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“i...i think i finally did it, deadpool.” spider-man and i were sitting together on our favorite rooftop, looking at the ocean as the sun set. things in the city were slow today.
spider-man was looking down at his suited shoes bashfully, and though i couldn't see his face, i could hear his smile in his voice. after taking in his stance, the way he was talking, and just how he’s been lately, i decided to lay off the jokes. “hmm? what did you do?”
“i met someone—not, not just someone, but someone who helped me move on a bit. i think i’m finally getting over gwen's death,” he looked up again, making eye contact with me. “i’m falling in love with someone new!” he let out a free, unbelievably happy laugh. i couldn’t help the blush that crept down my face and up to the top of my ears, thank god for my mask.
i put my hand on top of his, smiling and giggling along with him. he didn’t pull his hand away. “i’m so proud of you, webs!”
—
that was the last time we were together. he had to be talking about me. right? we spend the majority of every day together, and we’ve been super touchy lately. because of this? i’ve decided to confess how i feel about him today. tonight. right before patrol.
i’m sitting at my table, cutting the loose end off of the ring i made for myself. i have a matching one for webs. they’re just plain white, made from paper. i drew a huge “S + D” in a heart, and drew tons of tiny hearts around them. there’s metal jewelry twine in the center of both, with the outsides of each lamented. i write a note on the remaining paper about everything i’ve ever felt for webs, which, is only for his eyes. sorry! anyway, i fold the paper into a tiny square and sign the back.
yeah, i know, i put a lot of effort into these. even though they’re likely going to break after patrol today. i don’t mind though, i’ll make another pair for us tomorrow.
i gently place the rings and the note into a tiny, black box, wrap it in a red ribbon, and i sign the back. i leave the house, stuffing the box into my pocket and pulling my mask down.
—
i approach the building we usually hang out on, standing on the rooftop next to it. i’m about to make the jump, when a flash of red and blue blinds me, gliding through the sky and landing on the building next to me. our spot! i’m about to jump again, but for some reason, i’m suddenly really, very nervous. what if he wasn't talking about me? what would i do then? why would he like me in the first place? i take out the box and examine it, thinking of all my hard work and how much i like spider-man.
no. no! i cant chicken out. i begin to step forward once more before i realize that spider-man didn’t come alone.
he’s standing in our spot, with a girl. a tall redhead, who’s wearing leather and a black headband. before i could even process what was going on, she pulled spiderman's mask off, revealing his cleanly cut dirty blonde hair, before kissing him.
spider-man didn’t even seem surprised that she took his mask off. she knew his identity? we’ve been partners for years and webs was still so secretive. how long has he known her?
their kiss is getting a bit more intense, more tender. she’s running her hands through spider-man’s neatly combed hair, while his hands rest around her waist. i want to throw up, to scream, to cry and point fingers. but i know i can’t. i shouldn’t ruin this for him. he’s happy. instead, i turn around and i leave.
on my way back, some shitheads start stealing a bike. i don’t have the patience for this right now. so, without hesitation, i pull out my gun and shoot each one in the head, perfectly in the center of their foreheads. screw the spidey way. the steam of the gun smells familiar, the stench like a hard punch to the throat, reminding me of everything i was before.
i know i just started everything again. i know i messed everything up. but now? i don’t care. i just want to get rid of the lump in my throat and this burning feeling in my chest.
i shoot the bike thieves again, and again. and again. why her? what about me? i thought we had something. i thought he finally started to care. but he didn’t—he doesn’t! he never cared!
i’m crying now. i can feel my mask getting slick with my thick tears, coating the interior in the salty substance. i’m not sobbing, though. and even if i am? i wouldn’t be able to hear it over the familiar sounds of my weapons finally being put to use. it was never me. and it’ll never, ever be me. completely engulfed in my disappointment and frustration, i pull the box out of my pocket and throw it onto the pavement, stepping on it harshly.
suddenly, my fit of rage was interrupted. “wade?” i turn my face in horror, making (masked) eye contact with the man i had fallen in love with. “what are you doing?!” his voice is accusing, dripping with disappointment and betrayal.
i cant do this. i bite my bottom lip and i turn away, going in the direction i came and refusing to look back. to hell with webs. to hell with all of this.
now from peters point of view<3
“i…i think i did it, deadpool.” i was staring down at my shoes, examining the pattern that i sewed in myself. i can tell him. i have to accept it, and telling my best friend is how i start. i was fiddling with my fingers a bit, trying not to acknowledge the burning stares that wade was giving me. he does this a lot. i assume he’s just trying to read me.
“hmm? what did you do?” he sang out, tilting his head towards me playfully. i was thankful that he didn’t say anything witty back, it made things a lot easier. but also, it was a bit scary. he typically isn’t like that.
my smile grew and i lifted my head to face him, placing my hands on the rim of the rooftop. “i met someone—“ i dropped my head back down. it’s been a while since i’ve talked about this kind of thing. “not, not just someone, but someone who helped me move on a bit. i think i’m finally getting over gwen's death,”
i didn’t feel guilty admitting it. i’m allowed to love again, and mj is helping me. gwen would’ve wanted this. right? i looked back up at deadpool. “i’m falling in love with someone new!” i let out a long, real laugh. i was giddy. free! i’m in love! it felt so nice to finally own up to it, to finally let myself be happy again.
wade giggled at my ridiculousness, putting his hand over mine. “im so proud of you, webs!” wade had been a bit touchier recently, but it’s just because we’re better friends than before. i chalked it off as his way of congratulating me.
that was last night. right now? i’m on my way to pick up mj. i have patrol with wade in a few minutes, and i decided that they should meet.
i’m really glad that he reacted as well as he did yesterday. it was really difficult for me to admit that i’m falling for someone new, and he knew that. i felt so free after, too. i didn’t feel as guilty. i don’t feel guilty! gwen would’ve wanted me happy.
mj was walking down the road by herself, in a cute black headband and a leather jacket. the headband reminded me of gwen. god, they’re so alike…
i shake this off and i swing in, grabbing mj by the waist and lifting her off the ground. she shrieks before realizing what was going on, then reacts by shrieking and laughing. i laugh along with her as she grips my suit, pushing her head against my chest and closing her eyes. she’s adorable.
i swing over to the spot that wade and i usually meet, but, for once, i beat him there. this doesn’t happen often, i hope he’s alright.
wade is quickly off my mind though, once mj starts talking. “pete, next time you do that, you’ve gotta warn me!!” she laughs, lightly punching my shoulder.
“i couldn’t, no time. i was already late” my words are short and sarcastic. i’m always late.
she rolls her eyes at me. “peter parker, when are you not late? and deadpool isn’t even here! do you know what you owe me for scaring me, peter? do ya?” she points a finger up at my accusingly, her suppressed smile coming to light a bit.
i smile, shaking my head. “no. what do i owe?” she pulls my mask off quickly, taking a step closer to me, before wrapping her arms around my neck. i instinctively wrap my arms around her waist.
“a kiss.” she hums out, before connecting our lips. whenever we’re together, it’s like we’re the only people on earth. all of my worries, all of my fears, all of my guilt, everything just immediately melts away. she’s my happiness. she’s my world. i kiss her tenderly, completely and utterly hypnotized by her.
that was, until i hear gunshots. a ton of gunshots. something big must be going down, maybe that’s where wade has been. i pull away from mj, grabbing my mask and pulling it over my face. “i’m sorry mj, somethings going on— i’ve gotta go.” my voice is rushed, and she nods. i quickly leave the building and mj with it. she’ll be safe on the building.
the gunshots intensify, growing faster and more aggressive, with light sobs masked behind the loud weapons. i finally get to the scene to see…
wade? he’s using real bullets again? on some petty bike thieves? and he’s the one crying? he suddenly pulls out a neatly wrapped box, throws it onto the ground, and steps on it. he didn’t quite crush it though, instead, he sort of kicked it away.
“wade?” my voice is shaking. he’s never been so..scary. he’s hyperventilating. he turns to me, revealing his tear-stained mask and wide eyes.
“what are you doing?” that came out meaner than intended, but i guess i can’t help it. crying or not, he shouldn’t be killing people again.
before i can even begin to walk towards him, to process anything, he sticks his gun in the hoister and runs. i decide not to follow him. we’ll talk about it.. soon.
instead, i go to the box that he kicked, approaching it carefully and opening it slowly.
my heart drops. it shatters into a million pieces. wade thought i was talking about him.
i look down at the rings he made us, so carefully crafted and neatly done. the effort he put into this is so..obvious. our initials were carefully drawn, each heart is even and colored in cautiously. he put everything into consideration, from the changeable band size to the lamentation for fights. on the side, there’s a tiny, crumpled paper.
i take the box to a rooftop and i read it alone, away from the public eye.
hiya, webs!
it’s me, deadpool. well, it’s obviously me, i (hopefully) gave you this box. unless you’re not webs. then don’t read this.
anyway, did you like the rings? the bigger one is mine, i think my fingers are bigger than yours. but yours is adjustable!! ellie showed me how to make these back when i first met you. which brings me to my next thing… (seriously, if you’re not webs, go away!! i’m warning you!!)
i have to admit something. before we met, i idolized you. i wanted to be you. but then we met and i realized that it was more than that. i trusted you, i wanted you to believe in me the way i did you. and you did! you helped me change for the better, you helped me become better, you helped me be more like you. spider-man, i’m so grateful for you.
over time, my gratefulness grew into something more, something bigger; complete and utter admiration for everything about you.
i love how you love people, how selfless you are. i love your voice. i love that when you laugh you throw your head back and lean on me. i love that you let me pick where we eat. i love that you’re late sometimes. i love how careful you are. i love that whenever i’m upset you know exactly how to make everything better almost instantly. i love that when you smile, i can hear it in your voice. i love that thing you do with your hands when you’re nervous. i love it when you rub your nose in awkward situations. i love everything about you.
i love you.
when we’re together, it feels like the entire world just stops. it feels like it’s just me and you. all of my problems disappear and anything negative that i was feeling suddenly morphs into complete happiness. with you, i’m not alone in this world. with you, i’m home.
it started out as a silly, tiny crush, but i swear to you, spider-man. my feelings for you are much bigger than that. i feel like i can do anything in the world when i’m with you, i feel like a better version of myself.
i love you, spider-man. i love you so much.
i was always too scared to admit it, but yesterday when you told me you’re falling for someone new, i had a feeling that telling you now would be the right thing to do. that way, at least i knew you were finally moving on from gwen’s death. (i’m so happy for you, really!!)
thank you, webs.
love,
wade wilson.
guilt. guilt was all i could feel. his feelings are so intense, so real. i must’ve been leading him on for the longest time. i have to find him.
—
about six weeks have gone by since i’ve seen wade. i don’t know his personal address, and even if i did, i wouldn’t want to invade. i’m just..worried for him. have i really caused so much damage that he won’t even leave his house anymore?
i look down at the ring he made me. it’s on my pointer finger. i don’t feel the same about him, i’ve never even considered it. but it felt like a waste to get rid of these when they obviously took him so long.
i sigh, feeling my entire body sag. i don’t care about how he feels. it doesn’t affect me.
i just want my best friend back.