Chapter Text
Erik Heller had lied plenty of times to plenty of people. There was that one time in the south of France that he had lied to the UN diplomat from Ukraine and kept him from reaching the United States for two whole weeks, countless lies told to young ladies to get them to hand over unwanted pregnancies, and lies told to the young girl's families so that babies could be hidden in the dark. He had even lied to people he loved. His mother. Johanna. It was in their best interest, a kindness. Somehow lying to Hanna was different. The perfect balance between inquisitiveness and innocence shown in her eyes whenever she asked a question with an uncomfortable answer. It would be cruel to lie to such innocence. “Why?” had been the beginning and from then Erik had never heard the end of it.
It was the first day of true summer and the grass had dried out enough to step out of the cave without grimacing. Erik had been happy to spend the morning inside and go out to hunt around midday, but Hanna was determined to get out of the cave.
“Please can we go for a swim?” She asked, already clad in a tank top and boy shorts, expecting him to buckle. Erik wiped a hand against his rugged chin, still feeling like a bear in hibernation even though spring had passed. He pretended to sit on it, moving his lips cartoonishly while Hanna laughed uncontrollably, the sound echoing against the cave walls. After a longer time than Hanna could wait, Erik nodded. Hanna made to run out of the cave opening, but Erik caught her by the arm and settled her on his shoulders.
“You’re not getting in the river without me. Understood?”
“Yes, Pa."
"Let's practice your swimming once we're out there, liebling."
And as they made there way to the creek, Erik decided that they were going to have a good day, a very good day indeed.
...
“Pa, is there anything taller than trees?” She asked, lying in the grass beside him. Her hair was a mess, tangled and soaking wet from the 'swim' they had just taken in the shallow end of the river. Erik wasn’t looking forward to combing her hair out later that day, and considered cutting it to spare himself the tears.
Hanna looked up at Erik with a toothy smile and waited expectantly for an answer. It was enough to make Erik pause.
Erik smiled unsurely down at her, wondering if she’d ever see anything outside of the forest. Marissa Wiegler would surely monitor any escape attempt. It was Hanna’s first time asking about the outside world. He considered saying no, but he couldn’t lie to her about something as trivial as buildings. She’d find out later at some point.
“Yeah there are things taller than trees. Buildings, towers, air planes. You could not believe how tall the Eiffel Tower is,” he said while looking at her eyes go wide. “It looks like this,” And he drew a rudimentary drawing in the sandy bank near their feet.
“Will we ever go see the Eiffel tower?” Erik’s heart dropped. Hanna had a look in her eyes as if she knew she had her old man around her finger, but it wouldn't work so easily. There were some things he could never give her.
“Maybe," he said with a lopsided smile, but in all honesty, he has no idea if they’ll ever be able to step foot outside of the forest, if either of them would ever leave. He kept that horror to himself. It was too much for such a young child and Hanna wouldn't understand it anyways.
“Today? Could we go today?” Hanna asks as if it is as easy as going to the river. "Please, we can go today instead of hunting!"
“No, Hanna. Not today. We're not going anytime soon,” Erik said with an edge to his voice, hoping that he said the right thing. His brow furrowed as she opened her mouth to complain, closing it just as quickly, after Erik gives her a look that he'd used to spark panic in interrogations. A disappointed slope had fallen to her shoulders as if she were much older, toe poking into the mud of the bank. Erik didn't like it because even though he fed her, brushed the knots out of her hair, and soothed her nightmares, he was afraid of failing her as a father like his father failed him. But he's there and he's trying.
Within seconds he swooped her into his arms and jumped into the river, throwing her into the air with ease as she screamed with joy. Anything to change the subject. Maybe she wouldn't bring it up again if he tired her out and distracted her with a fun day out. He threw her up in the air again and again. He decided to try and teach her to doggy paddle so she wouldn't drown if she ever snuck out to the creek by herself, but she wouldn't allow Erik to let go of her. They made a game of splashing water at each other closer to the river bed.
Soon after she wrapped her arms around his neck once she’s tired herself out. He could feel a lump in his throat. It didn't matter that they didn't share blood, Hanna was his kid.
“Ich liebe dich, Papa.” I love you, daddy.
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. He wished that she would stay the same size forever. They could stay in the forest, but he knew that she was going to grow. She had to. She couldn’t always be the same little girl with baby fat and innocence. Someday she would figure it all out, and maybe she wouldn't need him. But the kid who needed her hair brushed and a nap definitely did and he could be happy with that. It wasn't like she was going to grow up in the blink of an eye.
“Ich liebe dich, Hanna.”
He closed his eyes, knowing that at some point he had to stop babying her like this. She was going to have to fight if she wanted to leave and he was going to have to teach her. He opened his eyes to a mop of dark hair, a nose pressed to his own with a pair of blue eyes staring at him with intensity. He knew then if he killed Marissa Wiegler, he would take Hanna to the god damn Eiffel tower.