Chapter Text
Dean is tapping his fingers on the bar, restlessly waiting for his brother to join him. His beer is already half empty, despite the fact that he only arrived five minutes ago. But he feels antsy the whole breakup from Lisa was already shit enough, but this, what she said today... No, Dean won’t think about it, he will wait for his brother to come and then his brother will laugh at her crazy insinuation and all will be good again.
Finally he sees a glimpse of his brother’s shaggy hair in the mass of people that make up the Friday night crowd. He just wants to get up and hug Sam, when he sees that a dark haired man who looks decidedly uncomfortable accompanies him.
Dean is frozen to the spot as he watches the man. He seems to have a strange intenseness about him as he looks around the crowd skittishly, obviously not used to being in a place like this.
Sam smiles down at his brother and says, “Hi Dean, I hope you don’t mind, but I thought Castiel could use a night out too.”
Ah, so this is the infamous Castiel, Sam’s work colleague and friend, who did the research for the law company Sam worked at and seemed to have an uncanny ability to find things about people that no one else knew. Dean knows that Sam and Castiel bonded over their shared nerdiness and that Castiel was normally pretty antisocial. But Sam never mentioned how intense his eyes were or how they can bore into you.
At least that is how it feels to Dean now that he has Castiel’s full attention. It feels like too much, his skin feels too tight suddenly, he wants to be anywhere else, anywhere without this kind of attention to him.
“Nice to meet you Dean, Sam talks a lot about you. Mostly good. I’m sorry if I don’t seem too comfortable but I’m not normally around these kinds of establishments.”
That finally gets Dean out of his stupor, he sits back down again and gestures them to sit, to his horror Castiel sits down next to him and Sam next to Castiel.
“Establishment? This is a normal bar, not even seedy, a posh one even, because Sam likes it that way nowadays.” Dean states, raising an eyebrow at the articulate man next to him.
“Well, I’m not normally one for visiting bars, no matter how posh or ‘seedy’.” He says the word seedy like it’s something that has never left his mouth.
Dean tries to hide the smile that wants to form at thepristine man.
Sam chuckles lightly. “Come on Castiel just once and after your ex just showed up at work I think you deserve a drink!”
Sam waves down the bartender and orders three beers.
“That doesn’t sound fun.” Dean states.
Castiel huffs slightly defeated looking.
“No, it’s not. And it’s not even recently, I broke up with Michael months ago, he is just being stubborn.”
Dean swallows heavily, Michael, a guy, so Castiel is… Sam mentioned that he thought Castiel might be gay, but it wasn’t important enough to discuss further. And now they know, not that it’s important now. It is not, definitely not. Dean tries to calm his breathing, not thinking about how close they are sitting or that Castiel’s arm brushes his each time he is picking up his glass or the fact that Dean hasn’t moved his arm since Castiel brushed his the first time, hasn’t even dared to stretch it despite the fact that it feels kind of tingly.
“He just showed up and made a scene in front of everyone, I think ‘stubborn’ passed quite some time ago.”
Dean nods, “Sam is right, that doesn’t sound very healthy.”
Sam gives Dean all of his attention suddenly, “How are you by the way, did Lisa get her stuff today?”
“Yes she did, she too made a bit of a scene, but it’s fine.” And for the first time in weeks he means it, suddenly all the lingering sadness over their breakup seems gone, just her last comment lingers with him.
“You just broke up with your girlfriend? I’m sorry I really shouldn’t intrude when you obviously need your brother now.”
Castiel wants to get up, but Dean quickly puts his hand on Castiel’s arm and says a bit heavier than he intends to, “No, please stay.”
Castiel’s eyes meet Dean’s confused and after a moment in which he seems to search for some kind of answer they get a curious look in them and he says, “Of course, if you’re sure.”
“I am” Dean mumbles, blushing now. He can see his brother following the exchange with interest.
“So Castiel, why did you and Michael break up then?” Smooth Dean, really, he doesn’t know what’s going on with him today, but he is weirdly interested in this.
“Dean!” Sam chirps in, in a tone that makes it obvious that he doesn’t approve of Dean intruding into Castiel’s personal life.
Castiel doesn’t seem to get the underlying exacerbation in Sam’s tone and just looks thoughtful at the wall behind the bar.
“I don’t know, I think there have been quite a few reasons. He was kind of intense.”
Sam huffs in agreement.
“But you’re also quite intense, that doesn’t have to be something bad, does it?”
Dean will blame the second beer he drank too fast for this new form of stupidity, not that he doesn’t have a higher tolerance level normally.
Sam almost spills the beer he was just drinking and he is trying very hard to hold back his laughter.
Castiel just looks contemplative as if he is seriously considering Dean’s question and not even thinking of any hidden meanings behind it, not that there were any.
“I have heard that before, you might be right, intense might have been the wrong word. Possessive might be more correct and it’s not like I consciously thought about the reasons to break up with him when I did, it was more a spur of the moment decision.”
“Really? You’re not the spontaneous one normally.” Sam asks his curiosity on Castiel now thankfully.
Castiel doesn’t seem intent on answering and starts drinking his before untouched beer. Dean has a bad feeling about this, when someone who seems as open as Castiel starts avoiding something, it can’t be good.
“Did he hurt you?” Dean asks quietly, in his best caring tone that he acquired when he still worked for the police.
Castiel’s eyes go to Dean quickly, for a moment they hold serious surprise about Dean’s compassion in them.
“No, nothing like that. He just tried to lock me into our flat when I wanted to go out for the Rubin dinner.”
“So you didn’t come because of him.” Sam’s voice gives his barely hidden anger away.
“I’m sorry, I know it was important and I still wanted to go, but I called Gabe, my brother, after to ask him if I could stay with him and he told me to come over right away and he was right, I wouldn’t have made good company that evening anyway.”
“That’s not what I meant… you didn’t mention anything about it at work.”
“Why should I? This didn’t concern you.” Castiel seems genuinely perplexed, and if what happened weren’t so maddening, his reaction would have been funny.
“He means that he would have liked to help you and be there for you when it happened.”
Dean tries to explain, acutely aware that he moved even closer to Castiel when he talked about Michael that their knees are now brushing together.
“Oh, I didn’t think you would be interested. But if it makes you feel better I can tell you if something like this happens to me again.”
Sam smiles weakly. “I would prefer if nothing like this would happen to you again, and you don’t have to, you should just know that you can if you want to talk to someone. I am your friend, you know that, don’t you?”
Castiel nods and says tiredly, “I know that, I am not that dense and you mentioned it often enough already.”
Dean is a bit confused about the use of words, because dense is definitely not a word that he would have thought of in combination with Castiel.
Sam sees his confusion and explains, “Meg, our legal aid was flirting with Castiel constantly for over a month and he didn’t seem to realize it until the day she just kissed him.”
“What?” Dean spurts out, he is quite taken aback by the idea of Castiel with Meg, not that it should be any of his concern.
“Yeah it was hilarious. She snogged him and when she finally came up for air he just gave her a baffled look and asked why she did that when he was obviously gay.”
“You weren’t even there Sam, it wasn’t that dramatic.”
“But that was what happened, she just molested you?” Dean asks furious about all the people taking advantage of Castiel. He has a sudden flash of just wanting to protect the other man.
“She didn’t ‘molest’ me Dean, she kissed me, it was quite nice actually, just not my thing.”
Dean has to swallow hard and he takes another big gulp of his beer to distract himself. The thought of Castiel with someone else and him liking it, he has no clue why that gets to him so badly.
“And I can’t blame her, I seem to be quite slow when it comes to realizing when people are flirting with me. Michael said that he was trying to get somewhere for weeks before he made his intentions clear enough for me to get it.”
“What did he do?” And Dean knows that that’s way too intrusive of him, but he can’t be stopped anymore, he needs to know how someone got Castiel to be with him. Not that it matters of course.
Castiel blushes and Dean is mesmerized by the view, it’s the first time that he seems obviously embarrassed, a man so open and clear about everything and now he looked like this might be too much. Dean can’t not know now.
“Come on, I’ll tell you why I and Lisa broke up in exchange.” Not that Castiel has asked or seemed particularly interested. Dean doesn’t even know why he brought it up, but then they were talking about exes and it just seemed fair that Dean would contribute something personal to the discussion and Sam with Jessica, his perfect first girlfriend, who was now his fiancée wouldn’t be able to contribute much to the discussion.
Castiel gives him one of his curious looks again and for a second Dean thinks that he can see real interest behind the man’s immaculate facade.
“Well we were working on a case together, he was advising me in some financial aspects that I didn’t fully understand. He got compensated for his time of course, but at the time we worked long hours quite often and he never asked for overtime money so I asked him what he wanted from me in exchange, I sometimes help other people out instead of the company paying them directly and well he told me quite explicitly what he wanted from me and then he kissed me.”
Dean feels too hot suddenly, his skin is too tight, he can imagine Michael leaning into Castiel’s personal space, whispering into his ears watching the man blush so nicely and then moving to his mouth to just take what he wants. Dean’s lips feel very dry suddenly and he has to lick them repeatedly.
“We had a nice time together, before I realized how possessive he could get.”
“Lisa was a bit like that too.” Dean sees Sam raise his eyebrow at that, he has never admitted it out loud before, despite the fact that Sam hinted on it sometimes.
“She didn’t like Sam too much, didn’t want me to spend ‘all my time’ with him and if I was off on a case she got always uncomfortable very fast and I mean I get it, it’s not nice that I had to be away for a few nights sometimes, but it was also tiring to come home to someone who was angry at me when I was already exhausted from work.”
“Doesn’t seem like she was very understanding of your job, you’re in private security aren’t you?” Dean nods and Castiel continues, “From what Sam tells you’re always trying to help people, protect them from probable threats, help women move from their abusive husbands and protect people from stalkers, it seems a very noble occupation to me. And I think the relationship you and your brother have is admirable if at times a bit co-dependent.”
“What?” Dean spurts out. He was just feeling something warm spread inside him when Castiel called his profession noble, but the co-dependent thing didn’t sound so complimentary.
Sam chuckles lightly, “Don’t worry Dean he doesn’t mean it badly.”
Castiel seems confused. “Of course I don’t, with what you two have been through with your parents it is absolutely understandable and it doesn’t seem to hinder you in living fulfilled lives so I don’t see why it should be a problem.”
Sam smiles at Dean, giving him a look that says, ‘See I told you.’
Dean is confused, he had this discussion once with Sam, but he normally doesn’t think about their family issues but now for a moment he dares to think if these issues might have something to do with the fact he had to cringe when Castiel mentioned their ‘fulfilled lives’. Dean thinks Sam got it, but he had to work on it for quite a while too and thankfully his fiancée is a very patient person. But Dean, he isn’t sure if he ever had that, he thought for a while that it was within reach with Lisa, but in the end that didn’t work out either and he feels like he played pretend with Lisa.
Castiel seems to notice the change in Deans mood, “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”
And who could hold anything against these blue innocent looking eyes.
Dean shakes his head and smiles softly.
“No, I’m just not sure how together my life is at the moment.”
“Just because your relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean that you don’t have it together, or would you say that about me?”
Castiel leans his head to the side a bit like he is seriously considering the question.
Dean laugh for real now, “I don’t think I know you well enough to have an opinion about that, now do I?”
Castiel gives him one of his curious looks again, “Would you be interested in knowing me better?”
Dean blushes heavily at that and he has to cough to get rid of whatever is stuck in his throat now. He jumps out of his seat and says, “Have to go to the toilet.” And he rushes off.
He only stops when he is finally inside the toilet, he tries to collect his breath, but it’s hard with his heart hammering as fast as it does.
Sam enters just a minute after him looking concerned at his brother.
“What’s going on with you today, you’re normally not this jumpy.”
Dean shakes his head as a signal for not giving an answer.
“Has it to do with Lisa, did she say something?”
Dean buries his head in his hands at that, he remembers that just an hour ago he wanted nothing more than to tell his brother and for him to laugh about it, now he isn’t even sure if he could utter the words.
“What did she say?” His brother is closer now, Dean looks up at him, but turns before he says anything, he doesn’t want Sam to see his blush when he tells him. “She saw the sock the girl that I left with on Tuesday left in the living room and she said something like… like if she wouldn’t know any better she would think I would be overcompensating… or trying to hide my real preferences.” His voice breaks a bit as he says the last bit and Sam doesn’t laugh at Lisa’s weird assumption, Dean didn’t expect him to anymore.
"Okay." is all his brother says at first. After a moment of silence between them he adds, "Is that why you're so interested in Castiel's private life?"
Dean fidgets a bit before he says, “I don’t know, maybe.”
“I mean, don’t get me wrong here, but… you’re not into him are you?”
“No! No, no, no, how did you get that idea? I mean come on, it’s not like that, I mean he is … and I am … and he is a man anyway and you always say that he is kind of a genius, so what would he even talk with me about, not that, I mean it’s really not.” Dean takes a deep breath and adds, “No, I’m definitely not.”
And with that Dean walks out of the toilet, Sam follows him closely an irritating smirk on his face.
“Okay, if you say so. Just so you know, when we walked in he mentioned that I omitted to tell him how hot my brother was.”
Dean stops abruptly and turns to look at Sam, whose smile grows even bigger now.
“He said that?”
“Well, he didn’t use the word hot” Sam hesitates for a moment and Dean hasn’t often felt the need to punch him as much as he does now, “he said attractive, but it comes down to the same thing, doesn’t it?”
And he is gone, off to their place at the bar, leaving Dean with a pounding heart that he just can’t explain away no matter how hard he tries.
Sam already started talking about something with Castiel, when Dean arrives at his place. He sits carefully, not too far away from the other man but also not too close. He is glad that his beer is still half full and takes a few big gulps just to keep himself from thinking too much, when he catches what Sam and Castiel have been talking about.
“No, I don’t think I ever considered a degree a prerequisite for the person I wanted to date, it would be rather superficial wouldn’t it? Intelligence comes in so many forms after all, doesn’t it?”
“I agree and Dean does too, doesn’t he?”
Dean can see Sam smirking at him and he has to school his expression very carefully to not give away how angry he is at his little brother in that moment.
“I don’t know, I’m not sure if wanting to be with someone who matches your intellect, isn’t just practical thinking.”
Castiel turns his full attention to Dean now, and like before it almost takes his breath away, having all of Castiel concentrate on him seems simultaneously too much and not enough.
“You think so? So you wouldn’t consider dating someone you perceived as less intelligent than yourself?”
Dean huffs, “I don’t think that would be the issue.”
Castiel cocks his eyebrow at Dean and asks, seriously confused, “What do you mean?”
Dean swallows hard, he really doesn’t want to have to spell it out.
“I thought Sam mentioned that I never went to college, I barely finished high school to be honest.”
Dean can feel himself blushing, but he wills the heat away, he is used to being uncomfortable with this topic.
“Yes, and? With your father I think finishing high school and getting your brother to uni was a tremendous achievement and you were a detective before you started your own security business, all accomplishments that not a lot of people could compete with.”
Dean can’t help blushing now, he isn’t sure if anyone ever complimented him like this and if so it for sure never made him feel like this.
“I… I’m not sure if that’s how most people would see it.”
Castiel looks confused again, “Why wouldn’t say? It seems pretty obvious to me.”
“But it still can’t compete with a master in religion and one in latin and a PhD in law.”
“But why would you want to compete with me?”
Sam enters the conversation again, “I don’t think that’s what he means, he means that he doesn’t think he would be good enough for someone with your intellect.”
Castiel frowns at Sam before looking at Dean again, Dean, who wishes that they could talk about something else, anything else.
“I work for a sometimes quite nefarious law firm and help on occasion not quite innocent clients win and your work consists of protecting and helping people, I don’t think I’m the one who would be too good for the other in this equation.”
And something marvellous happens then, Dean can see how Castiel starts to blush, it’s not very strong, but it’s there, for a moment the perfectly put together man in front of him looks uncomfortable.
Dean gives Castiel a comforting smile and just for a second he lets himself imagine that they are the only ones in the room.
“Don’t you think for a moment that I haven’t heard enough about you from Sam to know that that’s not true. I know that you dislike working for shabby clients and that you always jump on the pro bono cases. Don’t diminish yourself in front of me, Cas.”
Castiel’s body that was slumped down for a bit, straightens again and he gives Dean one of his curious looks, this time it seems to carry something quite intimate in it.
“Okay, but then you’re not allowed to either”, Castiel says with a small smile tugging on his lips. And only then Dean realizes that he just used a nickname for him, a nickname no one ever used for him in front of Dean. But it seemed so fitting in that moment, and looking at the man next to him smiling at him more openly than before he can’t regret it.
Dean nods at the other’s command and gives him a full on smile, not the one he uses to charm the ladies, but the one that signifies a connection with someone he feels truly comfortable with.