slightly crumpled envelope. Lexi walked down to her, leaving her bag in a small space in the floor that wasn’t filled with flowers. She took the envelope and sat down in the couch, she noticed a black backpack in front of her that she didn’t know where it came from, which gave her a strange sensation. She opened the letter, at a quick glance she noticed it was short and written by a shaky hand, with a few water drop marks.
“My gorgeous Lexi,
I’m real sorry I didn’t come to your play, I hope you can forgive me. Something went down and me and Ash had to escape. I wanted to make sure you have everything you need so I’m leaving you a backpack with all the money I had. Use it to go to college and have a better life than I did, I hope I can see you again. I’d tell you where I’m going but I don’t know. I wish things were different, I wanted to spend my life with you. Accept these goodbye flowers till we meet again someday. I’m fucking sorry. I love you forever.
Fez”
She felt a pungent pain in her chest, she couldn’t hold in her loud cries. Cassie and Suze ran towards her after they heard the cries. With her face buried in the couch, smearing her stage makeup all over it, but it didn’t matter, nothing other than Fez mattered. She didn’t know if he was going to be successful escaping or if the police were going to get him, but the more she thought about him, the deeper the dagger went into her heart. Her mother tried to calm her down, running her fingers through her hair while Cassie read the letter silently. When she finished reading it, she just shook her head at her mom, implying something went badly. Lexi’s screams and cries were louder than the sirens Fez and Ash started to hear.“Fuck!” said Fez as he hit the pedal, attempting to escape. But it was for nothing, everything ended in nothing. All of his life dedicated to drugs, all of Lexi’s attempts to stand up to people, all of his sacrifices, all of her effort into her play, and all of their time together, wasted because none of them dared to actually share their feelings. After hours of endless erratic driving, Fezco and Ash could finally lose the cops behind them, they arrived at a body shop near some small town in the south, sold the car and bought a new one. Lexi couldn’t sleep that night, she knew she couldn’t just get over him the way Cassie got over her old boyfriends, hell, they didn’t even get to date which made it in a way much more painful. She kept thinking about how much he cared about her, he gave her more than enough money to pay for the college of her choice, he wanted her to have the life she always told him about. In her mind, they ended up together after she came back from college, they’d live together, get married, form a family, maybe. She could still do all of that, just not with him, and she knew deep down she’d probably never see his beautiful baby blue eyes again, she never got to kiss him, to touch his hands, even. They could both just think about what life could’ve become. Both of them felt the same sadness and numbness as if they were connected by a foreign force, the feeling that their lives were meant to be together, but they were ripped apart from each other.
Nothing was the same after that, for neither of them. Rue used to come by, and they’d cry together, bike around his old house which was now abandoned, try to look for clues or imagine where he and Ash were. They wanted to go to the police to ask if they had him but they couldn't, it could put him at risk. Eventually and inevitably, the months passed, Fezco just became a local legend around their school: “Yo, remember that ginger guy? What happened to him?” “I heard he got raided.” “I heard he died.” “I heard he moved away.” Lexi wondered the same, what had happened, she only knew it was bad enough for him to leave her and gave her all of that cold hard cash. Her mother helped her open a bank account, where she saved everything for college. A year after, when she got to college, she paid it all up front and used the rest of the money to pay her rent while she got a job, she didn’t want to use it for anything else, she wanted to use it for something that helped her grow, like Fez would’ve wanted. She never knew how much money drug dealers made until she saw that backpack, it got her through college, to pay some months of rent, and after she graduated from her STEM major, she still had money for the down payment of a house. There wasn’t a day she didn’t think about him, and there wasn’t a day he didn’t thought about her. Lexi wondered where he was, if he had started over his life, if he was in jail, if Ash was in foster care, and as much as it hurt to think about, she wondered if he was alive or not. But he was alive, he lived a very modest life working at a gas station near the mexican border, Ash worked there as well, he had gotten so mature, so grown up. Fezco always thought about her, he wanted to look her up on social media and see what she was doing, but it would be too painful, he knew she had graduated college, that’s the only thing he knew for certain, but he wondered if she was dating anyone, if she was happy. But neither of them ever dated again, they knew deep down they were made for each other, even if they never shared a kiss. Lexi tried to date when she got to college, but it didn’t feel right, they didn’t make her feel like Fez did.
After years apart, the pain they once felt wasn’t there anymore, they remembered each other, every detail, every conversation, every flower, that pain hadn’t left, it just transformed. They became a beautiful memory in each other’s lives, it could’ve become something great, something full of love and care, something different, but it didn’t. Lexi was now working for a big company, living a great life, she had a beautiful home thanks to Fezco and her effort, she had hung up every single picture of them in her living room, she wanted him to, in a way, see how far she’d come. She still hoped, deep down, that he would look for her one day, she posted many pictures on her Instagram talking about her day and how her life was going on in hope that he would see them. Some people wanted her to move on, get over him, but how could she ever get over him if because of him she had the life she did now? She would forever be thankful, and forever be hopeful, and it paid off. Five years had passed since he went away, she woke up to her phone ringing, with sleepy eyes and a puffy face, she answered, and it was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to her.
“My gorgeous Lexi…”
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