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Adam had decided to return from America sooner than planned. It might have been boredom with his new surroundings, or a lack of progress in his endeavors. It certainly had nothing to do with his boyfriend desperately begging him to come home, or to at least explain why he’d dropped everything to leave without so much as discussing it first. If anything, Kojiro imagined Adam was coming back just to shut Kaoru up.
Hanging out with Kaoru anymore was so often punctured by him checking his phone, gold eyes dark with frustration, knowing it was unlikely Adam had even read his attempts to reach out. Kojiro would usually try to steer things back on track.
“Adam’s not bored of you, Kaoru. He’s just like this, he’ll come home when he gets whatever this is out of his system.”
“It's hard to think he loves me if he’s going to treat me like this,” Kaoru grumbled, trying to sound angry but with something much more distressed twisting just beneath the surface.
Kojiro had to bite his tongue. I’m not sure he loves you the way you want him to. It took so much not to just throw that out there. He knew how it would look--Kaoru was oblivious to how Kojiro felt about him, but Adam wasn't. He sometimes wondered if this was some bizarre power play, leaving Kaoru lonely and heartbroken but on the end of a string, where Kojiro could try to comfort him only from a distance. Both he and Kaoru were getting fed up with the games Adam liked to play, but they viewed all this through very different lenses. Kojiro was angry and disappointed in Adam for how he treated others, especially people who were supposed to be his friends. Kaoru, while feeling similar, also felt a desperate need to maintain Adam’s approval.
Kojiro knew how carefully Adam had been working Kaoru, needling him, keeping him dancing on a wire where the subtext was asking, “if Adam didn't love him, who on earth would?” Adam saw Kaoru as his angel, his treasure, something he alone could possess, and he made sure that Kaoru’s self-worth was tightly woven into pleasing him. Kaoru was already sensitive. After high school he’d done away with the piercings and punk aesthetic, which he traded for, unfortunately, what it seemed Adam liked.
“It's not odd to dress for your partner,” he insisted. “Adam likes me in these clothes. It makes me feel attractive.”
He wasn't wrong if the idea was taken out of context. What Kojiro was worried about was that nothing about Kaoru’s appearance seemed a choice he made himself. It was a stark contrast from his old tendency toward counterculture. Now he didn't even cut his hair without checking that Adam would like it. Often too, Adam would toy with him, giving indirect answers or teasing Kaoru about being codependent. Kojiro knew if Kaoru wore something Adam didn't like, he’d make some subtle backhanded comment and ruin the evening. Not even just on dates--Adam was always subtly belittling Kaoru even when it was the three of them hanging out.
“Just cut it off,” Kojiro stressed, watching Kaoru struggling with his overlong and tangled split ends.
“I don't want to,” Kaoru spat back. “Don't tell me what to do, brainless oaf.”
Normally Kojiro would have a retort ready, but arguing was losing its fun. It was only entertaining to mess with Kaoru when he was being haughty, when he had fire and acid to throw back. Anymore, insulting Kaoru just seemed to deflate him. He didn't have the self-confidence to maintain a deflective front. In an argument, he would just take the loss when he got tired of fighting. It was depressing.
Kojiro’s blood boiled as he watched Kaoru deteriorate like this. Where the hell did Adam get off negging him all the time, stringing him along? Didn't he like Kaoru? How could he not? Kaoru was incredible. Funny, talented, viciously competitive, charming, beautiful...he definitely didn't deserve to sit alone in his room, wondering if the man who claimed to love him would bother to message him back this week. Even just as a friend, it tore Kojiro up to see him like this. He loved Kaoru, whether that was platonically or something else, and he hated to watch him stewing in misery. As much as he wanted to impart on Kaoru that he really, really needed to break up with this asshole, he knew Adam had sunk his claws in deep. If Kaoru wasn't Adam’s treasure, then what was he?
But Adam had come back. After months and months away, he returned to Japan, though Kojiro and Kaoru didn't know about it until he’d been home for several days. They both wanted to give him a piece of their mind, and drove to his estate to demand an explanation. Of course, Adam defected their questions, only expressing fondness that they missed him so much. With an imperious smirk, he’d taken Kaoru by the waist, pulling him in close to whisper against the crown of his head.
“I’m sorry I was gone so long, kitten. I was sorting some things out,” he purred. “Can I please try to make it up to you?”
Despite his frustration, his feelings of abandonment, the nights Kojiro had stayed up with him while he cried and shouted about how unloved he felt, Kaoru melted immediately. He leaned into Adam’s touch, eyelids heavy, clinging tight.
“Don't ever do that again, asshole,” Kaoru grumbled.
“Of course, of course. Never again.”
Kojiro watched, stomach churning, as Adam nosed over Kaoru’s neck, kissing it heatedly, making a flush blossom over Kaoru’s cheeks.
“Adam…” Kaoru scolded softly, not much strength in his tone. “Don't be rude to Kojiro.”
Chuckling darkly, Adam slid a hand up Kaoru’s back, locking eyes with Kojiro from where he stood. “Kojiro’s got no reason to be uncomfortable. He should be happy for us. Lovers, finally reunited.”
Kojiro wanted to scream, but watching Kaoru smile and blush in Adam’s arms just made him feel like he was choking. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, turning and walking away. Kaoru tried to call after him, but Adam swept him up in a deep kiss, silencing him immediately.
“Come along, kitten. I’ve missed my bed, and I’m sure you have too…”
Gritting his teeth, Kojiro strode quickly away from the estate. He fought the emotions swallowing him, not willing to break down where someone could hear. As soon as he reached the treeline outside the iron fence, he let out a guttural shout and kicked the nearest trunk. He wouldn't let himself cry. Not here, not already. It hurt more than he could ever vocalize seeing Adam wrapped around Kaoru. The way he’d grinned at Kojiro--he knew exactly what he was doing. He’d kept Kaoru desperate for his approval and Kojiro ever-longing to have what he couldn't. They weren't Adam’s friends anymore--they were his entertainment.
He screamed again as he covered his face with his broad hands. Night was falling, darkness soaking over the forest’s edge. It served effective cover for the breakdown he’d been fighting. He slumped against a tree a good distance from the fence, curling up against his knees. Dull nails dug into the fabric of his pants, his eyes growing wet as he choked back a frustrated sob.
Tomorrow he’d call Kaoru and find that he was in good spirits again, finally happy enough to playfully antagonize Kojiro without crumpling under the rebuttal. Finally whole for however briefly he felt that Adam loved him. Kojiro would swallow back his words for another day, another week, another transient vacation until Adam started ignoring Kaoru again, and Kojiro would be there to pick up the pieces. He didn’t know how much longer he could take this. At some point, he had to reach his limit, had to break under the pressure of standing by and saying nothing.
For now, though, he’d sit back in the dirt and let tears roll down his cheeks, until he felt exhausted enough to head home.