Chapter Text
"Please Gee..?" Frank begged me, looking up at me with his puppy dog eyes, which he knew would melt my heart and get me to do whatever he wanted.
"I...I guess we c-could go...i-if you really wanted to..." I said, inwardly cursing that Frank knew how to get me to do anything. Outwardly, however, I knew that I was still an antisocial, awkward freak, even after months of that stupid therapy with that stupid therapist - and I knew that I needed to socialise with more than four human beings at some point, although I didn't want that time to be so soon.
"Yes!" Frank yelled, grabbing my hands in his and making me victory dance with him. I tried to suppress a smile at my best friend dancing like a maniac, and all because I had agreed to go to some random popular kid's party tonight. I knew that I would regret agreeing to go, even the thought of teenagers scared the living shit out of me, the thought of having to be within the same room — and even socialising with them — was enough to make me want to throw up, or something equally dramatic.
I hated people with every inch of my body, but I also know that I only hated them because I would never be like them, and that was the one thing I wanted. I wanted to be able to talk without my stutter, I want to be treated like they are, not like I’m a baby, when I am in fact seventeen years old, just because I find it hard to deal with social situations. I want to be thought of as "normal" and not "weird" like everyone seems to think I am.
Well, everyone except Frank. I can tell that even the rest of our friendship group think that I am at least a bit weird at times, even though they try their best to hide it, or else have to deal with an extremely angry Frank, who would do anything, including murder for me. I beg him not to do it though, because it just attracts more attention, and risks Frank getting suspended, which would mean that I would have to suffer through school alone, which I know would come very, very close to killing me.
***
And that was how, at nine pm on a Thursday evening, when I would normally be perfectly content reading comics or drawing in my room, I found myself being dragged by an over-excited Frank into some strangers house that stank horrifically of weed and alcohol.
As soon as we had entered through the doorway and found ourselves being surrounded by more than slightly stoned teenagers, I felt that panicky feeling rising up in my chest, meaning that my social anxiety was making itself clear. I tugged on Frank's arm desperately trying to signal that I needed to leave and that I just could not be here. Frank looked over and smiled reassuringly, pulling me in for a hug.
"In and out with me, ok honey?" I heard Frank whisper in my ear. I breathed in slowly, trying to mimic Frank's breaths, with the familiar scent of Frank calming me down instantly. I cuddled further into Frank's chest, which seemed almost impossible considering how short he was compared to me.
"All right, I can see Patrick and the rest, ok? So are you okay to go over there and speak to them?" Frank asked me in a lowered voice. "With me of course-" he added on hastily as he saw how nervous I looked. "I swear I wont leave your side at any point today, all right?"
"I-I g-guess s-s-so..." I trailed off, cursing my stupid stutter which was clearly creeping into my voice.
"All right. I'm so proud of you Gee, honey ok? You can do this, and if it gets too much for you, then just tell me and we can leave, ok?"
I nodded slowly, hating it but wanting to make an effort for Frank, and the use of Frank's old nickname for me made me feel a small burst of confidence. I
I knew that being friends with me had held Frank back from many things, for example, this was the first party that either of us had attended, and we were seventeen for gods sake. I slipped my hand into Frank's, a gesture that we had been doing for years whenever I was nervous. Frank squeezed my hand, showing me that he knew how nervous I was, and that he would be there for me if it got to be too much.
***
We slowly made our way over to our (or rather Frank's) group of friends in the corner of the room, having to weave in and out of a sea of drunk teenagers throwing their guts up onto the floor. Patrick stood up to greet us, firstly hugging Frank, then smiling shyly at me, as he knew I would have hated it if he had made any physical contact with me. In fact the only people I ever let anywhere close to touching me were Frank, Mikey and my mom. If anyone else decided that it was a good idea to touch me then they would have ended up with a panicking me searching for a bathroom so that I could try and scrub their touch off of my skin, and a very sore ass after Frank had found them. Frank may have been short but he was still a tiny bundle of feisty energy, and always came off better in a fight, no matter if his opponent was twice his size.
I stood awkwardly to the side as Frank and his friends Brendon (who was extremely drunk and even more gay) and Ryan got into some argument over whether or not he was gay.
“He is and you know it Ry, honey! He shows up on my gaydar as one hundred percent completely and utterly gay!" Brendon was shouting like the sassy little bitch he was. Well actually, compared to Frank he was a sassy tall bitch. But still completely gay.
"Brendon honey, how much have you had to drink?" Ryan replied, in a much calmer and quieter voice than Brendon's earlier shouting, while Frank just stood there looking almost as awkward as I felt.
Frank looked up and caught my eye, smirking softly up at me. I had pulled my hoodie's sleeves down over my hands - absentmindedly hiding my scars from the rest of the worlds wide gaze. I was hiding behind my dyed black hair, a nervous tic, all while trying to have a normal conversation with Patrick without freaking out, who had noticed me standing awkwardly by myself and wanted to include me. The blonde-haired boy was at least trying to do something to make me feel included-unlike all the rest of my "friends".
***
Frank swept over to a now panicking me just in time, as Patrick had asked me a question which actually required an answer rather than a simple enough nod, head shake, or shrug. Frank pulled me into a fierce hug, pushing my head onto his chest.
"Come on Gee, let's go get something to drink yeah?" He whispered into my hair, inhaling the scent of black dye, which as weird as it might sound, he had seemed to have grown rather addicted towards. "Come on, a drink will help you relax, okay honey?" Frank continued.
He seemed to feel a soft movement on his chest and clearly took it as I was nodding to getting a drink. He took me by the hand once more and led me over to the kitchen, which although less busy than the room we were last in, was still rammed full of sweaty bodies. Frank handed me a cup of some form of unidentified liquid - I couldn't remember what Frank had called it - and I took a sip.
It burned my throat as I swallowed and I had to cover my mouth to stop from coughing. Frank laughed and pulled me over to some seats, sitting me down on a sofa next to him. It was only now that I realised how tired I was, I hadn't slept in days, the nightmares had been getting too bad. Frank pulled my head onto his lap and laid the rest of my body on the couch.
"Sleep honey, okay? I know it's hard for you but you need to sleep. I promise I won't leave you okay? And if anything happens just tell me and I'll help you, okay honey?" Frank whispered into my ear as his hand absentmindedly ran through my hair. I felt guilty. I was stopping Frank from going and being with his friends who actually wanted to be here and enjoy themselves. I whimpered slightly and went to stand up but Frank pushed my head back onto my lap whispering: "You are staying here with me, and you are at least going to try and sleep, ok?”.
I whimpered again and realised that there was no point in protesting, Frankie always won. I felt the couch shift as someone else came over and sat down, striking up a hushed conversation instantly with Frank. I didn't understand why they were trying to be quiet, the rest of the house was practically vibrating from noise. I took comfort in the hand that was slowly and lazily sweeping through my messy black hair, as I stared up at that cute face, Frank's teeth nibbling hesitantly on his lip ring. I was soon lulled to sleep by Frank's hand in my hair and the soft sounds of his and the stranger's whispered conversation.
***
I woke up what seemed like a few minutes later, but in reality was probably a few hours. Frank and the stranger were still talking softly. I was about to sit up when I heard them mention my name. I wanted to hear what they were saying, maybe Frank was proving my point that he was only my friend because he pitied me, and didn't ever like me in the first place.
"I can't date you, okay? You need to understand that. I'm too in love with him to date you. And I know that he will never like me back in that way, but I still can't date anyone else, Bert." Frank was saying, determinedly.
"Oh, all right then." The stranger, who I now knew was named Bert, replied, sounding slightly dejected but not too sad, more excited really. "You two would make an adorable couple though, you should totally ask him out. I totally ship it"
“I… I can’t. It would ruin our friendship. I just can't risk it. If Gerard didn't have me he would probably end up jumping off a roof or something." Ouch. The part that stung the most was that I probably would. I didn't have any reason to live besides Frank. He was the only reason as to why I was still here, he was the oxygen that I breathed. I felt his eyes looking at me. I opened my eyes just enough for me to be able to see slightly, but closed enough for it to still look like they were closed to Frank. He was looking straight at my face. "Aw, he's so cute when he sleeps." I heard him whisper, I'm guessing to himself.
I decided that this was the perfect time for me to 'wake up'. I slowly fluttered my eyes open, while moving to sit up. Frank however had other ideas.
"Sh honey, I'm glad you slept. I'm gonna take you back to mine, ok?" I had been planning to stay over for a sleepover after the party so we wouldn't bother my parents if we got home late. Frank's parents didn't really mind what time Frank came back, so that was why I was staying over at his. I nodded slowly, my head swimming as I was still half asleep.
I felt Frank pick me up and I rested my head against his chest, hearing the comfortable beat of his heart. As he walked throughout the house, trying to find his way to the front door — or any door for that matter, I focused on his heart beats, counting them until they soothed me back into sleep.
***
Frank looked down at Gerard and saw that he was sleeping peacefully. He tried to suppress a smile at the adorable sight that was Gerard sleeping. He was nearing the door that would get them out of this hellhole, but apparently the kids on the stairs had other ideas.
"Hey fag!” Someone yelled at Frank. Frank looked down at Gerard once more, then turned to the kids who had yelled at him.
"What." He shot back at them, his voice menacingly low. One of the boys stepped forward, he was clearly the leader of their group, as the rest of them seemed to have shrunk back or disappeared at Frank's threatening whisper.
"Have you been fucking your fag boyfriend? Is that why he’s sleeping? Personally, I don't know what you see in him. I mean, he's fat, he's ugly, why would you choose him to fuck, out of all of the people here? Why are you even friends with him? You could be cool you know. If you chose the right people to hang out with, instead of emo losers like him." Frank ground his teeth, trying to stop himself from straight up murdering the boy. However, he didn't want to wake up Gerard, as he knew that he would have been extremely upset to have awoken up into these circumstances.
"You fucking cunt!" Frank growled at him. The boy took a step back in alarm. "Gerard is beautiful, he is not fat, and he is definitely not ugly. I think that I can figure out for myself who the right people for me to make friends with are, and Gerard is not a loser. You have no fucking idea of what he has to live with, you have no idea how hard life is for people like him. And if I ever hear you insulting him again, I will not hesitate to back you into a dark alleyway and cut your guts out. And the same goes to you lot being homophobic and insulting people just because they aren't like you!"
And with that Frank turned around and swept out of the house, still carrying an unconscious Gerard, and swearing under his breath that he would get the fuckers back tomorrow - no-one insulted his Gee and got away without being at least beaten up. The boys stared open-mouthed at his back, and they would have been lying if they said that they weren't at least a bit scared of the five foot six tall punk.
***