Chapter Text
Barry knew Danny was straight. No matter how many jokes Arin and Danny made about banging each other, Dan was definitely 100% straight.
But that wouldn’t change anything. No matter how many times Barry drilled it into his brain, he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t.
He loved Dan. He didn’t just like him, he loved him unconditionally. Barry knew no matter how many fantasies he made up in his head, they would never become true. No matter how many stars he wished on or how many 11:11 wishes he made.
It was the simple things that got to him, when their knees brushed together when they were sitting on the couch, when Dan was laughing so hard he’d lay his head on Barry’s shoulder, and Barry’s breath would catch and he’d never want this moment to end.
Even watching Dan do normal everyday tasks, like when he was making coffee made him smile. It seemed like every day it only got worse for Barry, Dan was always on his mind.
Barry was starting to lose sleep because of it. His bed was too cold, too empty, and all he could think about is Dan sleeping beside him. Everyday he was staying up later and later, getting up earlier and earlier. He always woke up. He couldn’t stay asleep.
When he showed up to the grump office in the morning everyone gave him a look of concern. The dark circles under his eyes were only getting worse, and his face was paler than it should be. Which only made his dark circles stand out more. He looked like shit and he knew it.
When he edits episodes he can’t help but tear up a little bit, hearing Dans voice made his heart ache, made him unable to breathe or think. Let alone edit an episode.
And maybe Barry was half way through the episode, and had to stop editing it right then. Maybe Barry sat in his chair and he cried quietly. But no one knew, no one knew.
No one could know.
After a while Barry was back to editing the episode, glad that at least he didn’t have to edit anymore episodes after this one. Barry was almost done when Arin came into the room.
“Hey man, we’re going out to get something to eat. You coming with?”
Barry faked a small laugh. “Nah, I’m not that hungry right now.” Barry tried to sound sincere. He really was hungry, starving even. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate. But he couldn’t go out to eat if Dan was gonna be there. He had to avoid him. He was messing up his life.
Arin sighed and pulled up a chair next to Barry.
“What’s been with you lately? We’re all worried y’know.” Arin looked at Barry, his eyes were filled with concern.
“I know.. But everything’s fine. I’ve just been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately.” Barry bit the inside of his cheek. He hated to lie to Arin.
“Is this about Dan?” Arin asked. Barry held his breath.
“I just.. Noticed you’ve been avoiding him lately. Did something happen?”
Barry looked everywhere but at Arin. “No. Nothings happened.” Barry said. And that wasn’t a lie, nothing had happened, and nothing will happen.
Arin sighed. “I’m not just gonna let this go.” Before Barry could protest, Arin left the room.
Later that day Barry was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Once again he couldn’t fall asleep. Barry suddenly heard the doorbell chime loudly. He pulled the covers over his head and groaned, Slowly getting out of bed.
“I’m coming!” Barry yelled out, quickly pulling on a pair of pajama pants and a random shirt.
Barry walked over and opened the door, and Dan was at his doorstep.
“Oh…” Barry said, letting out a sigh.
Danny shifted his weight awkwardly.
“Hey. Arin said I needed to talk to you. Can I come in?”
Barry was tempted to just shut the door in Dannys face, but he knew he couldn’t do that to him. Barry nodded and sat down on the couch. Danny followed, sitting on the couch as well.
“I noticed that you haven’t been sleeping much lately.. And that you’ve been avoiding me.” Dan said, fiddling with his fingers.
“I don’t know what I did wrong.. But I just want to say I’m sorry if I hurt you in some way.” Dan’s voice was low and sad.
Barry faked a smile.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve just been having some things going on. I didn’t mean to avoid you, I’ve kinda been avoiding everyone” Barry was only half lying. He was avoiding Dan, but he hadn’t been talking much to Arin, Ross, or Suzy lately.
“I’ll be okay, I just have to figure some things out.” Barry lied. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be okay.
“Yeah. Alright. I hope everything works out. Um.. Should I just.. go?” Dan asked awkwardly.
“Yeah. I’m gonna try to get some sleep.” Barry replied. He knew he could try all he wanted, but he wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon.
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.” Dan said, giving Barry a quick hug. Barry grit his teeth and closed his eyes, wishing the hug would last longer than a few seconds. But it didn’t.
Dan gave a small wave to Barry, and left his apartment.
Barry sat there in silence, his heart heavy. His throat felt too tight and his chest felt empty. He curled into a tight ball on the couch, making a weak attempt at holding back his tears. He gave up quickly, and he cried for a long time, wishing that it could be different. Wishing Dan would like him back. But the world is cruel, and things never go how they should.
Eventually he fell asleep, with tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. But it didn’t matter, because he’d just wake up in an hour or two anyway. Starting the cycle all over again.
Barrys heart would remain heavy, and his love would stay undeclared.