Chapter Text
Chapter One
And we will come back home
And we will come back home
Home, again!
Vernestra Rwoh felt numb as she stepped off the Ataraxia onto the landing pad of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant.
She took a trembling breath as she beheld the large temple that had been home when she was young. Coming back to it was always a bittersweet experience of how much she had grown up since she called it home, but Vernestra usually felt a warmth in herself when she beheld it… but this time, like everything else, it just felt empty. She felt tears welling in her eyes as she thought of the last time she had been here to speak with Master Gios.
Master Gios, who had always been so proud of her, and had believed she would be an amazing Jedi. Master Gios, who believed in her so much that he had knighted her at such a young age and had encouraged her to take a Padawan so young and to begin to forge her own path in the galaxy. Master Gios, who was now dead.
The thought of her Master’s loss came thudding onto Vernestra once again. It was so raw and new, and it felt like there was a hold inside of her and in the force. When Vernestra closed her eyes, she always saw the force as streams and bodies of water flowing into one another and connecting. Now, one of the streams had dried up, it’s water nowhere to be found. Vernestra took a deep breath as she looked up at the Temple, and tried to hold back the tears that were welling in her eyes. There wasn’t any reason to hold them back, she had already cried more in just the past few days than she had in a long time, and she wasn’t the only Jedi experiencing intense emotions.
As Vernestra stood looking at the temple, she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Vern,” she heard the voice of her padawan, Imri Cantaros, say. “Are you okay?”
Vernestra nodded. Imri had spent the past few days by her side and constantly checking up on her. He had handled the devastation of Starlight Beacon remarkably well considering he was an empath who felt not only his own grief, but everyone else’s. Vernestra was certain that Imri was as distraught as she was, if not more, but he had spent the past few days seemingly pushing away his own feelings to try to be there for the people around him. His gifts of empathy and emotional connections had provided comfort to many of the grieving Jedi around them, including Vernestra, and his ability to use his gifts without being overwhelmed by the strong emotions around him displayed a growth and maturity that Vernestra hadn’t expected out of her padawan.
Vernestra nodded in response. “I’m okay,” she said quietly, still looking up at the Temple. She took another breath. “We should go,” she said, taking a step forwards. Each step towards the Temple felt slow and heavy, like her body was trying to stop herself from entering. Vernestra didn’t want to go to a version of the Coruscant Temple that didn’t have Master Gios in it. On the Ataraxia, fleeting moments came when the tragedy of the past few days had slipped past Vernestra’s mind, and she thought of greeting her former Master at the Temple, but in each moment she reminded herself that that couldn’t happen. By going into the Temple, it would be another reminder of the harsh truth that the man who had taught her everything she knew was gone forever.
“You know you can talk to me,” Imri said quietly, taking slow steps toward the temple in pace with Vernestra.
She nodded. “I know,” Vernestra told her padawan. The truth was, Vernestra hardly knew how to describe all of the things she was feeling. She usually never struggled understanding her own emotions- Vernestra felt things deeply, but she didn’t struggle to cope with those feelings. She could always understand, explain, and rationalize her emotions, but this was different. She didn’t even know if there were words to explain everything she felt right now. Even if there were, she wouldn't want to burden her padawan with it.
“We should go in,” Imri said, stepping forwards, but Vernestra remained where she was. She stood silently for a few moments, and in the distance, she saw another ship landing. Vernestra turned around to see it- as far as she knew, all of the Jedi who had survived the destruction of Starlight Beacon were on the Ataraxia, and she assumed that everyone else who was also summoned back to Coruscant had already arrived. Master Yoda’s message had been dire, and from what Vernestra knew, all the Jedi who could had rushed back to the main Temple.
Of course, it wasn’t only the Jedi on Starlight who had suffered. Many small temples had been attacked just before the Beacon’s fall, and some were entirely destroyed. There had even been a full battle on Corellia, though all Vernestra knew about it was that the Jedi there had managed to avoid incurring major casualties.
“That’s the ship from Corellia,” Imri said, turned around to face the ship that had just landed. “Do you think Reath is on there?”
Vernestra nodded- that was most likely. Normally, she would be excited to see her old friend again, but the idea of facing someone else seemed daunting. Despite it, Vernestra turned around to see the ship.
As she did, she saw Masters Avar Kriss and Elzar Mann walking towards her.
“Vern,” Master Mann said as she walked over to her, “are you alright?”
Vernestra shook her head. She knew that Elzar understood how she was feeling- Stellan had been his best friend. She didn’t need to say much to him or Avar, they both just understood. They had spent a lot of the past few days with her, and she wondered if it was because they wanted to comfort her, or because she reminded them of Stellan somehow and it comforted them. It was probably a little bit of both.
“We’re heading inside,” Avar said, putting her hand on Vernestra’s shoulder for a moment. “Do you want to come in with us?”
Vernestra shook her head again. “I might stay here for a few minutes,” she said, not explaining why but she sensed that Avar understood why she didn’t want to go inside the temple just yet.
“Well, we’ll be inside if you need us,” Elzar said, putting his hand on Vernestra’s other shoulder and squeezing it tightly. “Remember,” he whispered to her, quietly enough that no one else could hear, “we’re here for you, kid. We know it’s hard and you can tell us if you need help with anything.”
Vernestra nodded silently. “I know,” she whispered, then looked down at her own hands as Avar and Elzar stepped away. She looked over to Imri, whose face seemed distraught.
“Everything okay,” Vernestra asked, turning to face him.
“It’s Elzar,” Imri said. “I- he feels guilty about Starlight Beacon.”
“I sense it too,” Vernestra responded. She wasn’t an empath like Imri, but most Jedi could sense the basics of each others emotions. Over the past few days, Elzar Mann’s guilt was obvious to all, but Vernestra didn’t find it odd. A lot of people were feeling guilty and blaming themselves for not being able to do more in the wake of the destruction of Starlight Beacon.
“No,” Imri said. “It’s not like everyone else’s. It’s worse. I think,” Imri began, lowering his voice, “I think Elzar did something bad. Or at least, he thinks it was bad, and he thinks he’s responsible for-” Imri stopped. Vernestra knew what Imri was hinting at- Elzar didn’t just feel guilty about Starlight Beacon, but felt that he was responsible for Stellan’s death. And maybe in some way, he was.
Vernestra had sensed something was off with both Elzar and Avar. They had spent the past few days hardly leaving each other's side, and had spent the journey from Eiram to Coruscant alone together, save for the few times when they had spoken to her. Something was clearly going on between the two of them, and she sensed deep conflict and deep guilt within both of them.
“It’s radiating off of him,” Imri said, water welling in his eyes. “It’s so deep, his pain, his guilt, it-” and Imri stopped himself. He was on the verge of breaking down, Vernestra could tell, but he was trying to hold himself back.
“All of these emotions are a lot to deal with,” Vernestra said, looking up into her padawan’s eyes. “Imri, if you need to take a break-”
“I won’t,” he shook his head, his voice firmer than it usually was. “I’m okay,” he said.
“Are you sure?”
Imri nodded.
Vernestra wondered if he was trying to be brave for her and the others, or if he was fully in control of his emotions now. She suspected the former, but what could she do about it at this point? Imri had handled himself with more control and maturity in the wake of the disaster than she had ever imagined he would, and Vernestra was starting to see just how much he had grown over the past year-and-a-half.
“Vern, look,” he said, a smile spreading onto his face as he looked towards the ship that had just landed. “It’s Reath!”
Imri started to run towards the ship, but Vernestra stopped him. “Imri,” she said quietly, “we don’t know what they’ve been through. Let him come to us.”
Imri nodded, and they watched as people began to leave the ship. Vernestra watched as Zeen Mrala, the force-sensitive but not-Jedi friend of Lula Talisola and some of the other padawans, walked down the ship’s dock. Vernestra wondered if anyone had told her about Lula yet. Vernestra hoped that Zeen wouldn’t come to ask her about it, she didn’t want to have to give that kind of information to anyone.
Vernestra watched as Qort, who was standing not far from her and Imri, ran towards Zeen, and Zeen ran towards him. They crashed into each other in a warm, tight embrace.
“They lost their best friends,” Imri said quietly, and when Vernestra looked over at him, tears were streaming down his face. He whimpered a little, and Vernestra put her hand on his arm to steady him.
“I know,” she said. “It’s hard.”
He nodded.
They watched as Ram Jomaram, another padawan from Valo, exited the ship a moment after Zeen. He too rushed towards Zeen and Qort, and the three of them embraced.
Master Sy was next, and beside them was-
Vernestra blinked a few times to make sure her eyes weren’t fooling her, but there he was, clear as day. Master Yoda. No one had seen him for over a year, but here he was. Had he been on Corellia? Did he know what was happening? Vernestra wanted to ask him a thousand questions, but she held herself back.
Vernestra noticed Imri’s tears continuing to fall as Master Kantam and Master Yoda walked by. “They lost their best friend too,” Imri said, “and their padawan.”
Vernestra nodded again, and once again reached her hand out to touch Imri’s arm. She couldn’t comfort his emotions like he could do to others, but she tried her best to try to be some kind of comfort. She only had her own grief- he had to feel everyone’s.
“There he is,” Imri said, perking up a little as Reath walked down the ramp.
Vernestra smiled at him, and he smiled back and began to walk towards them. She wasn’t even sure what to say to Reath as he came towards her- it was a strange experience, losing someone so close to you. Vernestra had never experienced immense personal loss before this, what was she supposed to say to her friends if they tried to comfort her? How would she even talk to Reath? She assumed that maybe he would understand. After all, he’d lost his own master too.
As Reath walked over to them, Vernestra noticed something about him was different. He looked older, even though it had only been a few months since they had last seen each other. There was something about the look on his face and the way he carried himself that made him seem different, and Vernestra wondered what he must have gone through to be this way. She also noticed a small difference in Reath’s appearance- when she usually saw him, her eyes were always drawn to the bright green sash he wore around his waist, but it wasn’t there.
“Vernestra,” he said, a sorrowful smile on his face, as he approached her. She smiled back, and as he walked to her, they embraced.
“It’s good to see you,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him. They held each other for a few moments, then Vernestra pulled away. Within seconds, Imri wrapped Reath into a tight hug, briefly lifting the other boy an inch off the ground.
“Oof,” Reath said, reacting to the strength of Imri’s grip. “You’ve grown.”
Reath was right- when Vernestra had first met Imri on Port Haileap, he was her height, with a soft, high-pitched voice and a baby face. A few years later, he was over a head taller than her and much stronger, and bigger and taller than Reath now as well. He was growing so quickly, and Vernestra imagined he would end up maybe even a little taller.
After a moment, Imri put Reath down, and the three of them looked at each other, not saying anything. Where should they start?
Vernestra looked at Reath again. “Where’s your sash,” she asked. “You look different.”
Before Reath could respond, Vernestra looked him over again, trying to see what was different, then she realized- where was his braid? It usually hung long over his left shoulder. Wait- Vernestra thought for a moment. If he didn’t have his braid or his sash- it took a moment for it to sink in, and as it did, Vernestra gasped. “You were knighted,” she said.
Reath nodded, but without the excitement or joy that Vernestra would have expected.
“Congratulations,” she said, pulling him into another hug. “Reath, that’s amazing.”
“Woo-hoo!” Imri cheered, pulling Reath and Vernestra into another tight hug. “How did it happen?”
Reath pulled away from them, a somber look on his face. Something told Vernestra that his knighting wasn’t a happy story, or there was some bittersweet aspect to it. As she thought this through, she realized that she hadn’t seen Master Cohmac leave the ship. Perhaps he was still on it, and she had heard that there were no Jedi casualties on Corellia, but maybe the mission reports were wrong.
“It’s…” Reath began, responding to Imri’s question, “it happened after the battle.” He was speaking quietly, and there was sorrow in his voice. What had happened?
“Master Cohmac, Master Yoda, and Master Kantam knighted me,” Reath said. “Then Master Cohmac left.”
Something in Reath’s voice sounded hollow, like he hadn’t really processed it yet.
“Left?” Vernestra asked. “Where did he go?”
“I don’t know,” Reath said, looking down at the floor. “He didn’t say.”
“When is he coming back,” Irmi asked, distress starting to come into the boy’s voice.
“He’s not,” Reath said. “He left.”
“As in…” Vernestra trailed off, letting Reath’s words sink in. “He left?”
“He left the Order,” Reath nodded, and held out what looked like Master Cohmac’s lightsaber. “He gave this to me.”
Vernestra didn’t know what to say. It was rare that Jedi left the order, and especially rare for a Master as renowned and accomplished as Cohmac Vitus to do so. Leaving the Order wasn’t a light decision, nor was it one that many made.
“He left… forever?” Imri asked.
Reath nodded.
Then Imri pulled Reath into another hug. “I’m really sorry,” Imri said quietly, and Vernestra could tell he was trying to comfort the turbulent and conflicting emotions inside of Reath.
“I’m okay,” Reath said, but Vernestra could tell even from his voice that he wasn’t. Once he was out of Imri’s embrace, Reath turned to Vernestra. “How are you?”
She didn’t respond, but she was sure he noticed as her face fell.
“I heard about what happened,” he said softly, reaching out and putting his hand on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry.” He paused for a second. “I’m here for anything if you need it,” Reath said, looking directly into Vernestra’s eyes. She nodded, and let his hand linger on her shoulder for a few moments until he pulled it away.
“We should head inside,” Reath said, and Vernestra felt all the dread about going into the temple coming back to her. Vernestra didn’t want to go in and face everything, but she couldn’t hold it off. She looked to Reath next to her, who was clearly mourning his own master and his time as a padawan, and Imri who was desperately trying to calm himself in the face of such intense emotions.
She took a breath. “Let’s go,” she said, beginning to walk towards the Temple, Imri on one side of her and Reath on the other.