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Escape. A sweet word that echoed through his mind with the sight of blood. Blood and bones bent in ways they shouldn’t be. He would’ve made the death quick, painless, but he certainly didn’t feel they deserved it.
Clothes... he had to change. He was covered in blood. But now? He was free. He threw on what little he had, finally walking out of the building. He was greeted by a forest. Fresh air, something he had been craving for ages. A smile slowly moved across his lips, knowing there was no way he would be going back without a fight, maybe some death.
His first goal, get out of the woods. He took a deep breath, looking around and trying to see anything, eyes landing on poorly hidden tread marks. A perfect path out.
Reaching the road, he wasn’t sure which way to even go. But he kept walking. There would be a way out of here eventually. And he would find what he was looking for.
______
The city shined brightly that night as Vav took to the skylines. He kept his eyes open for anything that might be out of the ordinary, though he didn’t need to. There was normally a signal or something to alert him where he was needed.
He took some time to relax in the air, taking in what he could. Closing his eyes, he felt at peace with the world, knowing he was doing some good in it.
He was brought out of his reverie at the sound of a car horn growing far too close for where he was. He barely missed, looking to where it was thrown from. He didn’t know if anyone in the city who could do that. And there wasn’t anyone there either.
“Weird...” he muttered to himself, slowly moving closer to the ground.
Maybe he was missing something. Landing, he began to walk, trying to see what he could find as people stared, whispering about the car, he guessed. He stopped someone, tilting his head.
“Did you see who threw that? Or where they went?”
“No idea. I didn’t even know until it was in the air.”
Vav made a bit of a face, nodding and beginning to jog. He needed to find whoever this was before they caused any other problems in the city.
______
Jeremy was far too giddy having thrown the car. He had found Vav, the man who he wanted nothing more than to see his way, and maybe injure a bit. He wasn’t exactly sure where everything was going in his mind, more options than he had ever dreamed before him.
He wasn’t even sure what to do with himself, never having the option to do anything. He had stolen from wallets whatever cash was around, so at least he had something. He wasn’t sure where to begin.
As he wandered the streets, he looked in awe. He had only seen the city in pictures, read stories about it in papers. He never thought he’d make it out of there alive, but apparently, they hadn’t expected him to finally fight back.
He stopped in the middle of a sidewalk, staring up at the climbing lights that stared at him. He laughed, giddy before beginning to walk again, a bit brisker this time. He wasn’t even sure where he was going, but he wanted to see everything.
As morning rolled around, he could feel the tugs of exhaustion. He had just explored, finally making his way into an alley. He hadn’t thought too much through and he didn’t know if he’d be able to get a room anywhere, so the alley was the next best bet until he could do something better. As he settled in a corner, curled as tightly as he could, he couldn’t stop the smile on his face, knowing he was finally free.
_______
A few months had past and Jeremy was causing problems for Vav. It had started out on purpose, but soon his goals shifted, wanting to keep other mutants safe. Vav always seemed to find him though, know where he was just as he snapped a guy’s neck, or twisted his arm a little too far trying to find the mutant that he knew they had taken. And Vav was always there, attempting to stop him. He was a bit tired of it.
In a daring attempt, he had lured Vav to his lair, if you could call the abandoned house that. He didn’t have anything fancy like he had dreamed of, but he had enough to knock Vav out and tie him up before flopping him on a chair.
Jeremy waited, patiently, for the other to come to, healing him a bit to make sure that he didn’t have any bad damage, though he was sure Vav had been through worse. When he came to, Jeremy had a smile on his face, standing up and walking towards him.
“Vav, I can’t quite wrap my head around why you help these people. They’re no help to you,” he said matter-of-factly.
Vav could feel his head spinning, trying his best to focus on Jeremy. He grunted, head falling forward and eyes closing.
“They’re here to keep us safe. And killing people is wrong.” His head was swimming, unable to come up with the proper words.
“No, they’re not. Maybe you, but not me, and not others that they deem... important. In my short amount of time free I’ve saved more mutants than you have. I don’t even know if mutants are on your saving radar, Vav. Don’t you think you should save the people like us?” He tilted his head, taking a step towards Vav.
“We’re dangerous.” The words slipped from his mouth, feeling himself recoil at the admission of what he had been taught. “I have to protect people.”
“We’re dangerous? Then can you tell me why some of us choose to be heroes? How we keep giving the government other mutants as if it’s the right thing to do?”
“It is. It... it is the right thing to do. I’m here to protect people.”
Jeremy shook his head, a deep sigh leaving him as he stepped forward, gently cupping Vav’s chin and tilting his head towards him.
“You say you’re here to protect people, but you can’t protect others like you. Can you even protect yourself? What happens when they deem you... useless?”
Vav blinked his eyes a few moments, finally getting a good look at Jeremy. He was close, studying him like he was a bug or something.
“Why should I protect other mutants, like you, when all they do is cause problems. Better to have them locked away where they can’t do harm. As for me? I can protect myself plenty. I’ve done good so far on my own, I most certainly will continue to. And useless? Hardly a thought on the radar. I am the hero. I do what I need to do.” He sucked in a breath, trying to move his head but it was quickly spinning.
“Please, as soon as you serve no purpose to them, they’ll ship you off to a facility and run tests on you. I didn’t get the honor of even showing a purpose, I was a child, Vav. And they so easily took me, experimented on me. They took everything from me.” His voice was dripping with bitterness, letting going of Vav’s chin and taking a step back. “They’ll take everything from you too, once you’re not the darling of the city.”
“I think you’re just lying. I think you want to screw with my head, make me doubt things. You’re just a prick who causes problems. And soon, I hope, you won’t.”
“What a fun little hope for you to have. Because I most certainly don’t plan to stop any time soon.”
Jeremy walked around the chair, moving to untie Vav. The moment he was untied, he quickly was in the air before falling to the ground, stumbling a few steps.
“Shit,” he muttered, gently holding his head.
Jeremy sighed softly, a fondness flashing across his face before he was moving towards Vav, hands out.
“Let me heal you some more. I guess I didn’t get it all, huh?”
Vav tilted his head a bit, raising an eyebrow, but before he could question it Jeremy’s hands were over his temples and his heart was racing. This is the man who has thrown cars at him, dragged him out of the air, easily snapped people’s necks. How could he trust him to heal him? But, as the thoughts were running through his head, he was soon able to think a bit clearer, head spinning less than it was. He felt balanced again, brows furrowed. He did not understand and understood even less when Jeremy let go of his head, taking a step back and waving him off.
“I, uh, thanks,” he muttered before quickly taking to the skies.
“Oh Vav, I’ll get you to see one day,” he muttered to himself.
________
The next time they met, Jeremy had Vav against a wall, keeping them, both hidden in an alley. There was a finger over his lips, trying to keep him quiet, and he certainly didn’t understand what was happening.
When Jeremy relaxed a bit, hand moving from Vav’s lips, Vav gently pushed him away, not wanting any malice, but he didn’t know how to feel about such close proximity.
“Sorry, I just, they’re... they were looking for anyone. I think... you’ve attracted some unwanted attention,” he laughed, running a hand through his hair.
“What do you mean, Jeremy? The only unwanted attention I have is yours,” he huffed, looking away.
“As if you mean that. Those were bounty hunters, idiot. They, as far as I know, thanks to a friend, are like, fucking, you know, hunting mutants. But it’s... for their own sick game. I think they want you.”
Vav looked confused, shaking his head and moving to take a step back, Jeremy quickly grabbing his wrist.
“Be careful. We don’t need you getting caught. You’re not meant for that.”
His hand left his wrist, but he felt like it was on fire as he began his flight home, mind racing through the words Jeremy had said.
_______
“Trevor, how the hell do I get him to see my way? He’s so fucking stubborn,” Jeremy groaned, running hands over his face.
“Why do you care about him so much, Jeremy? I thought you hated him.”
“I did, but he’s brainwashed, Trevor. He doesn’t... he has such an idealized version of the world in his head and I just need to get through to him. He... is so stuck in his damn head.”
“Again, why do you care? Why do you want him to see things your ways?”
“He doesn’t need to get hurt. God, he doesn’t need shit happening to him because the government decided that he’s done being the hero. It’s only a matter of time before they want him to experiment on.”
“And you care, why? Still haven’t explained that.”
“Trevor, all he wants to do is good and help people. He’s stupidly selfless. He needs to just get out of his head before he gets taken. That’s all I care about.”
“When did you start caring about him? I’m pretty sure, up until at least last week, you hated him.”
“Well, we’re the same, aren’t we? We want to do good and help others, we just have different ways of doing that. I understand his intentions, I’ve read about him for several years now, I know what he’s about. He just... doesn’t understand where I’m coming from, yet.”
“Will he ever?”
“I hope so.”
__________
Vav was spending far longer than he wanted to admit searching for Jeremy. He had gotten a letter in his mailbox, how Jeremy even knew where he lived was a mystery to him considering he did everything he could to keep his civilian life and hero life separate, but he still managed to find the run-down farmhouse.
Walking in, he saw Jeremy leaning against a pole, smirking as he saw Vav.
“Glad you showed up. Did you like my letter?”
“Well, I was more of wondering how the hell you knew where I lived.”
“Oh, I have ears everywhere, Vav. No need to worry, I’d never tell anyone who you are or where you live. That’s for my own information only.”
“And you pick such wonderful places to meet,” sarcasm dripped from his words, looking around.
“Have to be inconspicuous, Vav. I don’t want anyone to follow us. Now, I have some questions.”
“Don’t you always?” He sighed, moving to sit on the floor of the barn.
Jeremy walked towards him, taking a seat in front of him. He leaned his elbows on his knees, resting his head atop his hands.
“Gavin, can I call you that?” The sight of Gavin visibly recoiling made Jeremy’s heart pang, frowning a bit. “Again, that’s for my own information. You know my name, so only fair I know yours.”
Gavin frowned, crossing his arms but motioned for him to continue.
“Fair, be mad at me while I ask you so many questions. Why haven’t you turned me into authorities yet?” He tilted his head, watching Gavin closely.
He looked away, making a bit of a face. There was no good reason why he hadn’t turned Jeremy into the authorities yet. He thought for a moment, though, to come up with an excuse.
“You’re not awful. I mean, you’ve saved me a few times from bounty hunters and shit.” He tried his best to sound uninterested.
“Just because I saved you a few times doesn’t mean I haven’t killed people, Gavin. I know you hate that.”
“It’s... excusable...”
“And what makes me so special compared to other mutants?”
Gavin groaned, head turning back to Jeremy, eyebrows furrowed.
“God, you love bringing that up, don’t you? I don’t know, I like the consistency with you. At least I know what you’re going to do, what to expect.”
“Do you really think I’m doing harm?”
“Yes, you’re killing people.”
“And saving mutants, I think it cancels out.”
“Does it?”
“Saves them from the fate they would’ve been given. Mutants don’t deserve to just be taken away, Gavin. I know you know that in your heart.”
“We’re dangerous, Jeremy. I chose to be good. I choose to do what I do.”
“Oh, so you’re telling me that Mr. Selfless would go around causing a panic if he got the chance.”
Gavin frowned, making a face as he stood there.
“No...” he muttered, looking down.
“So, mutants aren’t inherently bad like you’ve been taught.”
“But I could be. I have dangerous powers, Jeremy.”
“Vav, everyone has capacity for being bad. No one is immune. Some people give into it easier than others. You have a heart of gold. I don’t think you could hurt someone if you tried.”
“I have though,” he muttered, hands twisting together.
“Was it even on purpose? I doubt you could hurt a fly, Gavin.”
“I burned down a house, Jeremy. People could have died.” His hands tightened, not looking up.
“Did you want to do it? Did you even know how to control your powers at that point? Are you going to hold yourself to such a high standard, an unreasonable standard, because of a mistake?” Jeremy reached forward, gently tilting Vav’s head up. “I understand you think we’re inherently bad, and maybe you don’t know how to forgive yourself yet, but you need to learn to give yourself the kindness you give others.”
“I...” Gavin didn’t even know where to go with the response.
He quickly got up, taking a few steps away from Jeremy. His mind was spinning, he truly didn’t know what to do.
“I... I need to go.” It was the best excuse he could come up with.
Before Jeremy could try to stop him, Gavin was running off before taking flight, quickly out of sight.
“Shit,” Jeremy muttered, head falling.
__________
Gavin had changed quickly before running to his friend’s apartment, barely knocking before barging in. Michael sat there, raising an eyebrow at him as Gavin stood there huffing, kicking the door closed before walking over.
“Gavin, what is your problem? Don’t even tell me you’re coming over anymore. Can’t just come here and have a crisis.”
“I don’t just come here to have a crisis, Michael.”
“But you are having a crisis, aren’t you?” He knew the look on Gavin’s face, having seen it far too often since the appearance of Jeremy.
“Well, yes,” he sighed, moving to sit next to Michael. “Absolute prick, he is. He just thinks he can come in with his way of thinking to try to change my mind. We’re taught... what we are for a reason.” He didn’t sound too sure of himself.
“Is it so bad to see things different, Gav?”
“What if he’s wrong? What if he’s saying things to justify his actions? He’s more than capable of lying. Hardly a blip on his radar when he’s killing people.”
“Yea, he’s killing people, but is it that bad?”
Gavin opened and closed his mouth a few times, stopping with his mouth closed. He couldn’t think of a good answer.
“He’s doing good for other mutants, right? You help people and he helps other people. You guys have the same goals, just different ways of achieving it.”
“You can’t just go around killing people, Michael.”
“I think... it’s more than allowed when they’re taking our people off to god knows where to do whatever the fuck they did to Jeremy.”
“You believe him?”
“Well, yea, why would he lie about that? He acts like he has no idea how to interact with people or that all his social interaction came from watching shows or some shit, if anything.”
Gavin sat there, mouth a thin line and brows furrowed. He didn’t exactly know what to say in the moment, leaning back. His mind played through things Jeremy told him, remembering the pain in his voice, how he looked so mad, how he looked defeated. And it clicked in Gavin that no, Jeremy can’t be lying about this.
“God damnit,” he muttered, running his hands through his hair.
“What?”
“He’s not lying,” he sighed, looking over to Michael.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
_________
“ Vav, darling, why do you want to keep fighting me?” He asked, slowly walking around him.
It wasn’t like he was exactly trapped, but Gavin couldn’t even think to move. His head was spinning, slowly slinking to the floor.
“I... I... Jeremy, I... I don’t know,” he whispered, running his hands over his face.
“Gavin,” his voice was softer, kneeling in front of him. “You don’t have to fight me anymore. We... don’t have to fight, Gavin.”
He reached forward, placing a soft hand on Gavin’s shoulder. Gavin looked up, blinking tears away.
“I’m just... so confused, Jeremy. I... everything... it’s all... Christ.”
Jeremy frowned, reaching his other hand for Gavin’s cheek, gently stroking his thumb.
“It’s okay, Gav. I know. It’s... a lot. So, fucking much. I grew up with all the facts and it still... is so much. You’ve been... worshipped, basically, and taught wrong. Taught to hate yourself. I want to help you, Gavin. I want to show you, and help you help people. We can work together.”
Gavin laughed, leaning into Jeremy’s hand. It was comforting, the only comforting thing of this situation.
“Can I even call myself a hero? Did I do any good, Jeremy? I... saved people but maybe not even the right people.” He sniffled, moving a hand to wipe his eyes.
“Gavin, yes, god, of course you can call yourself a hero. You did what you thought was good. You didn’t know any better. Now you do, you can keep doing good. You can do better. If you want to. I would understand if you didn’t.”
“God, I’m so sorry, Jeremy. I’m so sorry for fighting you and if I ever hurt you. I... I’m sorry, Jeremy.” Tears were running down his cheeks and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.
Jeremy smiled softly at Gavin, moving a little closer.
“Please, Gavin, it’s not your fault. You were doing what you thought was right. I can’t blame you for the things you did, but... I’m so glad I finally got through to you.”
“You’ve worn me down,” he laughed, voice cracking a bit. “I feel like an idiot.”
“Gavin,” Jeremy said, gently cupping his cheeks with both hands. “Please don’t beat yourself up about it. Please. You did what you knew at the time was right. I can’t be mad at you. I mean, at first, I was. At first, I fucking hated your guts, but I was jealous. I was jealous because I saw the way you were adored, the way people thought you were this fucking amazing person. And you were free. I... I was so jealous you were free. You got everything I wanted so badly. You were everything I wanted to be. And I wanted to make your life hell, I’ll admit to that. I threw quite a few cars at you,” he laughed, shaking his head. “And then I realized that they had us both brainwashed, just in different ways, yet the same. I realized you were trying to right the wrongs of every mutant who had ever existed, the sins resting on your shoulders. While I? I had already been deemed a monster, and wanted to prove how much of one I could be.”
Gavin laughed softly, reaching forward to rest his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders. He smiled, trying to blink away tears as Jeremy’s thumbs gently wiped at them.
“You’re anything but a monster, Jeremy. I’m sorry they convinced you of that, us of that. That we were God awful creations in the universe. And I’m sorry for hurting you, even before I knew you. I... God,” he whispered, leaning forward. “Am I stupid, Jeremy? Am I stupid for thinking I could fix everything myself? I didn’t even realize how much was wrong, what actually needed to be fixed.”
“You didn’t know, you said it yourself. Be kind to yourself, Gavin. Extend yourself the kindness you extend to others. I know it’s hard, God is it fucking hard. I haven’t had much time being free, but I’ve learned so much. I’ve learned... a lot from you as well. Your heart is so big, Gavin, and there’s no room for you in it. You need to save some room for yourself. And I know I have a lot to learn still. I have a lot to unwire through my brain, a lot of self-hate they instilled in me through the years. It’s going to be a long road for us both, Gav. I just want to make sure you’re... well, going to do it.”
He laughed softly, gently pulling Gavin as close as he could, wrapping his arms around him tightly. His heart was aching for all he had missed, all the touches he never got. And it flashed through his mind that maybe he was hugging wrong, but Gavin’s arms wrapping around him helped to ease it, Jeremy pressing his face into Gavin’s hair, holding him as tight as he could.
They sat like that for a moment, Gavin’s head against Jeremy’s chest, Jeremy’s face in his hair. They didn’t know what to say to each other, far too many thoughts rushing through their heads. Jeremy sighed softly, moving to cup Gavin’s cheeks to have him look at him again.
“Gavin?”
“Yea, Jeremy?”
“Can we... work together? We want to help people, Gavin. We can do it... in a meaningful way. Not that what you were doing before wasn’t meaningful. Shit, that’s... I mean, you know what I mean, right?”
“Yea, I do. And we can. We definitely can. I’m... I think I can do what you need help with. Maybe we can get others. Or something.”
“Yea?”
“Yea.”
__________
Working together was no easy feat. Gavin had gotten so used to people loving him, helping him, cheering for him, that when the first papers came out about his “reign of terror” he was not exactly okay. He had frantically texted Jeremy, the other being greeted at Gavin’s apartment by the other with tears streaming down his face.
Jeremy carefully guided him to the couch, pulling him into his lap. A hand was in Gavin’s hair, holding him tightly.
“Gavin, they don’t get it. No matter what anyone does, how much truth is told, they’re not going to understand. They want to use it as proof we’re bad, even though we’re not. God, we’re not Gavin, I promise you that.”
He sighed softly, rubbing Gavin’s back as he cried. He felt awful, wishing he could protect Gavin from the words of hurt and the awful thoughts that were to come.
“I feel... it’s so unfair. They turned against me so easily.”
“Because you’re not there for them to hero worship anymore. You’re not someone who they can see themselves in. You’re you, doing what you know is right, helping those who need it. You’re still doing what you’ve always done, but it’s against the people who were jerking off to your acts of heroism.”
“Why do you have to use that term?” It made him laugh, though, so he couldn’t complain.
“I’m not wrong! They went around placing you on a pedestal and, shit, uh, well, you get the point,” he huffed, leaning his head back.
“I know you’re right. You tend to be. Prick,” he muttered, pulling back to wipe at his tears. “God, the fact they can turn so easily just... proved they were waiting for me to screw up, huh?”
“Yea, I think they were.”
Gavin sat there a moment before opening his mouth before quickly closing it.
“What?”
“Nothing, it was a rude thought.”
“Tell me?”
“We should burn down the office or something.”
“What about... one of those metal things with the paper in it? Could melt that. You burn hot enough.”
He made a face, thinking it over for a moment.
“You’re right, that would be a better idea. Don’t need to give them an actual reason to arrest me. Why haven’t they yet?”
“You haven’t killed anyone and, if they were to arrest you, I think they’d have to admit they’re doing fucked up things with mutants they take. Or risk us spilling it, along with anyone else who can confirm it with us.”
“They could kill us.”
“And risk mutants coming out of the woodworks to tell their dirty little secret? They’re trying to take as little risks as possible. We’re contained to one city. I highly doubt we’re in the news nationally.”
“They can only contain us for so long, though. There’s only so much that they can do.”
“And I thought you were sad about all this.”
“Feeling a new fire deep in my soul now.”
“Glad to see it’s still burning.”
“Thanks for helping to feed the flames.”
__________
It got easier as time went by, still having some reservations of what they were doing. Jeremy at his side certainly helped. He was always there to defend him, and Gavin did what he could to make sure Jeremy didn’t get hurt either.
More often than not, after a rough fight, they ended up in Gavin’s apartment. They had a first aid kit opened, cleaning the wounds they sustained. Gavin was always so gentle on Jeremy’s skin, making sure he didn’t cause more harm before Jeremy healed himself.
“Jeremy?”
“Yea?” He asked, cleaning a gash on Gavin’s back.
“Where do you even live?”
They had never gone to Jeremy’s place afterwards, and it was bothering Gavin a bit. He hoped he had a place to live that wasn’t one of the many abandoned buildings they had met in.
“Oh, with a friend. Well, the first friend I made here. He kind of... picked me? I don’t know how to explain exactly. He’s a mutant too. I think he used his powers to find me or something. He didn’t really go into detail.”
“And you trusted him?”
“Well, he did prove he was a mutant, so it was hard not to.”
“Oh...”
Silence fell between them before Jeremy was placing the used cleaning supplies on the table, placing a too warm hand over the wound. Gavin was all too familiar with the feeling, eyes falling closed as he sat there, trying to ignore the way his heart was fluttering, like it had every time recently.
“You okay, Gav?”
He jumped a bit, pulling his shirt back down and turning to Jeremy.
“Uh, yea, I’m fine. I’m just out of it today. I think... I haven’t had enough time for myself recently.”
“You don’t have to come every time I ask, Gavin.”
“And let you go alone? Absolutely not.”
“Gavin,” he said, leaning forward, “if you need time for yourself, then take it. You can’t run yourself ragged. I know that’s how you ran before, but now? There’s two of us. It’s... take a break.”
“What if you get hurt? Taken? What am I to do then?”
“Do you really think I’m letting them take me so easily? They had me once, they’re not getting me unless I’m dead.”
“Don’t say that,” he hissed, grabbing Jeremy’s hand. “You’re not dying any time soon if I have anything to say about it.”
“Gavin, darling, you think I’d let them have the satisfaction of killing me?”
Gavin’s heart fluttered, staring up at Jeremy from the ground, sighing softly.
“I know you wouldn’t.”
“I’d kill myself before I’d let them do it. I’ve given them hell and they’ve given me hell, if they’re sending me to it, I’d rather it be by my own hand.”
“Well, that means I can’t just let you go off alone. Would be stupid to not be there to help.”
“Take a break, please? Before your body takes one for you.”
Gavin sighed, gently squeezing Jeremy’s hand before letting it go, moving his hands to his lap.
“Maybe.”
__________
Gavin was hardly awake when there was a rapid knocking at his door. He threw on a pair of pants, quickly making his way over and opening it. His heart stopped at the sight of Michael and Trevor, if he remembers correctly, standing with Jeremy limp between them.
He didn’t say anything as he moved out of the way, watching them make their way to his bedroom. He quickly got the door closed, rushing to the bathroom for the first aid kit, though he wasn’t sure how much it would help.
The energy in the bedroom was tense, Trevor already starting to undress Jeremy, seeing what wounds there were. Gavin bit his lip, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.
“What the hell happened?” He could barely get the words out.
“He, uh, he went out for a fight. I think they expected him to show up. They had some shit too, I don’t know. They did something to him,” Trevor whispered, reaching for things to start cleaning Jeremy’s wounds.
“Why’d he go alone?”
“It wasn’t technically alone? Michael and I were there. It just... didn’t go as planned.”
Gavin made a face, reaching for some things to clean his wounds. Some were still bleeding a bit more than Gavin was alright with, biting his lip. Michael came over, putting pressure on two wounds, looking at Gavin.
“I... we weren’t sure where to take him, so we took him here. I don’t know if he can do anything in a hospital. I don’t think it would be safe for him to go there.”
“No, it wouldn’t. Something would happen, I’m sure.”
Gavin could feel his heart sinking as he stared at Jeremy. His mind was rushing around, trying to think of things he could do.
“How deep are these?”
“I think the deepest is on his side, where Michael’s holding.”
Gavin moved closer, biting his lip. They’d need to stop the bleeding, and he could only think of one way to do that.
“I think I need to cauterize it.”
“Can you do that?” Michael asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I mean, I have a lot better control of that power now than I did previously. I shouldn’t burn down the apartment complex.”
“How are you going to do it?”
“I... have an idea. It’s gross. I think I can do it.”
“All yours,” Michael said, but didn’t move his hand away just yet.
Gavin situated himself on the bed next to Michael, gently moving his hand out of the way. He pressed his hand into the wound, focusing on the fact it was helping Jeremy, not that he was reaching into a wound, covering his hand in blood. He focused again, heating his hand and slowly pulling it through. He wasn’t even sure if this would work. Once he got to the outside of the wound, he held it closed, glad Jeremy wasn’t awake. He was sure this was far more painful than he expected.
Once his hand was out and the wound hopefully closed, he quickly jumped to his feet, running to the bathroom. He could barely get his hand washed before he was over the toilet, nothing in his stomach to upheave. He retched for a few moments before his head stopped spinning and his stomach churning.
Stumbling to the sink, he washed his hands of Jeremy’s blood, the thought sending his head spinning again, grasping on the counter with his clean hand.
“Shit,” he whispered, wondering if this was it for Jeremy. Maybe all their luck had run out.
He tried to calm the thoughts, getting his hands cleaned before stumbling his way to the living room. His steps were uneven and the world was spinning. It was more than he could handle before he was on the couch, everything fading to black.
When he came to, he saw Michael on the ground next to the couch, head against his knees. Gavin’s heart dropped again, wondering if they didn’t do enough.
“Is he okay?” He whispered, trying to hide the fear in his voice.
Michael’s head shot up, looking over his shoulder at Gavin.
“He’s fine? I think. Last I knew he was awake. Could be asleep again. But he’s... alive.”
Relief rushed over Gavin, feeling himself melt into the couch.
“Thank God,” he whispered.
Slowly, he got up. His head was still spinning and he needed to wash his hands again. He took careful steps to the bathroom, washing his hands and staring at himself. He felt he looked like a wreck, and maybe he was. He had his hand in a wound in the side of someone he cared about. That would fuck anyone up.
Taking a deep breath, he walked his way to the bedroom, knocking softly on the door.
“Come in,” Trevor said.
Gavin slowly pushed the door open, trying to keep his heart from jumping. Trevor had, thankfully, taken some time to clean. How long was he out for? His eyes carefully traveled to Jeremy, who was laying there, staring at Gavin.
He rushed over and Trevor got up to leave, closing the door behind him.
“Hi, Gavvy,” his voice was soft, a small smile on his face.
“You’re an idiot, Jeremy. An absolute idiot.”
“Well, you’re taking it better than I thought you would. I thought you’d actually swear at me for once,” he teased, reaching a hand towards Gavin’s cheek. “I’m alive, aren’t I?”
“You could’ve died, Jeremy. It was a stupid thing to do.”
“But I’m not dead, am I? Maybe a bit more scratched up than intended, and maybe I can’t heal myself just yet for some reason, but I’m alive.”
Gavin frowned, leaning into the touch on his cheek.
“Doesn’t mean I don’t think it was stupid. Why didn’t you call me to help?”
“What could you have done to help and change how things happened? It could’ve been both of us on the brink of death, maybe even dead. I don’t want that for you.” His face softened, thumb running along his cheek.
“And you think I want you dying? Going out and risking your life, alone?”
“I wasn’t alone, Trevor and Michael were there.”
Gavin made a face, not sure how to word what he wanted. He leaned towards Jeremy, sighing softly.
“You know what I mean,” he muttered, averting his eyes.
“Alone? Or do you mean without you?” He whispered, and Gavin’s heart clenched.
He took a pause before nodding, looking back at Jeremy.
“We’re a team, Jeremy. We’re supposed to protect each other.”
“You needed a break, Gav. You were running yourself ragged. You could’ve gotten hurt, or worse, if I had called you.”
“Jer, I... you...” he sighed, not sure what words he was trying to find.
“I don’t want to see you get that badly hurt, Gavin. I’m meant to take hits. I’m here to protect you, Gav...” The words seemed to slip from Jeremy’s mouth, his eyes going wide.
“Why? Why do you have to take the brunt of the force? The injuries? You don’t deserve it, Jer. You... you have to let me help.”
“I do, but I want to protect you. I can heal, I’m strong. I’m meant for that kind of shit. You’re more of offense...” He couldn’t think of a better word.
“We’re a team, though. We work well together. We are meant to protect each other.”
“I can’t let you get hurt, Gavin. You’re too important.”
“Hardly, Jeremy. You’re the damn face of the whole things. The moment others see you, there’s hope in them. They know you’re there.”
“And you were the city’s golden boy. You’re bringing so much to this all, helping people realize that there is actually a problem, Gavin. People see you and how you’ve changed, and they realize that there’s something that needs to be fixed.”
They both sat there in silence for a moment, staring at each other. Jeremy’s hand was burning Gavin’s cheek. He reached for Jeremy’s other hand, sighing softly.
“Maybe we’re both important, Jeremy. We serve similar purposes, still. We are... mirrors of each other, aren’t we?” He laughed, shaking his head. “Seems a bit stupid to think about. Maybe I’m wrong, you know?”
“No, Gav, you’re right,” he sighs, gently pulling Gavin a bit closer. “We are both so very important. We help shed light on things, bring hope to people. And... what would I do without you?”
“You were doing fine on your own when I was trying to stop you. You can do plenty without me,” he said, smiling softly. “You’re strong, you’re talented, you’re incredible.”
Jeremy laughed, bringing his other hand to hold the other side of Gavin’s face, pulling him closer until their foreheads were touching.
“God, you’re the idiot, I think.” He closed his eyes, sighing deeply. "You’re so important to me, Gavin.”
“And you’re important to me, Jer. We’re a team, we’re friends...” He closed his eyes as well, a hand gently holding Jeremy’s wrist.
There was silence for a moment before Jeremy pulled away, turning his head so he wasn’t looking at Gavin.
“You’re stupid,” he muttered, hands resting on his chest. “God, you infuriated me so much and you still do.”
Gavin slowly opened his eyes, eyebrows furrowed. He reached a hand for Jeremy’s shoulder, but he tried to shove him off, wincing in pain.
“Jeremy...” he whispered, moving himself to sit on the edge of the bed.
Once there, he could see tears running down Jeremy’s face before he quickly wiped them away.
“What’s wrong?”
His concern made Jeremy laugh, bitterness behind it as he slowly looked over, hand moving to rest on his side that he knew Gavin helped fix.
“I just, God, I feel like an idiot. Gavin, I would do anything for you. I want to protect you and fight by your side. I want to work to change shit for us and maybe one day we can have a break. Together.” He couldn’t bring himself to say exactly what he meant, but he hoped it was enough to work.
“Well, yea, of course we’d be together Jeremy. You’re the most important person in my life. I can’t see us not together.” Gavin could feel his face heating up, biting his lip to stop himself from continuing.
“Gavin, oh Gavin,” he sighed, reaching for his hand, “you’re the most important person in my life. And, well, hah, I don’t know what love is, but I think it’s what I feel when I look at you.”
Gavin sat there for a moment. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes, opening and closing his mouth a few times, unsure what to say.
“You don’t have to love me back, you know? But I think you as a first love is nice. You’ve been... incredible. Amazing. You care so much. Trevor told me what you did to my wound today. I just... want you to know.”
Gavin gripped tightly to Jeremy’s hand, sighing softly and looking at him. He leaned himself closer, until he was lying next to Jeremy, him having moved a bit.
“Maybe I am stupid, Jeremy. I wouldn’t... I never thought you could love me. I just... I thought, hah, I thought you were a bit touch starved and stuff from being locked away your whole life.”
Jeremy sighed, shaking his head.
“I’ll be honest, Gavin. I don’t touch people unless I’m in a mood for affection, except when it comes to you. You seem to always be the damn exception. It was frustrating at first, your whole “do good” shit. And, God, every time you came to fight me, I could see myself wanting to find a way to get you to see the world for what it really is and how it treats us. And I felt stupid. I had nights of venting to Trevor about you and your stupid hero shit, even though I was doing my own thing, and then... you came to me. God, when you came to me wanting to work together? My heart sang, because I got through to you and I could get closer to you. And you’re so frustrating, you know that?”
“Yea, I think I know that,” he sighed, pressing himself closer to Jeremy. “God, I feel a bit stupid, Jeremy. I... I thought... I...” he couldn’t even word what he wanted to say.
“I... have so much more healing left to do. And so much more to help the world. And I want you by my side through it. I mean, I want Trevor there and his boyfriend. But... I want to do it with you. I mean, maybe it’ll change, but I’d like to grow with you, continue starting new chapters, with you.”
“I... me? Actually me? Why me?” He couldn’t stop himself from saying it, closing his mouth as fast as he could.
He went to sit up, but Jeremy wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close and ignoring the pain that shot through his side.
“Don’t just leave before I can tell you why it’s you,” he said, a hand moving to Gavin’s hair.
Gavin breathed deeply, head resting on Jeremy’s chest and listening to his heartbeat. It was fast, probably as fast as his own.
“Can I sing you praises?”
“If you must,” he mumbled, wrapping an arm around his torso.
“Well, Gavin, for starters, you are far more important than you give yourself credit for. You bring so much hope to people, always have. You’ve been protecting people for, what? Since you were 16? So, 6 years now? You keep the hope alive; you keep people wanting to do good. Not only that, you are beyond kind. Everything you do is dripped in kindness and selflessness. Sometimes, I think you need to give yourself a break, but you’re stubborn so I can’t really stop you. You’re so talented. You have absolutely brilliant plans. And you almost always execute them flawlessly. You are able to change your point of view. It took some time because, as I said, you’re stubborn and had a way of thinking, but you changed it and changed yourself. And you came to me, you came to help me. You’re stupidly loyal. Even when we weren’t working together you worked your ass off to protect me. Most people, I don’t think, would do that. They tried to torture you for information about me and yet you didn’t let it happen. I am so grateful for that. And you’re beautiful. You... might not think that, but I do. I think you’re absolutely gorgeous, Gavin. Your hair is so soft, your eyes are so green, your mouth... well, uh, I’ve thought far too much about kissing you.”
Jeremy finally stopped himself, hand in Gavin’s hair, gently carding his fingers through it. He was sure his heart was about to beat out of his chest and Gavin could hear it. It was quiet, and he was sure he fucked up, a hand moving to cover his face. He was burning and waiting, wanting anything. Wanting Gavin to at least tell him off for being so stupid, or something, but there was silence. And then Gavin sucked in a breath, shifting so that he could see Jeremy’s face, a hand moving to his cheek and gently tilting his head to face him.
“I... can’t believe you think all those things about me, Jeremy. I can’t believe anyone would, let alone you. I... you’re incredible, Jeremy! You fight for equality and for people to not just be nabbed by the government. You protect people who need it and you have friends. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met, even after all the things you’ve been through. And you never waver. You have faith in all the people you meet, you have faith that we’ll make it out of everything. And you make sure we make it out of everything. I... you’ve done so much for me, Jeremy. You have put hope in my heart, a new fire, sometimes literally. You’re amazing. And I am in awe of you every day. I am in shock you choose to fight by my side, keep me safe, and now love me. I... never even considered love in my life. I never thought anyone could love me. People always leave, Jeremy. No one wants to stay. Even my best friend left. I worry that I’m just a fleeting thought for Michael, and he has Lindsay anyways. He doesn’t need me. I... you reminded me why I became a hero, though. Not for people to just need me, require me in some way, to be of assistance. You reminded me that being a hero is more than helping people, it’s about making the world a better place, no matter how small the gesture. And... I think I’m in love with you too, Jeremy.” The last words were a whisper, staring at Jeremy with wide eyes.
Jeremy sucked in a breath, staring at Gavin closely, wondering what he should do, if he should do anything. His mouth worked before his brain could process.
“May I?” He whispered, blinking as he waited for an answer.
“Please.”
That was all he needed to close the distance between their lips, holding Gavin like his life depended on it, and it might have. He felt over the moon, not wanting it to end but knowing he couldn’t just stay kissing Gavin. With a heavy sigh, he pulled away, foreheads still touching.
“God, I uh, I... can’t wait to do that more. If you’ll let me.”
Gavin laughed, tilting his head for another, quicker, kiss, smiling as he kept their foreheads together.
“I can go for about a million more of those...”
“For you? Anything,” he whispered, leaning in for one last kiss.