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Danny’s family had stopped going to church soon after his grandmother died when he was nine. Danny vividly remembered a priest performing the last rites as she faded away in her bedroom in her hundred-year-old house in Secaucus. Just as vivid were the memories of his Father so angry he could barely breathe when he found out his own Mother’s funeral would not be in the church because she had spent the last decade of her life sharing that house with a widower she never herself married.
Suddenly free of obligations on Sunday mornings (aside from cartoons) Danny began to make lists, a habit he could continue throughout his life. The lists changed over the years, from rankings of the greatest comic book super heroes to occupations he thought he might enjoy (the following summer Top Gun came out, and he ironically wanted to join the Navy and become a fighter pilot) to girls he might ask to school dances to colleges he wanted to apply to. When he had first moved to Hawai’i the lists had mostly concerned Grace or comprised mainly of food items from home he wanted reminders to search for in local grocery stores. Now, his lists were happily populated with the minutiae of the comfortably domestic existence he shared with Steve.
One gray Sunday morning in early January, Danny scanned an ocean horizon turned jade with the deluge of fresh rainwater before starting to work on the set of three lists he had planned to make while he waited for the coffee maker to brew enough to fill his cup.
Groceries
Eggs
Papaya
Meadow Gold Guava Juice
Soy Vey Teriyaki
Dish soap
Calrose Rice
Milk
Lion Coffee
Coco Puffs
Totino’s Pizza Rolls
The list was mainly for himself, for he’d learned long ago never to send Steve to the grocery store for anything, because he’d invariably come back with about half the things on the list—the rest either substituted for something Steve thought would be better, or completely different items he bought on impulse. He’d once sent Steve out for milk, just milk, nothing aside from milk, only to have him return with three plastic bags full of fresh fruit for what he claimed would be the best smoothie Danny had ever tasted (it turned out to be a ghastly shade of green, and Danny didn’t have the heart to tell Steve he’d had better), but no milk.
Wedding
Take deposit check to Royal Hawaiian
Write wedding announcement
Finish and mail invitations
Buy tickets for Mom and Dad
Get Steve to divulge honeymoon plans and why we need two months off
Find a photographer
Take Steve shopping for wedding registry
He hadn’t really determined between the two of them whether he was the bride or whether Steve was the bride, even though Steve was the one with the massive rock of an engagement ring glinting off his finger. He knew if he left the wedding to Steve it would be thrown together at the last minute, on the beach, with a cooler full of beer and some fish Steve had caught with his bare hands grilled on the barbecue like some Outback Steakhouse commercial. If wanting a real wedding made Danny the bride, then he was happy to assume the role.
The last list was as reflective as the first two were anticipatory.
Times I knew Steve loved me before he admitted it.
The look he gave me when Grace blabbed at the football game
The time he caught me giving him elevator eyes before he and Kono dove off the pier
When he came to Meka’s funeral to support me.
The hike. (Yes, Steven, if you find this note with your ninja skills, I knew you loved me when I drew the air heart)
The look on his face when I got poisoned.
When he told me he “picked me”.
How jealous he got when I was interviewing supermodels.
The time on Kaua’i when he said it out loud when he thought I was asleep (it still counts!)
Danny sat back and reflected on his lists when he heard the coffee pot clatter out of the maker, indicating that his partner was up, and would probably appreciate some breakfast.
“I love you back.” Danny called across the kitchen.
Steve smiled and crossed to where Danny was sitting, and gave him a kiss that tasted like coffee.
“I love you too.” He smiled. “And good morning.” He took another sip before his forehead wrinkled.
“What do you mean you love me back?” he asked.
“All those times you said it without saying it before you finally came out and said it.”
Steve stared for a moment and then began to nod. “So I wasn’t reading you wrong.”
“Nope.” Danny smiled. “Just thinking of all those times you said it without saying it, and now I’m saying it back. Love you – all those times before.”
“That’s easy to say now.” Steve joked, perusing one of Danny’s lists. “I think Kamekona has a cousin who does wedding photography.”
“Like the cousin of Kamekona’s who read my palm and told me I would fall in love with a tall dark woman strikingly similar to her daughter?” Danny rolled his eyes.
“Well, she got parts of it right.” Steve joked.
“You do bear striking resemblance to her daughter.” Danny shot back.
“Charming, Danny.” Steve sighed. “Come on, let’s go to the store. I’m in the mood for a smoothie.”
Danny rolled his eyes. “Let’s do our best to stick to the list, eh babe?”
Steve kissed him again. “Always do!”