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Mission objective: Make it through the Hokage’s residence without any distractions and leave the box of chocolates on Shizune’s desk.
Rank: D Level. No major threats and no one really wanted to stop and have a chat with him, so it was unlikely that he would be held back in his objective.
Payment: Shizune’s affections and perhaps, if he was really lucky, a date.
Most people would think he’d lost his mind for putting so much thought into leaving Shizune a small box of chocolates, but they didn’t understand. None of them were war criminals trying to start a new life in a village full of people who hated them. The hatred was deserved, of course, Obito wouldn’t deny that. It just happened to make things more difficult for him.
Anything that involved going out into public was a challenge. Some people would just glare at him, which he could handle, others would avoid him at all costs, but then there were the select few with enough courage to walk up to him and tell him exactly what they thought about seeing him walking around the village a free man.
Last time he was out, he had barely survived a run-in with Nara Yoshino, and that was only because Kakashi had intervened on his behalf.
It was just easier for him to treat everything he did like a mission. He could plan out his actions, make a clear objective, and before he knew it he would be back in the safety of his little home under the watchful eyes of his Anbu Guards.
Well, he was always under their watchful eyes, but his point still stood.
“Get to Shizune’s office, drop off the chocolates, and get out,” he muttered to himself, double checking that he had taped his little note to the box so that she knew who it was from. All of this work would be pointless if he forgot the most important part. “Once i’m done I can go home, relax and enjoy a quiet night to myself.”
It would all work out. It had to work out, he had put far too much thought into this for it to fail now.
“Hey, Obito!” Just outside of the Hokage’s residence, Obito heard a familiar voice calling out to him with far too much joy. Uzumaki Naruto, of course. If there was anyone who was going to throw a Kunai into his plans, it would be the hero of the world. “You came outside into the sunlight!”
“Well you know,” hiding the box of chocolates behind his back, he did his best not to pout. It wouldn’t do him any good to let Naruto know what he was attempting to do. The last thing he needed was the twenty three year old trying to give him advice on love. “Just visiting a friend.”
Naruto frowned, leaning to the side a little to try and get a good look at what it was Obito was hiding behind his back. “A friend?” he asked, huffing when Obito simply nodded his head to confirm. “You know, Kakashi-sensei doesn’t really like sweets.”
“I’m aware of Kakashi’s bad taste buds,” rolling his eyes, Obito took a step back. “Why do you even…wait, you don’t think-” That couldn’t be it. Surely Naruto wasn’t dumb enough to actually belive such a thing.
“Well, it’s not like it would work anyways,” placing his hands behind his head, Naruto beamed. “Kakashi-sensei’s already dating Bushy brow’s-Sensei.”
Death was the only option now. If there were people out there who honestly believed he was trying to date Kakashi of all people, there was simply no recovering. He’d have to crawl into a grave and die.
It was easier that way.
“Obito?” Naruto appeared directly in front of him suddenly, his face far too close for comfort. “You alright?”
Lifting a hand, Obito brought it down across Naruto’s head, hard. “Kakashi!?” He screamed, causing everyone around them to stop and tune into their conversation. “Out of everyone in this village you could have guessed, you had to choose him!? Why would I- that doesn’t- Do you hate me so much that you would honestly believe…”
There were no words.
Him trying to get with Kakashi. As if.
“What’s this I hear?” dragging his eyes away from Naruto, he cringed when he saw Gai rolling towards them in his wheelchair, his face devoid of the blinding smile he would usually sport. Though, that wasn’t much of a surprise. Anyone who knew Maito Gai knew there was exactly one person in the world he hated.
Obito was unfortunate enough to be that person.
“Oh, Bushy brows Sensei. It looks like Obito’s trying to-” Acting fast, Obito slapped a hand over Naruto’s mouth and planted his other hand in the kid’s hair, box of chocolates now visible behind tufts of yellow hair.
“I am trying to teach Naruto here the importance of information gathering,” he finished for the kid, laughing awkwardly when Gai raised an eyebrow. “You see, if he learns how to be a little sneakier and gather information before running head first into battler I think he’ll make an even better shinobi.”
“Your Lies are worse than your choice in chocolates,” before he has an opportunity to turn around and scold Kakashi for appearing in the middle of his little crisis, the box of chocolates is snatched out of his hand. How Kakashi got it when it was squished against Naruto’s head, he’s not quite sure, but he’s determined to get it back. “Also, Naruto please learn to read the room. Obito’s not dumb enough to try and woo me.”
“Woo you?” Gai’s eyes darkened. A look Obito is certain is reserved for him. “As if.”
“I wasn’t trying…why are you all like this? What have I done to deserve this, and no Gai, I don't want an answer to that question,” he added when the Taijutsu master opened his mouth to respond. “I am going home.”
“Mmm, good idea,” glaring back at Kakashi, Obito grumbled when he saw him tucking the box of chocolates under his arm. “I’ll make sure Shizune gets these.”
Mission status: Complete and utter failure. Not only had he been unable to even get into the Hokage’s residence before being stopped and thoroughly embarrassed, now he was subjected to the worst possible punishment.
There was no way he was going to get a date with Shizune now. What woman in her right mind would date a failure like him? He couldn’t even get her gift to her without interruption.
“Shizune?” Naruto spoke when Obito dropped his hand from his mouth. “Why would you be giving Chocolates to Shizune?”
“Well you See, Naruto,” Kakashi began. “When a boy likes a girl-”
“Finish that sentence and I’ll risk Maito’s wrath just to stab you.”
He might not be able to keep his dignity, that had flown out the window years ago when he first met Kakashi and now every day of his life was dedicated to just surviving a single hour without embarrassment (which so far was a beautiful failure), but he could at least keep one secret.
“Ma, we’ll just have to make it a double date,” Kakashi decided, clearly determined to crush all of Obito’s hopes of clinging to even just a scrap of dignity. “That’ll be fun. What do you think, Gai?”
Was it possible for his day to get any worse?
“A double date?” A familiar voice reached his ear. Just as sweet as he remembered it. “Who with?”
Oh…
Oh no.
“Well,” Kakashi effortlessly dodged Obito when he tried to tackle him, leaving him to fall face first into the dirt. “Obito was going to ask you out, but I think Naruto ruined his plans.”
Naruto, Gai, Kakashi. All of them were at fault for this. Not one of them would live to tell the tale when he was done with them, it didn’t matter that his chakra was blocked and he couldn’t use his sharingan.
He was going to murder them all.
“Oh,” laying on the ground, Obito turned his face so that he could see Shizune. At the very least he could see her beautiful face when she turned him down. “Well, I guess I could let you two hang out with us as long as you’re not too embarrassing.”
Hang out with them. The words hit Obito like a Susano.
She was saying yes. Shizune was agreeing to a date, with him. Uchiha Obito.
“I make no promises,” Kakashi responded with his usual aloof attitude, holding the box of chocolates out towards Shizune. “For you, though, I think he chose the worst kind.”
“Well, you’re not exactly known for your knowledge in sweets,” she giggled as she took the box from him and turned towards Obito. “You alright?”
“Ya…just…” a date. He still couldn’t believe it. After the complete and utter failure of his mission, he had still managed to secure a date with Shizune.
Perhaps he wasn’t as unlucky as he thought.