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Kristin knows she should have checked the corner, but the irrational side of her hadn’t cared and lately she'd been making the mistake of listening to that side of her. Now a gun was pressed to her temple. She should care more about the gun but she doesn't. She doesn't care at all, she just feels nothing, even with all the intense emotions churning around her. It's not so bad though, nothing is nice. It finally gives Kristin a break from all the swirling thoughts in her mind. The only other time she feels this peaceful is when she's drinking. She's been drinking a lot lately, she can't help herself, when she drinks she doesn't have to worry and that calm gives her the break she desperately needs. Now even without a drink there's no worry in the back of her mind, no fear, just acceptance. If she dies here she dies. Her children have their father, they don’t need her. She’s not a necessity in their lives. So what if Maldonado blows her brains out, she was going to get to it one of these days anyway. He just beat her to the punch.
“Move or I’ll kill you.” Kristin hadn’t even realized that she had stopped moving until Maldonado spoke.
“No.” Kristin hears herself saying. Is that really her voice? “You want to live, you need me alive. There's nothing you can do to me that I haven't already survived. Not a damn thing."
At her words Kristin can’t help but fall back into the memories of those three days on that boat. Before she can get further into her mind, however, Maldonado speaks up again, “I’ll kill you, bitch.”
Should that sentence frighten her? Should it cause her to want to make it out of here alive? Should it cause her to take the knife out of her pocket now and stab him? Reasonable Kristin would have pulled out that knife and escaped from this bastard already but right now she isn’t reasonable, right now she was just someone who wanted all her worries to go away. Was that too much to ask?
“Go ahead.” She wouldn’t be called a coward if Maldonado was the one who pulled the trigger.
“Oh, you got nothing to live for?” Maldonado sneers.
“Oh, I got plenty, but I'm not gonna be your dog." Kristin taunts Maldonado. "Come on. Come on. Go ahead, I'm right here."
“Kristin!” Maldonado shoots when he hears Jess’ voice.
The gunshot doesn’t shatter Kristin’s nerves like it should. It doesn’t make living anymore appealing and it doesn’t make her scared of the situation she’s in. She hasn’t got a single worry. Her team is more worried for her than Kristin is herself, she realizes. While they worry she feels nothing. At the moment Kristin doesn’t have a single concern. If she dies will it really matter?
“Move.” Even though her death wish goes unanswered, Kristin follows Maldonado’s instructions.
Kristin moves along and before long she spots the guns ready to shoot Maldonado down as soon as they get the chance. Seeing everyone should make her care more. It should. But it’s not until her eyes happen upon Tara that Kristin begins to feel something. Tara with her encouraging words and lovely eyes. Tara, someone who actually wants to help her. Thinking of Tara brings Kristin’s emotions back. Suddenly she’s not feeling any numbness. Her emotions rushed back like they had never left. Kristin’s family comes to the forefront of her mind and she realizes that she doesn’t want to die. She wants to forget the last few years but she does not want to die. She’s not ready yet.
“Take the shot.” Kristin has no intention of letting Maldonado get away.
“We don’t have the shot.” Kristin doesn’t want to hear it.
“Take the shot!” Kristin insists again.
“I don’t have the shot!” Jess responds desperately.
Unwilling to allow Maldonado to escape, Kristin’s hand goes into her pocket and grasps her knife. With one fluid motion she drives the blade backward, she hears his grunt as the blade sinks deeply into his skin. Flipping him over Kristin grabs her own gun back and points it directly at his head. At that moment she flashes back to the boat. Of all the things dreamt of doing to her captors, she could do that here, to him. Kristin doubts anyone would stop her, she doubts they’d punish her. So why not pull the trigger? He’s not a good man, he hurts people. He hurt Tara and even though Kristin hasn’t known her long she knows that she wants the woman to be safe and happy. Kristin can feel her finger dance over the trigger and considers just for a moment blowing his brains out. But something stops her. Kristin can’t explain it but she knows she can’t pull the trigger so instead she steps back.
“Get him out of here.” That is all she can say as she allows the others to join her.
Kristin turns her back and walks away. Bile rises to her throat as she thinks about what could have happened. She could have died and she wouldn’t have even been able to tell her children that she loved them one last time. As she thinks of her loving family the guilt of wanting to die creeps up on Kristin. She had wanted Maldonado to end it and she'd encouraged him to kill her. At the time it seemed like a good idea but now all it did was make her sick. She needed to see her children again, that would make her feel better. Yes, her children would make her feel better. Then she’d have a drink.