Chapter Text
Soobin's POV
It was his first day. He had finally become a Bighit trainee. He honestly still couldn’t believe it. He really made it. “Guys, listen up! Remember when I told you about the new trainee?” A staff announced in the practice room. “Meet Choi Soobin, he will be joining you today. There shouldn’t be any schedule for today. So just try to get Soobin familiar with the place and system. There are other trainees, but most of you will train in groups so for now you’re meeting your practice group here. I’ll leave the introduction to you guys, get along okay?”
Soobin quickly bowed to the other trainees in the practice room. “H-hi! I’m Soobin. Please take care of me!” he said. The staff gently patted his shoulder before leaving and Soobin gulped nervously. He really hoped that he could get along with the others. “Hi! I’m Huening Kai.” A foreign looking kid introduced himself. The boy was clearly younger than him, adorable too. “I’m Yeonjun. I’m a Choi too!” Another one said. Soobin didn’t think that he could be even more nervous, but he did. Yeonjun was confident. And it honestly scared Soobin a little, if only Soobin had half of his confidence. “Hello. I’m Taehyun.” A boy with big round eyes introduced. “Hi.” Soobin replied shyly. Soobin was a little bit embarrassed about how nervous he was. Because these kids were probably one of the nicest kids he had ever met. In just fifteen minutes, they kept shooting questions like where he was from, his birthday, etc. Soobin didn’t need to worry about a thing. He was glad that he would share his trainee days with these boys. Soobin was the opposite of them. He was introverted since he could remember, but these kids seemed extremely extroverted. In just a few minutes since his arrival, he had witnessed the chaos in the practice room as they played around with one another. Well maybe all of them are extroverted, except for this one boy sitting alone at the corner of the room.
Even in just a glance, Soobin couldn’t ignore the boyish visual of the kid. ‘The company must have scouted him here. Who would miss that face in the crowd?’ Soobin thought. The boy was the only one that didn’t approach Soobin. He was just sitting alone, smiling at the other kids as they played. Soobin gulped. ‘It’s okay. I can do this. Not everyone would approach me on their own. I need to look approachable too.’ Soobin told himself.
He slowly took his steps towards the boy, but the boy didn’t seem to realize that Soobin was walking towards him. So when Soobin sat down next to the boy, looking at him right in the eyes, the boy noticeably jumped in surprise. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Soobin apologized. The boy looked behind him, as if he couldn’t believe that Soobin was talking to him. But when he saw no one behind him, he quickly pointed to himself.
Soobin smiled at the sight. “Yeah, I’m talking to you. I’m Choi Soobin, the new trainee.” Soobin said.
“Choi- Choi Beomgyu.” The boy replied.
“Hey, you’re a Choi too.” Soobin smiled. The other three were still messing around with one another so they didn’t seem to pay attention to Soobin. “How long have you been training here?” Soobin tried to make a small talk.
There was a long pause before Beomgyu finally spoke, “I don’t know. Since I could remember.” Beomgyu replied, a seemingly sad smile on his face. Soobin felt bad for this. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked. He heard how hard trainee life is, to always be holding onto hope without knowing when to debut.
“Soobin! What are you doing over there?” Yeonjun suddenly asked.
“Just talking to -” Before Soobin could reply, Beomgyu stopped him by pulling his arm. Beomgyu shook his face, silently begging for Soobin not to talk about him. “Talking to?” Huening tilted his head a little.
“Talking to myself.” Soobin replied.
Yeonjun let out a humourless chuckle. “Okay… Anyways, let’s get you warm up with the place, I believe the staff had given you a briefing, but you need all the fun detail.”
“Yeah, let’s go. And we can hang out at nearby cafés as well.” Huening added.
“Yeah, sure.” Soobin stood up, but he lingered around waiting for Beomgyu to join him. He looked back to see Beomgyu but the boy only shook his head. “I can’t go.” He said. Soobin wanted to ask why. But before the question could come out of his mouth, Taehyun spoke, “Hyung, what are you waiting for?”
“Go. Have fun.” Beomgyu said with a smile. And Soobin could only nod before leaving with the other three. There were so many questions in his head. ‘Why can’t Beomgyu join? Do they not get along with Beomgyu? They aren’t bullying Beomgyu, right? They look like a bunch of good kids. And the way Beomgyu was looking at them fondly, that shouldn’t be how a person look at his bullies. So there’s no way they are hurting him.’ Soobin quickly shook the thoughts off his mind. It was just his first day here, so he kept the questions to himself. Maybe they would tell him along the way as they hung out.
---
They didn’t mention Beomgyu at all for the whole day. And the curiosity was killing him.
“And… welcome to the dorm!” Taehyun said as he opened the door.
Soobin chuckled. “I was here before going to the practice room earlier though.”
“Ah yeah, that explains the lack of luggage.” Taehyun nodded. “It’s just one bedroom though. But hopefully one day we can move to a bigger one.” Huening added.
“You don’t mind sleeping on the top bunk, right? This is the only bed left.” Yeonjun said.
There were only two bunkbeds in the bedroom, which was weird. “Only four of us here?” Soobin asked. “Yeah.” Taehyun nodded. “But how about - ” Soobin wanted to say Beomgyu, but he held it in. “How about the other trainee?” he asked instead.
“The other trainees? Well, some live in their own place and the company does have other dorms too. We just have uh, a slot for you.” Yeonjun replied.
“Oh, I see.” Soobin replied sheepishly.
“Or do you prefer other trainees than us?” Huening asked with puppy eyes, teasing Soobin.
“N-no! I’m glad to know you guys here.”
Taehyun chuckled. “You can mess with him tomorrow, Huening-ah. Soobin-hyung is probably tired.”
---
The next morning when they arrived at the practice room, Beomgyu was already there. He wasn’t sure if he was just imagining it or not, but it seemed that Beomgyu’s face brightened up at his arrival. Soobin smiled at the sight. At that point, he made up his mind that whether the other three gets along with Beomgyu or not, Soobin would just try his best to get closer to Beomgyu anyway.
“Are you excited for your first training?” Yeonjun grinned.
“Nervous actually.” Soobin replied. “You’ll be fine.” Taehyun said reassuringly.
“Good morning, kids. You know what to do. Warm up before the lesson!” Their dance teacher said as he entered the room. “I was informed about a new trainee here.” He continued and Soobin immediately introduced himself. Soobin would be given a basic lesson while the others would have their usual routine on their own. As they started, Soobin was glad to see Beomgyu naturally joining the team. And damn, they were good.
The practice went on for a long time until the teacher called for a break. “Ah, I’m exhausted.” Huening said as he lay down on the floor, panting hard. “So, what do you think?” Yeonjun asked Soobin. “You guys are awesome.” Soobin replied, his eyes making contact with Beomgyu standing behind the boys. Beomgyu smiled. “Pretty sure Yeonjun-hyung was asking you about your practice instead of ours.” Taehyun chuckled.
“Oh! It was… hard. But I’ll try my best.” Soobin replied.
Yeonjun ruffled his hair softly. “You’ll do great. Don’t worry.”
“Wanna go grab a drink? Or do you prefer to take a break here?” Taehyun asked.
“I, uh, I’ll stay here.” Soobin said, he didn’t want to leave Beomgyu alone here. “Okay, then. Text us if you need anything. Will be back before the break ends.” Huening replied.
When they finally left, Soobin sat right next to Beomgyu. “You didn’t need to stay here with me.” Beomgyu said.
“Nah, it’s alright. As an introvert, it’s nice to have some quiet time, you know?” Soobin smiled and Beomgyu nodded. “You’re here early today.” Soobin added.
Beomgyu chuckled. “I thought you wanted quiet time.”
“You’re quiet though.”
“Fair enough.” Beomgyu replied.
“Do you live somewhere else? I mean, not with the other kids here.” Soobin asked.
“Uh, yeah. Sort of.”
“You live close? You’re early today.”
“You can say that.” Beomgyu said.
Soobin tried not to point out his vague answer, the boy might just be shy. “Do you live in the dorm with them?” Beomgyu asked.
“Yeah. I actually thought you live with them too. But they said it was just four of us and that other trainees either live in their own place or other dorm with other trainees.” Soobin replied.
“Was it fun? Where did you go yesterday?” Beomgyu asked again, clearly curious.
“The dorm? I was exhausted from the travel and stuff, so I passed out early. But yesterday was fun, they showed me lots of places and shared some behind stories. We visited a café, and they told me about trainee days.” Soobin answered. “You, you should join next time.”
Beomgyu smiled. “Yeah, I hope so.”
“Is, is there something wrong between you and them?”
“What? No. It’s just me. Nothing’s wrong with them. They’re nice kids, really. You’ll get along well with them.”
“Then why?”
Beomgyu shook his head. “I’m sorry. I- I can’t tell you.” Beomgyu replied. “Please don’t talk to them about me as well.”
Soobin nodded. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m glad to have you here. It’s nice having someone to talk to.” Beomgyu replied.
---
The days went by in a flash, it had already been a month since Soobin arrived. Just like Beomgyu had said, he got along well with the others. He became closer to Beomgyu too. He still felt bad though. Because Beomgyu kept being left behind. He wanted to pull all of them closer. But Beomgyu had always told him not to. They only talked when it was just the two of them. Beomgyu always arrived first and stayed back, so Soobin also tried to get to practice earlier and stayed behind longer. Beomgyu would always helped him out as well and they enjoyed each other company. However, Soobin had never seen him not in the practice room, no matter how early he went to the practice room. “Do you even go home?” Soobin asked one day, late at night after Beomgyu helped him out with another round of dance practice.
Beomgyu chuckled. “This is my home now.”
“Yah! You better not overwork yourself.” Soobin reprimanded. There wasn’t much that Soobin knew about Beomgyu. He rarely talked about himself, when they were alone, they only talked about the lessons or about Beomgyu’s story of the other boys. However, Beomgyu would always ask Soobin to tell him story about his family, his life outside when he isn’t training. “You keep asking me about these things, maybe we should hang out someday. Just the two of us. You know, if you’re uncomfortable with them.”
Beomgyu smiled. “I can’t.”
“Beomgyu-ah. Is there anything wrong? You can tell me, you know.”
Beomgyu shook his head. “If I tell you, you’ll leave me.”
“I won’t.” Soobin reassured.
“You can’t be sure.”
“You don’t know that. You haven’t even told me. I just- I just want to help you.”
“You can’t, hyung. No one can.” Beomgyu replied, eyes filled with tears threatening to fall.
“I know nothing about you, Gyu.” Soobin said, desperate. “It’s not fair. I don’t get to ask about things. How could I go on pretending everything’s fine? Just look at you. Look at them.”
“Stop, hyung.” The tears are falling freely now.
“Beomgyu, please.”
“Hyung. Who are you talking to?” Taehyun asked all of a sudden. Beomgyu’s eyes widened at the sight of the other three at the door. It was late, they were supposed to be home. “I’ll fix this myself.” Soobin mumbled to himself, wiping the tears of frustration off his face.
“What’s wrong with you guys?” Soobin asked them.
“No, hyung. What’s wrong with you?” Huening asked, his voice trembling.
“Soobin-hyung. Stop, please.” Beomgyu begged.
“what’s the matter with all of you? It’s been a month since I was here. I witnessed it all. Why do you guys keep acting like he doesn’t exist? Why do you guys treat him like an outcast?” Soobin asked.
“Who, Soobin? Tell us. Who?” Yeonjun asked through gritted teeth.
“Y-You mentioned his name just now. I-is it - ” Huening stuttered.
“Choi Beo-”
“HYUNG STOP IT! THEY CAN’T SEE ME! NO ONE COULD! THAT’S WHY I’M ALONE!” Beomgyu yelled. The lights flickered as if he was controlling it. The tears were running down his cheeks like waterfall. “Hyung, they can’t see me. Because I don’t exist. Choi Beomgyu is dead.”
“No. No. This is not a time for a sick joke, Beomgyu-yah.” Soobin shook his head.
Yeonjun gripped the collar of his shirt. “Who the hell are you talking to?!”
Soobin turned his face to see Yeonjun. He was crying. Hell, everyone was. Why were they all crying? Soobin couldn’t understand. “Choi Beomgyu.” Soobin answered, though it came out like a whisper. Yeonjun let go of his grip. His hands trembling. “There is no Choi Beomgyu here.” With that, he left.
“Liar.” Soobin said. “He’s right here.” He turned around. But Beomgyu was nowhere to be seen. “Beomgyu?” He called out. “Beomgyu, please.”
“Hyung, stop.” Huening said as he wrapped his arms around Soobin.
While Taehyun looked at him, pain in his eyes, “We lost him, hyung. We lost Beomgyu-hyung a year ago in a car wreck.”