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Our love destroyed the world.
I see it every night, every time I think I’ll be safe under the cover of darkness when I crawl into bed - leering with fatigue and dreading what horrors you’ll show me tonight - but you pull me back into your arms and show me everything you saw, things you don’t even remember seeing but for some reason can’t help but show me.
I don’t resent you for it, my lady, in fact I resent myself. How could I have hurt you so badly? How could I have let myself be consumed by pain caused by my father, when all I needed and still need is you?
Marinette, you’re the only family I have - and that’s the truth.
It starts with summer skies filled with streaks of gold and blue, dripping into deep oranges and vibrant pinks before settling into a cool navy. I can feel the heat, I can feel the sweat that sticks to your skin, I can smell the way your perfume mixes in the sweet summer breeze and how much your chest hurts from laughing and how much your cheeks ache from smiling. You start of feeling so loved and adored, just so happy and free by my side. This is what you dreamt of.
I feel the way you radiate pure joy, it’s like a liquid rush of gold flowing through you when you look at me. Somehow, I can remember the way all of me felt electrified each time those pretty, cherry lips of yours gleamed with joy, just for me. I can even remember feeling so loved, after so long I got what I wanted - to be by your side, doing everything to make you happy and you, so effortlessly, returning my affections.
So, the days start with skies of gold and blue where we run side by side above the Parisian skylight, delirious with fatigue from nights of fighting akumas, but we’re so in love that it doesn’t matter because we’re happy and together and that’s all that matters. It’s what you tell Tikki each time you return home, dizzy from adoration and the whirlwind of kisses I’d plant all over your face and mask that I leave you before flitting through your skylight again. It’s what you think about during school, soft, droopy eyes on the brink of collapsing into a snooze, but sometimes the high of it all is enough to get you perking again. You always stare at the back of my hair, thinking about how soft it is and how much you’d like to run your fingers through it again just to tease me about my purring. Sometimes I turn to see you, and you feel all hot and embarrassed like you had been this past year.
When oranges and pink are splurged above our heads as we stroll by the Seine to stop by Andre’s and giggle like fools over who knows what, the sun shines onto us as we double over onto each other and cling onto one another like a lifeline. We end each parting with a soft kiss and a promise of a patrol later, our cheeks a haze of roses. I feel you being excited by the prospect of long midnight getaways with me, of feeling the cool summer air seer through the suit and uncurl your tresses of blue, of watching my eyes glisten in the moonlight and dilate upon seeing you, my love. In this moment, only you and I exist in this happy bubble of love. There is only us because we tell ourselves we don’t need anyone else. We’re Ladybug and Chat Noir, Marinette and Adrien, Ladybug and Adrien, Marinette and Chat Noir. No matter what pairing, which side of us is with the other half of us, we are always one. You love me, as I do you.
Some nights you relentlessly tease me, and I feel your chest swell with pride each time you make me blush harder. Somehow those nights end with you whisking off my civilian self back to my room, bridal style of course, because that's what you see fit for your prince. It would be your turn to leave me breathless, treat every part of me with love and the deepest level of attention just to hear me whine out in embarrassment. Each time you'd just softly shake your head in serenity, smiling down at me with your heart singing with adoration.
Some nights we’re high above the city in the cool night sky, legs dangling from the Eiffel Tower that’s lit up so beautifully at night - but your bluebell eyes are only ever on me, eagerly watching my every move and anticipating how I’ll hold you next or when my lips will be on yours once again. I feel how soft each kiss makes you feel, how tender your heart feels as I hold you in my arms and promise you a world of happiness where you and I can forever exist. Except each time you’d say, “We already live in that world, Chaton,” and proceed to shake with glee as I nuzzle my face into your neck and pepper kisses all over. I remember adoring those words out of your sweet voice because they were true, I fully believed them too.
We were beautiful fools together, Marinette.
Yet, it all disappears so fast. I start to see the hot flashes of burning ice blaring, hear screams and cries of horror and sorrow from all around the city as the world grows desolate, but their voices grow louder. I see the piercing blue eyes that break you little by little each time you realise what’s going to happen, how this is going to end, how there’ll be a world where we no longer exist. I feel your flashes of rage at the man in charge of it all, your despair in knowing you can never save this version of me, the solitude you feel in this unknown world I didn’t promise to you.
Chat Blanc was never, ever, meant to be with you.
By the end of the dreams, I feel your heart slowing, how everything inside you turns cold and dark. I feel, slowly and painfully, how everything goes numb and how I can no longer feel you.
I always wake up screaming, tears dripping down my face as I sob and sob knowing you’re no longer there. Plagg is always there to comfort me, purring softly in my hair and nestling closer to me, but nothing ever does calm me.
That was our reality - our destiny. And it will forever remain that way, won’t it?
Truth be told, my lady, perhaps I am slightly envious that you don’t remember anything. I watch you pass each day with bright smiles shared with classmates and special ones directed to me. I watch as you try to come close to me, as you try to enter my heart and understand this switch in me. Somehow you're relentless, of course you'd understand this change to be much more than this being something as simplistic as me disliking you. Knowing how you feel about me, I can’t bring myself to ever come near you anymore. If our love destroyed the world, how could I live with being selfish and indulging myself in your love when all I did was cause you anguish?
I know it upsets you when I avoid you, but I’m doing this for you, Marinette. I want you to know I love you, more than almost anything, but I simply cannot do that to you again.
So please remain forever oblivious, Princess. Find someone new to love, find happiness elsewhere, find a new Chat Noir who doesn’t act so cold now, but please just forget about me.